Silent Wishes
by Butterfly Betty
Summary: What happens when dysfunction meets dysfunction? Neither Edward nor Bella are prepared when fate brings them together. Will they be able to overcome the odds and find happiness? Or will the ghosts of their past keep them apart? Canon coupling, but non-canon families. Dark themes, high emotion, and standing tissue alert. AH
1. Chapter 1

1

"Edward! Edward Cullen, get your ass out of bed!"

Groaning, Edward turned his face into his pillow, trying to drown out the high-pitched and annoying voice trickling through his door. However, a moment later, he heard the wood splinter, causing him to look over just in time to watch as his sister — his highly annoying sister — leapt across the room and jumped on his bed.

"Get up!" she nearly screamed in his ear.

"I'm not ready," he mumbled, easily pushing her off of him.

"Don't care." His sister Alice climbed back on top of him, grabbing his arms and pinning them to the bed. If Edward wanted to, he could easily push her off of him, but he wouldn't, because then she would get hurt and cry. The last thing he needed was for his sister to cry because of him — again. "Carlisle said breakfast is ready and if you don't hurry, we're going to be late."

"Gee, and we wouldn't want to be late, now would we?" he muttered.

Alice sighed and climbed off him, sitting on the side of the bed and Edward immediately felt like a dick. Rolling onto his side, he propped himself up and leaned over to kiss the back of her head.

"Sorry, Pix. I'll be down in a few," he whispered, knowing that she'd hear him.

Nodding, Alice stood up and walked out of his room, pulling the door to Edward's room shut again. Edward threw his legs off the side and placed his elbows on his knees, trying like hell to get the motivation to actually stand up. Lately, he didn't have the energy to do much of anything, but that was his fault and he shouldn't take it out on anyone else.

With a sigh, Edward left his bed and headed into the bathroom. He took a quick shower, just long enough to wash the stink off him before climbing out, going back into his room, and trying to find something to wear. He settled on a pair of wore jeans and a simple black T-shirt that had the picture of a T-Rex trying to clap, and a thought bubble that said, "So close!" Alice had given it to him on his birthday and it always made her smile when he wore it.

Adding a pair of worn out Chucks, Edward grabbed his backpack from the bottom of his bed and headed downstairs. The smell of burned bacon and eggs infiltrated his nose, causing him to gag. Taking a deep breath, he attempted to cover up his disgust before he walked into the kitchen and found Alice and Carlisle sitting at the table. Neither of them were eating, or talking, or doing anything else for that matter. They were simply sitting there, staring at nothing.

"Sorry I'm late," Edward muttered, dropping his bag onto the floor and sliding into the chair across from Alice. She smiled, but didn't say anything.

Barely five-foot, two inches, Alice had long black hair and deep green eyes. They used to sparkle, twinkle with excitement, but much like everything in their lives lately, there wasn't anything to be excited about.

"It's okay," Carlisle replied, though he could tell he didn't mean it. Like Alice and Edward, Carlisle had green eyes, too. And like them, he had dark circles under them. "I tried to cook breakfast."

"So I see," he said, picking up the bowl of charred eggs and dumping a spoonful on his plate.

"You don't have to eat it," he responded with a sigh and ran his hand through his dark hair.

However, Edward knew that if he didn't eat them, he'd just feel worse and he couldn't have that on his conscience today. "They look good."

The lie didn't fool anyone, but nobody disagreed with him. Edward added a couple pieces of bacon to his plate and began shoveling the food into his mouth, hoping that if he swallowed it whole, it wouldn't taste like shit. It didn't work, but at least he tried.

Pushing his plate away, Edward looked from Alice to Carlisle. "Well, I guess we should get going."

"Yeah," they both echoed, but neither of them made an effort to stand up.

"Any idea when you'll be home?" Edward asked, looking at Carlisle.

His eyes shifted to Edward then to Alice, before he shrugged his shoulders. "No."

"Okay," was all Edward said. There wasn't anything else for him to add.

Standing up, he grabbed his bag from the floor and motioned for Alice to follow him, which she did, leaving Carlisle to head off to work. Alice and Edward climbed into Edward's car, a used and abused silver Volvo. Without speaking, Edward pulled away from the house and drove them through town to the local high school. He understood that he had to be there, but the last place he wanted to be right now was locked inside a school. One look at Alice, and Edward knew that she shared his feelings. Sometimes, life just sucked.

Edward parked next to a large jeep and cut the engine. Alice bolted from the car and was halfway through the parking lot before Edward could open his door. He knew she wasn't any more excited about being here then he was. She just hated being inside a car. Automatically bringing his hand up, Edward rubbed against the long, vertical scar in the middle of his chest. He didn't much care about being in the car, either, but someone had to drive and she certainly wasn't going to.

Climbing out of the car, Edward grabbed his backpack from the back seat and followed Alice inside. She was waiting for him just inside the doors, carefully eyeing those around her like she was afraid they were going to pounce. Edward placed his hand on the back of her neck and led her through the throng of people toward the office, wishing like hell they'd mind their own business. However, Edward wasn't stupid. He knew how people were when it came to new kids. They felt they had the right to stare, to judge, to condemn without ever speaking to someone.

Resisting the urge to huff, Edward opened the door to the office and ushered Alice inside. Behind the god-awful orange counter stood a woman with short, carrot-colored hair and dark, beady eyes. She was about thirty pounds overweight, and seemed to carry all of it in her boobs, making it appear that she was about to topple over at any moment. Her eyes lifted to Edward and Alice, widening at first, but then returning to normal.

"May I help you?"

"I hope so," Edward grumbled.

Alice sighed and looked up at him. "Be nice," she whispered.

Rolling his eyes, Edward looked back over at the woman. "We're new. Last name is Cullen."

"Oh, of course," she replied, her face contorting into pity and once again Edward stifled a huff. "I have your schedules right here."

"Thanks," they muttered, taking the paper from the woman.

"I'm Ms. Cope. If you need anything, just let us know," she offered.

"Okay," Edward replied.

Placing his hand on the back of Alice's neck again, he led her out of the office. The door shut behind them with a loud click, drawing more attention to him than he was wanting, but what else was new. They quickly compared schedules, only to find that they didn't have a single class together.

"It'll be okay," Edward whispered just loud enough for Alice to hear him. She nodded, but he knew she wasn't convinced. "I'll see you at lunch?"

"Yeah," Alice murmured, shifting her eyes around before heading down to her locker.

Edward stood there and watched until Alice found it, opened it, and stuffed her shit inside. She looked back at him, smiling and waving him away.

_She'll be okay_, he thought — he hoped.

Turning, he headed in the opposite direction, finding his locker, and shoving his bag inside. No point in carrying it around all day, not until he knew if he'd need it at least. Shoving a pen in his back pocket, Edward closed his locker and headed down to his first class: English.

There were a dozen or so kids standing outside of the classroom, all of whom stared at him as he walked past them. He didn't care. Staring was something he'd come to get used to. The teacher was standing behind his desk, shuffling through some papers, and when Edward walked in, he looked up and smiled.

"You must be Edward," he said with so much happiness, Edward had to resist the urge to puke.

"Yep," he replied with a nod.

The teacher — a large, brawny guy with a headful of dark curly hair and big blue eyes — dropped the papers on his desk and held a hand out to Edward. "I'm Mr. Swan."

"Oh, um, okay," Edward mumbled, shaking his hand.

"You can one of the seats in the back. Pretty sure they're all empty."

"Thanks." Edward moved to the far side of the room and slide into the seat in the back corner of the classroom, keeping his eyes on Mr. Swan. He was — too friendly. Teachers were supposed to be cranky and mean, right?

One by one, the rest of the class trickled into the room. Just as the bell rang, the door opened once more and Edward automatically looked over. Standing in the doorway was a small girl, not much bigger than Alice. She had long, silky brown hair and deep brown eyes. Sparing a look to Mr. Swan, she mouthed something to him before walking through the classroom and sliding into the desk in front of Edward. Unlike everyone else in the room, or hell the building, she never even looked at him.

"Well, now that everyone is here," Mr. Swan started, throwing a look to the girl sitting in front of me, "we can get started. Now, we've been discussing Shakespeare . . ."

As Mr. Swan started rambling on and on about how amazing William Shakespeare was, Edward turned and stared out the window. The skies of Forks, Washington were dull and gray. It hadn't stopped raining since they moved there three days before and from the look of thick, heavy clouds hanging above the school, the rain wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

It was nothing like in Chicago. Sure you had the wind, and it rained, but not all the time. No, Forks was green, where Chicago had been nothing more than concrete and buildings. Edward wasn't sure which he preferred. Right now, they both sucked.

A hand slipped over his, causing Edward's attention to snap toward it. He found himself staring into the brown eyes of the girl sitting in front of him. She smiled and looked down at his hand. It was then that Edward realized that he'd been tapping his nails on the desk.

"Sorry," he muttered.

She simply smiled and shrugged her shoulders, as if to say that it was okay, before turning back around and focusing her attention back on Mr. Swan's enthusiastic ramblings. Edward didn't understand why the feel of her hand over his felt right, or why he missed her touch. A few minutes later, the bell rang and the girl stood up, looked back at Edward, gave him a small wave, and walked out. Pushing himself out of his desk, he followed her out in the hallway. He couldn't help but watch her walk down the hallway, noticing that nobody really spoke to her and she didn't speak to anyone else.

Heaving a deep breath, Edward pulled out his class schedule and saw that he had history next. Checking the class number, he noted that he was heading in the same direction as the girl. Shoving the paper back into his pocket, Edward started walking down the hallway and found himself going into the same classroom as the girl. She was sitting in the back, but looked up when he walked inside, a smile playing on her lips.

"Edward Cullen, I presume?"

He looked over at the teacher, who was watching him with expectation. "Yes, sir."

"Welcome to Forks," he offered with a grin. "You can take the seat behind Miss Swan, if you'd like."

"And she would be?" Edward asked, looking around the room. The girl from his English class smiled bigger and pointed at herself. "Never mind."

Edward walked around and slid into the seat behind her, vaguely aware that everyone in class was watching him. The girl — whose first name Edward still hadn't learned — smiled once more at him before she turned and faced the front of the classroom.

History flew by, and the moment the bell rang, the girl was gone again. Edward followed her right to her next class, Spanish, which they also happened to have together. Once again, he was greeted warmly by Senora Goff, and told to take any seat that he wanted. Why Edward felt the urge to take the seat behind Swan again wasn't something he could explain. Not even to himself.

Through three classes, he never learned her name, something that was bothering him more than he should be letting it. After trig was over, Edward watched Swan head in the opposite direction of his next class. Pulling his schedule out once again, Edward sighed when he noticed that he had a free period, which he knew to be code for gym, which he couldn't take. Not that he wanted to. Gym meant changing clothes, and Edward was glad that was one experience that he wouldn't have to deal with, especially not anymore.

Stopping outside of his locker, he shoved all of his books inside before heading to the office to see what he was supposed to do with his free period. Ms. Cope looked up at him and smiled.

"Can I help you, dear?" she asked.

"Yeah, I have a free period," he muttered.

"Oh, yes, I meant to talk to you about that this morning," she rattled on. "You've been assigned to the library, as an aid."

"An aid?" he questioned.

"Yes. You know, help the librarian put the books on the shelves, or whatever she needs you to do."

"Fine. Where's the library?" Edward deadpanned.

Ms. Cope gave Edward the directions, and sent him on his way. It only took him a couple of minutes to find the library. Pausing outside, he took a deep breath before opening the door and walking inside. The first thing he noticed was that Swan was standing behind the desk with a scanner in one hand and a book in the other.

She looked up at him and smiled, which sent a shiver through him.

"Oh, hey," a voice to his left called out. When Edward looked over, he saw a tall, beautiful caramel-haired woman with dark brown eyes standing next to one of the bookshelves. "You must be Edward."

"That's me," he mumbled.

The woman smiled before looking over at Swan and then back at him. "You can put your bag next to the door. Have you ever worked in a library before?"

"No," Edward replied, tossing his bag on the floor.

"Okay, well, we're pretty relaxed here," she stated, moving back over to him and motioning for him to follow her behind the counter. He did, vaguely aware that Swan was watching his every step. He wasn't sure if it bothered him or not. "Have you met Bella?"

"Um, kind of," Edward mumbled. "We had the same classes this morning."

"Ah, I see," the woman said, nodding. "Well, it's pretty easy for the most part."

She walked around the counter. "Bella, may I?"

Bella nodded and stepped out of the way.

The librarian gestured for Edward to come stand next to her, which he did. "When someone comes in to check out a book, you type their name in here," she gestured to one of the empty boxes on the screen, "and then hit enter. Once their account comes up, you scan the book and have them sign the electronic pad. When they return the book, you scan it once again and it will tell you if it's late or not. Put the book on the returned book cart and you're done. Any questions?"

"Um, No, ma'am," Edward muttered.

"Ugh, don't call me ma'am," she exclaimed with grimace. From behind her, Edward saw Bella laughing silently. "My name is Esme Swan. I know I'm not supposed to allow you to call me Esme, but I don't feel like a Miss Swan, ya know?"

"Oh, okay, sorry," Edward mumbled, feeling his ears turn red with embarrassment.

"Don't sweat it," Esme laughed. "Ma'am just makes me feel old, and before you say it, I am not old."

Edward wasn't sure what to say.

"Wow, okay, things just got awkward," Esme said. "I'm going to go back to work now that I've made a fool of myself. If you need anything just holler."

"Oh, um, okay," Edward replied. "What should I do?"

"Hmm, for today just watch Bella. Then tomorrow, we'll get you started on stocking the shelves," Esme said, before heading back over to where she was.

Edward took a deep breath and looked over at Bella, who had her hand around her throat. "Guess, I'm just watching."

Bella nodded and stepped back up to the counter. She picked up a book, scanned it, and held it out to Edward, motioning for him to put it on the cart for her.

Edward took it and did as she motioned. "Any particular order?"

Bella shook her head and handed him another book. Sighing, he took it from her and placed it next to the other one. Over and over, they repeated the process until the bell rang, dismissing them for lunch. Bella placed the scanner on the counter, walked around the counter, picked up her bag, and waved at Esme before turning to Edward.

Smiling, she motioned with her head for him to follow her. Edward did as she told him, picking up his bag, and following her out into the hallway. Silently, they walked down to the cafeteria. Alice was waiting for Edward outside, and when she looked up and saw him walking with Bella, she started to smile, but almost immediately stopped.

Bella smiled at Alice before waving to Edward and heading inside.

"Who was that?" Alice asked and Edward noted the mix of concern and excitement in her voice. Once upon a time, Alice would have marched straight up to Bella, introduced herself, and declared them to be best friends. Of course, that was before everything changed.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "Bella."

"Oh." Alice didn't push it any further. "You ready?"

"Guess so."

It didn't matter if Edward was ready or not, they had to go inside. Placing his hand on the back of Alice's neck, he led her inside, stifling the groan when nearly everyone looked over at them — everyone but Bella. She had gotten a tray and was sitting at a table in the back corner, completely alone. Instead of gawking at the new kids, she was reading. It was . . . both comforting and uncomfortable.

"Suddenly, I'm not very hungry," Alice whispered and Edward could feel her trembling.

Closing his eyes, he moved so that he stood between Alice and everyone. He placed his hand under her chin and tilted her head back, looking her directly in the eyes as he said, "It's just you and me, Pix. Just us."

"Yeah, keep telling yourself that," Alice murmured.

Edward placed his hand back on the back of her neck and led her over to the food line, trying to keep himself between Alice and everyone else. It was odd to him that the once outgoing and exuberant sister was now quiet, shy, and introverted. Nothing was ever going to be the same, not ever again.

Once they'd both bought turkey sandwiches and cokes, Edward led Alice to the only empty table left and they sat down. The room was eerily silent as Edward and Alice unwrapped their food and began to eat. Suddenly, a loud bang echoed through the room and everyone turned — including Edward and Alice — to where Bella once sat; once sat because she was now standing next to the table, slamming her empty tray on the table. Tossing it down, she brought her hands up in front of her and shook her head before sitting back down.

Edward wasn't sure why Bella had started to hit the table, but was grateful that nobody was staring at him and Alice anymore. Bella shifted her eyes over to him before she picked up her book and went back to her reading.

"That was weird," Alice commented, pulling Edward's attention back to her.

"Yeah," he agreed. "So, how'd the morning go?"

"Oh, you know." She waved a hand in the air. "Pretty much sucked."

"Yeah, for me, too."

"There — there is this one guy," Alice said, speaking so softly Edward wasn't sure he'd heard her correctly."

"A guy?" he asked.

Alice refused to meet his gaze, but nodded her head. "He's in gym and English with me."

"And?" Edward prodded for more information.

"And nothing. He just seemed different," Alice said, shrugging her shoulders again. Lifting her eyes to Edward's, she added, "He — he didn't look at me."

"Like at all?"

Alice shook her head.

"Oh." He wasn't sure whether to be grateful that this guy hadn't looked at his sister, or pissed that he hadn't.

"There he is," Alice hissed, tilting her head toward the food line.

Edward looked over and knew immediately who Alice had been talking to. The boy was tall — taller than him — and had shaggy blond hair that hung in his face. Adjusting the backpack hanging on his shoulder, he turned and walked toward where Bella was sitting. When he pulled the chair out, she looked up and smiled at him.

"Guess they're friends," Alice grumbled.

Edward looked over at her. "Looks like it."

Alice pushed her half-eaten sandwich away and leaned back in her seat, placing her hand on her chest. "Figures."

"Yeah," Edward agreed, unsure of what else to say. He shifted his eyes back over to Bella and the guy and felt a surge of hate toward the guy, something he knew he had no right to feel. It's not like Bella had even talked to him.


	2. Chapter 2

2

"Hey," Jasper Hale muttered as he settled in the seat next to Bella.

Smiling, she looked over at him and waved.

"Did you do the trig homework?" Jasper asked.

Bella nodded, and gestured to her bag, giving him permission to copy her work. It wasn't that he didn't know how to do the work, because he did. Jasper was brilliant; he just had trouble with focusing his attention on the work. They'd practically been friends since they were born, and she knew him better than he knew himself.

"Thanks," he groused, pulling her notebook out. He placed his ear buds in his ears and set one of his loud and annoying playlists. Bobbing his head up and down, he set off to work on copying her homework. Belle returned her attention to her book, but not before noticing that Edward Cullen was looking at her again. The town had been buzzing about his family's arrival. Bella felt sorry for them. It was clear they didn't relish in the attention that they were receiving.

When the lunch bell rang, Bella tossed her book into her bag and waved to Jasper. He nodded, before turning back to his lunch. As expected, when she walked through the room, she could feel everyone watching her. They always did. It didn't matter that it'd been three years. No, they always stared at her and she'd gotten to the point where she stopped caring. Not anymore.

Caring only led to tears, which led to people feeling pity for her. She didn't need it, not from anyone. Stopping at her locker first, she stowed her books from the morning and grabbed her biology book and her trig book, placing them in her backpack before heading to the biology classroom. As she usual, Bella was the first one to get to class. She took a seat at her table and pulled out her book before placing her bag on the floor.

One by one the rest of her classmates clamored into the room and took their seats. Dr. Banner had just rushed in the front door when Bella saw Edward come in through the back. Edward looked over at her, but quickly turned away and headed up to Dr. Banner. Bella knew that Edward would be assigned the seat next to hers. It was the only empty seat in the room, mainly because nobody wanted to sit with the freak. Again, Bella was used to it.

Just as she knew he would, Dr. Banner directed Edward to take the seat next to her. Edward thanked him and slid onto the stool, placing his bag in his lap and his hands on the table. He looked over at her and smiled. He was a handsome boy, with thick, luxurious auburn hair and amazing green eyes.

"Dr. Banner said that I could share your book until he can get me one," Edward murmured. "Is that okay?"

Bella smiled and pushed her book toward him.

"Thanks," he said with a frown.

Bella simply nodded and leaned up on her elbow, reading along while Dr. Banner started his lecture. Every few minutes, Edward would look over at her. When Bella would catch him staring, he'd snap his attention back to the book, like he'd been stung. Bella couldn't explain why Edward seemed different than the other guys in the school. Well, that wasn't true. The other guys in school had been together since elementary school and were assholes — everyone but Jasper anyway.

"Okay, so," Dr. Banner clapped his hands, drawing their attention to him, "test tomorrow. Study, ladies and gentlemen." Dr. Banner looked over at Edward. "You don't have to take the test since you're new. I can give you the notes over everything we've covered so far, and you can take it next week."

"All right," Edward muttered.

The bell rang and Bella reached across Edward, grabbing her book.

He looked over at her. "Thanks again."

Bella nodded and grabbed her bag from the floor, shoving the book inside.

Edward sighed and stood up, walked out without another word. Tugging her bag on her shoulder, Bella followed him out, unsurprised when they ended up in the same classroom. It was odd that they seemed to have every class together. She took her usual seat while he dealt with Mr. Varner, who promptly gestured for him to take the empty seat behind Bella. Edward shuffled across the room and slide into his desk. Turning in her seat, Bella pulled out her book and offered it to him.

Edward lifted an eyebrow in her direction. "Won't you need it?"

Bella smiled and shook her head.

"Okay, if you're sure," he said, taking it from her. "Thanks."

Shrugging her shoulders, Bella turned back around and pulled out a notebook and pencil so she could take notes. Mr. Varner started his lecture on the quadratic formula, droning on and on about each step and speaking to them like they were in kindergartens and were being told how to add one plus one again.

Finally, after an hour, the bell rang and class ended. Edward handed Bella her book, thanking her once again. And once again, she smiled and nodded at him. He left and Bella packed up her stuff, heading out of the classroom.

She stopped at her locker, grabbing her books so she could do her homework. Once she was loaded down, she headed down to Emmett's classroom, leaning against the doorjamb and watching him for just a minute. He was standing in front of his white board, erasing the notes he'd written up there for his freshman English class.

Bella reached over and knocked on the door, startling her brother.

Emmett turned and glared at her, which just caused her to smile wider. "You brat."

Shrugging, she couldn't argue with him. Bringing her hands up, she began to sign. "You almost ready? I have a lot of homework."

"Yeah, just give me a minute," Emmett said, turning back to his desk.

A few minutes later, Emmett had stuffed his own backpack with a stack full of papers and led her out to his car. Jasper was waiting for them next to the jeep. As usual, he had his earbuds in. It irritated Emmett, but Bella didn't mind. She understood that was just Jasper. Edward Cullen and his sister Alice were climbing into a beat-up silver Volvo. Edward looked right at her, before he started his car and drove away.

"How'd the new kids do?" Emmett asked, leading her to his jeep.

Bella shrugged and brought her hand up in front of her. "Okay, I guess. They were really quiet."

"Quieter than you?" he asked.

"Nobody is quieter than me," she signed.

"True enough."

"Does Esme have an appointment today?" Bella signed.

Emmett closed his eyes for just a moment, but nodded. "Yeah."

Jasper climbed into the backseat of the jeep, while Bella settled into the passenger seat. When they got home, Bella went straight to her room to start her homework, while Emmett started a load of laundry, and Jasper disappeared in his bedroom, which was right across from Bella's. When Bella sat down on her bed, she looked over at the picture on her nightstand. Automatically, she reached out for it, pulling her knees up in front of her and laying the frame against them.

Charlie, Renee, Esme, Emmett, and Bella — back when they were a happy family. Back before things went to hell, before life as Bella knew it ended. Charlie was standing behind his wife, arms wrapped around Renee, and they were both smiling like the end of the world wasn't about to happen to them. Esme, who'd just turned twenty-three, was standing in front of Charlie. Emmett — nineteen — was standing behind Renee, while Bella stood in front of Esme. She'd just turned fourteen the month before the picture had been taken. Renee had insisted that they needed a new family photo, and they'd begrudgingly agreed. Though, in hindsight, Bella was thankful for the photo.

"Hey, got anything that needs to be washed?" Emmett asked, barging into Bella's room. She put the photo back on her table and shook her head, trying to wipe away the tears before he saw them, but knew she failed when Emmett sighed and sat down on the edge of her bed. "You're looking at them again."

It wasn't a question, so Bella didn't respond.

Huffing, Emmett reached over and tilted her chin up, looking at the tears filling her eyes. "Butterbean."

"I know," she signed.

"You just get upset," he murmured.

Bella nodded.

"We can go see them this weekend," Emmett said, "if you want."

Shrugging, Bella brought her hands up in front of her again. "Whatever. I don't care."

"Yeah, I can tell you don't," he scoffed and stood up. "Sure I can't wash your clothes? I promise not to ruin them."

Bella smiled and shook her head. "I'm okay, Em," she signed. "But thanks."

"Okay, if you're sure." Sighing, he walked out of her room. "Dinner will be ready at six."

Promptly at six p.m., Bella closed her history book and climbed off her bed and walked downstairs to the kitchen, where she found Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie, Jasper's older sister, waiting for her at the table. She already knew that Esme wasn't there; something that had her feeling jittery and nervous as each passing minute drifted by. In an effort to distract herself, Bella motioned toward the sink and washed her hands before taking the chair next to her brother.

"Did you get your homework done?" Rose asked, filling Bella's plate with a grilled chicken breast, a helping of broccoli, and a roll. "Em said you had a lot."

"I'm almost done," Bella signed before taking her plate from her sister-in-law.

The gorgeous blond smiled and nodded before dishing out a larger helping to Emmett and Jasper, and finally for herself. Emmett and Rosalie had only been married for a few months, but had spent a lifetime together, one that had faced more than a few struggles over the years. Rosalie and Jasper had lived with Bella, Emmett, and Esme for three years, ever since . . . Well, for three years.

"Sorry, I'm late."

Jasper, Emmett, Rose, and Bella looked back as Esme came rushing into the kitchen. A sigh of relief flittered out of Bella's mouth before she could stop it. Esme's hair was a mess and her cheeks were stained with tears, indicating that her appointment hadn't gone well, or maybe it had. Bella had refused therapy, so she wouldn't know if crying was good or not. Esme kicked off her heels and washed her hands before settling down at the table, and graciously accepting the plate of food that Rose offered her.

"I was getting worried," Emmett muttered, turning his eyes to the table.

"I know," Esme said, placing her hand on his arm. "My appointment ran long."

Emmett nodded, sliding his hand over hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Just call next time, okay?" He shifted his eyes to Bella. "For her, ya know."

"Okay, Em," Esme sighed and looked over at Bella. "I'm sorry, Bella."

She shrugged; trying to act like it wasn't a big deal.

Of course, Esme didn't buy it, she never did. Keeping her hand on Emmett's arm, Esme reached over and stroked Bella's cheek. "I'm sorry. Time just seemed to . . . I don't know, disappear. I didn't mean to make you worry."

"It's fine, Es," Bella signed, glad for once that her hands didn't betray her the way her voice would.

"Okay, if you say so," Esme murmured.

The rest of dinner went by in quiet conversation, mostly between Emmett, Rose, and Esme, who talked about work. While Emmett and Esme both shared secrets about Bella's classmates, like how Mike Newton owed almost fifty dollars in library finds, Rose talked about her shift at the hospital. Rose was a nurse, and worked in the emergency room. She worked odd shifts, but always made time for her family. And make no mistake, Emmett, Esme, and Bella were her family — the only ones that mattered anyway.

Once they were done eating, Bella and Esme did the dishes before Bella retreated back to her bedroom to finish her homework. She'd been in there for an hour when someone knocked on her door. When she looked up, she saw Esme standing there with two mugs of hot chocolate.

"Thought you might want a treat," she snickered, pushing off the doorjamb and coming over to sit on the side of Bella's bed.

She held out one of the mugs, which Bella took, smiling when she saw the frothy marshmallows on top. Bella took a small sip, knowing that it would be hot. Closing her eyes, she savored the taste.

"Good, right?" Esme asked.

Bella opened her eyes, nodded, and took another sip. Placing her cup on her nightstand, Bella's eyes flittered to the photograph once again, and Esme's appearance in her room suddenly made sense. Sighing, she looked back at her older sister.

"He told you, didn't he?" she said with her hands.

"Yes," Esme replied.

Bella huffed. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not," she disagreed. "And there is no point in lying about it, either. I know you better than that, Butterbean."

Bella rolled her eyes and started signing. "I'm okay. Just because I look at their picture, doesn't mean that I'm going to be upset."

"I know," Esme said, taking a sip of her cocoa. "Em thinks we should go see them this weekend. What do you think?"

Shrugging, she wasn't sure what she should tell her sister. Did she want to see them? Only every moment of every day, but could she? Could she go there and see them without losing it? That was one question that Bella couldn't answer.

"It's been a while," Esme murmured, reaching over and brushing Bella's hair behind her ear. "It's okay to miss them, Bella. I do every day."

"Me too," Bella signed.

Esme stayed until they both finished their cocoa and then took their cups back downstairs. Tired of studying, Bella shoved everything into her backpack. She climbed off the bed and shut the door to her room. Stripping off her clothes, Bella dug inside her dresser until she found one of Charlie's shirts and slipped it on. She shuffled over to her window and settled on the window seat, pulling her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. For once, she was glad that when she cried, nobody could hear her.


	3. Chapter 3

3

Carlisle didn't get home until almost ten. Looking ragged and rundown, he slumped down in his chair and looked at the plate of food that Edward had just set in front of him.

"Thanks," he muttered, picking up his fork and pushing the cold mac and cheese, fish sticks, and green beans around. "Where's Pix?"

"Her room," Edward replied, dumping the left over mac and cheese in a bowl before dipping the saucepan into the sink full of water. "How'd it go?"

Carlisle sighed. "I don't know. Good I guess."

"Do you think you're gonna like it?" Edward asked.

"I have to, right? We have shit to pay and . . . I'll make it work," Carlisle said.

"Car," Edward mumbled.

"It's okay, Edward. Everything will be okay."

Edward didn't believe the lies pouring out of his brother's mouth, but opted not to push the issue. Popping a lid onto the bowl of mac and cheese first, he put it in the fridge and moved over to the table, sliding into the chair he'd been sitting in when Carlisle came stomping inside. He picked up his pencil and returned his attention to his homework.

"How'd it go at school?" Carlisle asked.

Edward snorted. "How do you think it went? It was the same old bullshit, just different people."

"And, um, Pix is okay?" Carlisle pressed.

Edward closed his eyes and released a deep breath. "I don't know. She's been locked in her room since we got home. I didn't want to bother her." He looked up at Carlisle, noticing the he hadn't taken a bite. "Eat, Car."

"I will," he lied.

There really wasn't any reason for him to try to lie. Edward could read him better than anyone, something that had always annoyed Carlisle. Edward worried about his older brother. Instead of twenty-six, he looked thirty. He'd lost weight. Fuck, they'd all lost weight, but whatever. Carlisle didn't sleep, he didn't eat, and he certainly didn't talk to anyone — not really anyway. A few words here and there, but he'd been on the edge for too long. Edward understood. He'd been on that edge along with him. So had Alice.

Edward turned his attention back to his homework, while Carlisle pretended to eat. After a few minutes, Carlisle picked up his plate and dumped the food into the garbage before putting his plate in the sink. Without a word to Edward, Carlisle walked out of the kitchen. A moment later, he heard music coming from Carlisle's bedroom.

"Guess I'm washing the dishes," Edward muttered to himself.

A few hours later, he'd finished his homework and the dishes. Making his way upstairs, he stopped outside of Carlisle's room first, knowing that all he was going to hear was Carlisle's stereo belting out every sad and depressing song on the man's playlist. Next, Edward moved over to Alice's door. He considered knocking, but knew better than to bother his sister when she was like this. Sighing, he turned and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him and stripping off his shirt, just leaving him in his faded jeans. Crawling across his bed, Edward grabbed his pillow, and buried his face in the softness. Now that he was alone, he didn't have to be strong for everyone else and could let his own tears fall without care.

—SW—

The week crept by at a slow and painful pace. Every day was the same. Alice would scream and yell at Edward to get up, Carlisle would attempt to make them breakfast, and Edward and Alice would go to school while Carlisle went to work. Then, at night Alice would lock herself up in her room, Carlisle would nibble on whatever dinner Edward scrounged up before retreating to his bedroom, and Edward was left to clean everything up. He didn't really mind. It was better than doing nothing.

On Friday morning, Edward pulled his car up into the parking space next to Emmett Swan's jeep. On Tuesday, Edward had put it together that Emmett and Bella were siblings. Alice had also deduces that Esme Swan was also their sibling, unless Esme and Emmett were married, but the fact that Emmett wore a wedding band, and Esme didn't led Edward to assume that Alice's prediction was correct.

"He's doing it again," Alice whispered and Edward looked over at him. "He tried to hide it, but I saw the mark this morning."

Edward nodded, having assumed the same when Carlisle was the last one down to breakfast. "I'll talk to him."

"He'll just deny it," Alice murmured. "Like always."

"Yeah, but I'll still talk to him," Edward replied.

Alice nodded and let the subject drop. They both knew it would be pointless. This was what happened with Carlisle. They'd been there, done that, and had to move because of it. This wouldn't be any different, that much Edward was sure of.

"Come on, Pix. We're gonna be late."

Alice muttered something under her breath, but Edward couldn't make out what it was. He let it go and followed her into the building. Just like they had done every day since they arrived in Forks, everyone stared at them. Edward rolled his eyes and made his way down to his locker, wishing that just for once they'd stop. It's like they were raised without manners.

Shoving his unneeded books into his locker, Edward slammed it shut, and glared at everyone before he turned and walked to his English class. Emmett was sitting at his desk, while Bella was at hers. She was leaning down with her arms folded in front of her. Her chin was propped up on one of her arms and she had a book in the other one. Her eyes flittered to him when he walked in, and she smiled. Though, he had been there for several days and they had every class together, Bella Swan still hadn't said a word to him. Edward was starting to wonder if she ever spoke to anyone because from what he could tell, she hadn't spoken to a single person.

"Hey, Edward," Emmett said, smiling at him. "Big plans for the weekend?"

"Nope. Same old stuff, different day," Edward groused, walking across the room and sliding into his desk. Bella looked over her shoulder at him, tilting her head toward Emmett, and rolling her eyes. Edward bit the inside of his cheek to stop from laughing.

As the rest of their class trickled through the door, Bella put her book up and turned her attention to Emmett. It was funny how much they looked alike, while still being completely different. They both had the same color hair and Edward figured that if Bella's wasn't so long that it would be just as curly as Emmett's. Indented into their left cheeks were dimples. The only real differences came in their sizes and eye color.

While Emmett droned on and on about one of Shakespeare's plays, Edward once again turned his attention to the window. Like it had almost every day, it was raining. How they hadn't flooded and floated away was beyond him. That much rain couldn't be normal, could it? Apparently it was, though, because they'd had plenty of rain and there they still were.

The sound of the bell ringing startled him, but he hid his flinch, or at least he hoped he had. The last thing he needed would be for people to stare at him for being a freak. Oh, wait, they already were. Sighing, he grabbed his bag off the floor and headed toward the door. Looking over his shoulder, he saw Bella standing next to Emmett. He said something to her, and she brought her hands up, using sign language to answer. Shifting her eyes up, she caught Edward staring and promptly dropped her hands. With a shake of her head, she answered Emmett, picked up her bag, and brushed her way past him.

"Better get to class, Edward," Emmett said, giving him a look. "Don't want to be late."

"Yeah, okay," Edward muttered and headed toward his history class.

He found Bella's eyes on him the moment he walked through the door. In fact, she didn't look away from him as he walked around to their side of their room and slid into the seat next to her. Placing his hands on the desk in front of him, he leaned toward her.

"I take it you don't like people to watch you sign?" he whispered.

Bella shook her head.

"I'm sorry, then. I didn't mean to intrude."

She shrugged her shoulders, but still she didn't look away.

Edward sighed. "You're not deaf, right? I mean, it seems like you're able to hear."

Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. Discretely, she placed a finger on her left ear and nodded, and then moved it to her right ear, nodding again. Then, she brought her hand to her throat, and shook her head.

"You can hear, but you can't speak."

Bella nodded, shrugging her shoulders once again.

"Is it a secret?"

She shook her head, and tilted her head toward the rest of their class, and somehow Edward understood. They knew, which explained why they stared at her, gawking at her all the time.

Edward nodded. "Sucks, doesn't it?"

Bella lifted an eyebrow in question.

"To be the center of unwanted attention," he explained, shifting his eyes away from her. "Sucks."

Bella surprised him by reaching over and grabbing his chin and shifting his face back toward her. Nodding, she agreed with him.

"Don't worry. I won't stare at you," Edward murmured.

She frowned, which was a reaction that he didn't quite understand. Class started, so Bella turned her attention back to the front.

The rest of the morning flew by and before Edward knew it they were on their way to the library. Esme looked over at them when they walked in and waved, but left them to do their work. While Bella checked the books that had been put in the return box, Edward grabbed the book cart and rolled it into the heart of the library and started shelving the books that had already been checked back into the library. It was tedious work, but made the hour pass quicker, and for that alone, Edward was more than happy to do the labor. Besides, it was better than taking gym. Just the thought of having to take his shirt off, of everyone seeing . . . Edward was glad he didn't have to worry about that nightmare ever again.

Edward had just put the last book on the shelf, when he heard the door to the library get thrown open and Esme call out, "Hey, don't slam my door."

"Edward!" Alice called.

Closing his eyes for just a moment, he left the cart and ran around the stacks, finding Alice standing in the doorway of the library with her arms wrapped around her and her hands clenched into fists.

"Pix, what's wrong?" Edward asked, rushing over to her and drawing her into his arms, placing one hand on the back of her neck and the other in the middle of her back. Alice was trembling. "Pix!"

"I — I fell asleep," she whispered.

Edward's shoulder sank and he shot Esme and Bella a look before dragging Alice further into the library and away from their prying eyes. He knew she hadn't been sleeping. The dark circles were evidence of that much, but he'd hoped that her breakdown would wait until the weekend, where nobody would see her. Going to the farthest corner they could, Edward slid to the floor and pulled Alice onto his lap, holding her tight and trying to keep her from completely losing it.

"Which class?" he asked.

"English," Alice replied, and somehow Edward felt relieved that it happened with Emmett, and not Dr. Banner or Mr. Varner.

"Tell me," Edward murmured.

Alice turned her face into his chest. "The car, the ice — everything."

"But you know we're not there anymore, right?"

"Yeah," Alice whispered.

The sound of someone knocking on a hard surface pulled Edward's attention over to where Bella was standing. She had a box of tissues in one hand and a coffee cup in the other. Bella gestured to Alice before walking over to them and placing them on the floor next to Edward. Frowning, Bella turned and walked away.

"Here," Edward said, picking up the coffee cup of water. "Drink."

Alice took it from his hand and took a sip. "I could hear them screaming again. Like they were right next to me."

"But they aren't. Not anymore."

"I know," Alice groused, sliding off Edward's lap and pulling her knees to her chest. She laid her head on her knees. "But I want them to be."

Edward sighed, and placed his hand on the back of her neck again. "Me too, Pix."

They stayed in the back corner of the library until the bell rang for lunch. Though reluctant, Edward and Alice stood up and shuffled to the front, where Esme and Bella were standing. Esme had said something to Bella, and she'd brought her hands up in front of her to reply, but knowing how sensitive she was about people watching her, Edward cleared his throat, causing them both to look over at them. Bella promptly dropped her hands to her side.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" Esme asked, stepping toward Alice. However, she stopped when Alice moved away from her.

"I'm fine," Alice replied. "Sorry about the door."

Esme shrugged. "Eh, don't worry about it. You're not the first student to slam it, and you certainly won't be the last."

"Oh."

Edward placed his hand on the nape of Alice's neck once again and led her out of the library, but not before looking back at Bella, who had a frown on her face. Edward couldn't understand her reaction. Why did his sister's freak out cause Bella to be sad? They didn't need her pity, any more than she wanted people to stare at her while she used sign language.

Shaking his head, Edward let the door close behind him and led Alice down the hallway to the cafeteria. Of course, when they walked in, everyone stopped and stared at them, evidence that word of his sister's breakdown had already reached the masses. Alice was still trembling, and as much as Edward wanted to turn and take her away from it all, he couldn't. They'd learned the hard way that hiding never solved anything.

"Come on, let's get something to eat," Edward whispered just loud enough for Alice to hear.

"Okay," she mumbled.

Though it was hard to get his feet to move, Edward dragged Alice to the food line, where the people in front of them turned and stared at them. Edward glared at them until they had the decency to turn away. Have some class about the gawking at least.

Once they had their food, opting to go with a slice of pizza and two cokes, they headed back to their usual table. They'd just sat down when the door to the cafeteria opened once again, pulling everyone's attention from Edward and Alice and over to Bella and Jasper. Automatically, Bella looked over at him and Alice, but she turned away quickly.

"He heard me," Alice whispered and Edward looked over at her, noticing the way she was watching Jasper. "He sits a couple rows away from me, but when . . . well, let's just say, he heard me."

"Did he say anything?" Edward asked.

Alice shook her head and looked over at him. "I didn't really give anyone a chance to say anything. Just pulled my ass up off the floor and took off running. Like a coward."

"You're not a coward, Pix," he disagreed, nudging her tray toward her. "Eat. It's worse when you don't eat."

Alice looked over at Jasper once more before she picked up her pizza and took a small bite. Releasing a breath, Edward started eating, too. He knew that once she took her first bite that as long as he ate, too, then she would keep going. Sure enough, by the time he finished his pizza, she finished hers.

When the bell rang, everyone started filing out of the cafeteria — everyone but Edward, Alice, Bella, and Jasper.

Edward leaned toward Alice. "Are you okay?"

"I guess," she mumbled.

"Damn it, Bella!" Jasper yelled, standing up so fast that his chair flew back against the floor. "I said no, so drop it already."

Turning away from Bella, Jasper looked over at Edward and Alice, and the expression on his face wasn't hard to read: pure disgust. Shaking his head, he walked out of the cafeteria. Edward shifted his eyes down to Alice, who had tears pooling in her eyes. Placing his hand on the back of her neck, he drew her into his arms and held her while Bella gathered her stuff and walked over to the door. She paused long enough to look over at Edward and Alice before she left.

"I want to go home," Alice whimpered.

"Okay, Pix," Edward murmured, standing up with her against him. "Let's go."

Edward led Alice out to his car and made sure she was in before shutting the door behind her and running around to the passenger seat. Once they were at home, Alice bolted into the house and Edward knew that she was going to lock herself up in her bedroom. Sitting on the bottom of the stairs, he pulled his cell phone out and pulled up his contacts. He only had a few: Carlisle, Alice, and his parents, not that he needed their numbers anymore. He just couldn't get himself to delete them. Bringing up Carlisle's number, he selected a text message and punched out his message:

_**Pix had a hard day. Needs you.**_


	4. Chapter 4

4

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Bella looked over at Emmett, who was scowling at her. Putting her book down on her knee, she signed, "Nothing."

Picking her book back up, she tried to focus on her reading, but was struggling. Instead of going inside the house when they got home from school, Bella had opted to sit on the porch. In all honesty, she was doing her best to stay calm, but was failing miserably. The entire day had been one fuck up after another. She'd woken up late, which meant she'd been frazzled all morning. Bella liked routine and order, when things were thrown out of whack it caused her to panic. She managed to keep herself under control, though, while she got dressed, scarfed down some food, and rode to school with Emmett. Normally, she'd hide away until the bell rang, but today she had needed be close to her brother.

Of course, then Edward saw her using sign language, and that sent her reeling again. Everyone knew Bella couldn't speak — not wouldn't, but couldn't. For three years now, they'd been staring at her, gawking at the freak. While using sign language made it easier for her to communicate with her family, Bella hated the way outsiders looked at her when she used it. Life was hard enough without adding that shit to the mix.

Bella hadn't been surprised when Edward didn't show for biology. Whatever was going on with his sister had shaken him. She'd seen it in his eyes the moment he saw Alice standing in the doorway to the library. It was the same look that she saw in Emmett's eyes, in Esme's eyes, in Rose and Jasper's. Shaking her head, she tried to get him out of her head, but seeing as Edward had been infiltrating her silent world all week, she couldn't.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked.

Bella sighed and looked back at him, shrugging her shoulders.

Emmett moved over to her, picked her feet up off the porch swing she'd been curled up in and slid under them, letting them rest on his lap. "Talk to me, Butterbean."

Closing her book, Bella tried to collect her thoughts, but how could she explain the feelings inside of her when she didn't even understand them. Huffing, she began to sign, "I don't know. I'm just having a bad day, I guess."

"Because he saw you signing?" Emmett asked.

Bella shook her head. "Not just that."

Emmett nodded and looked away. "You don't have to be embarrassed, Bella."

She reached out and turned his face back toward him. Bringing her hands up in front of her, she said, "You see how they look at me. Besides, you, Esme, Rose, and Jasper, nobody would understand a damn word I sign."

Emmett smiled. "True."

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I just need some time alone."

"Okay, but don't stay out here too long. It's cold and you'll get sick."

Bella nodded and waited until Emmett was inside to pick up her book and attempt to read again. Tried, but failed. Emmett worried too much about her, though she'd never tell him that. Esme might have been the oldest of the three of them, Emmett was the caretaker. Bella knew he felt it was his job as the man of the house to take care of his sisters, Rose, and Jasper, too.

Jasper.

Bella sighed. It had been clear to her at lunch that something was bothering him, but he refused to talk to her. It wasn't until she caught him looking over at Alice that she understood. He worried about her. When Bella questioned him, he got so upset with her. He yelled at her, which he never did, and stormed out. Then he refused to look at her while Emmett drove them back home. It hurt that he was pissed with her. Jasper was her best friend, one of the few people she could trust completely.

After another hour on the porch, Bella gave up on trying to read and headed back inside. Esme was in the kitchen cooking, while Emmett was sprawled out on the sofa, flipping through the channels. Bella knew that Rose was working at the hospital tonight, which meant that Emmett would be up all night. He hated when Rose worked nights. So did Bella, but she knew Rose didn't have a choice, not if she wanted to keep her job.

Slowly making her way upstairs, Bella paused outside of Jasper's room. Bringing her hand up several times, she started to knock, only to pull her hand away. Just as she brought her hand up for the fourth time, the door to Jasper's room opened and she found herself face to face with him.

"Stop being a spaz and get your ass in here already," he mumbled, gesturing to his room.

Bella smiled and walked in, immediately climbing on his bed and curling up against his pillows. Jasper's room was dark, his walls covered in posters of all the bands that got him through the pain and devastation that filled him. Bella knew that feeling, and knew that music was the only way that Jasper was able to deal with everything, which she found ironic. After all, it had been music that led to their downfall in the first place.

Jasper shut the door and joined her on the bed. He tugged the earbuds out of his ears and tossed his iPod on the bed between then. "I can't explain it," he whispered, almost sounding ashamed of himself. "I don't know her, but I hated watching her . . . freak out like that."

Bella reached over and placed her hand on his chest.

Jasper's head lobbed to the side. "I'm sorry I yelled at you. You didn't deserve it."

She shrugged.

"No, you didn't," he insisted, rolling onto his side and facing her. "I just . . . I can't like her, Bella. I can't."

Bella sighed, and brought her hand up in front of her, signing, "I know."

Jasper scooted closer to her and slipped his arm under her, nestling her against his chest. "I don't know what to do."

Bella didn't know either, so she wrapped her arm around him and held him back.

—SW—

"Butterbean, come on," Emmett hollered.

Sighing, Bella dragged her hair brush through her hair one more time before tossing it onto the dresser and grabbed her denim jacket off her bed and ran downstairs. Looking at Emmett, she glared at him, making it clear that she wasn't happy about him rushing her.

"Whatever, Butterbean," he scoffed, and looked over at Rose, who was curled up in the corner of the sofa. She looked exhausted. "You need anything while we're out, babe?"

"Chocolate," she replied with a yawn. "Lots of chocolate."

Emmett, Jasper, and Esme laughed while Bella merely smiled.

"Okay, babe, I'll get you as much chocolate as I can," he snickered before leaning over the back of the couch and kissing her. "Love you."

"Love you, too," Rose whispered, and Bella looked away, feeling like she was interrupting a private moment between her brother and sister-in-law.

Standing up, Emmett cleared his throat and motioned for Esme and Bella to follow him. Bella shared a look with Jasper, who was trying his hardest not to gag, and walked out of the house behind her sister and brother.

Where normally they'd take Emmett's jeep, this time they climbed into Esme's little Kia Sorrento. Esme hated Emmett's jeep so she refused to ride in it. Bella didn't really care which car they took. Sliding into the backseat, Bella put on her seat belt and turned her attention out the window.

Nobody spoke while Esme drove through Forks. The deep greenery whizzed by, and Bella thought wistfully about their many adventures in those very woods. She couldn't count how many times she'd found herself running behind Emmett and Esme, screaming for them to wait for her. Of course they always did. They never left Bella behind, and they certainly weren't going to leave her behind now.

Esme parked in front of the tall, wide building but didn't make an effort to climb out. Instead, she turned in her seat and looked back at Bella. "You ready?"

Biting on her bottom lip, Bella shrugged her shoulders, unsure if she was ready or not.

"We don't have to go in," Emmett said, turning and looking at her. "We can go home, or wherever you want."

Bella took a deep breath and signed, "No, it's okay. I want to see them."

Esme and Emmett shared a look before they opened their doors and climbed out. Bella unbuckled her seatbelt and met them outside. Together the three of them walked into Forks Memorial Hospital. The little old lady working the information desk threw them a sad smile. Everyone in town knew their tragic story, the story of how the Swan family lost it all.

When they got to the elevator, Emmett reached out and pushed the up arrow, rolling on the balls of his feet as he casually looked around the lobby of the hospital, or as casually as Emmett could. Bella wasn't stupid; she knew he was making sure that nobody was staring at her again.

The doors slid opened and the three of them stepped on, letting out a heavy breath when they closed behind them. The music playing in the elevator caused Bella to smile. Charlie loved elevator music. There had been times when he'd ride the elevator three or four times in a row just to hear the music. They used to tease him all the time about it. Reaching up, she brushed a tear off her cheek. Bella knew better than to think of him like that; it always hurt more when she let him invade her memories.

Emmett reached up and placed his hand on her shoulder, silently reminding her that he was right there. Bella appreciated the gesture, probably more than her brother would ever know. The doors opened and Emmett, Esme, and Bella stepped out, walking over to the set of double doors to the left. Esme reached up and punched in a six-digit code into keypad and clicking sound echoed, alerting them that the door was now unlocked.

Hurrying though, they pulled the doors shut behind them, drawing the attention of the nurses standing at the front desk. One of them — a tall, curvy blond — stepped away from the others, a sad smile spreading over her lips.

"Esme, Emmett, Bella, surprised to see you here."

"Yeah, it's been a while," Esme murmured. "How are they, Kate?"

"The same," she replied, shifting her eyes over to Bella. "Hey, sweetheart, you okay?"

Bella shrugged.

Kate frowned. "Well, I'll let you be on your way. Let me know if you need anything."

Bella tried to hide the pain from creeping over her features, but couldn't — not when one simple thought ran rampant through her head: she needed her parents.

Emmett placed his hand on her back, gently nudging her after Esme, who had already started down the hallway. Every time they came back here it seemed to get longer and narrower to Bella. Of course that wasn't true. Esme stopped just outside of the last room on the left and looked over at Bella and Emmett.

With a faint smile on her lips, she reached out and pushed the door open. Bella stepped inside, her legs shaking and her heart racing. Bella stood next to the door, watching as Esme and Emmett walked further into the small room. Sitting in a wheelchair, in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, was Bella's father.

"Hey, Daddy," Esme said, kneeling down next to him.

Charlie didn't respond. He never did. Not once in three years.

Esme reached out and grabbed his hand. "You look good, Daddy. Need a haircut, though. It's getting really shaggy, especially around your eyes."

"Butterbean," Emmett murmured, causing Bella to look over at him. He held his hand out to her, so she slowly walked over, molding herself around him and looked down at her father. She barely recognized him anymore. The once carefree happy man, who had wrapped his arms around her and swing her around the backward, taught her how to ride a bike, and how to catch fireflies was now staring blankly out the window. He wasn't her father anymore, hadn't been since the night her world shattered.

"His color is good," Esme murmured, shifting her eyes up to Emmett and Bella. "Don't you think?"

"I guess," Emmett replied. "He's getting more gray hair."

"It makes him look distinguished." Esme smiled as she brushed Charlie's hair back before taking hold of his hand. Bella could see the hope in Esme's eyes that he'd recognized her and suddenly come back to them. Bella knew he wouldn't. The Charlie Swan they knew and loved was gone.

"Um, hello." Bella looked over her shoulder and saw a tall, thin doctor standing in the doorway of her father's room. There was something about his green eyes that stood out to her, but she couldn't put her finger on it. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Kate told me you were here, and I wanted to introduce myself."

"It's fine," Esme said, releasing Charlie's hand and looking at Bella before she walked over and stood on front of the doctor, who watched her with intense eyes. "I'm Esme Swan. This is my brother Emmett and sister Bella."

The doctor looked from Esme, to Emmett, and then to Bella before turning back to Esme. "I'm Dr. Cullen — Carlisle Cullen. You can call me Carlisle."

"Any relation to Edward and Alice Cullen?" Emmett asked, voicing the question that Bella had been thinking.

Carlisle nodded. "Brother and sister."

"Oh," Emmett replied. "They're students of mine at the high school."

Carlisle nodded again. "Um, anyway, I've taken over your parents' care."

"Why?" Emmett wondered.

"Dr. Gerandy assigned me their cases," Carlisle replied, shifting uncomfortably from the attention.

"I see." Emmett turned back and looked at Charlie. "Still no changes?"

Bella suddenly felt the need to leave. She wasn't sure why or what brought the feeling on, but a panic rose through her that scared her. Pulling herself out of Emmett's arms, she snapped her fingers at him and gestured toward the door, hoping that he'd understand.

"Go down to the lobby. We'll be done in a few minutes," he whispered, through Bella was sure that Carlisle had heard him.

Bella nodded, turned, and moved past Carlisle, who stepped out of her way. However, when she walked into the hallway, she bumped into someone. An ache filled her chest as she looked up and found herself face to face with her mother.

Renee Swan's blue eyes were wide and wild, while her caramel colored hair was knotted and messy. Even after three years, Bella hadn't gotten over the shock of seeing her mother like this. The Renee she remembered had always taken such pride in the way she looked, carrying herself with grace and self-confidence, much like Esme did. Now, though, the woman standing in front of her in a ratty pair of pajamas and a disgusting bathrobe, glaring hatefully at her was a complete stranger.

"You stupid little twat," Renee hissed, grabbing a fist full of her own hair and pulling. "Why can't you watch where you're going? Charlie's looking for me and if you cause me to miss him . . ." She shook her head, scowling at Bella. "Ugly little whore, you're trying to take him from me, aren't you?"

Feeling her body tremble, Bella cowered away, startled by the harshness in Renee's words. She felt Emmett wrap his arms around her, pulled her several feet away and Esme moved so that she was standing between them and Renee. Carlisle was standing in the doorway to Charlie's room with a look of fear and worry on his face.

"It's okay, Butterbean," Emmett whispered. "It's not her, remember? That's not Mom anymore."

"Renee, honey, come on. Let's go see if Charlie's in the rec room," Kate said, rushing up to them and wrapping her arm around Bella's mother.

Bella peeked around Emmett's arm, looking at the woman who'd taught her how to bake brownies, and sang her to sleep every night, the woman who had given her the strength and confidence to be herself.

"She's a fucking bitch, trying to take my boyfriend from me. Thinks just because she'll let him fuck her that he'll want her now!" Renee snarled, glaring at her.

With a look of pity toward Bella, Kate said, "Sorry, she's having a bad day," before she started leading Renee back down the hallway.

Once Renee was back inside her room, Esme looked back at Bella. "Go down to the lobby, Butterbean. We'll be right there."

Clenching and unclenching her fists, Bella nodded and tried to calm down as she pulled away from Emmett and headed to the elevator, but was still struggling when the doors opened and she stepped out into lobby. She found an empty seat in one of the corners, hoping that nobody would notice her. Pulling her knees up in front of her, Bella closed her eyes. Of course they did; everyone in town knew about the Swan's freak of a daughter.

"Butterbean." At the sound of Esme's voice, Bella opened her eyes and found her and Emmett standing in front of her with frowns on faces. "Oh, honey, are you okay?"

She shook her head, because the last thing she was right then and there was okay. There was a reason why they rarely visited Charlie and Renee. Bella struggled enough with the accident that put her parents there, not to mention that led to losing her voice.

Emmett grabbed Bella's hands, dragging her to her feet. "Come on, Butterbean, let's go home."

Sighing, she nodded her head and followed them out to the car. After they stopped and got Rose a bunch of chocolate, they drove back home. Bella climbed out of the car and headed inside without as much as a look back. Closing her bedroom door behind her, she crawled onto her bed, grabbed the picture sitting on her nightstand, and finally allowed her tears to fall — silently.

There were so many things she wanted to say to her parents, things she'd never get the chance to tell them again. She wanted to tell them that she loved them, that she was sorry, and that she missed them. Fuck, she wanted to tell them about school and her life, but she couldn't because Charlie was nothing more than a hollow shell, Renee had turned into a mean and hateful woman who thought she was sixteen again, and Bella — well, Bella had lost her ability to speak.


	5. Chapter 5

5

Edward was sitting on the stairs when Carlisle came rushing into the house, looking like someone had just told him the world was going to end. It felt like it was — again.

"Where's Pix?" he fretted, tugging at his dark hair with one hand while shifting his eyes around the living room.

"Her room," Edward replied.

Carlisle closed his eyes and slid to his knees. "What happened?"

"She fell asleep in class, freaked out, and came running into the library in full panic mode. I managed to calm her down enough to eat. You know how bad it gets when she doesn't eat. Anyway, she wanted to come home so I brought her."

Carlisle nodded. "She hasn't been sleeping. It was bound to happen sooner or later."

"She told me you're doing it again," Edward voiced, quietly. Carlisle tensed up but refused to meet his eyes. "Car."

"I — I know. I'm sorry," he mumbled.

"It doesn't help you," Edward said.

"I know," Carlisle snarked, finally lifting his eyes up to Edward's. "I know, Edward. I fucking know!"

"Okay," he muttered, putting his hands up in surrender. "Sorry."

Carlisle shook his head and stood up. "I'll stop. For good this time."

"And if you can't?"

"I will," he tried to assure Edward, but he'd heard those empty promises before.

Edward wasn't an idiot. Carlisle needed help, but he'd refuse to go, just like he and Alice refused to go. Nobody would understand what they'd had to do to get through one day and into the next, and there was no point in pretending otherwise.

"Should I go talk to her?" Carlisle asked, gesturing toward Alice's room.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "If she'll let you in."

Carlisle nodded and walked toward the stairs. He reached out to put a hand on Edward's shoulder, but the younger man scooted out from under his touch and headed into the kitchen. Though he had his back to his brother, Edward knew the hurt would be present on Carlisle's face. He didn't blame Carlisle for anything he'd done, or hadn't done for that matter. It wasn't like he had been the one to commit murder.

While Carlisle went up to attempt to talk to their sister, Edward piddled around in the kitchen, trying to decide what they should do for dinner. He didn't feel like cooking, but he didn't really want to order take-out, either. He didn't want to do anything, but forget every moment of the last few years. However, forgetting wasn't an option.

"She's refusing to talk to me," Carlisle said. Edward looked behind him and found Carlisle standing in the doorway to the kitchen with a defeated look on his face.

"She will tomorrow. I think she just needs to focus for a while," Edward replied. "There's a guy at school. He doesn't look at her."

"And that's bad?" Carlisle lifted an eyebrow.

"No," Edward huffed, "but she wants him to and he doesn't."

Carlisle nodded in understanding. "Probably better if he doesn't."

"Maybe." Edward turned back to the refrigerator. "But it hurts her and she's hurting enough without adding more."

"Aren't we all," Carlisle groused before turning and leaving Edward alone in the kitchen. Closing the refrigerator, Edward sat down at the table, placed his elbows on top, and placed his face in his hands, wondering when the hurt was going to stop.

—SW—

Alice stayed locked in her room all night. Carlisle attempted to talk to her several times before retreating into his room and turning on his music once again. Edward knew Carlisle wanted to help, but he couldn't, not when he was fucked up, too. They all were. There wasn't any point in pretending that they were okay. Alice's freak out at school, Carlisle's path to self-destruction, and Edward's need to keep everyone together was evident of that much.

Carlisle was gone by the time Edward emerged from his room Saturday morning. He found a note taped to his bedroom door, saying that he'd decided to take an extra shift at the hospital, stating they needed the money. Edward wasn't stupid. While they did need the money, he knew Carlisle couldn't handle being in the house when he couldn't help them so he did what he always did: he ran away.

Same Carlisle, same shit, same hollow pain from being left alone.

"Where's Car?" Alice asked, stumbling into the kitchen.

"Hospital," Edward replied, looking over at her. She'd slept, a little at least. "You feel better?"

Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Guess so."

"Hungry?" he pressed.

"Not really." Alice moved over and slipped into the chair next to him, pulling her knees up to her chest. "Is he mad? At me? At us?"

"No," Edward scoffed. "He's worried about you. Tried to talk to you last night, but you were in Aliceland."

"Did you talk to him? About what's he doing?" Alice asked, looking over at him.

Edward nodded. "He said he'd stop."

"He always says that," she grumbled.

"I know." Edward stood up and walked to the fridge, pulling out the eggs and some cheese. "You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

Edward ignored her and began breaking eggs into a large, glass mixing bowl. "You need to eat," he repeated himself. "Besides, you can't let me eat alone, can you?"

"Guess not," Alice whispered.

Edward quickly whipped them up a couple of cheese omelets and returned to the table. They ate in silence. Once again, Edward knew that as long as he was eating, Alice would as well. When they were done, he cleaned up after them and returned to the table. That's when he noticed the green smudges on the sides of Alice's hands. Reaching out, he pulled one of her hands toward him.

"The forest?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Everything," she replied with a smile. "Everything is green here."

"True," Edward admitted, releasing her hand. "It helps?"

Alice shrugged her shoulders. "Sometimes. Keeps me from . . ."

"Sleeping," Edward finished for her. Alice looked away. "You have to sleep, Pix. We can get you something to help."

"I don't need drugs, Edward," Alice snarled, leaping out of her chair and rushing out the room.

Sighing, he pushed himself up and followed her. Alice ran into her room and tried to shut the door, but Edward managed to stop it. When he walked into her room, he had to stifle his gasp. Every inch of her walls were covered in paint. There was no real order to her drawings, either. Lots of green forests were mixed in with the cold concrete, the slick patch of black ice, fiery orange flames, and gushing crimson blood splattered everywhere. Closing his eyes, Edward tried to stifle the guilt soaring inside of him, but failed miserably. The sound of his mother begging for him to hold on for her tormented him — always had, always would.

"Why?" Edward croaked, clenching his hands into tight fists.

"I don't know," Alice whispered. "I thought it would help, but . . ."

"Help?" he snarled. "How does painting this shit on your walls help? All that does is give you a hell to wallow away in, Pix!"

"I know," she cried, wrapping her arms around herself. "I know, I know, I know!"

Edward brought his hand up to his chest, dragging a finger down the scar in the middle of his chest. The pain was easy to remember. They told him with time that it would stop, that it would go away, but it didn't — and he knew it never would. The pain was emotional and mental more than it was physical.

Dropping his hand down to his side, Edward looked around Alice's room, spying a can of white pain in the corner. Ignoring her whimpers, he picked it up, ripped the lid off and threw it on the wall, watching the way it slid down the wall and mixed with the green, grey, orange, and reds. Letting the now empty can drop from between his fingers, Edward stumbled out of her room and into his own, kicking the door shut. Dropping to his knees, he grabbed his hair between his fingers and screamed.

—SW—

"I painted over it," Alice murmured.

Edward looked over and saw her standing in the doorway to his room. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't heard her open his door. She had white smudges covering her clothes and most of her hands and arms.

"Okay," he replied.

Alice fidgeted in the doorway. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I know you are," Edward said. He jerked his head to the side, inviting her into his room. Alice leapt onto his bed, crawling over and curling herself up against him. "You can't do that, though. Living like that is just as bad as what Carlisle does."

"I thought the forest would help," she whispered.

"But it didn't, did it?"

Alice shook her head.

"I'm sorry for how I reacted," Edward murmured.

Alice hummed but didn't say anything. She was mad at him for ruining her work, Edward knew this, but he couldn't bring himself to really care. Alice and Carlisle were all he had left and he couldn't stand back and watch them self-destructing like this — not again. The three of them had been through too much to lose everything now.

"Hey." Edward and Alice looked over and saw Carlisle standing in the doorway to Edward's bedroom. "Can I come in?"

"Sure, why not," Edward deadpanned while Alice sat up with her knees in front of her. Carlisle came over and sat on the side of the bed. "Rough day?"

"Not really," Carlisle said, shrugging his shoulders. "How's everything here?"

"Same shit, different day," Alice murmured.

"Yeah," Edward laughed, though it wasn't funny. Nothing was funny anymore.

"Let's go out to eat," Carlisle said suddenly. He turned to Edward and Alice. "Let's get pizza, or Chinese, or Mexican, but let's just get out of this fucking house for one night."

Edward shifted his eyes to Alice. "Pix?"

"Um," Alice hesitated, pulling on her pant leg, "okay. I guess."

"I need to change," Carlisle said, standing up. "We'll meet downstairs in twenty? Does that work?"

"Yeah, okay," Edward agreed.

Alice simply nodded her head before she climbed off Edward's bed and walked out of his room. Carlisle was almost smiling as he followed her. However, Edward wasn't convinced that they should go out. Alice had had a major break down just a day ago, and had been wallowing away in a den of painful memories. Carlisle was a step away from throwing everything away again, leaving Edward to clean up after him — as he always did.

But they wanted to go, and Edward would go with them, knowing that it would be better if he was there. So, he climbed off his bed and changed out of his sweats and into a pair of jeans, and put on his shoes. Grabbing his wallet and keys, Edward walked downstairs and waited for Alice and Carlisle.

They came down a few minutes later and the three of them climbed into Carlisle's car, Edward in the front and Alice in the backseat. None of them spoke while Carlisle drove them through town. Since Forks was so small, they didn't have a lot of options. There was a small pizza joint, but seeing as it was Saturday night; it was swamped with kids from the high school. One look from Edward and Carlisle kept driving. The last thing they needed was to deal with a bunch of staring assholes.

So, they opted to stop at a small diner that didn't look much bigger than a subway car, but at least they weren't packed to the brim with customers. Slowly, the three of them climbed out of the car and headed inside. The man behind the counter smiled and told them to sit wherever they'd like so they picked a table in the far corner. He dropped off their menus and took their drink order before walking away.

A couple of minutes later, the man was back with their drinks. He'd just placed Edward's Coke down when the bell over the door chimed, indicating someone else was coming in. Instinctively, they all looked over and Edward felt a strange feeling in his chest when he saw Bella Swan walk in with Emmett, Esme, Jasper, and a tall, strikingly beautiful woman with blond hair.

"I'll be right with ya, Esme," the man said, smiling at them.

"All right, Garrett," Esme replied before looking over at them. Her eyes flittered from Alice, to Edward, and then to Carlisle, and she smiled. "Hello, Carlisle."

"Esme," Carlisle muttered, quietly.

While a part of his subconscious wondered how his brother knew Esme, Edward's attention was fixed on Bella, who had her arms folded in front of her and her eyes were locked on his.

"Do you know what you'd like?" The man they called Garrett asked, pulling everyone's attention to him.

"Um, not yet," Carlisle replied.

"Okay, just holler when you're ready." He turned and walked over to where the others had sat. "Y'all want your usual?"

"Yeah," they all replied, Bella doing so with a nod of her head.

"Okay." Garrett returned with their drinks a couple minutes later. Once he put them down in front of them, he placed his hand on his hip. "So, um, Kate said y'all visited today."

Edward watched as Bella tensed up, finally shifting her eyes away from his and looking down at her hands.

"Um, yeah. It'd been a while," Esme said, while Emmett leaned over and whispered something to Bella, who nodded her head several times.

"I still can't believe it's been three years." Garrett shook his head and sighed. "Just remember that if you need anything, we're here for you, okay?"

"Thanks, Garrett," the blond woman said, reaching over and placing her hand on Emmett's shoulder. He turned from Bella and gave the woman a sad smile.

Garrett nodded before heading back to Edward, Alice, and Carlisle's table. "Ready?"

"Um, yeah," Carlisle said, clearing his throat. "I'll take a cheeseburger and fries."

Garrett nodded and turned to Alice.

"Grilled cheese," she whispered, while pulling on her long, black hair.

"Want fries?" Garrett asked. Alice shook her head, so he turned his attention to Edward. "For you?"

"Um," Edward muttered, scanning the menu quickly. "Steak sandwich with fries."

"Okay, I'll have that right out." Garrett smiled at them before turning and heading into the kitchen.

Trying to be discreet, Edward looked over at Bella, meeting her gaze. Edward had seen Alice cry enough to know what red cheeks and puffy eyes meant: Bella had been crying. He couldn't explain why the thought of her in tears caused his chest to hurt, but he brought his hand up, dragging his fingers along the long, vertical scar and released a shallow breath. Bella's eyes traveled down to Edward's fingers before snapping back up to meet his.

"Dude, stop staring," Jasper snarled, causing Edward to turn his attention to him. Bella reached out and placed her hand on his, causing Jasper to look at her. She shook her head. "It's rude. He's being rude."

"He's not rude," Alice seethed, causing Jasper to snap his attention to her. It might have been Edward's imagination, but it seemed that his eyes softened when they landed on his sister. "And who are you to bitch at him for being rude when you . . ."

Alice trailed off, falling back in her seat and blowing out a strangled breath.

Edward grabbed her hand. "It's okay, Pix."

"When I what?" Jasper asked, causing Alice to look at him. It almost sounded like he was pleaded with her. "When I what?"

"You don't look," Alice alleged, turning away from him. "Never look."

"I look," Jasper muttered. "All the time. You just don't see."

"You're right, I don't," Alice whimpered, pulling her knees up in front of her and wrapping her free arm around them.

Carlisle sat there, watching while Alice struggled to regain some of her composure. Edward had to bite back several snide comments as he scooted his chair closer to Alice and placed his hand on the back of her neck. A small sob bubbled from her throat as she fell into Edward's arms.

"Get our food to go," he told his brother before standing up and sweeping Alice into his arms.

"You're not supposed to be lifting her," Carlisle said, standing up. He walked around the table and pulled their sister into his arms. "You get the food, and I'll take her out to the car."

With a stiff nod, Edward agreed, knowing that Carlisle was right. His chest was already starting to ache, but he did his best to ignore it as he walked up to the counter, and told Garrett they wanted their food to go. The man nodded and proceeded to bag up their order. Edward dropped enough cash on the counter to pay for their food before he stuffed his wallet back into his jeans and picked up his order. Turning toward the door, his eyes met Bella's once more. She frowned, but unlike most people it didn't come off as pity. No, Edward had come to realize that Bella used facial expressions as a way to communicate. She didn't pity him anymore than he did her.

Shrugging his shoulders at her, he walked out of the diner and over to Carlisle's car. He'd put Alice in the backseat, where she was curled up in a ball, sobbing into her knees. Sitting behind the wheel, Carlisle had his eyes fixed on the front of the diner and when Edward climbed in, he didn't even bother looking at him.

Once they got home, Edward forced Alice to sit in the kitchen with them while they ate, trying to get her to at least eat a few bites of her grilled cheese sandwich. She managed to get half before she pushed it away, excused herself from the table, and rushed upstairs to her room.

"Was that him?" Carlisle asked. "The boy at the diner."

Edward nodded. "Jasper."

"Why does she care if he looks or not?" Carlisle wondered.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, but she does."

"They'd know what to do," he muttered. "How to help her."

"If they were here, she wouldn't need them to help her. She'd take care of it herself, Car, but Pix . . . she isn't the same girl she used to be. None of us are the same."

"Yeah, I know." Standing up, Carlisle grabbed his and Alice's trash and tossed it before walking out of the room. A few minutes later, Edward heard his music trickling downstairs.

Pushing his half-eaten food away, Edward brought his hand up to his chest once more. He knew it was a bad idea to go out to eat.


	6. Chapter 6

6

Bella hadn't wanted to go to Garrett's for dinner. She hadn't wanted to go out at all, but Emmett was hungry and insisted that they needed to get out of the house. Bella had wanted to stay home and wallow away in the hurt in her heart, the dreadful pain that pulled at her soul. Seeing her parents again, knowing in her heart that they'd never be her momma and daddy again wasn't easy for Bella. Everyone told them that there was always a chance, albeit a small one, but still a chance that they'd come back to her. Five percent. That's how small of a chance it was that Charlie or Renee Swan would ever regain any sense of themselves. Five percent and three years? The odds weren't stacked in their favor.

"Butterbean, move your ass," Emmett yelled from downstairs. "We're gonna be late."

Rolling her eyes, Bella pulled on her jacket, picked up her backpack, and walked downstairs, glaring at her older brother before she signed, "You don't have to yell. I can hear, ya know."

"You were being slow," Emmett said like that made it okay and shoved two pieces of toast into her hands. "Eat. You barely ate anything yesterday, or the day before. Eat this or else."

Bella shook her head and followed him and Jasper, who had been laughing at her, out to the car. She nibbled on her toast while Emmett drove them through town and to school. Jasper had barely spoken two words to anyone ever since Alice Cullen had been carried out of the diner, sobbing into Carlisle's shirt. Honestly, nobody had much to say about Alice Cullen getting carried out of the diner like that.

Rose simply stared at her brother before turning to Emmett and laying her head on his shoulder. Esme fiddled with her silverware, Emmett stared off into space, while Bella just sat there and watched. They weren't like most families who talked about every little thing, trying to ease each other's pain and suffering. Once upon a time, they had Sunday night dinners, and big Christmas', and every other crazy tradition that normal families had. But not anymore, not for them. They weren't normal; they were all freaks in their own little ways.

Emmett parked in his usual spot and Jasper and Bella followed him into the building, ignoring the pointed stares and whispered rumors coming from their classmates. Again, it was something they were used to. Bella knew that most people here suspected that Jasper was her boyfriend or that they were at least having sex, but she'd never seen Jasper in that way and she knew he didn't look at her like that light. They were best friends, brother and sister, each other's saviors.

"Finish your toast and don't be late for class," Emmett said, giving her a threatening look.

Once again, Bella rolled her eyes, but nodded that she would. And she did. Somehow, she forced the toast down her throat because she knew Emmett worried about her, and she refused to add to the burden he carried on his broad shoulders.

When the warning bell rang, Jasper headed toward his first class, while Bella did the same. When she walked into the classroom, her eyes immediately sought Edward out. Almost as if he could feel her looking at him, he turned to her, a smile spreading on his face. She walked over and slid into her seat and looked back at Edward. These were the moments she hated that she couldn't speak, when she had so much to say.

Sighing, she dug through her backpack and pulled out a small notebook and a pen. Scribbling out a quick note, she passed it over to Edward, sucking her bottom lip between her teeth while he read it.

Edward closed his eyes for a moment, before looking back at her. "Pix is okay."

Bella nodded and reached for the notebook, writing, _**And you? Are you okay?**_

When she placed it back on his desk, she saw the way he tensed. "I'm fine."

Bella bobbed her head once more.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked.

Bella thought about it for a moment, knowing that she could lie to him and tell him that everything was okay, but somehow that didn't fair to him. It was clear that Edward wasn't like most of the boys in their school. No, he had an old soul, one that had seen or been through more than the rest.

Shaking her head no, she answered his question honestly.

Edward inhaled a deep breath and shifted his eyes to Emmett before looking back at Bella. "Have you . . . told anyone about what happened with my sister?"

Frowning, Bella shook her head, shocked that he'd ask her that. Picking up the notebook, she wrote, _**It wasn't my business to tell, Edward. Besides, in case you haven't noticed, I don't have any friends.**_

After reading her note, Edward lifted his eyes to her. "Except for Jasper. He's your friend, right?"

Bella nodded, and wrote, _**My only friend.**_

This time, Edward frowned. "I kind of thought I was your friend."

Bella's eyes shot up in surprised.

"What?" Edward asked.

She pulled the notebook back into her hands and wrote, _**You want to be my friend?**_

When Edward read what she wrote, his brow crinkled in confusion. "Why wouldn't I?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders.

"You don't have to be my friend, Bella. I have Alice and Carlisle. Just forget it," he muttered.

Huffing, Bella grabbed the notebook and flipped it to a blank page and wrote, _**I don't want to forget it. And I do want to be your friend, but most people don't want to be mine. In case you haven't realized, I'm a bit of a freak.**_

Thrusting the notebook into his hands, Bella turned her attention to Emmett when he stood up and started class, lecturing them about the rise and fall of roman literature. Though she could feel him watching her, Bella resisted the urge to turn and look at Edward, afraid of what she'd see. It was clear that he'd been hurt that Bella hadn't counted him as a friend, but it wasn't like they knew each other. Hell, they'd only communicated a few times since Edward moved here a week ago, if you could call what they did communicating.

The minute the bell rang, Bella was out of her seat and the classroom. She was the first one to make it to history and took her seat. Edward showed up less than a minute later. When he walked by her, he dropped her notebook on her desk. Even though she was afraid of what he'd written, Bella found herself picking it up and reading the words scribbled under hers: _**I like freaks.**_

Turning in her seat, Bella shifted her eyes up to Edward's, finding him staring right at her. She pointed to the three words he'd written and lifted an eyebrow. He simply nodded, which for some reason caused her to smile. Sucking her bottom lip in between her teeth, she nodded, knowing that he'd understand. They could be friends. At least, until he got tired of her.

—SW—

When the lunch bell rang, Bella grabbed her backpack and waited for Edward to finish shelving the last of the returned books. She'd noticed over the last week that he preferred to work away from the front desk. She suspected that he didn't like interacting with people. Of course, she'd never say anything. It wasn't her place to judge anyone, much less him.

Once he was done and picked up his own bag, they made their way down the hallway in awkward silence. This was the hard part about being friends with anyone who didn't know sign language, not that she had any real experience. As soon as everyone heard how she'd lost her voice, they wrote her off. She didn't care. She still had Emmett, Esme, Rose, and Jasper.

They were almost to the cafeteria when Bella saw Alice waiting for Edward. Reaching out and grabbing Edward's arm, Bella stopped him and pulled him to face her. Trying to be discreet, she pointed to Alice and looked at Edward expectantly.

"Is she going to be okay with us being friends?" he asked

Bella nodded.

"She'll be fine. Just don't expect her to talk much. She's . . . well, she's . . ." Edward trailed off and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. Bella grabbed his arm and pulled his hand away from his hair. He looked from her fingers and down to her.

Releasing her hold on him, Bella pulled her cell phone from her back pocket and pulled up a blank message space and typed: _**She doesn't have to be my friend, too, Edward. I just don't — no, I won't — come between you two.**_

Turning the phone to him, she held it up so he could read her message.

Edward laughed. "Bella, my sister won't give a shit. Seriously. Pix . . . she's, well, she's just hard to explain, but I can assure you that she won't care."

Bella looked over at Alice and frowned.

"Look, it's okay," Edward said, causing Bella to turn back to him. "You don't want to be friends with my sister, too. I get that, but I can't leave her alone, so whatever. I thought you might get it, but I guess not."

Before Bella could defend herself, Edward walked away from her. She watched as he put his hand on the back of Alice's neck and led her into the cafeteria. For reasons that Bella couldn't explain, an ache filled her chest.

"Sorry, I'm late," Jasper muttered, rushing up behind her. "I swear Dr. Banner fucking hates me. He's giving me detention because he caught me listening to my iPod in class again."

Bella turned her attention from the doors of the cafeteria and looked at him, but whatever Jasper saw on her face, caused him to frown.

"Why are you crying?" he demanded.

Reaching up, she felt the moisture on her cheeks. Bella wiped the remaining tears off her face before signing, "It doesn't matter."

"Hey, it matters to me!" Jasper whispered, leaning toward her. He knew that she'd hate it if anyone overheard them. "Tell me."

Bella shook her head, but told him anyway about Edward and how he'd wanted to be her friend, but then she'd fucked it up because she couldn't tell him that she was worried about hurting Alice when it was clear that she needed her brother. Jasper watched her hands flying in front of her, but never once tried to interrupt. He was good like that; he never told her that her feelings were wrong, or that she shouldn't feel the way she did.

When she was done, she dropped her hands down to her side and sighed.

"Are you sure he's worth it?" Jasper asked, but before Bella could protest, he added, "I'm not saying he's not, or that they aren't, but you and I both know they won't get it — not really."

Bella ran her fingers through her hair before bringing her hands up in front of her. "I think they'll get it more than we think they do."

"But what if you're wrong?" he asked.

Bella shrugged her shoulders. She didn't have all the answers.

"Do you want me to talk to him for you?" Jasper asked, but he turned his face away from hers and Bella knew that while he would do it, he'd have a hard time of it because of Alice. He cared for her more than he wanted to admit — to her or to himself.

Placing her hand on his cheek, she turned his face toward her and shook her head. She wouldn't push him to step outside of his comfort zone any more than he would her. She needed Jasper too much to risk him breaking down on her.


	7. Chapter 7

7

Edward was an asshole. As he walked away from Bella, he knew his words had hurt her. Alice had been there for him so many times, holding his hand when he struggled to take a breath without it hurting, crying with him when the reality came crushing on top of him. Alice and Carlisle were all he had left, and he couldn't risk either of them just to be friends with Bella.

Placing his hand on the back of Alice's neck, he pulled her into the cafeteria.

"You okay?" she whispered.

"I'm fine," he replied, dryly. "What do you want to eat?"

Alice shrugged his hand off, which was a first. Normally, she found his touch comforting. She turned and looked at him. "Tell me."

"It's nothing, Pix," Edward growled, shifting his eyes around the room in an effort to make sure nobody could hear them. "Just drop it, okay?"

"Fine, whatever," Alice mumbled, and Edward immediately felt like an even bigger asshole. Now, he'd hurt Alice's feelings, too.

"Are you hungry?" Edward asked.

Alice shrugged her shoulders. Yep, she was pissed with him all right.

Sighing, Edward placed his hand on the back of her neck again and led her over to the food line. Alice didn't push his hand off, but she didn't speak to him as he ordered them each a chicken sandwich, an order of fries to share, and a couple of Cokes. They'd just sat down at their usual table when the doors to the cafeteria opened again and Edward immediately looked over, watching Bella and Jasper come in. They looked at Alice and Edward for a long moment before turning away. Clearing his throat, Edward pushed his tray away and brought his hand up to his chest.

"Was it her?" Alice whispered. "Did — did she say something?"

"No, she didn't say anything, Pix," Edward muttered and leaned toward her. "She . . . I . . . We were going to be friends, or try to at least."

"And she doesn't want to be your friend now?" Alice's brow crumbled.

Edward pursed his lips together before saying, "I don't know. It's complicated."

"Complicated how?" his sister pressed.

"Just complicated," Edward groused.

Alice looked over her shoulder and watched as Bella and Jasper settled at their table. "He looked at me today. I don't know if it's because what I said, or what, but he looked at me."

"Why do you want him to look at you?" Edward asked.

Alice sighed and turned to Edward. "Because he's supposed to. I can feel it."

"Feel it?" Edward snorted and looked over at Jasper and Bella, finding his eyes locked on her brown ones. "What does it feel like, Pix?"

"Like being normal again," she whispered. "Like they're still here, and we laugh and smile again. Carlisle doesn't . . ."

"But they aren't here. And we don't laugh or smile, Pix." Edward hated that he had to be the voice of reason here, but it wasn't going to do Alice any good to live in the world of 'what if.'

"I know, Edward," she gritted out.

"Sorry," he murmured.

Alice huffed. "It's not stupid to wish that things were different."

"I never said it was," Edward replied. "But it's not going to help, either."

She shifted her eyes over to Jasper. "I know."

Neither of them ate their lunch, having lost their appetite. When the bell rang, they gathered their trays and dumped their uneaten food before leaving. Alice sighed wistfully as she walked toward her class and Edward did the same as he headed toward his. He arrived before Bella, and took his seat, pulling out his book, a notebook, and a pen before letting it drop to the floor.

A couple of minutes later, Bella walked in and looked right at Edward, who couldn't seem to turn his eyes away from hers. It had been a problem he'd had since he'd arrived at Forks High School. Bella slid onto her stool and pulled her out her own book, notebook, and pen before letting her bag drop to the floor, too. Sighing, she reached out and placed her hand on Edward's arm.

Edward felt the urge to cover her fingers with his, or lift her hand up to his lips and place a kiss on her knuckles, but he didn't. Instead, he just sat there, staring at her. Frowning, Bella pulled her hand away and turned from Edward. The simple act hurt more than it should. Why did he have a feeling that if they'd meet in another life, they would have been great friends?

Biology passed at a slow and painful pace and trig wasn't any better. Every time Edward looked up, he found Bella staring at him, but unlike how it was with the rest of their classmates, it didn't make him feel comfortable. Quite the opposite, actually. When Bella looked at him, Edward felt like maybe, just maybe, there was hope out there. He just didn't know what that hope was for and it confused the hell out of him.

When the final bell rang, Bella sprang out of her seat, dropped a folded piece of paper on his desk, and rushed out of the room before he could even blink. With a nervous hand, Edward picked up the paper, unfolded it, and read the words written out for him in beautiful handwriting: _**I like freaks, too.**_

Edward refolded it and stuffed it into his pocket before grabbing his bag and making his way to his locker. Was Bella saying what he thought she was? That she wanted to be his friend, Alice's friend, maybe even Carlisle's friend? Shaking his head, Edward bit back a groan. Why did life have to be so fucking complicated all the time?

Alice was standing at his locker when he walked up,

"Hey, Pix," he murmured, opening his locker and shoving his books inside. When he looked down at her, he noticed the tear stains on her face. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she whispered, and looked away.

However, Edward didn't believe her. He moved so that he was standing in front of her and gripped her chin between his thumb and index finger, turning her head to face him. "What's wrong?"

"I heard someone talking about me," she whispered. "About us. The things they said . . ." Alice shuddered. "People suck."

"Who was it?" Edward asked.

Alice sighed and looked around before pointing to the end of the hallway, where a couple of freshmen boys stood watching them. When they saw Alice and Edward turn their direction, they quickly rushed out of the building. Edward considered going after them, teaching them a lesson, but knew all that would do was get him in trouble, and cause Alice to worry. She had enough to deal with without adding his shit to the mix.

"Come on, Pix, let's go home," Edward said, closing his locker.

When they walked out of the school, they saw Emmett towering over the two boys in question, and based on their body language, whatever he was saying to them wasn't good. Bella and Jasper were standing behind Emmett. When they looked over and saw Edward and Alice coming out, Bella reached out and tapped Emmett on the shoulder. He looked back at her, and Bella gestured in Edward and Alice's direction. His facial expression softened, and he waved the two boys off.

Alice slipped her hand around Edward's arm as they walked toward his car, which was parked next to Emmett's jeep. Bella, Jasper, and Emmett stared at them, which didn't make either of them feel any less uncomfortable.

"Hey, guys," Emmett said, shifting his eyes to Bella and Jasper and then back to then.

"Mr. Swan," Edward and Alice murmured together.

"Um, well, have a good evening," he said, before clearing his throat and walking around to the driver's side of the jeep and climbing in.

Jasper stepped away from Bella and started toward the passenger side when he stopped in front of Alice. Though he didn't look at her, Edward heard him say, "If they say anything about you again, tell me and I'll handle it, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Alice whispered.

Jasper nodded before he opened the door to the jeep and climbed into the backseat. Edward looked over at Bella, who had a soft smile on her lips. With a small wave to Edward and Alice, she walked over and climbed into the jeep. Once she had the door shut, Emmett started it up and left.

Sharing a look, Alice and Edward climbed into his car and they headed home. As she usually did, Alice headed upstairs. Edward turned toward the kitchen, but Alice's cry snapped his attention upstairs and he rushed up, finding her standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Nudging her out of the way, Edward felt the air leave his lungs when he saw Carlisle leaning against the bathtub with a washcloth pressed against his left forearm — a washcloth that was soaked with blood.

"It won't stop," he muttered, looking at Edward with wide eyes. "I didn't mean to cut so deep."

"Pix, help me," Edward said, moving into the bathroom.

Together, Alice and Edward managed to drag Carlisle to his feet. Edward kept his arms around his brother as they made their way downstairs and out to his car. Alice climbed into the backseat, and held Carlisle against her while Edward drove them to the hospital. During the short trip, Carlisle kept muttering that he was sorry, that he hadn't meant to press down so hard, or so deep.

Stopping outside of the emergency room, Edward helped Carlisle out, wrapping his arm around him and helping him inside. There were half a dozen people in the waiting room, and of course, each and every one of them stopped and stared at them.

"Oh my," someone behind the triage desks gasped. She stood up and came running out and Edward recognized her as being with Bella at the diner the other night. "I need a gurney out here," she called out, moving to Carlisle's other side and trying to help support him.

A moment later, one of the other nurses came bursting through the double doors of the emergency room with a gurney. They managed to get Carlisle on there without hurting him and started rolling him through the back. Edward and Alice went to follow, but the blond from the other night put up a hand to stop him.

"Wait out here," she said.

"No," Alice cried. "He needs us."

"Sweetheart, I'm gonna go take care of him, but I need you to stay here and try to calm down, okay?" she said, grabbing Alice's hand and holding it tight.

Alice nodded, turning to sob into Edward's chest. The nurse's face crumbled before she released Alice's hand and rushed into the back, leaving them standing there with nothing but fear on their faces and their brother's blood on their hands.

—SW—

Eventually, Edward pulled Alice into the back corner of the waiting room and settled her on his lap while they waited for someone to come out and tell them . . . anything. Minutes ticked by and still, they heard nothing. Alice had stopped crying, but was still clutching onto him like he was the only person she had left. Maybe that's how she felt. Finally, the doors to emergency room opened and Edward looked up to see the blond nurse looking around for them. When she saw them, she motioned for them to follower her, so they did.

Each step felt like a mile as they walked through the double doors and over to the small room where they'd taken Carlisle.

The nurse paused outside of his room, and looked at them. "He might be a little . . . loopy. We had to sedate him in order to stich up the cut."

"How many stitches . . . ?" Edward asked. "I'm sorry; I don't know your name."

"Call me Rose, and fifteen. The cut wasn't pretty," she replied, pushing open the door to his room and gesturing for them to walk in.

Carlisle was lying on his left side, his arm stretched out in front of him while his other arm was wrapped the front of his body.

"I'll be back in a few minutes." And with that said, Rose turned and walked out of the room, letting the door shut behind her.

While Alice stayed next to the door, Edward walked around the bed, pulling the rolling stool over and sitting down. "You said you were going to stop."

"I tried," Carlisle whispered. "But I could see them standing in front of me, hear them asking me to choose again and again. And . . ."

"You promised me," Edward growled. "You promised Pix that you would stop. You could have died, Car!"

"I know," he cried, turning and burying his face in his pillow. "I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry."

Edward reached out and placed his hand on Carlisle's arm, offering him the only comfort he could in that moment. Nothing he said to his brother was going to make the difference, at least not right now. They'd been here and done this so many times over the last couple of years — too many times.

Eventually, Carlisle cried himself to sleep.

A while later, the door to Carlisle's room opened again and Rose came back in with two cups of coffee and what looked like two sandwiches. "I didn't think you'd want to leave him to go eat, so I thought I'd bring dinner to you. Sorry it's not more."

"It's fine, thanks," Edward muttered, looking over at Alice. "Come eat, Pix."

"Not hungry," she whispered from her seat next to the door.

Edward sighed. "When can he leave?"

"Um, not till morning at least," Rose explained, looking at the door. "The doctor should be here soon to talk to you."

"Just tell me," Edward said, shifting his eyes up to Rose. "Please."

"Your brother lost a lot of blood so we're giving him a transfusion to help, but . . ." Rose trailed off and looked over at the door again.

"But what?" Edward asked.

Rose turned back to him. "I really shouldn't say anything, it's not my place, but I saw the other scars. He needs help."

"We help him," he insisted, standing up.

"I'm sure you're doing the best you can, but your brother is cutting himself. He has a problem and needs a trained professional to help him control the urges."

"So what do you suggest?" Edward snarled. "That we commit him? That's not happening! He's all we have left!"

"Okay, calm down," Rose said, putting her hands up in front of her. "I'm sorry. I just don't want you to come home one day and be too late."

"There has to be another solution," Edward mumbled, looking over at Alice. She had her knees pulled up in front of her, rocking back and forth. Edward moved over to her, kneeling in front of his sister. Placing one hand on the back of her neck, he drew her into his arms. "It's okay; I won't let them take him away from us."

The door to Carlisle's room opened once more and his doctor came in. An older man with slick black hair and dark eyes, he looked from Rose, to Carlisle, and then back to Edward and Alice, who was trembling in his arms.

"I'm Dr. Gerandy," he said, offering Edward his hand, but pulled it back when Edward scoffed. "Carlisle is lucky that he didn't cut any deeper. If he had, he wouldn't be here right now."

Alice began crying harder.

"When can we take him home?" Edward asked him.

"In the morning," the doctor replied.

"And . . ." Edward took a deep breath. "Is this going to affect his job here?"

"I'm afraid I can't answer that, son. It's not my decision."

Edward shook his head. "Are you keeping him here in the ER, or sending up to a regular room?"

"We'll keep him here unless we have a major trauma and need the room. It will be . . . easier for all involved that way, I think."

Nodding, Edward stood up with Alice still tucked into his arms. "We're staying, too."

"I'm sorry, but you can't —"

"Dr. Gerandy, may I speak with you outside, please?" Rose asked, shifting her eyes to Edward and Alice for just a split second. The doctor nodded and they left the room.

Edward moved toward Carlisle, but Alice pulled out of his arms and shook her head. "I can't."

"All right, Pix," he said, leaning forward and kissing her forehead.

"Sorry," she whispered before sliding back into her chair.

"Don't be," he murmured and returned to the stool he'd abandoned. Reaching out, he placed his hand on Carlisle's arm.

A few minutes later, the door to his room opened again. Edward expected Dr. Gerandy to come back in, but instead it was Rose. She was carrying two blankets and two pillows.

Placing them on the bottom of Carlisle's bed, she looked from Alice over to Edward. "If you need anything, just hit the call button and I'll be here as soon as I can, okay?"

"Um, yeah, okay," Edward stammered. "Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now, eat those sandwiches. I'll see if I can't hunt down a Popsicle or some Jell-O. Can't promise it will be edible, though." Rose smiled at them before she turned and walked out of the room.

Edward looked over at Alice, picked up one of the sandwiches, and tossed it to her. "You heard her."

"Whatever." However, Alice pulled the wrapping off the sandwich and began eating. Mimicking her actions, Edward did the same and settled in for a long night in the emergency room.


	8. Chapter 8

8

The afternoon was pure agony for Bella and she knew why: Edward was mad at her. What she couldn't figure out, though, was why she hated that he was mad at her? She shouldn't care about what this boy thought about her, or if she'd hurt his feelings, right? Sure, she knew he was different than the other, but it didn't take much to be different than the assholes that went to Forks High School.

Shoving her books in her locker, Bella walked to Emmett's classroom, getting there just as he was walking out.

"Hey, stranger, we've gotta stop meeting like this," he laughed, nudging her with his shoulder.

Bella tried to smile, but knew it didn't come off right.

"What's wrong?" Emmett asked.

Bella shook her head, not ready to take to her brother right now. Besides, she wasn't sure he'd understand. Emmett had Rose to hold him every time he cried. Bella didn't have anyone, and couldn't see that changing anytime soon.

"Okay, well, I'm here when you're ready to tell me," he said, nudging her with his shoulder again.

They were almost to the jeep, where Jasper was waiting for them, when a couple of freshmen boys passed by them, laughing under their breath. Bella didn't think anything about it until she heard one of them say, "You know Edward and Alice Cullen are totally into that incest shit. There's no way they're that close without some freaky shit going on. Though, I can't really blame him for hitting that ass, it's fucking tight."

Bella's mouth fell open at the thought of these boys saying such horrible things about Edward and Alice. And seeing as Emmett spun on his heel, grabbed the back of their shirts and dragged them back to him, he'd heard and was just as appalled by their conversation as she was.

"I know that I _did not_ just hear you make accusation about two people that you know nothing about," Emmett seethed. The boys cowered away from him, but he didn't let them get far. "If I ever hear that you say one word against either of them again, I will make sure that the consequences of your actions are severe. Am I clear?"

Bella looked over and saw Edward and Alice walking out of the building. The last thing they needed to deal with right then was these two little punks. Tapping Emmett on the shoulder, Bella motioned toward Edward and Alice when he looked back at her.

Releasing a heavy breath, Emmett gritted his teeth together and waved them off. "Get out of here."

The boys nodded and ran off, clearly afraid. As Edward and Alice walked up to them, Bella noticed the way Alice clutched onto Edward. They were closer, closer than normal siblings, but seeing as Bella, Emmett, and Esme were close, too, she understood their relationship and hated that people judged them without knowing who they were.

"Hey, guys," Emmett said, shifting his eyes to Bella and Jasper and then back to them. Bella resisted the urge to roll her eyes. He was trying too hard to sound nonchalant.

"Mr. Swan," they murmured together.

"Um, well, have a good evening." Emmett cleared his throat and walking around to the driver's side of the jeep and climbing in behind the wheel.

Jasper stepped away from Bella and started toward the passenger side when he stopped in front of Alice. Though he didn't look at her, he muttered, "If they say anything about you again, tell me and I'll handle it, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Alice whispered.

Jasper nodded before he opened the door to the jeep and climbed into the backseat. Bella smiled and waved to Edward and Alice before she walked over and climbed into the jeep. Once she had the door shut, Emmett started it up and left.

When they arrived home, Jasper locked himself in his room while Emmett tossed a load of laundry in the washer and started on dinner. Rose would be home from work in a couple of hours and Esme had another appointment so Bella knew that he wanted to have dinner ready when they got home. So while Emmett tended to their dinner, Bella settled in the living room and began working on her homework.

However, she couldn't get Edward off her mind: the look on his face when he basically told her to fuck off, when he turned and walked away from her. Why did she feel this need to make everything better? Her life was a big enough of a mess without adding the stress of a boy into the mix.

The sound of the phone ringing pulled Bella out of her inner ramblings and she watched as Emmett rushed into the living room and answered it.

"Hello . . . Hey, Rose . . . What? You've already worked a twelve hour shift," Emmett grumbled, but a moment later his eyes widened and nodded. "Okay, call me later and let me know if I can do anything . . . I will. Love you, baby . . . bye."

Emmett hung the phone up and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Bella snapped her fingers at him, causing him to look at her.

Bella brought her hands up and signed, "Rose working late?"

"Um, yeah," Emmett said, clearing his throat. "Patient needs her to stays so . . ."

Bella nodded, knowing how important Rose's job was to her. She cared for her patients and their families, and Bella knew a lot of that had to do with how they'd all been treated after the accident. Needless to say, their experience hadn't been great, but then again, nothing about the accident could be considered great.

"Maybe we should wrap up a plate and take it to her," Bella signed. "She's got to be hungry."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Emmett murmured, turning and heading into the kitchen. Bella stood up and followed him. Once he had a plate filled and covered with foil, he turned and looked at her, seeming to be shocked that she was standing behind him. "What?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "I'll go with you."

His eyes widen. "No, you should stay here. You know what the hospital does to you."

Huffing, Bella grabbed the plate from his hands and walked out of the house, leaving him there yelling for her to stop. By the time Emmett caught up to her, Bella was already in the jeep and waiting for him. Climbing in next to her, Emmett groaned, but started the jeep and headed toward the hospital.

He pulled up outside of the emergency room and they headed inside. The nurse at the triage desk waved them back, knowing that they were there to see Rose. Bella spotted her coming out of a patient's room. She turned and looked at them just as the door opened behind her and — to Bella's astonishment — Edward came out.

"Rose, where can I get . . ." Edward trailed off when he looked over and saw Bella standing there next to Emmett. "What — what are you doing here?"

Bella just stood there, unsure what to do. Lifting the plate in her hands, she motioned to Rose.

"Oh, um." Edward looked over his shoulder and said, "I'll be back" before shutting the door behind him.

Dragging his hand across his face, Edward grabbed the back of his neck with one hand while bringing his other hand up to his chest, dragging a finger down the middle do his chest. Bella had noticed that it had been a habit of his and wondered why he did it.

"I wanted more coffee," Edward muttered, shifting his eyes to the floor.

Rose looked over at Bella. "Show him where the pot is?"

Bella nodded, handed Rose the plate of food, and folded her arms around herself before walking over to Edward, who shifted nervously from one foot to the other. Taking a deep breath, Bella held her hand out to him, trying to keep from trembling when he wrapped his fingers around hers. She led him through the emergency room and to the doctor's lounge.

Normally, they weren't allowed in there, but the staff in the emergency room took pity on Bella and often let her hide in there when they came by to visit Rose at work. Grabbing a foam cup for him, Bella filled it with dark roast and gestured to the creamer.

"Black," he said.

Bella nodded as she handed him the cup.

Edward took a sip, grimacing. "It's takes like shit."

Bella gestured to the clock.

"Probably been there for a while?" he asked and she nodded. "Great."

Bella pulled the cup from his hand and picked up the nearly empty pot before walking to the sink and dumping both of them out. Putting up a finger to tell him to wait, she filled the glass pot with water, walked back over to the machine, and poured it in the back. Then, she removed the old filter, put a new one in, added several spoonfuls of coffee, and started a new pot.

"You make a lot of coffee?" Edward asked.

Bella nodded. Rose was a bitch in the morning if she didn't have hers, and when an even bigger one if she came home from the nightshift without a full pot waiting for her. Emmett attempted to make it for her, but either he used too much coffee beans, or not enough so Bella took over and always had a pot ready for her.

Once the pot was ready, Bella refilled his empty cup and held it out to him. Edward took it, taking a tentative sip. When he moaned, Bella smirked.

"Yeah, okay, so it's good," Edward scoffed, shaking his head. Sighing, he asked, "Why are you here?"

Bella frowned and gestured to the door, trying to remind him of the dinner that they'd brought Rose.

"No, I mean here. In this room with me," Edward said.

Bella pulled her lip between her teeth, before reaching into her back pocket for her cell phone. Just like she'd done earlier that afternoon, she typed out her message and showed him the phone.

"You need a friend," Edward read. Closing his eyes, he seemed to struggle to collect himself. "Why do you want to be my friend?"

Bella grabbed her phone from him, erased the old message, and typed a new one. Pushing the phone into his hands, she used her eyes to plead with him to read it.

"Why do you assume that I don't want to be your friend? Or Alice's friend?" Edward murmured, but refused to look at her. "Do you?"

Huffing, Bella snapped her fingers to get him to turn toward her and when he did, she nodded.

"There are things . . ." Edward shook his head and brought his hand back up to his chest. Out of instinct, Bella placed her hand on top of his, causing him to flinch back. "Don't fucking touch me!"

Startled, Bella took several steps back.

Edward blew out a heavy breath. "I'm sorry. Just don't . . . I don't like people touching me. Especially there."

Bella opened her mouth several times, while trying to blink back her tears. With trembling lips, she slowly reached out and grabbed her cell phone from him, typing out a new message. Holding the phone out to him, she felt a tear slide down her cheek.

Edward frowned as he took the phone from her and began to read the message. "I'm sorry for offending you. I didn't mean to. I'll leave you alone now."

Before he could say anything else, Bella grabbed her phone out of his hand and rushed out of the lounge, letting the door close behind her. Tears filled her eyes, and she desperately tried to keep them from falling as she made her way back through the emergency room. Emmett and Rose were leaning against the wall across from the room Edward had just exited.

"Bella, wait!" Edward called at the same moment the door to the room opened.

She looked over and saw Alice standing in the doorway, but behind her, she saw Carlisle lying on the bed with bandages wrapped around one of his arms. Spinning around, Bella looked from Alice, to Carlisle, and back to Edward.

"Edward," Alice said, causing him to look from Bella over to her. "He's waking up."

"Okay, Pix," Edward murmured. He walked over to the room, pausing to look back at Bella. "I'm sorry."

Without another word, he walked into the room and shut the door. Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and blinked rapidly as she shifted her attention to Emmett and Rose, both of whom were frowning.

"I'm gonna go wait in the car," she signed.

"Okay, Butterbean. I'll be right there," Emmett whispered.

Wrapping her arms around her torso, Bella walked out of the emergency room and climbed into the car, pulling her knees up to her chest. Emmett came out a few minutes later, but didn't say anything as he drove them back home. Esme and Jasper were sitting in the living room when they walked through the door.

"Hey, where were you?" Esme asked, looking from Emmett to Bella. "Butterbean, what's wrong?"

Shaking her head, Bella brought her hand up to her mouth.

"We, um, took dinner to Rose," Emmett explained, placing his hand on Bella's shoulder. However, she shook it off and headed for the stairs. "Bella!"

Ignoring him, Bella walked upstairs and closed herself in her bedroom. Climbing on her bed, Bella cried for Edward, Alice, and Carlisle, all of whom were hurting and there was nothing she could do to help.


	9. Chapter 9

9

Carlisle drifted in and out of consciousness throughout the night, murmuring about being sorry, about not meaning to cut so deep. Edward knew that a part of Carlisle believed the load of shit that he was spouting, but he'd been through this enough to know that a part of him — albeit a small part — pressed the blade into his skin with the intention of ending his life.

Alice tried to keep her eyes open, but Edward knew she was emotionally exhausted, so at around two in the morning, he grabbed one of the blankets Rose had brought them and motioned for her to stand up. Alice huffed but did as he told her. Edward pulled one of the other chairs around the bed so that it was in front of him and sat in the one she'd been in, grabbed her hand, dragged her onto his lap, and covered her with the blanket, holding her against his chest. Placing his legs on the other chair, he pressed his lips against the top of Alice's head and whispered, "Sleep."

Though he knew Alice didn't want to, she nestled herself into his embrace and let him hold her, let him fight off the memories for a while. She'd worry about being too heavy for him, worry about hurting him, but he'd insist that he was fine, even though it was a lie. Edward wasn't fine, or okay, or all right, or any other word that meant the same. Edward was tired of trying to keep everything together, of trying to protect his brother and sister. He just wasn't sure how to make everything better.

Just after four in the morning, the door to Carlisle's room opened again and Edward looked over to see Rose come in. She looked from Carlisle over to Edward and then to Alice. A small sigh slipped out of her lips as she shifted her blue eyes to Edward.

"Want me get her a cot?" Rose whispered.

"No," he murmured. "She won't sleep in it."

Rose nodded. "Need anything? More coffee?"

Edward nearly snorted. "I think six cups is more than enough."

"Probably," Rose laughed, quietly. Moving over to Carlisle, she gently picked up his wounded arm and checked his bandages. "How long has he been cutting himself?"

"Too long," Edward replied.

Rose carefully placed his arm back onto the bed and turned to look at Edward. "May I ask about your parents?"

"Dead," was all he said, tightening his arms around Alice.

Rose nodded and walked over to him. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she sighed. "He should be able to go home in a few hours. Just — just hang in there."

"I am," Edward whispered, the two words coming out thicker than he'd like. The last thing he needed was for Rose to tell Bella that he'd cried. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, Edward." Pulling her hand off Edward's shoulder, Rose left.

Two hours later, Carlisle began to stir once again. The groan that erupted from his chest woke Alice, who sprang to her feet and looked around the room with wide, wild eyes. Edward stood up, letting the blanket fall to the floor. He placed his hand on the back of Alice's neck as he leaned in and kissed her forehead, but then released her and walked over to Carlisle's bedside.

Carlisle looked up at him, his green eyes full or sorrow and grief. "What time is it?"

"Around six," Edward murmured, sitting on the rolling stool again. Placing one elbow on the side of Carlisle's bed, he brought his other hand up to his chest, which Carlisle noticed.

"Your chest hurts," he stated.

Edward nodded, knowing it wasn't going to do him any good to lie. They'd had enough lies in their lifetime. "Just sore from sitting too long."

"You should have gone home," Carlisle muttered, looking away from him.

"Probably," Edward agreed. "Why, Car? Just tell us why."

Carlisle closed his eyes and rolled onto his back. "I don't know. I just . . . I'm weak, I guess. I don't know."

"And stupid," Alice grumbled. Carlisle opened his eyes and looked over at her. "You promised after Chicago that you'd stop. You looked me in the eye and fucking promised me, Car!"

"I'm sorry, Pix," he cried, his lips and chin trembling.

"You're always sorry," she whispered, sliding into the seat Edward had just been sitting in. Pulling her knees up, Alice wrapped her arms in between her legs and her body, laying her head on top, and they knew she was done talking to him.

Carlisle shook his head and looked away.

The door to Carlisle's room opened and they all looked over to see Dr. Gerandy, Rose, and another man walk into the room. Rose looked nervous and tired. Edward wondered how long she'd been working. Most nurses worked the seven to seven shift and they'd brought Carlisle into the emergency room before five the evening before. Had she worked a double just because of them?

Edward shook his head and turned to Dr. Gerandy. "Can he leave now?"

"Um, in a few minutes," the doctor said. He gestured to the man standing next to Rose. "This is Mr. Volturi from the hospital board. He needs to speak to your brother for a moment, in private."

Edward felt his shoulders tense as he looked from Dr. Gerandy over to Mr. Volturi. He was an older man, probably closer to seventy than he was sixty. He had salt and pepper hair, and dark eyes. Shifting his attention from him to Carlisle, Edward knew he had to leave, but how could he when his brother needed him?

"Come on, Edward, Alice. I'll get Carlisle's discharge papers ready for you so you can take him home," Rose said.

"Okay," Edward mumbled, standing up. He placed his hand on Carlisle's arm. "We'll be right back."

Carlisle simply nodded. Edward's legs felt like lead weights had been wrapped around his ankles as he crossed the room. He grabbed Alice's hand, dragging her to her feet, and they followed Alice out into the hallway. As the door to Carlisle's room shut, Edward saw the fear and apprehension on his brother's face. Unfortunately, this was one battle that Edward couldn't fight for him, no matter how much he wanted to.

Rose led them around the nurses' desk and grabbed a stack of papers. "Okay. He'll need to get the stitches removed in a week. If he'd prefer, he can call me and I'll remove them. Also, Dr. Gerandy has prescribed him an antibiotic to keep the wound from getting infected and I'm sending you home with some bandages." Rose paused and looked from Alice to Edward. "He's also written a referral to a psychiatrist, someone who Carlisle can confide in, someone to give him the help he needs."

Edward and Alice tensed, but Rose put up a hand.

"Look, you're doing the best you can for your brother and none of us are arguing that with you, but you can't do it alone. Trust me when I say that I understand the need to try to keep everyone from falling apart, but if you don't ask for help, you're going to lose him."

"You don't know shit about us," Alice snarled, before spinning on her heel and walking back to Carlisle's room.

Edward brought his hand up to his chest and turned back to Rose, who was watching him closely.

"You okay?" Rose pointed toward his chest.

Edward nodded, dropping his hand to his side. "He won't go. I've tried before to get him to get help, but he refuses. What more can I do, Rose?"

"Just keep pushing," she said, quietly. She pulled a card from the front pocket of her scrub top and held it out to him. "I've written my home and cell number for you. If you need me, just call, okay? Anytime."

Edward's eyes burned with tears as he accepted the card, shoving it into the back pocket of his jeans. He was touched by her concern. The last time they found themselves in the hospital like this, the nurses had been rude and hateful, accusing and mean. For once, Edward almost felt like someone out there really understood how hard every day was for him, Alice, and Carlisle.

"Thanks," he whispered, trying to hold himself together.

"You're welcome," Rose replied.

The door to Carlisle's room opened and they looked down to see Dr. Gerandy and Mr. Volturi walking out. Alice threw a pleading look in Edward's direction so he excused himself and strolled down there. Placing his hand on the nape of Alice's neck, they strode into Carlisle's room, finding him sitting on the side of his bed.

"You ready?" Edward asked.

Carlisle nodded, but didn't say anything.

Rose came in with a wheelchair. When Edward made to help Carlisle off the bed, she shooed him away and slipped her arms around him, helping him off and into the chair. Looking him in the eye, she simply smiled, telling him that she was there to help. He just wasn't sure why she'd want to offer assistance to someone she didn't know.

Edward and Alice followed them out of the emergency room. Rose waited with Carlisle while Edward and Alice pulled the car around. Alice stayed in the backseat while Edward and Rose got Carlisle settled in the passenger seat. Edward shut the door and had barely taken a step when Rose grabbed his arm. When he looked back at her, she leaned toward him and said, "Don't forget what I told you, okay?"

Edward nodded before pulling his hand out of her grip and rushing around to the driver's seat. He started the car, shifted into drive, and drove away without another look back. When they got back to the house, Alice sprang from the car and ran inside. Edward knew she'd be locking herself in her room. Sighing, Edward helped Carlisle inside and to the sofa.

"Where is it?" he asked.

Carlisle refused to meet his eyes when he said, "Under the bathroom sink."

"Are there more?" Edward pressed.

Carlisle shook his head.

"Stay here," Edward ordered before turning and walked upstairs to the bathroom.

Sure enough, tucked under the sink was a plastic bag with a handful of straight blades, alcohol wipes, and bandages. Making sure that he had all of them, Edward walked back downstairs. Carlisle was still sitting on the couch, just as Edward had told him to do. Edward walked outside and straight to the trashcans, tossing the bag inside before heading back into the house. He moved over and sat on the coffee table in front of Carlisle, who was staring at his feet.

"Did you lose your job?" Edward asked.

"No," Carlisle replied. "They've put me on probation. Said that if anything else like this happens again, I'm gone."

Edward nodded, surprised that they were giving him a second chance. The other places hadn't thought twice before kicking his ass out the door. "What else did they say?"

"They told me I needed to get help, to . . ." Carlisle shook his head and brought his right hand to his face while cradling his left arm against him. Edward watched as his shoulders began to shake and heard the muffled sobs coming from his brother. Sliding off the coffee table, Edward sat on the couch next to Carlisle, wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pulled him so that he was laying his head in Edward's lap, offering the only support he could at the moment.


	10. Chapter 10

10

Rose stumbled through the door while Bella, Emmett, Jasper, and Esme were eating breakfast. Well, while the others were eating breakfast. Bella hadn't had an appetite, but she did manage to eat the piece of toast that Emmett practically shoved into her mouth, knowing that he wouldn't let it go until she did. She hadn't eaten dinner the night before, having spent the entire night locked away in her room and crying into her pillow.

"Hey, babe," Emmett said, standing up and hugging his wife. "You want to eat before you get some sleep?"

"No," Rose whined, but dropped into the chair next to him.

Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she reached over and tapped Rose on the shoulder. When her sister-in-law looked at her, she signed, "Are they okay?"

Rose pursed her lips together before she responded. "For now."

Nodding, Bella pushed her empty plate away and looked out the window.

"Um, are who okay?" Esme asked, looking between them all.

Bella cocked an eyebrow, surprised that Emmett hadn't told Esme or Jasper about them seeing Carlisle, Edward, and Alice in the emergency room the night before.

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Emmett cleared his throat. "Um, when Butterbean and I took Rose some dinner, we, um, saw Edward, Alice, and Carlisle Cullen in the ER."

"Why?" Esme gasped, sitting up in her seat.

"You know I can't tell you, Esme," Rose replied. "All I can say is that — for now at least — everyone is okay."

Esme blew out a heavy breath, which Bella found odd, but figured she was just worried about Edward since he was one of her aids. "Thank God."

"Well, we should get to school," Emmett said, clapping his hands. Standing up, he leaned down and kissed Rose. "Love you. Get some sleep."

"I will, and I love you, too," she murmured.

While Esme started piling the dishes into the sink, Emmett, Jasper, and Bella headed toward the front door. However, before Bella could follow them out, she felt Rose grab her arm. When she looked back, Rose wrapped her arms around Bella, pulling her in to a tight embrace.

"You're an amazing woman, Bella," she whispered, kissing the side of her head. "I love you."

Bella pulled away from her, frowning as she signed, "I love you, too."

"You'd better get going," Rose whimpered before turning and heading back into the house.

Though she was confused, Bella pulled the door to the house shut behind her and walked down to the jeep, climbing inside. Neither Emmett nor Jasper asked her about Rose's impromptu hug, though they knew it was uncharacteristic for her to be so touchy. It wasn't that Rose didn't tell them that she loved them, or that they ever doubted how much she cared, but Rose wasn't one of those who showed her feelings through physical contact.

Emmett parked in his usual space and the three of them headed inside, ignoring the pointed stares and hushed whispered as they walked toward their first period classes. Bella settled in her desk while Emmett got ready to teach his class. She watched the hands on the clock slowly clicking away until the room filled with students and the bell rang.

No Edward.

Bella wasn't surprised, just disappointed. She'd gotten so used to seeing him sitting behind her, to feel his penetrating gaze upon her that not having him here made her feel . . . odd. It wasn't normal, not in regards to someone she barely knew. Though, in so many ways Edward knew Bella better than anyone.

"Bella." She looked over as Emmett called out her name, surprised to see the classroom almost empty. "You're gonna be late for your next class."

Nodding, Bella stood up, grabbed her backpack, and headed toward history, fighting off the uneasy feeling creeping over her.

The morning flew by in a hurry. Bella struggled to focus on her work and she knew her teachers were getting frustrated with her, however she couldn't care. When the lunch bell rang, Bella waved goodbye to Esme and slowly walked to the cafeteria. Looking up, she expected to see Alice standing there, waiting for Edward, but she wasn't. Again, the feeling of disappointment washed over her, leaving her feeling anxious and confused.

"Hey," Jasper said, walking up behind her.

Bella looked over at him, trying to smile but it just didn't feel right.

"You okay?" he asked.

Shaking her head, Bella knew she couldn't lie to him, not to Jasper. Besides, he'd see right through her anyway.

"Edward and Alice?"

Bella nodded.

"Yeah, me too," he muttered. "I kept expecting to see her there, but . . ."

Jasper blew out a heavy breath, looking like he was trying to shake the thoughts out of his head. Bella grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him toward the cafeteria, hoping to distract not only him but herself as well. They grabbed a burger from the food line before settling at their usual table, both their eyes drifting over to where Edward and Alice usually sat. They'd only been there a week, and already it felt odd and strange not to see them sitting across the room, whispering to each other.

"Was it her?" Jasper whispered, causing Bella to look over at him. "Hurt. Was — was it her?"

Bella bit her lip before shaking her head.

Jasper blew out a relieved breath, causing Bella to smirk. "Don't."

She smiled.

"Bella," he groaned. "It doesn't mean anything."

Sliding her hand over onto his arm, Bella gave it a simple squeeze, trying to tell him that she understood. It meant everything, because not seeing Edward here — meant everything to her, too.

The lunch bell rang and they headed off to class. As she had done that morning, Bella stared wistfully at the empty stool next to her. Dr. Banner rushed into the classroom and started his lesson, although Bella couldn't focus on what he was lecturing over. The look in Edward's eyes, the anger in his voice when she covered his hand raced through her mind. He'd been so upset with her, so angry and bitter, yet she couldn't find it in herself to be irate with him. No, she knew he was dealing with something larger than her.

"Bella!" She snapped her head around, finding Dr. Banner standing at the end of her lab table, one hand leaning against the black top, while the other was perched up on his hip. "If you can't pay attention, feel free to leave my classroom. Is that understood?"

Nodding quickly, Bella blinked back the tears that threatened to slip from the corners of her eyes. Sighing, he turned and began lecturing again and Bella pushed all thoughts of Edward out of her head and tried to focus on her work. Normally, her teachers ignored her, knowing that she did her work and earned her grades, but today, Dr. Banner had yelled at her.

—SW—

By the time school was over on Friday, Bella was in a horrible mood. Neither Edward nor Alice had been back to school all week, and the populous was buzzing to why they'd suddenly dropped off the radar. Bella tried very hard not to listen to the rumors, but more than once she'd passed someone in the hallway and heard someone say they'd left town in the middle of the night, which quickly morphed into rumors that Carlisle had been arrested on child abuse charges. Once those reasons had been discussed to death the accusations turned nasty and rumors of them having an inappropriate relationship spread like wildfire.

Bella struggled not to let her anger at her classmates show, not that they would have listened to her. The same people that she'd spent her childhood growing up with had turned their backs on her the moment things got hard and ugly. They hadn't wanted to live in her world, and she wouldn't force them. Besides, if they couldn't accept her for who she was now, she didn't need them anyway. She had Esme, Emmett, Rose, and Jasper. They loved her, even when she pushed them away.

Shoving her books into her locker, Bella hiked her backpack on her shoulder and made her way out of the building. The sky was full of thick, angry clouds that had been threatening to pour their wrath down on them.

"Where have you been?" Emmett asked when she finally reached the jeep. She was ten minutes late.

Shrugging, she gestured to the school, not in the mood to explain her attitude to him or Jasper. Tossing her backpack into the jeep, Bella looked around before signing, "Gonna go for a walk. Be home later."

"You okay?" Emmett asked, stepping toward her, but Jasper put his hand out, stopping him.

"She just needs to walk, Em," he whispered.

Emmett nodded, and stepped back. Bella threw Jasper a grateful look before she wrapped her arms around her torso and started walking. Sometimes, when she found herself overwhelmed by everything life threw at her, Bella would go for long walks, trying to find a way to gain some control over the rampant of feelings raging inside of her.

She'd been walking for an hour when a silver Volvo drove past her, pulling over onto the side of the road. Bella stopped and watched as Edward climbed out from the driver's seat and turned toward her. He leaned against the side of his car, watching her intently.

Releasing a heavy breath, Bella walked over to him, leaning against the car next to him. Lifting her eyes up to him, she smiled. Digging her cell phone from her back pocket, she typed out a quick: _**Hi.**_

Edward smiled. "Hi."

_**Are you okay?**_ Bella typed out, handing him her phone.

"Am I okay?" he murmured. Shaking his head, he said, "No. I am . . . so far from being okay."

Bella pulled her phone back and typed, _**Want to talk about it? I'm a really good listener. I never interrupt!**_

Edward almost smiled. "Everything is just . . . fucked up. I don't know." Dragging his hand over his face, he turned so that he was facing her, propping his arm on the side of the car. "My brother has issues, and I don't know how to help him anymore. I just don't know what to do."

Bella puckered her lips and waited for him to continue.

"I'm sorry for yelling at you that night. I didn't mean to. It's just . . ." Edward trailed off and leaned his head against the arm resting on the car. "Did you tell anyone about what you saw?"

Bella frowned and shook her head, shocked that he'd even ask. But then, he didn't know her well enough to trust her.

Blowing out a deep breath, Edward nodded. "Thanks. It's hard enough being new around here without adding more shit, ya know?"

Bella nodded and typed out a new message to Edward.

He took her phone and read it out loud, "It's not because you're new, it's because you're different. I've lived in Forks my entire life and people stare and whisper about me all the time." Edward shifted his eyes over to Bella. "Have you ever been able to speak? Were you born mute?"

Bella bit her lip and looked away.

"I'm sorry. That was rude of me to ask," Edward mumbled, turning and leaning against the car again.

Sighing, Bella pushed away from the car and grabbed her cell phone from Edward. Her fingers flew across the touch screen keyboard, trembling as she typed out her message to Edward. Closing her eyes, she held the phone out to him. His fingers brushed across hers as he slipped it from her grasp.

"No, I wasn't born mute. I lost my voice a few years ago," Edward read. "That must have sucked."

Bella opened her eyes and looked at him, noticing the frown playing on his lips. She nodded.

"There's nothing the doctors can do to restore it?" he asked.

She shook her head no. They stood there in awkward silence for several minutes, neither of them sure of what to say to the other. Sucking on the inside of her cheek, Bella lifted her cell phone up and typed a new message before handing the device to Edward.

"I have to get home before Emmett comes looking for me," he read. Lifting his eyes up to hers, he asked, "Can I give you a ride?"

Bella shook her head.

"Are you sure? I don't mind," he offered again.

Biting her bottom lip, Bella nodded.

A look of relief flooded Edward's face, which confused Bella. Was he worried about her walking alone? The thought was absurd, of course. She knew this town better than he did. Bella directed Edward on how to get to her house with a series of hand gestures, telling him which way to turn. He pulled up in front and shifted into park.

"Well, I guess I'll see you later," he mumbled. 'Thanks for, you know, just listening to me ramble on."

Bella leaned across the seat, cupped his cheek in her hand and turned his face toward her. Hoping that he'd be able to see the words she so desperately wanted to speak, but was unable to say, Bella pressed her lips against his cheek.

She climbed out of his car and headed inside, closing the door behind her and releasing a deep breath. A feeling of relief filled Bella's heart. Edward was okay — for now at least.


	11. Chapter 11

11

Edward was exhausted. Pure and simple, he was fucking exhausted. For four days, he'd barely been sleeping, afraid that the minute he closed his eyes that Carlisle would find a way to hurt himself again or that Alice would need him and he'd be too fucking tired to help. So he didn't sleep for more than a few minutes at a time, drank a ridiculous amount of coffee, and busied himself around the house, all in an effort not to go insane.

Now, here he was driving away from Bella's house. He wasn't sure what had possessed him to stop and talk to her. Edward had left Alice to watch over Carlisle, telling her that they needed groceries and that he would hurry, but he wasn't in a rush to get back to the house. When he saw Bella walking, he felt this pull, this need to talk to her.

Edward didn't understand why he felt this pull to Bella. Sure she'd been one of the only people in Forks who hadn't stared at him — at least not in a bad way, but Edward still wasn't sure why seeing her made his heart race, or why when he felt her lips pressed against his cheek, a feeling of warmth flooded his system.

Shaking his head, Edward parked in one of the parking spaces in front of the grocery store and headed inside, grabbing a basket, and making his way up and down the aisle, filling the cart with enough food to get them through the next week.

"Edward?" He stopped and looked behind him, finding Rose standing there with her own shopping basket.

"Oh, um, hi, Rose," Edward muttered, unsure what to say. One of the good things about Chicago had been not running into the people from the hospital after Carlisle had one of his close calls, but he figured that's just how small towns were. Everyone knew everyone's business.

"How's it going?" she asked, pushing her basket up next to his. He noticed that hers — compared to his — had more fresh fruit and vegetables in it. Edward's basket had chips, sodas, canned fruit, and such.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "Good."

"And, um, Carlisle's okay?" she asked, nervously.

"I guess," Edward sighed. "He's been sleeping a lot."

"That's normal," she replied, nodding and looking around.

"Yeah, I know," he grumbled.

"Not the first time he's gone that far?" she asked, and Edward shook his head. "Figured as much."

"He doesn't mean to let it get so bad, he just can't . . ." Edward trailed off, unsure why he was trying to get Rose to understand anything about his brother. "He tries, he really does, but it's hard and . . ."

"Edward, he needs help from someone who knows what they're doing," she whispered.

"I know, but he won't go and . . ." He shook his head, shifting his eyes up to her. "Have you told anyone?"

"No!" she exclaimed. "First, my job prevents me from telling anyone, and I take my job seriously. Second, it's not my story to tell. I just worry about the three of you."

Edward nodded and brought his hand up to his chest, feeling a dull ache radiating.

"Are you okay?" she asked, pointing to his chest. "You rub your chest a lot."

"I'm fine," he grumbled, letting his hand drop to his side.

"You are anything but fine, Edward," she retorted. "You're barely hanging on. I know that you're trying to be strong for Carlisle and Alice, but in all honesty, you look like shit."

Edward felt an anger growing inside of him as he glared at her. "You think you know anything about me? About us? You don't!" he snarled, causing Rose to slink backward. "Pix locks herself in her room every night, painting hell on her walls because she can't get the images of our parents' death out of her head. And Carlisle? He can't stand to look at either of us because we're just another reminder of how his life has been ruined, and you know what? It's all my fault. If I hadn't . . ." Edward trailed off as tears sprang up in his eyes and a shaky breath fluttered between his lips. "It would have been easier for them if I'd just died."

"Edward," Rose breathed, bringing her hand up to her mouth.

"Just don't," he muttered. "I can't deal with this right now, Rose."

Edward took several steps back and turned his basket around, heading in the opposite way. As he turned to go down the next aisle, he nearly ran into Esme, who was standing there watching him with wide, tear-filled eyes. And he knew she'd heard everything. Closing his eyes for just a moment, he pushed his basket past her and continued on with his shopping, knowing that he was truly fucked now. He'd said too much, given them a reason to pity him. They'd go home and tell Bella, who'd feel sorry for him, Alice, and Carlisle, too.

Grabbing a couple loaves of bread, a gallon of milk, and some more eggs, Edward proceeded to the front, where he waited while the checker scans all of his groceries. As he passes over his cash, he saw Esme and Rose walking toward him. Shifting their eyes over, they meet his gaze, and just as he expected, he sees pity and sorrow in their eyes. Shaking his head, he grabbed his change from the cashier, pulled his grocery bags out of the hands of the bagger, and headed out to his car, all while trying to stifle the panic raging inside of him.

By the time he got back to the house, Edward had managed to calm down, but still felt like the earth was trembling beneath him. Climbing out of his car, he grabbed the groceries and headed inside, surprised to see Carlisle and Alice in the living room.

"Where have you been?" Carlisle asked, looking at the clock. "You've been gone for over an hour."

"Sorry," Edward muttered.

"Where were you?" his brother asked again, standing up. Edward's eyes dropped to the dressing wrapped around his left arm, just another reminder of how fucked up they all were.

"I drove around for a few minutes, and then went to the store," Edward said, leaving out the part where he ran into Bella and Rose. Carrying the groceries into the kitchen, he began to unload them.

"Pix was worried," Carlisle grumbled. "I can't believe _you'd_ make her worry."

Letting the carton of eggs fall from between his fingers and crash onto the floor, Edward turned and glared at Carlisle. "I made her worry? Are you fucking kidding me, Car? You nearly died four days ago because you'd rather slide a blade against your skin than talk to us, but I'm the one who makes her worry?"

Carlisle clenched his jaw. Edward brought his hand up to his chest, trying like hell to get the ache to go away. Of course, Carlisle noticed, and his eyes widened. "You're chest still hurting?"

Edward nodded, but dropped his hand and turned his attention to the groceries.

"I'm sorry," he murmured.

"You always say you're sorry, but you don't stop," Edward replied, stowing the empty plastic bags under the sink. He placed his hands on the counter and looked at Carlisle. "You're going to kill yourself, and you don't give a fuck about what it will do to me or Pix, so don't stand there and pretend that you do, Car. Just stop pretending that either of us means shit to you."

Pushing away from the counter, Edward left Carlisle standing there and walked back into the living room, finding Alice sitting on the stairs, tears silently falling down her face. Placing his hand on Alice's shoulder as he walked by, Edward headed up to his bedroom, kicked the door closed, and crawled onto his bed, once again letting the tears he'd been fighting for days fall into his pillow.

—SW—

Monday morning, Edward crawled out of bed, showered, and dressed for school, trying to figure out how he was going to get through the day without losing his shit. Carlisle was going back to work, under strict supervision, and Edward and Alice had to return to school after spending the last week making sure that Carlisle didn't finish what he'd started.

After Edward lashed out at Carlisle on Friday, his brother had tried to talk to him, begging him to let him into his room, but Edward refused. He couldn't deal with his guilt, not when he had his own bubbling to the surface. And make no mistake, Edward knew that everything was his fault. After all, his parents and Alice had been on their way to see him.

Shaking his head, he grabbed his backpack and headed downstairs, unsurprised when neither Alice nor Carlisle were in there. They'd both spent the last two days locked inside their rooms, only coming out when it was time to eat. They were at a standstill, unsure of where to go from there. Was this the end of their little family? Would they ever be able to just be again?

Edward didn't have the answers to those questions. Like so many things, he didn't know what to do or how to make anything better.

"Hey," Carlisle said, causing Edward to look over at him. He was leaning against the doorframe to the kitchen, dressed in a pair of blue scrubs, with a long sleeve shirt underneath in an effort to hide the cut on his arm. "Want me to make some breakfast?"

"No," Edward scoffed. "I had some cereal."

"Oh." Carlisle nodded and walked over to the table, sitting on the far end, about as far away from Edward as he could get. "Guess I need to write you a note for school or something."

"I took care of it," Edward replied. "You know I can sign your name better than you can."

A smile almost filled Carlisle's face, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. "True."

"Morning," Alice mumbled, walking into the kitchen and sliding into her usual chair. Pulling her knees up, Edward noticed the orange smudges on her hand. Grabbing it, he lifted it up and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Pumpkins. I painted pumpkins. Actually, I painted that little patch we used to go to over by the lake."

Edward nodded and released her hand, unsure whether or not he should believe her.

"Maybe we should get some real ones for the house," Carlisle suggested, leaning forward in his chair and placing his elbow on the table. The sleeve on his left arm pulled up, showing the bandages on his arm.

"You need to get the stitches out today," Edward said, gesturing to his arm. "And you can't do them yourself this time, either, so don't even try."

"I know," he muttered, dropping his arm off the table. "I'll stop by the ER and see if Rose is working. She seemed okay."

"If she isn't working?" Edward asked.

"I don't know," Carlisle said, pulling his attention away from Edward. "We should definitely get some pumpkins, though."

He snorted, grabbed his backpack from the floor, and stood up. "Pumpkins aren't going to make shit better, Car. Call Rose, don't call Rose, I don't really care anymore."

Edward walked out of the house and climbed into his car, with Alice following him. They didn't speak as he drove them to school, parking next to Emmett's jeep. Cutting the engine, he just sat there, staring out the window.

"Do you ever wonder what it would have been like if you hadn't been sick?" Alice whispered, causing Edward to look over at her, but she wasn't looking at him.

"Every day," he replied, honestly.

"I made them promise that I'd get to say goodbye," Alice whimpered. "I didn't want you to be alone at the end. Mom and Dad had come to my art show, and . . ."

"I know," Edward whispered, closing his eyes.

Alice didn't say anything else before she scrambled out of the car. Edward's eyes flittered open and he found himself staring at Bella, who was standing in front of the school. Reaching out, she placed her hand on Alice's arm and smiled — a simple gesture that Edward knew meant more than she was letting on.

With a look of shock on her face, Alice turned to Edward for a moment, before she shrugged Bella's touch off and walked inside. Grabbing his backpack from the backseat, Edward climbed out of the car and headed up to Bella, who had a frown on her face.

"Don't take it personal," Edward said, causing her to look over at him. "Pix likes you."

Bella bit her lip and cocked an eyebrow at him. Pulling out her cell phone, she typed out a message and held it out to him. Edward took it from her, tensing at the words on the screen, _**And you? Do you like me, Edward?**_

Holding the phone back to Bella, Edward leaned over so that his lips were just outside of her ear and whispered, "More than I should."

Bella grabbed the front of his shirt, and he felt her fingers brush across his chest. With wide eyes, she pulled the panels of his shirt apart just enough to see the top of his scar. Her eyes shifted up to his, but before she could question him, Edward pulled himself away from her.

"Don't," he murmured and turned, walking into the building and leaving her standing there.

Alice was waiting for him just inside the doors, but didn't say anything to him about Bella. They shuffled down the hallway, ignoring the lingering stares, and walked into the office. Ms. Cope looked up at them, her expression once again morphing into one of pity. Edward clenched his jaw tight as he walked up to the counter, slapped their note down.

Mr. Cope flinched but picked it up, reading over the excuse he'd written out for them. "A — are you both feeling better?"

"Yes," they replied, knowing that she didn't believe for a second that they both were sick, but whatever. Excuse their absence, don't excuse it; neither of them really cared.

"Good, good," she blabbered.

Edward placed his hand on the nape of Alice's neck and pulled her out of the office before Ms. Cope could question them further. Taking a deep breath, he kissed the top of his sister's head and released her, watching until she'd grabbed her books from her locker and headed to class before he turned and did the same.

By the time he made it to class, Bella was already there. Her eyes lifted and met his, causing Edward's heart to flutter in his chest. He didn't understand why he reacted like that to her, why he felt the need to be close to her, but he did, and fighting the urge only caused him to hurt more.

"Edward, nice to have you back," Emmett said, causing him to break his eyes away from Bella.

"Um, thanks," he murmured. Clearing this throat, he walked over and sat down at his desk, finding Bella's notebook laying on top.

_**For what it's worth, I like you more than I should, too. **_


	12. Chapter 12

12

Bella sat there watching Edward, waiting for him to laugh or tell her to fuck off, anything that would make it clear that she'd been stupid for leaving her notebook on his desk like that. She hadn't been able to stop herself, though. He'd told her that he liked her more than he should, which Bella understood. She shouldn't want Edward to be in her life, not when everything around her was fucked up.

Emmett cleared his throat, calling class to order and starting his lecture on roman literature. Bella turned around in her seat, facing the front, but she could feel Edward watching her, feel his eyes penetrating straight through to her soul. Why was he so important to her? She didn't know him, not his middle name, birthday, favorite color, or anything, yet she felt this need to be close to him. It was almost like Edward was the only person who understood how she felt and knew who she really was.

When the bell rang, Bella gathered her stuff and nearly sprinted out of the classroom, trying to get a grip on herself. Edward had her reeling and all it had taken was the feel of his breath ghosting across her skin. Sliding into her desk, she brought her hand up to her forehead, trying to calm the ragged breath causing her chest to heave. When she saw the scar on his chest, she understood why he didn't want her touching him, but the urge to feel him was intense and overwhelming.

"You shouldn't," Edward whispered taking his seat behind her and she looked back at him. "Like me. You really shouldn't like me."

Bella shrugged her shoulder. Whether or not she should or shouldn't, that didn't matter anymore.

Edward shook his head and leaned toward her. "How'd you lose your voice?"

Frowning, Bella shifted her eyes around the room, not really wanting to have this discussion with everyone around them. It wasn't a part of her life that she discussed, not even with her family. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head, hoping like hell that he'd understand her silent wish.

"I thought they already knew," he murmured.

Bella nodded, because for the most part they did.

"Then why not tell me?" he asked.

Pulling her notebook from his hand, she wrote, _**Because then you'll look at me differently, too. I don't want you to see me as a freak, Edward. **_

Bella handed him her notebook, watching his eyes narrow as he read her words. Shifting his gaze up to hers, he frowned. "You think I won't want to be your friend just because you can't speak?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders, unsure of that was the real reason or if she was more afraid that if he knew the truth that he'd blame her, too.

"I'm not that shallow, Bella. I don't . . ." Edward trailed off and shook his head. "I've never had a friend before. Not a real friend. My brother and sister don't count, so don't use them as an example. And I definitely wouldn't let you go just because you can't speak."

Biting her bottom lip, Bella reached out, letting her hand slide over his as she grabbed the notebook and pulled it back in front of her. Scribbling, she tried to calm her racing heart, knowing that she was putting herself on the line with him. She slipped the notebook on his desk, watching once again as he picked it up and read her words.

"I destroy everything I touch, Edward," he read, before shifting his eyes up to hers. "Yeah?"

Bella nodded.

"Me too," he murmured, dropping the notebook on the desk and bringing his hand up to his chest. "The odds were stacked against me from day one, Bella. If I'd . . ."

Bella grabbed his hand, trying to encourage him to finish, but Mr. Davis stood up and started their history class. Sighing, Bella released her hold on his hand and turned toward the front, but swore she heard Edward whisper, "If I'd just died when I was born like I should have, everything would have been better."

For reasons, Bella didn't understand, hearing him wish for death had her heart aching and her eyes filling with tears. Could she live in a world where Edward had never existed?

—SW—

When Spanish was over, Bella packed up her belongings and followed Edward into the hallway. History and Spanish had dragged by, and Bella had so many questions, but she wasn't sure if she asked if Edward would answer them. Heading straight to the library, Bella dropped her bag on the floor and looked around for Esme, but couldn't see her. Moving around the counter, Bella looked for a note or something from Esme to explain where she was. Sure enough, sitting by the computer was a piece of paper. Reading over it, Bella frowned and handed it to Edward.

"Bella, and Edward," he read, "I have a meeting with Mr. Greene, so you're on your own until I get back." Edward nodded and placed the note on the counter. "Mr. Greene is the principal?"

Bella nodded, and pulled out a sheet of blank paper from the printer, and scribbled a quick note, _**Yeah. He's a bastard, who has a thing for Esme.**_

Edward read her note and frowned. "She doesn't like him?"

Shaking her head, Bella made a gagging face, which caused Edward to smile.

"Oh," he replied, leaning against the counter.

Bella slipped the paper from his hands and wrote, _**Tell me about your scar.**_

Edward's hand automatically went to his chest when he read what she'd written, and his eyes closed. Bella immediately felt guilty for asking him when it was clear that he didn't like to talk about it. Reaching out, she slid her fingers across his other hand, causing his eyes to open and he peered down at her with an intense expression.

"I — I had a heart transplant," he murmured.

Bella's eyes widen. Sliding her hand off of his, but keeping her focus on him, she walked around the desk, and stopped in front of him. Slowly — oh so slowly — she brought her hand up and placed it in the middle of his chest.

"Bella," he breathed, thickly.

Bringing her other hand up to his face, she cupped his cheek, while feeling the scar beneath his button-up shirt. Taking a deep breath, Bella pushed the first button through the hole, and then moved on to the second one. Edward was breathing heavily, but he didn't attempt to stop her. Undoing the second button, and then the third, she pushed his shirt apart, shifting her eyes to his chest. Straight down the middle was a long, vertical pink scar. Bella brought her hand up, placing her hand on his skin.

"It's ugly, isn't it?" he murmured, causing Bella to lift his eyes up to him.

She shook her head, because to her nothing about Edward was ugly.

"Bullshit," he spat, pulling himself away from her and furiously re-buttoning his shirt.

Bella slammed her hand down on the counter, causing him to look at her. When he did, she pointed to his chest and shook her head, desperate for him to believe her.

"Stop it!" he yelled. "Stop thinking there is anything about me worth shit! I'm damaged, Bella. I have been since the day I was born!"

Bella shook her head again, refusing to believe that bullshit.

"I was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome, meaning the left ventricle of my heart never developed correctly. The doctors realized pretty quickly that I wasn't healthy, and within a few days of my birth, I underwent my first open-heart surgery. The damage was more severe than with most babies, and the only hope — if there was such a thing — was a heart transplant." Edward paused and brought his hand up over his face, dragging it through his hair. "Can you imagine hoping that someone else dies just so you can live?"

Bella shook her head.

"I've had dozens of heart surgeries in my life, Bella. They'd go in and repair my heart over and over, giving me more time, but within a year, I'd be sick again because the patches wouldn't hold. I spent more time in the hospital as a child than I did at home," he said, blinking back his tears. "Fuck, the hospital was my home."

Bella moved over to him, wrapping his arms around him, unsure why she felt the need to soothe him.

"Two years ago, just after Christmas, the doctor told parents that the repairs wouldn't work any longer. My only hope was if a heart became available. I'd already been in the hospital for three months, and each day was getting harder," he murmured, sliding to the floor and leaning against the desk. Bella curled up around him, needing to be close to him. "The odds weren't stacked in my favor, but my mother, she never lost faith that a heart would come to me. My father did everything he could to keep strong for her, for us, but he was scared. Fuck so was I! I didn't want to die. I was a fucking kid, and I wanted a chance to live, to be able to be normal.

"For two more months, I tried to hold on, Bella. Every night my mom would sit next to my hospital bed, holding my hand and telling me that tomorrow would be the day, but it never was. I was in so much pain; it was unbelievable how much just breathing hurt. On February fourteenth, the doctor called my mother and told her that I wasn't going to make it through the night. They had me so doped up on painkillers that I wasn't really lucid, but I can remember him telling her to get my dad, Carlisle, and Alice, that if they wanted to say goodbye then they needed to get there soon." Edward's eyes closed and he shuddered. "The last thing I remember was the doctor telling me to hold on until they could get there, to give them this last chance to say goodbye."

Placing her hand on his cheek, she turned his face toward her and lifted an eyebrow, encouraging him to continue.

"I woke up a few days later, finding Carlisle sitting next to my bed. My chest ached, and taking a simple breath had me cringing. He looked up at me; his eyes were full of so much pain, Bella. I don't know, I'd never seen my brother hurt like that. Carlisle had always been so strong and encouraging, you know? He'd just graduated from medical school and was preparing to start a surgical internship. He's a fucking genius. Graduated high school at sixteen and had been offered scholarships to Yale and Harvard, but turned them down so that he could go to school University of Chicago. He wanted to be close to us, you know?"

Bella nodded.

"I looked around for my mom and dad, for Pix, but they weren't there. It was just Carlisle. I remember drifting back off to sleep, thinking they'd just gone to eat and that they'd be back when I woke up, but they weren't. When I came to, I was alone. I could hear Carlisle talking to someone just outside of my room. He must have seen me awake, or something, because he came back over to me and grabbed my hand. He had tears in his eyes as he told me that my parents and Pix had been in a car accident on the way to the hospital."

Bella gasped, but Edward continued to speak. "The roads had been very slick with ice and my dad lost control of the car. When he overcorrected, the car flipped several times before skidding into other lane and being struck by another car. My dad died on impact, and Pix, well, she was trapped in the backseat. The car caught fire and she got burned on her legs, up her back, and on her neck. She has a lot of scars, and is very self-conscience of her appearance."

Bella grabbed Edward's hand, bringing it up to her lips, wishing that she could do more for him.

"My mom was declared brain dead at the hospital," Edward whispered, causing Bella to shift her eyes up to his. "She was a match to me, so they asked Carlisle for permission to harvest her heart and transplant it into my chest, Bella," he cried, his breathing ragged and heavy. "My mother died because I needed a heart, and hers was a perfect match."


	13. Chapter 13

13

The door to the library opened and Edward snapped his attention toward it, finding Esme walking in. Appearing flustered, she looked from the desk, down to where he and Bella were sitting, and frowned. However, before she could say anything, Edward scrambled to his feet, grabbed his backpack from next to the door, and pushed his way past her, bumping into Esme and causing her to stumble into the door.

"Sorry," he mumbled as he took off running down the hallway.

Bursting through the front doors of the school, Edward gasped for air, struggling to deal with everything that had just happened. He'd told Bella about his heart, about how weak and pathetic he was. How could he be so stupid? He knew that she'd never understand. None of them ever did. Throughout his childhood, he'd felt the harsh pain of reality when people found out about his health. The few times he'd been healthy enough to attend school, they had stared at him, gawking at the boy who stumbled down the hallway with his portable heart monitor like he was nothing more than a circus act.

The sound of the doors opening behind him caused him to turn, and he found Bella standing behind him. She had a frown on her face, yet he didn't feel like she was rejecting him. Could Bella be the only person to accept him completely and without judgment?

"This wasn't how it was supposed to happen for me," Edward said, shaking his head. "I was supposed to get a stranger's heart, and finally be a real member of my family, instead of the boy who was too weak to play with my brother and sister. But now, Pix is afraid to sleep because she has night terrors from the accident. She spends night after night painting her memories on her bedroom wall, wallowing in a hell that she will never really be free from because of the scars that cover her body."

Edward paused, dragging his hand over his face and through his hair, aware of the slow mist that was swirling around them.

"Car cuts himself. He refuses to look at me, or at Pix, because we're a constant reminder of the choice he was forced to make and how much he's lost. So instead, he drowns himself in music until it gets to be too much and then he takes a straight blade and slices his skin open. We've ended up in the ER three times in the last year and a half because he cut himself too deep. He lost his job at two different hospitals and nobody in Chicago would hire him, so we moved here to start over."

Edward blew out a heavy breath, shocked how much was just pouring out of his mouth. When he looked up at Bella, he expected to see pity or sorrow radiating off of her like it did everyone else, but there wasn't either of those. Instead, Bella was standing there with tears sliding down her face.

Bringing his hand up to his chest, Edward took a ragged breath as Bella walked over to him. She slid her hand up his arm, covering his, and lifted her eyes up to his. The honestly in her eyes shook Edward to the center of his soul and before he could stop himself, he had his arms wrapped around her and was holding her against him. One hand was nestled in her long, dark hair, while the other was wrapped around her waist.

"I miss them every fucking day, Bella. My mom and Dad — they were the most amazing people. No matter what life threw at them, they took it with a smile. They always told me to hold on, to be strong because I had a purpose in life and dying wasn't it. I need them, Bella. Pix, Car, and I, we need them so much but they aren't here because they were trying to get to me before I died."

Bella tilted her head back and looked up at him, placing her hands on his cheeks and brushing the tears off, but before she could say anything, the doors to the school opened and they looked over and found Alice standing there, looking from her to him.

"What are you doing out here?" Alice asked, and Edward could see the worry in her eyes.

Taking a deep breath, he pulled himself away from Bella and walked over to his sister, sliding his hand onto the back of her neck, and drawing her into his arms. "Just needed some air, Pix. Come on, let's go get lunch."

"All right," Alice muttered.

Edward looked over at Bella, noticing the way she watched them with a frown. "Sorry, but she needs me."

Turning, he led his sister back into the building. The lunch bell had just rung and the hallways were crowded with onlookers, who stopped and gawked at them. Trying to steel his emotions, Edward ignored them and led Alice into the cafeteria. They each grabbed a sandwich, a bag of chips, and a Coke before settling at their usual table.

"You're upset," Alice said, opening her chips and looking at him.

"Just tired," Edward lied.

"Bullshit," she hissed. "I know you, Edward. You were hugging her."

Edward closed his eyes and released a deep breath before looking over at her. "I told her."

Alice's mouth flopped open. "Everything?"

He nodded.

"Why would you do that?" she snarled, looking around the room just as the door to the cafeteria opened and Bella and Jasper came inside. Alice paled, and she leaned back in her chair. "She'll tell him and then he'll never look at me again."

"I don't think she will," Edward disagreed, watching as Bella and Jasper grabbed a tray and looked over at them. There was something in Bella's expression, maybe a hope for something that Edward didn't understand. "I need her."

"You need Bella?" Alice asked.

Edward nodded, but couldn't bring himself to tear his eyes off of Bella.

"Why do you need her?" Alice pressed.

Bella grabbed the front of Jasper's shirt and dragged him over to their usual table. Edward wanted to go over to her, to make her understand why he can't leave Alice alone, or at least beg her to accept them both, but he didn't. Instead, he turned his attention off of her and looked over at Alice, who was staring at Jasper.

"I don't know, but when she looks at me, she doesn't make me feel different, Pix," he explained. "Like, she makes me feel . . ."

"Better," Alice murmured, tearing her eyes from Jasper and looking at him. "She won't want me and Car, too. Especially now that she knows."

"You're wrong," Edward said, but a part of him wondered if his sister was right. Would Bella want all of them? Shaking his head, he looked over at her, finding her staring at him again. "She's different, Pix."

"If you say so," she mumbled.

—SW—

When the bell rang signaling the end of lunch, Edward tossed his uneaten food in the trash, and followed Alice out in the hallway. He'd been too nervous to eat, afraid of what Bella was going to think about him. Alice had placed a seedling of doubt in his head that she would turn on him, reject them, and make him chose. And Edward wasn't sure what he'd do if that turned out to be the case, because he was being honest when he told Alice that he needed Bella. He just didn't understand why he needed her.

After making sure Alice got to her class okay, Edward made his way to biology. Bella was already there, scribbling away furiously in her notebook. When he walked through the door, she looked up at him, smiling before turning back to her writing. As it did every time she looked at him, his heart raced in his chest. Edward took a deep breath and walked over, sliding on to his stool.

"Hey," he whispered.

Bella shifted her eyes up to him, smiling.

"Sorry about Pix. She's . . . just nervous around new people," he murmured.

Nodding, Bella turned to a blank page in her notebook, and wrote, _**Don't apologize for Alice, Edward. She has every right to feel that way. People are jerks, who feel they have the right to pass judgment on those they deem different.**_

Edward had to admit that he was stunned by Bella's words. He'd never met someone as understanding as she seemed to be. Looking up from the note, he opened his mouth several times to speak, but each time found the words stuck in his throat. With a slight shake of his head, he looked away from her.

"You're not like I expected," he whispered, knowing that she'd be able to hear her. Bella placed a hand on his shoulder, drawing his attention back to her. Her face was contorted in confusion. "I don't . . . I'm not usually so . . . open with someone the way I am with you. Fuck, I don't think even I understand what I'm saying."

Bella smiled and pulled her notebook back to her, quickly writing, _**Before I lost my voice, I was terribly shy. I'm not going to force myself on you, or Alice, or Carlisle, Edward. I will be your friend, if you still want me to be, but I won't ask you to step out of your comfort zone.**_

Edward read her message and nodded. "Fair enough."

By the time the last bell of the day rang, Edward was exhausted. The fatigue from the last week had started to catch up to him, and his shoulders felt tense. His chest had begun to ache, but he knew that stress and pure exhaustion often factored into how his body felt. After dozens of surgeries, a bit of discomfort wasn't new to him.

Bella closed her notebook and turned to look at him. She'd been absorbed in whatever she was writing throughout biology and trig, and Edward knew better than to interrupt her.

When she pushed the notebook into his hands, Edward looked up at her and asked, "What's this?"

Bella blew out a heavy breath, turning her eyes from his, and pointed at the notebook, then herself. With a nervous smile, she grabbed her backpack off the floor and walked out of the room, leaving him standing there. It hit Edward, what she'd been trying to tell him. Bella had written out her story for him to read. Tucking the notebook into his bag, Edward knew that he needed to wait till they got back to the house, where he could read it without worry.

Alice was waiting for him at his locker. "Hey."

"Hey, Pix," he murmured, stowing his unneeded books inside his locker. Shutting his locker door, he turned to Alice, who was staring off in the distance. "You okay?"

Alice shrugged her shoulders. "How do you know you can trust her?"

Edward didn't answer immediately, because in all honesty, he wasn't sure how he knew Bella was a woman of her word. It was a feeling, something inside of him that told him Bella was meant to be in his life, and he couldn't fight it. Nervously dragging his hand through his hair, Edward leaned against the lockers and blew out a heavy breath. "I feel it. Like how you feel that he should be looking at you. I feel like Bella's different."

"And if we have to leave again? Car will do it again, and then we'll have to move. Are you going to be able to leave her if that happens?"

Just the thought of leaving Bella had his heart aching. Edward brought his hand up to his chest, trying to soothe the dull pain, but nothing helped.

"I didn't think so," Alice quipped. "Is she worth it?"

"Is he?" Edward challenged, shifting his eyes to Alice's. "Can you leave him if needed?"

Alice shifted nervously. "No, I don't think I could, but I'm not falling in love with him, either."

"Love?" Edward gasped. "I am not falling in love with her."

Edward pushed away from the lockers and walked out of the building, leaving Alice standing there. However, he stopped just outside when he saw Bella standing next to Emmett's jeep with him and Jasper. She looked over at him, smiling and Edward felt his heart thumping wildly in his chest.

"Still not in love with her?" Alice whispered, sliding her hand around Edward's arm.

"Would it be so horrible if I did love her?" Edward asked, tearing his eyes off Bella and looking down at Alice, finding her staring at Jasper.

"No," she admitted, "but we're not like them, Edward."

"I think we're more like them than we realize, Pix." Edward slipped his hand up to the back of her neck. "Maybe I do have feelings for her, but if you're lying to yourself if you don't think he's sparked something in you."

Alice finally tore her eyes off Jasper, shifting them to the ground. "I know. That's what scares me."

The moment they got back home, Alice rushed up to her bedroom, and Edward settled at the dining room table intent to do his homework. However, Bella's notebook was calling out to him, begging for him to read the secrets she'd spilled out in black ink. But he was afraid, unsure that he wanted to know the depths of Bella's inner turmoil. If Alice was right, and he was indeed developing feelings for Bella, what would happen if her secrets were too much for him to handle?

Carlisle stumbled into the kitchen just after seven, looking exhausted. Edward had given up on his homework and had turned his attention to making dinner. Turning down the heat on the hamburger helper he was making, Edward placed the spatula down on the counter and sat down across from him.

"Did you get the stitches out?" he asked.

Carlisle nodded. "Rose."

"And everything is okay with your arm?"

Once again, Carlisle nodded. "Still tender, but it's healing fine."

"Good," Edward said.

Carlisle sighed and shifted his eyes up to Edward. "You're wrong."

"About what?"

"You said I don't give a fuck about you or Pix. You're wrong. You're the only part of my life I care about anymore."

Edward wasn't sure what to say.

Dragging a hand over his face, and nestling his fingers in his dark hair, Carlisle shuddered. "I called someone today, someone to . . . I don't know . . . help."

"Like a therapist?" Edward asked, and he nodded. "Why?"

Carlisle blew out a heavy breath and looked up at Edward. "Because I don't like feeling like this. I'm angry and scared, and . . ." A tear slipped down Carlisle's face, which he wiped away. "I'm sorry I'm not the brother you need, Edward."

"You are, though," Edward whispered, blinking back his own tears. Carlisle shifted his eyes up to him. "You, me, Pix — we're all that's left, Car. I just . . . I can't lose you, too. And neither can Pix."

Alice cleared her throat, pulling their attention to where she was standing in the doorway to the kitchen. With her arms wrapped around herself, Edward knew that she'd heard everything Carlisle had said. With a tilt of his head, Edward motioned for her to join them, which she did by walking over and sliding into her usual seat.

"Pix," Carlisle whispered.

"You lied to me," she murmured. "Before . . . you never lied to me before, but now you have and I don't know how to trust you anymore."

"I know," Carlisle mumbled, shifting his eyes up to hers. "I love ya, Pix."

Alice's lips trembled. "I love you, too, Car. Please don't leave us, too. Please! We need you!"

"I won't," he cried, opening his arms to her.

Alice scrambled out of her seat and flew into his arms, wrapping herself around their brother. Together, the three of them let their tears fall, healing a small part of their tattered souls.

—SW—

Once they'd eaten dinner and cleaned up the kitchen, Edward headed up to his room with his backpack in hand and closed his door. Dinner had been tense and awkward at first, none of them knowing what to say next or how to move on from the confessions they'd made. Eventually, though, they began to relax and made idle chitchat about nothing, yet everything. Edward wasn't convinced that Carlisle would actually get help, or that he wouldn't cut himself again, but he was hanging onto a thin shred of hope.

Stripping out of his jeans and T-shirt, Edward slipped on a pair of black cotton shorts and climbed onto his bed with Bella's notebook in his hands. Taking several deep breaths first, he opened the front cover and began reading:

_**Edward,**_

_**It's much harder to write this out for you than I thought it would be. You see, to know who I am now, you had to have known who I was then. Back before I lost my voice, I had one passion in life. I loved to sing. **_

_**I was a terribly shy girl, but when I stepped out onto the stage, I was in control and I loved every moment of it. My mother used to tell me that listening to me sing was like hearing angel's whispering from the heavens. God, I miss her.**_

_**Three years ago, I signed up to participate in a music competition in Seattle. They were holding auditions for a nationwide show and I thought it was my chance to be seen, or rather to be heard. I was so excited because being on stage was like home for me. **_

_**My mom and dad were nervous about allowing me to participate because I was so young, so naive about the way the world works. My dad said, "You're only fourteen, Butterbean. You see the world through the eyes of a child." He was right of course, but I was stubborn and begged and pleaded with them to let me seize the moment. I thought it was the chance of a lifetime, and it was — in so many ways.**_

_**The night before the auditions began, my parents, Jasper's parents, Jasper, and I checked into our hotel in Seattle. Mine and Jasper's families had always been so close that it wasn't unusual for us to support each other and his parents knew how important Jasper was to me. Maybe it would have been better if Jasper and I hadn't been friends, or if Rose and Emmett hadn't fallen in love. At least then Jasper and Rose would still have their parents.**_

_**Though I was excited, I drifted off to sleep. It was about three in the morning when we heard it: the fire alarm. My dad scrambled out of bed and opened our door. Smoke filled our room, but I was able to see the look of pure fear on his face.**_

_**Jasper and his parents came rushing into our room, and immediately Jasper was at my side, holding me in his arms. Our parents grabbed our jackets and threw them at us, telling us to get on the floor. We did as we were told as my dad and his walked into the hallway. They came back in and said that the hallway was filled with smoke, but that they could see the flames at the other end. **_

_**My father came over to us and told us that we had to climb out the window, out onto the fire escape. I didn't want to because I was scared of heights, but he told me I had to, that they'd be right behind us. **_

_**Jasper's father picked up a lamp and broke the window for us, screaming at us to hurry. We crawled across the floor, and through the window. There were dozens of police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances down on the ground. I screamed, "HELP US! PLEASE HELP US!"**_

_**Jasper kept his arm around me as we climbed down the fire escape. When we reached the bottom of the escape, two firemen told us to jump into their arms, that they'd catch us. I was so scared, but I did what they asked, landing in their arms. They dragged me and Jasper away from the building, but then we heard a loud explosion. When we looked up, we saw our parents out on the fire escape. The explosion caused the escape to detach from the building. I watched in horror as my parents and Jasper's parents fell from five stories up, hitting the ground with a deafening crunch. **_

_**I screamed and fought against the man dragging me away from the building, away from danger. I needed my parents, needed to make sure they were okay. **_

_**They weren't.**_

_**Jasper's parents were killed on contact. His father had tried to shield his wife from the impact with the ground by wrapping his arms around her and rolling them so that he landed first, but it didn't help. When they hit the ground, they were dead.**_

_**My parents were luckier, or not as lucky. It all depends on the way you look at it, I guess. My father has no idea who I am, or who any of us are. The brain trauma he received from the fall turned him into a shell of man. He eats, breathes, but there is nothing of my father left. He spends his days staring out the window. He's lost inside himself with no life behind his eyes.**_

_**My mother spent three weeks in a coma. We were hopeful that at least she'd be okay, but when she woke up, she thought she was sixteen years old again. She has no memory of me, Esme, or Emmett, just my father. She's angry and mean. She calls me the worst names you'd ever imagine. She's not my mother anymore, hasn't been in a very long time. They live in the hospital, in a long term ward for those who need constant supervision. We don't see them much. It's hard knowing that they don't recognize us anymore. I can't tell them that I love them, that I'm sorry for putting them there. **_

_**I know what you're thinking: what does this have to do with me losing my voice? No, my inability to speak isn't a psychological result of the trauma from watching my family destruct. The paramedics insisted on taking me and Jasper to the hospital, since we'd been exposed to the smoke. I was terrified, of course, but I knew that's where my parents were going to be and I needed be close to them. Jasper rode with me, keeping his arm around me, but I knew, like I was, that he was struggling with what had happened to our parents. **_

_**The doctor came into our trauma room and started asking us a million questions that we didn't have the answers to. The doctor started listening to our chest, checking our lungs and such. When he looked into my throat, his face changed and I knew something was wrong. I just had no idea what it was. He muttered something about needing to run a few tests and left us alone. Emmett, Esme, and Rose showed up not long after. We cried together, began to grieve for the family we'd lost. **_

_**The doctor came back in and told Emmett and Esme that he'd seen something in my throat — a mass. My world was failing apart around me, Edward, and it just kept getting worse. **_

_**They ran some tests, an MRI, X-rays, laryngoscopy,**_ _**and sure enough, I had a tumor resting on my voice box. They did a biopsy to see if it was malignant or benign. It was cancer. Early stage, but still cancer: S**__**quamous Cell Carcinoma.**_

_**A week after the fire, I underwent surgery to remove the mass. The tumor was bigger than they first thought, and was growing down around my vocal cords. They removed as much of the tumor as they could, but because of the way the tumor was growing, I lost my voice, too. **_

_**I was devastated when I woke up and Emmett and Esme told me what had happened. I'd already lost my parents, and now, I'd lost my ability to speak, to sing. Over the next month, I went through radiation therapy, which killed off the last of the tumor, but still, I'll never be able to speak again. **_

_**Edward, you asked me if everyone already knew our story. They do, the basic facts of the fire, our parents destruction, and the cancer, but they don't know the real us. I'm angry and bitter because I need my mom and dad. Every night I climb into my bed and look at the last picture the five of us took, and I cry because they're not here. I can't tell Emmett or Esme how I feel because they worry enough about me without adding to their burden. They've been there for me through so much, always putting my needs first and I hate it because they're not supposed to be worrying about whether the cancer will come back or whether our parents ever see us — really see us — again. **_

_**I'm alone, Edward. Lost in a world of guilt because if I hadn't wanted to audition for that fucking show, my parents and Jasper's parents would still be here. **_

_**I understand that you need Alice and Carlisle, Edward, because I need my family, too. And for a reason that I don't understand, I need you in my life, too. **_

Edward let Bella's notebook fall from his fingers, staring at it as it lay open on his bed. Could Bella really need him the same way that he needed her?


	14. Chapter 14

14

Bella's heart felt like it would burst out of her chest as she rushed out of the building. A part of her wanted to rip the notebook out of Edward's hands and tear it into a million pieces so that he'd never know her selfishness, but the other part knew that Edward had opened himself up to her and in return, she needed to do the same.

Jasper was standing by the jeep when she came out, earbuds in and listening to whatever playlist was speaking to him at the time. He looked up as Bella walked up to him, and smiled. "Hey."

Bella smiled, giving him a small wave.

"You okay?" he asked, his brow furrowing in worry.

She nodded, unsure if the gesture was the truth or not.

"Hey, why weren't you at my door, pressuring me to hurry like you normally are?" Emmett asked, walking up to her and Jasper.

Bella smiled, and shrugged her shoulders. Truth be told, all she could think about was leaving before Edward had the chance to say or do anything. She'd imagined him shoving the notebook back in her face, telling her that he wasn't going to waste his time with her nonsense. A shiver ran through her, but only Jasper seemed to notice. He gave her a look, questioning the movement, but with a quick shake of her head, she silently asked him not to press the issue, especially with Emmett right there.

"About ready?" Emmett asked, clapping his hands together. "Rose was hoping to get off early so we're going on a date."

Bella nodded, before signing, "Taking her somewhere special?"

"Been awhile since we've had a night out, so I was thinking about taking her to Port Angeles. Maybe catch a movie, or go dancing, or I don't know," Emmett said, blushing around his ears. "Just need a night alone."

As he was talking, the doors to the school opened and Bella looked over, watching Alice and Edward walk out. They stopped, and their eyes met and a feeling of hope filled her heart. It was a feeling she didn't understand, one that scared the shit out of her. Smiling, Bella shifted her eyes over to Emmett and motioned for them to go.

When they got home, Emmett rushed inside, muttering something about taking a shower and smelling good for his woman. Jasper grabbed Bella's arm and dragged her upstairs into his bedroom. Slamming the door shut behind him, he turned and gave Bella a long, penetrating look — one that she knew well. Jasper had always been able to read her, knowing when she was upset, sad, or just needed time for herself. It was just one of the reasons they got along so well.

"What the fuck is going on, Bella? Did someone say something hurtful to you? Because if they did, I'll kick their ass."

Sighing, Bella flopped down on his bed, covering her eyes with her arm. How could she explain anything without giving Edward's secrets up? He'd trusted her with the most intimate details of his life, and she couldn't betray him. Bella felt the bed dip down and moved her arm, finding Jasper lying next to her, waiting patiently for her to explain.

Bringing her hands up in front of her, Bella signed, "Edward shared something with me today — something private. So, in return, I kind of wrote out some stuff about me in a notebook and gave it to him. Well, actually, everything about me."

"The fire, the tumor, all of it?" he asked, blowing out a heavy breath.

Bella nodded, waiting for his reaction. When she saw the darkness fill his eyes, she knew he wouldn't take it easily.

"Why would you do that?" he asked, the worry and fear in his words evident.

Bella knew that — like her — Jasper struggled with what happened to their parents. While she was lost inside of herself with no way to express the feelings running rampant in her heart and soul, Jasper threw himself into music, letting it dull the ache he felt. Music was his drug, his lifeline. She envied his ability to let his passion ease the pain.

Huffing, she sat up and turned her body toward him and sent her hands in a hurried frenzy as she tried to explain. "Edward's different. I can't explain why, but he is. When he looks at me, it's not like he's staring at the mute freak, but seeing me, the real Bella. This sounds crazy, I know that, but it's like, I need him to understand me, Jas. I need him to!"

"Need him? Need him!" he exclaimed, climbing off the bed and pacing back and forth in front of her. "How can you need him when you don't know him?"

Bella scrambled off the bed, grabbing his arm so he'd stop. She felt defensive, craving his understanding to why she put herself out there. "When I'm not around him, I feel lost and alone. I hate that he makes me feel like that, Jasper! I didn't want to like him, or to be his friend, but there is this look in his eyes that makes me feel . . ."

Dropping her hands to her side, Bella shook her head, unable to explain her feelings because she didn't understand either. Turning, she sat on the edge of Jasper's bed, and closed her eyes, feeling the burn as tears threatened to fall.

"He really makes you feel better?" Jasper asked, sitting down next to Bella.

She nodded, keeping her eyes closed.

"What if you're wrong about him?" he whispered.

Bella opened her eyes, looking over at him. Shaking her head, she brought her hands up in front of her, and answered him in the only way she could: "Then, I'm wrong, I guess, but I have to try, don't I?"

"I guess," Jasper muttered, clearly unconvinced that Bella had made the right decision.

Standing up, she leaned over and kissed his cheek before leaving him in his room and walking into hers. He'd spend the night worrying about her, fretting over Edward hurting her, or worse, betraying Bella's faith in him, but deep inside her heart, Bella knew that Edward would be worth everything.

—SW—

Bella was up early the next morning, unable to handle just staring at the ceiling any longer, and had pulled her book out of her backpack so she could read. Or try to, at least. All night, she had imagined Edward's reaction to her story. She pictured him coming up to her, screaming in her face about being a loser and a freak, telling her that he wanted nothing to do with her anymore before spitting on her and leaving her standing there with her humiliation.

Rejection wasn't new to her. After the accident, the children she and Jasper had gone to school with had turned their backs on them, shunning them for being different. At the time it had been difficult to handle, but eventually she came to accept their rejection, not needing them anymore than they needed her. But Edward — he was different. Bella did need him, and it scared the shit out of her.

"Bella, are you awake?" Jasper asked through her bedroom door.

Pulling her bottom lips between her teeth, she dropped her book on her bed and knocked on the wall. It was the signal they'd come up with after she'd lost her voice so she could tell him it was okay to open the door. The door opened, and Jasper lifted his eyes up to hers, smiling softly.

"Can I come in?"

Bella nodded. Jasper pushed off the doorframe and walked over to her bed, sitting on the edge and placing his elbows on his knees. Wearing only a pair of plaid pajama pants, the muscles in his back were taunt and tense. He'd hardly spoken to her the night before at dinner. Esme had ordered pizza in since Emmett and Rose went out, and she didn't feel like cooking for the three of them. Bella worried that Jasper would stay angry at her for telling Edward about the fire and cancer, but in her heart, Bella knew she had made the right decision. She just didn't understand why she knew it was the right choice.

"I watch her," he whispered, keeping his eyes turned from her. "All the time."

Bella just sat there, waiting for him to keep talking.

Jasper sighed, and dropped his head into his hands. "She tries so hard to disappear, to go away, but she can't. Maybe from everyone else, but not from me."

Scooting over, Bella wrapped herself around Jasper, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I hope you're right about him," he murmured.

For several minutes, Bella and Jasper just sat there, letting the weight of the situation hang over them. Eventually, the sounds of their family moving around broke through the silence that was filling Bella's room, and Jasper kissed the top of her head before leaving her alone with her thoughts. Pulling her knees up to her chest, Bella shifted her eyes over to the photograph on her nightstand and felt her eyes fill up with tears. More now than ever, she wished Charlie and Renee were here to tell her whether or not she was making a mistake by reaching out to Edward.

Half an hour later, Bella grabbed her backpack from next to her bed and headed downstairs to the kitchen, having showered and dressed for school. Emmett and Rose were sitting at the table, his arms wrapped around her and her leaning into his embrace while staring deeply into his eyes. Purposely kicking her chair to let them know she was in the room, Bella laughed inwardly when they broke apart and looked at her with red cheeks and sheepish expressions.

Though it wasn't always easy for Bella to be around them, she was happy that Rose was there for Emmett when he needed her, and he was the same for her. The death of her parents, and the damage done to Charlie and Renee had drawn them closer together, solidifying their relationship.

"Hey, Butterbean," Emmett said, standing up and opening the door to the fridge. "Hungry?"

Knowing that if she said no, he'd just worry and push her to tell him why, Bella simply nodded and gestured to the box of cereal on the counter. Emmett rolled his eyes, but grabbed the box of Lucky Charms, a bowl, the milk, and a spoon, placing it all in front of her. Filling her bowl and pouring the milk over it, Bella smirked as she took a big bite, causing him to grimace.

"I don't know how you can eat that shit," he muttered, sitting back at the table and picking up his coffee cup, taking a sip. "It's nothing but sugar."

Bella cocked and eyebrow in the direction of the dark nectar he was sipping.

"This is different," Emmett told her. "Coffee is from is a gift from God, sent down just to keep older brothers from kicking their annoying little sister's ass. By drinking it, I'm saving you from a beating."

Rolling her eyes, Bella scooped up another spoonful of cereal and stuffed it into her mouth, chewing it several times before parting her lips and showing him her food.

"Ew!" Rose cackled, falling in her seat and laughing.

"Butterbean, shut your mouth," Esme snickered, walking into the kitchen. Jasper was right behind her, and looked over at Bella, whose mouth was still wide open.

"Lucky Charms?" he asked, lifting an eyebrow and Bella nodded. "Is there any left?"

Bella swallowed her mouthful and picked up the box, shaking it to show that there was still plenty left for him.

"All right!" Jasper grabbed the box from her and fell into the chair next to Bella, filling his own bowl, adding milk, and stuffing a spoonful into his mouth. "Damn, that's good."

"Gross, Jas," Rose grumbled, shaking her head. Jasper shrugged his shoulders, and a dribble of milk fell out of his mouth and onto his shirt. "Dude, have some manners."

"I have manners," he mumbled around his mouthful.

"Whatever," Rose scoffed, picking up her coffee and taking a sip. She looked over at Bella and smiled. "This is good coffee, Bella. Thank you for setting the pot up last night. I meant to get it ready before we left, but Emmett was in a hurry."

"Was not," Emmett muttered.

Bella shrugged her shoulders and dropped her spoon into her bowl before signing, "You're welcome. I figured you and Em would be out late, and knew that you'd want some this morning."

"What'd you end up doing?" Esme asked, sliding into her chair and grabbing a piece of toast from Emmett's plate.

"Thief!" he wailed, reaching for it, but Esme elbowed him in the arm. "Damn it, Es. You're gonna leave a bruise with those boney elbows!"

"Big baby," Esme laughed, taking a big bite off the end.

Jasper was trying his hardest to hide his laughter, as was Rose, but Bella was just sitting there, watching her family interact together, playing and teasing each other. Ducking her head, she turned away from them, wishing more than anything that she could laugh with them — a real laugh, from deep inside of her soul. It had been so long since she's made a sound, she'd forgotten what her voice even sounded like.

"Whatever," Emmett grumbled. "Rose and I had dinner at that little Italian place in Port Angeles, and then we went dancing at Club Venom."

"But we didn't stay there long," Rose explained, reaching over and brushing Bella's hair behind her shoulder. When Bella looked up at her, Rose just smiled, like she could read her thoughts. "The DJ sucked, and the bartender kept flirting with me so we left."

"Asshole," Emmett muttered and shook his head. "We ended up stopping down at First Beach and walking along the beach for a while before we came home."

"Aw, that sounds romantic," Esme cooed.

Dropping her spoon in her bowl, Bella stood up, grabbed her backpack, and signed, "I'll be in the jeep."

"You okay, Butterbean?" Esme asked, a frown slipping over her lips.

Bella simply nodded before walking out of the house and to the jeep, sliding into the passenger seat. She pushed her backpack onto the floor board and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them and laying her head on top. Emmett and Jasper came out a few minutes later, neither of them questioning her over her abrupt exit from breakfast, which Bella was glad about. She was being silly — this much she knew — but there were times when she felt so out of place with her small family.

Emmett drove them to school and parked in his usual spot. He reached out and placed his hand on the back of Bella's head. Staring out the window, she simply reached up and covered his, telling him that she was okay, that she just needed a minute.

"Love you, Butterbean," Emmett whispered before slipping his hand out from under hers and climbing out of the jeep and heading into the building.

Jasper moved from the backseat to the front seat, but didn't speak to her. After a few minutes, the two of them grabbed their bags and headed inside and made their way to their first period classes. Bella's heart was racing in her chest as she slid into her desk and watched the door for Edward. Each passing second felt like they were taking a thousand years, and Bella could feel her breath coming out thicker and shorter as time passed. Just before the final bell rang, Edward stepped into the doorway, his eyes automatically seeking out hers. In that moment, Bella felt something she'd never experienced before: the flutter of nervous butterflies.


	15. Chapter 15

15

"What's that?" Alice asked, causing Edward to look up at her.

He had gotten up early or more like he'd finally given up the pretense of sleep all together, and stumbled into the kitchen with the intension of cooking breakfast, but instead, he'd sat down at the table and was reading Bella's notebook — again.

"Nothing," he lied, shutting it and stuffing it into his backpack.

Alice gave him a look that clearly stated that she didn't believe him, but Edward wasn't sure if he should tell his sister the details Bella had shared with him. They seemed so personal and intimate that somehow he felt like he'd be betraying Bella's trust in him if he told Alice anything.

"Want something to eat?" Edward asked, standing up and walking over to the fridge.

"Not really," Alice stated, and sat down in her usual seat.

Before either of them could say much else, Carlisle walked into the kitchen, once again dressed in a pair of blue scrubs over a long sleeve T-shirt. Edward was still reeling over the fact that Carlisle was seeking help, if he really was. Edward wanted to believe his brother, more than anything he wanted to believe him, but Carlisle had told given them false promises before. Although, last night had been the first time he'd ever told them he was getting help. Maybe — just maybe, there was hope left.

"Morning," Carlisle muttered, sitting in his usual seat. He looked up at Edward, who saw the dark circles under his eyes. "What?"

"You didn't sleep," Edward said, blankly.

Carlisle turned his eyes away. "I couldn't. Nerves and shit."

"About work?" Alice asked, and Carlisle shook his head.

"Dr. Brooks called last night and said I could come in this afternoon," he whispered. "If I want."

Edward took a deep breath. "And do you? Want to, I mean."

Carlisle tilted his head back and looked Edward in the eye. "No. The last thing I want to do is talk about . . . Mom and Dad like that, but I need to. I know that I need to."

Nodding, Edward opened the refrigerator and brought his hand up to his chest. "Do you blame me?"

"What?" Carlisle sputtered, but Edward couldn't look at him. "You — you think I blame you?"

Edward shrugged his shoulders, unable to look back at his brother.

"Fuck, Edward! Of course I don't," Carlisle exclaimed.

"Okay," he replied, not believing him, but opting to let it go.

"It's not okay," Carlisle insisted. "Look at me!"

Edward sighed and shifted his eyes over to his brother.

"You think I blame you for everything?"

"Yeah." He shrugged his shoulders. "If they hadn't been trying to get to me, they would still be here."

"But — but you'd be dead," Alice whimpered, and Edward and Carlisle looked over at her. "They'd be here, but you'd be dead, Edward. How is that better?"

Edward shifted his eyes to the table. "Not like I was really alive beforehand. Not really."

An awkward silence filled the room, and Edward immediately felt like shit for opening his mouth. Neither of them would understand how he felt. He'd never truly felt like he'd really experienced life. His existence had been nothing more than the hallways of the hospital, the few months a year that he'd lived at home, or gone to regular school, and even then, because of his fragile condition, his parents never let him do anything fun. Edward had wanted to play baseball and soccer. He'd wanted to go trick or treating and camping, but he never got to because he was always too sick, and the risks were too high. Edward wanted nothing more than to be normal, but not at the expense of his parents' lives.

"We should go," he finally said, breaking through the deafening silence. Closing the door to the fridge, Edward grabbed his backpack and shifted his attention over to Carlisle. "Are you going to be okay? Do I need to go with you?"

Carlisle smiled. "No, Edward. It's time I learn to take care of myself. Go to school."

Nodding, Edward motioned for Alice to follow him out to his car. She slid into the passenger seat, placing her bag on the floor and turning her attention out the window. They made the drive in silence, and Edward knew that she was pissed with him for confessing his true feelings. While he hated that Alice was upset, he was tired of pretending to have his shit together. The past couple of years had been one lie after another, all in an effort to keep his brother and sister from falling apart. The problem was, nobody seemed to see that Edward was struggling with the guilt of killing his mother. After all, it had been him who needed her heart.

Edward parked next to Emmett's jeep, and Alice jumped out of the car without a word. Taking a deep breath, he reached into the backseat and grabbed his backpack, and followed her inside. Alice was already halfway to her class when he walked in, but she stopped and looked over at him, a wistful frown on her lips. Shaking her head, she turned and walked into his classroom and Edward felt like a dick for saying anything at breakfast. They shouldn't have to deal with his guilt, either.

After stopping by his locker to put his unneeded books up, Edward headed down to English, pausing in the doorway and finding himself staring at Bella. His heart began to race, thumbing widely against his chest, and he felt — happy. Why did just looking at her make him feel so fucking happy?

With a shake of his head, Edward walked over and slid into the seat behind her, but before he could say anything to her, Emmett started class. Edward tried to focus his attention on the lesson, but he couldn't. Bella enchanted him, drew him in without even really trying. He could smell the sweet aroma of her perfume; see the way her shoulders rose and fell with each breath she took. Simply put, Bella mesmerized him.

When the bell rang dismissing class, Bella turned in her seat and looked at him, a small smile on her lips. Edward returned the gesture as they stood up and walked out into the hallway and down to their history class. She turned and looked at him, expectation filling her eyes and he knew she was wondering if he'd read her notebook.

Sliding it out of his backpack, he placed in on his desk, noticing the way her eyes flittered to it before meeting his once again.

"I, um, I don't know what to say," he murmured, softly.

Bella frowned, and the single act hurt Edward.

"I just . . ." Edward trailed off and leaned forward, feeling the need to close the gap between them. "What you wrote, it's just so . . . heartbreaking."

Sighing, Bella nodded, but didn't offer anything else.

"It must have been difficult to go through all of that," Edward added, placing his hand on the notebook.

Once again, Bella nodded.

"I think I'm going to have to learn sign language or something," he murmured.

Bella smiled and lifted an eyebrow at him.

"Then I wouldn't feel like an asshole every time I said something," Edward explained. "You could just tell me I was."

Nodding, Bella slipped the notebook under from under his hand and opened it. She pulled a pen from her own bag, flipped it open to a new page, and wrote, _**You've never been an asshole to me, Edward. And I don't need you to learn sign just for me, either. We could do something wild and crazy, though.**_

Reading what she'd written, Edward looked up at her. "And what would that be?"

Bella's smile grew as she reached into her back pocket and pulled out her cell phone.

"You want to exchange numbers?" Edward asked, and Bella nodded. "Okay."

Edward slipped his phone out of his bag and handed it to her, before taking hers. Scrolling through the menu, he found her contacts and noticed that, like his, she only had her family listed. Seems they had more in common than he realized. Quickly adding his number, he saved it and handed her phone back to Bella. She placed his on the desk, and Edward immediately picked it up, finding her number.

A snort, followed by laughter trickled out of his mouth when he saw that she's listed herself as 'She who cannot be heard.' He looked up at her and smiled. "Nice, Bella, Very nice."

She shrugged her shoulders just as Mr. Davis came into the room, barking at everyone to settle down. Giving Edward a look, Bella turned in her seat and placed her phone in her back pocket. Edward stowed his in his bag before pretending to listen to Mr. Davis' lecture. Pretending because no matter how hard he tried to focus, all Edward could see was Bella sitting in front of him.

—SW—

Edward was nervous about going to the library, though he couldn't be sure why. Maybe it's because just the day before he'd told Bella his story, or maybe it was because Esme would be there. Between seeing her at the grocery store on Friday, and pushing her into the door during his hasty escape the day before, he was nervous about having to face her again.

He held the door open for Bella, who blushed and gave him a simple nod before walking past him. Taking a deep breath, Edward followed, unsurprised to see Esme sitting behind the counter, or that she was looking in their direction. Her eyes flittered to Edward for a moment before shifting back to Bella.

"Hey," Esme said, but it sounded off, almost like she was trying too hard.

Bella waved before tossing her bag on the floor and bringing her hands up in front of her as she began to sign. Esme's wide eyes shifted to Edward for a split second before moving back to Bella. Whatever Bella was telling her sister, caused Esme to smile.

"Oh, I see," Esme murmured. She turned to Edward. "Bella was telling me her opinion on a book that we've been reading together. Apparently, she likes it, but feels the heroine is . . . well, since we're at school, I will paraphrase and say, eccentric."

Edward nodded, unsure of what to say. He longed for the ability to be able to communicate with Bella without notes and text messages. She may not think he needed to learn sign language, but he did and he was going to do everything he could learn.

"Anyway, we're pretty quiet today," Esme continued. "I shelved all the books this morning, so I guess you both can, I don't know, find something to do."

"Um, all right," Edward muttered, looking around.

Bella smiled as she walked over, picked her backpack up, and grabbed Edward's hand, dragging him over to one of the tables. Gesturing to one of the chairs, Bella placed her bag on top and sat on the other side. Edward could feel his own grin grow as he sat in the chair Bella had pointed at, and placed his bag on the floor.

Pulling out her cellphone, Bella gave him a look before her fingers started flying over the screen. A moment later, Edward's phone vibrated in his back pocket. Digging it out, he laughed when he saw a text from her.

"I'm gonna have to get used to this. I've never been much of a texter, seeing as cell phones weren't common in the hospital," he murmured, sliding his own phone open and reading her message. "Favorite color?" Edward shifted his eyes over to her. "Seriously?"

Bella nodded and tilted her head toward his phone.

"You want me to text it to you?" he asked and Bella nodded. "Okay."

Shaking his head, he turned his attention to his phone. **Never really thought about it, but I guess my favorite color is brown.**

Bella cocked an eyebrow in his direction and sent back a new message: **Why brown?**

Clearing his throat, he replied honestly, knowing that Bella would see through him anyway. **Your eyes. They're the most beautiful shade of brown I've ever seen. Like, dark milk chocolate.**

Watching as Bella read his text, Edward noticed the way Bella's cheeks turned a sultry pink. A moment later, his phone pinged again.

_**My dad would call them kisses. He'd say, 'Come on, Butterbean, and show me those kisses.**_**'**

When Edward looked up at her, he noticed the tears filling her eyes. He resisted the urge to reach across the table and take her hand in his. Leaning forward, Edward placed his elbows on the table. "You said you need me," he whispered, keeping his eyes locked on hers. "Did — did you mean it?"

Bella nodded.

"Why?" he asked.

Frowning, she shook her head and picked up her phone, sending him another text, _**I don't know why. You're . . . different.**_

"Different?" he asked.

Bella nodded, and began typing once again. _**When you look at me, it's like you're not seeing the mute freak, but the real person. Like deep into my soul or something. I don't know. I'm sure this all sounds like a bunch of shit. **_

Edward blew out a deep breath as he read her words. She said so much, without realizing that she was. "How'd you handle it? Your parents, the cancer? How'd you handle all of that at once?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders and sent a new text. _**I didn't really have a choice, did I? I felt so alone, even with Emmett, Esme, Jasper, and Rose around. When I woke up from surgery and couldn't speak, it felt like my life was over. I couldn't scream, I couldn't cry — not really. I just adapted, I guess. People gawked and stared at me, but I learned to ignore it. Better that way. At least it was until you came here. **_

"Did you know sign language before you lost your voice?" Edward asked.

Once again, Bella shook her head, and turned her attention to her phone. _**Esme insisted that we all needed to learn. She enrolled us in a three month course at the junior college in Port Angeles. It was hard, but I guess it makes it easier, at least for them.**_

The bell rang, signaling the end of fourth period so Bella and Edward grabbed their backpacks and headed to the cafeteria. Edward spotted Alice standing next to the door like always, but unlike before Jasper was leaning against the wall opposite her.


	16. Chapter 16

16

Bella could feel her legs trembling as she and Edward walked up to Jasper and Alice, who were staring at the pair with wide eyes and gaping mouths. Edward had her reeling, and all he'd done was see her — the real her. Everything inside of her screamed for her to run and hide, to let him go before she lost the small amount of her self-control over her life that she'd managed to hold on to over the last three years. However, Bella knew she was in too deep. Edward owned her already.

Lifting her hand, Bella gave Jasper a small wave before turning to Alice and doing the same. The latter just looked at her for a moment before shifting her attention to Edward.

"I'll just meet you inside," Alice murmured, wrapping her arms around her torso before spinning on her heel and heading into the cafeteria.

Edward sighed, drawing Bella's attention to him. "Sorry," was all he said before he followed his sister.

"Bella," Jasper said and she looked over at him. "Are you okay?"

Shrugging, she couldn't say if she was or not. There were too many feelings surging through her.

"Are you ready to go in?" he asked, gesturing to the door.

Nodding, Bella shifted her backpack up on her shoulder. Jasper gave her one more look before he opened the door and nudged her inside. They made their way through the food line, where she got a cheeseburger, fries, and a bottle of lemonade. Jasper made to go to their usual table, but Bella grabbed his arm, causing him to look back at her. Sucking her bottom lip between her teeth, she looked from him over to where Edward and Alice were sitting, and gave him a look.

"Are you sure?" Jasper whispered, stepping toward her.

She wasn't sure, but knew that if she wanted Edward as a friend that she had to make an effort with Alice, too. Closing her eyes for just a moment, Bella nodded and gave his arm a tug. She could see the fear and doubt in Jasper's eyes, and knew they mirrored hers. Releasing her hold on Jasper, Bella made the slow and agonizing walk across the cafeteria to where Edward sat watching her every movement.

When she got to the table, Bella motioned to the chair next to Edward, raising an eyebrow in silent question. He shifted his eyes to Alice for a split second before he grabbed the back of the chair and pulled it out for her. Bella released a heavy breath as she sat down. Jasper slid into the seat next to her and for a few moments, the four of them sat there in awkward silence.

Bella wondered if she'd been wrong for making such a bold move, but then Edward cleared his throat, leaned up and placed his elbows on the table, and looked over at her, saying, "Are the burgers good?"

Smiling, Bella shrugged her shoulders and picked up her cheeseburger, taking a small bite, making a show of licking her lips.

"I'll take that as a yes," Edward chuckled, shifting his eyes to the table.

"Bella's addicted to cheeseburgers," Jasper muttered, pulling all their attention to him. He was staring at Alice, who was returning it with longing. "She'd eat ten a day if Emmett would let her."

"Yeah?" Edward asked, cocking an eyebrow at Bella.

She nodded because Jasper was telling the truth. Shifting her eyes around the room to make sure nobody was watching, Bella threw Jasper a look and brought her hands up just above the table and signed her response.

Edward looked confused, but Jasper quickly interrupted her signing. "She said Emmett's a health freak, which he is. He doesn't like her to eat foods that are full of unnatural shit, as he puts it."

"Oh," Edward replied, turning back at Bella. "My mom never let me eat them, either."

Bella nodded again and shifted her eyes to Alice, who looked surprised and shocked. Bella placed her hand on Edward's hand, tilting her head toward his sister. When he looked at her, he sighed.

"She can't speak, Pix," Edward whispered, causing Alice to turn to him.

"Like at all?" Alice gasped, automatically looking at Bella.

Bella shook her head.

"But you can what? Use sign language?" Alice asked and Bella nodded. "That must suck."

Once again, all Bella could do was nod, because really what else was there for her to do.

"What kind of stupid thing is that to say?" Jasper grumbled, causing them to look at him. He was staring at Alice again, a look of irritation and frustration etched on his face. "Of course it sucks that she can't speak. Wouldn't it suck if you couldn't say a goddamn word to anyone?"

Bella reached out for Jasper, but he pulled his arm from under her hand.

"I — I didn't mean anything by it," Alice whimpered, and Bella glared at Jasper.

Turning toward him, she brought her hands up in front of her and signed, "Stop being an asshole, Jas. She's making an effort."

"Whatever," Jasper muttered, tearing his eyes away from Bella.

Sighing, she looked over at Edward, who had his hand wrapped around Alice's neck. It was a movement that she'd noticed he did a lot with her, and wondered if it had to do with the scars that marred her body. More than ever, Bella wanted to speak, to tell Alice she was sorry for Jasper's behavior, but she couldn't. All she could is sit there, helplessly watching Alice fight the tears swimming in her eyes.

Bella turned back to Jasper, and signed, "Tell her you're sorry!"

"What?" he groused. "No!"

Once more, Bella signed for him to apologize to her.

"NO!" he yelled, drawing the attention of everyone as he stood up so fast, his chair fell back against the floor. "Just stop trying to make everything okay, Bella!"

Pushing his tray away, Jasper grabbed his backpack and stormed away. Bella shifted her eyes over to Edward, who had a shocked and whimpering Alice in his arms, and frowned before she stood up and followed Jasper out. She'd never seen her best friend behave in such a harsh and bitter manner, and it shocked her. Jasper had always been the calm and collected one in their small, dysfunctional family.

Bella caught up to him just after he slammed his way out of the cafeteria, but before she could get his attention, Jasper turned and fell face-first against the wall, slamming his fist against the bricked wall and sliding to his knees. Kneeling next to him, Bella wrapped her arm around his shoulder, drawing him into her embrace and she understood. Jasper was lashing out at Alice because he was scared to let her in. Like Bella needed Edward, Jasper needed Alice, and it scared him.

"I can't, Bella. I just can't open myself to her," he murmured, looking over at her.

Frowning, she slipped her arm from around his shoulder and signed, "You can. You just choose not to."

"She'd never . . . she'll . . ." Jasper trailed off. "She won't want me, too."

Once again bringing her hands up in front of her, Bella disagreed. "She already does."

"How can you be so sure?" he asked.

Bella smiled. "Because she notices when you don't look at her. Only someone wanting to be seen notices someone not watching."

Before he could reply, the bell rang ending lunch. They scrambled to their feet and moved from behind the doors just before the doors were pushed open and everyone started scrambling toward their afternoon classes — everyone by Alice and Edward. Placing her hand on Jasper's arm, Bella gripped his shirt between her fingers and dragged him into the cafeteria, finding Alice and Edward still sitting at their table.

Edward looked up, catching Bella's eye before turning and glaring at Jasper. Standing up, he placed his hand on the back of Alice's neck and led her over to them.

"You don't have like us. Honestly, I don't give a fuck if you do, but you don't get to be rude to my sister. She's done nothing to you. Nothing," Edward snarled.

Alice whimpered, turned toward Edward and placed her hand on his chest, right over his scar.

"I'm sorry," Jasper whispered, causing Alice to look over at him. He was staring at her. "I'm sorry."

"I don't need your apology," Alice said, shaking her head. "I don't need anything from you at all, Jasper. Just forget I exist. It'll make your life easier."

Alice tried to walk past them, but Jasper reached out and grabbed her hand, causing her to stop and look over her shoulder at him.

"I don't want to forget you. And my life isn't easier without you in it, Alice. I'm just . . ." He shook his head.

"You're just what?" she wondered.

"I don't know how to be the guy you deserve," he whispered, and Bella could hear the vulnerability in his words — something she'd never heard before.

"All I want is someone to see me," she mumbled, sliding her hand out from his. "The real me and not the damage. I thought that was you, but I guess all you see are the scars."

"I don't," Jasper insisted, reaching for her, but Alice moved away from him.

"I don't believe you," she told him. She shifted her eyes to Edward and Bella before walking out of the cafeteria.

Jasper looked crestfallen, but Bella knew that he deserved it. He'd been downright awful to Alice. Placing her hand on his cheek, Bella tilted his head back and gave him a small smile, hoping that he'd understand what she was trying to say.

"I know," he whispered. Jasper looked over at Edward. "I really am sorry."

"So you say," Edward muttered.

Sighing, Bella shuffled her backpack up on her shoulder and grabbed Edward's arm, dragging him out of the cafeteria. She understood why he was pissed. He didn't know Jasper the way she did, he couldn't see the underlining fear in Jasper's actions, and Bella wasn't about to start making excuses for him. Jasper knew he was wrong and somehow, he'd make it up to Alice.

Edward and Bella arrived in their biology classroom before the tardy bell rang, but Dr. Banner still glared at them as they moved over to their lab table and sat down. Dr. Banner dragged his television to the front of the classroom and started a movie over. Bella tried to pay attention, but her focus strayed when Edward slipped a sheet of paper in front of her. Making sure Dr. Banner wasn't looking, Bella unfolded the note and read Edward's words.

_**Why'd you come sit with us?**_

Bella sighed and shifted her attention to Edward before picking up her pen and scribbling a note back. _**Because I want to be your friend, Edward.**_

She watched as he read her words, a frown slipping over his lips. He looked over at her. "We're already friends."

Bella grabbed the paper from in front of him and wrote,_** We are, but I also understand that if I want to be your friend, then I need to know Alice, too. She's important to you, just like Jasper is important to me.**_

Edward looked over at her. "He's an asshole."

Bella nodded, because she knew that's the only version of Jasper that he'd seen. He didn't know about the guy who'd stayed with her in the hospital every night after she'd lost her voice because he didn't want her to be alone in the middle of the night. No, Edward didn't know about that Jasper because her best friend put a wall up around himself to keep from getting hurt.

"But she likes him," Edward added.

Sliding her hand across the table, Bella pulled the paper to her and wrote, _**I won't defend him, Edward. He was rude and mean, but he's important to me. Just like Alice is to you. **_

"I get it," Edward whispered, leaning toward her. "I do."

Bella wasn't convinced that he did, but she let the subject drop. There wasn't any point in trying to convince him that Jasper wasn't always the insensitive asshole that he was at lunch.

When the final bell rang, signaling the end of the school day, Edward and Bella walked into the hallway. She paused and looked at him, vaguely aware of the way people were watching them. Yeah, she knew that they'd be staring at her, wondering why Edward would be wasting his time with a freak like her. It wasn't anything new or different for Bella, and she'd given up caring anymore. The so-called people she'd grown up with had given up on her a long time ago.

"Can I text you later?" Edward asked.

Bella smiled and nodded, hoping that he really would and that hope scared her.

Edward leaned forward and kissed his lips against her cheek, causing her to gasp. "Later, Bella."

Spinning on his heel, Edward turned and walked away from her. All Bella could do was watch, the feeling of his lips pressed against her skin seared into her soul. Yeah, she was already in way too deep with Edward, and while it scared the shit out of her, she loved the way he made her feel. With him, she felt normal again.

"Hey." Bella turned and looked at Emmett as he trekked toward her, his bag slung up on his shoulder. "You okay?"

She nodded, shifting her eyes away so that her brother wouldn't see right through her.

"You sure? You look flushed," Emmett stated, bringing his hand up to her forehead. "Are you getting sick? Maybe we should take you in for a check-up."

Bella shrugged his hand off, shook her head, and walked down to her locker. Emmett worried too much about her, but after everything they'd been through, she couldn't blame him. Emmett did everything he could to keep their family from falling apart.

Grabbing all the books she'd need to do her homework, she followed Emmett out to the jeep, where they found Jasper waiting for them with his earbuds in. Before they could get into the jeep, however, the doors to the school opened and Edward and Alice came out. Jasper's attention was immediately on Alice, and he watched as they walked down to Edward's car. She opened the passenger side door and looked at Jasper, a frown sliding onto her face. With a shake of her head, Alice climbed into Edward's car and closed the door.

Edward looked at Bella and sighed before joining Alice and driving off.

"What the hell was that about?" Emmett asked.

"Nothing," Jasper muttered, pushing away from the jeep and climbing into the backseat.

"Butterbean?" Emmett asked, and Bella looked over at him. "Something I need to know?"

Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth, and shook her head. Because right now, Emmett couldn't make anything better, no matter how much he'd want to. Bella climbed into the jeep and turned to Jasper, sliding her hand over his and giving it a soft squeeze.

"I'll make it right," he whispered as Emmett climbed in behind the wheel. "I don't know how, but I will make it right with her."

And Bella didn't doubt one bit that Jasper would do everything he could to make it right with Alice and Edward. Deep inside, Bella knew that Jasper needed Alice in ways that not even he understood.


	17. Chapter 17

17

Alice was waiting for Edward by his locker when the final bell of the day rang. He could tell by the look on her face that she wasn't in the mood to talk. Jasper Hale had done a real number on his sister, something he wasn't sure how to handle. The Alice he knew from before their world ended would have marched up to Jasper and declared them soul mates, but the new Alice — the one who was scared of her shadow and afraid to sleep because for those few hours, she'd find herself trapped in the backseat of their parents car again — struggled with anyone looking at her, or in Jasper's case not looking at her.

Once he had all his books in his backpack, Edward placed his hand on the back of her neck and led her out of the building. As seemed to always happen, his attention was pulled over to where Bella stood with Jasper and Emmett. While she was watching him, Jasper was staring at Alice. Edward wanted to believe that he really was sorry for how he'd treated his sister, but the fact was, he couldn't trust Jasper because he didn't know him. Was it possible that Jasper was just as fucked up as they were? Maybe. Edward didn't know, and right now, he didn't care. Alice had been through enough, and for some reason, she wanted Jasper to look at her.

Tightening his hold on her neck, Edward led her to his car. He saw the way she looked at him, the frown that pulled on her lips. He wanted the Alice who smiled all the time, who laughed, and begged him to let her paint his nails so she would know if the color would look good or not. Sparing Bella a look, Edward climbed into the car and drove him and Alice home.

When they pulled up in front of the house, he saw Carlisle sitting on the front steps. There were at least a dozen, large pumpkins around him. Alice and Edward shared a look before they climbed out and walked over to him.

"What the hell are those?" Edward asked, gesturing to the pumpkins.

"What the fuck do they look like?" Carlisle laughed, standing up. He moved over and stood next to Alice so that they were all facing the porch. He brought his hand up to the back of her neck. "What do you think, Pix? Are they like the ones you painted?"

Alice shrugged his hand off and walked onto the porch. "Not even close."

Walking into the house, Alice let the screen door slam shut behind her. Carlisle sighed and looked over at Edward. "She's never going to forgive me, is she?"

Edward shrugged. "Should she? You know how much she needs you, yet you lied to her."

"No, probably not," he muttered, stalking up the steps and walking into the house.

Feeling frustrated, Edward followed him inside just in time to see Carlisle going upstairs. A moment later, the sound of his bedroom door slamming shut echoed through the house. Dragging a hand through his hair, Edward tossed his backpack on the floor and lay down on the couch, wondering when life was going to stop sucking.

—SW—

The next morning, Edward dragged himself out of bed and took a cold shower, hoping it would wake him up. He hadn't been able to sleep. Instead, he'd spent hours looking up every website he could find that would teach him how to sign. Of course he hadn't learned much, but he could now spell the alphabet, say hello, thank you, and goodbye. It was a start, and he was determined to be able to talk with Bella without a piece of paper or their cell phones.

Once he was dressed, he shuffled downstairs and walked into the kitchen, once again finding Alice and Carlisle sitting in utter silence. Alice had locked herself in her room again, drawing who knows what all over her walls, while Carlisle had roamed the house. Edward wasn't sure which Carlisle he liked better: the one who locked himself away or the one who was everywhere.

When Edward asked him the night before how his first therapy session went, Carlisle merely shrugged his shoulder and said he didn't know. It killed Edward that their family was so damaged, and he couldn't help but feel the guilt rested entirely on his shoulders. If he hadn't been born with a fucked up heart, his parents wouldn't have died, Alice wouldn't have gotten burned, and Carlisle wouldn't have been forced to choose whether Edward lived or died.

"Heard this weekend is supposed to be kind of nice," Carlisle murmured. "Like the sun shining and everything."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Alice scoffed, sitting with her knees pulled up in front of her. The sides of her hands were smudged with orange paint, but Edward didn't question her, knowing she'd just deny that she was painting her memories on the wall again. Maybe he should let her; maybe it would be better for her to just drown in the memories of that night.

"Well, I was thinking," Carlisle started, suddenly sounding very nervous. "Maybe, we should . . . I don't know . . . go do something. You know, together."

"Like a happy little family?" Edward asked, his tone coming off much harsher than he intended. "WE should go to the park. Wouldn't that be fun? Just like old times! Oh, wait, I never got to go the park. I was always too fucking sick. Couldn't dare overexert myself, remember?" He snorted as he stood up and walked out of the kitchen. "Let's stop pretending that we were anything more than a fucked up mess, Car."

Grabbing his bag from next to the door, Edward yanked the front door open, stormed outside, and climbed into the car. Alice followed, sliding into the passenger seat without a word to him. He was being an asshole, but he'd spent his entire life watching his family from the sidelines because his parents were afraid that if he pushed himself too hard, his heart would give out. But never matter that he never went to the park, or got to play soccer, baseball, got to swim, or did anything that normal kids did. Edward's heart still failed. He still got sicker, until he found himself a breath away from death.

The moment Edward pulled into the parking space at school, Alice was out of the car. He followed, placing his hand on the back of her neck. Though he could tell she was pissed at him for being a douche, she still leaned into his touch, letting him hold her in the only way he could.

When they walked into the building, Edward was surprised to find Jasper and Bella standing just inside the doors. Jasper had his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans and his hair was handing in his face, but Edward could tell that he was nervous. Bella was watching them nervously, and Edward knew she was afraid of what was about to go down. So was Edward. He didn't like Jasper, but Alice felt a connection to him, one that he understood. He just didn't like it.

"Hey," Jasper murmured, tilting his head up and looking at Alice.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Um." Jasper paused, shifting his eyes to Bella, who was watching him with expectations. He turned back to Alice and offered her his hand. "Can — Can I walk you to class?"

Alice dropped her attention to his hand for a moment before looking back up at his eyes. "I don't trust you."

Jasper frowned. "I know."

"I don't give second chances," she said, and he nodded, letting his hand fall to his side. Alice reached over, threading her fingers in with his. Jasper snapped his attention up to hers. "Don't make me regret this."

"I won't," he whispered.

Alice shifted her eyes to Edward, giving him a one-shoulder shrug before she and Jasper headed toward their first class. Edward watched them until they turned the corner, then looked over at Bella, finding her watching him.

"Hey," he muttered.

Bella smiled and gave a little wave. She jerked her head in the direction of their class. "Can he be trusted?"

She sighed, and nodded.

But Edward wasn't convinced. He had hurt Alice the day before, lashed out at her. He made Alice cry, and Edward didn't like that. She'd cried enough in her life. "If you say so," he said. Bella grabbed the sleeve on his shirt and started pulling, indicating that he wanted her to follow him. "So, um, I did some research last night."

Bella cocked an eyebrow.

"On sign language," he clarified.

She nodded.

"I can't do much, of course," he added.

Bella reached over and grabbed the front of his shirt, stopping them before they could walk into the first period class. Lifting her eyes to him, she stared at him with expectation.

"What?" he asked.

She pursed his lips together and looked around before turning her eyes back to him. She brought her hands up in front of her and slowly spelt out, "S.H.O.W. M.E."

"Okay," he said, blowing out a deep breath and bringing his hand up to his forehead, pushing it away and signing 'Hello.'

Bella smiled and returned the gesture.

Edward grinned as he brought his hand to his mouth, pushed his fingers out and down in an arch, giving the sign for 'Thank you.'

Bella's smile widened as she nodded.

"And um, I also learned this one," he said, raising his right arm and bending his fingers toward the palm of his hand. "Goodbye."

She frowned, shaking her head.

"What? I did that right!" he exclaimed.

She nodded as she pulled her cell phone out and texted him. Edward frowned as he read the message, "I don't like you saying goodbye."

Edward shoved his phone into his pocket, before placing his hand under her chin and tilting her head backward. "I'm not saying goodbye."

Bella nodded, but whether she meant that she understood or if she was saying that he was, Edward didn't know. And he didn't have time to ask her because the bell rang, which meant they were late for class. When they stepped into the room, Emmett glared at them, but didn't say anything. Edward followed Bella to their seats and sat down so Emmett could start his class.

When the bell rang, Edward and Bella made to leave, but Emmett asked them to stay back, something that appeared to annoy Bella. She crossed her arms in front of her and glared at her brother as everyone shuffled out of the room, but not without looking back at them both. The moment the room was empty, Emmett turned to them.

"Care to explain why you were late?" he asked.

Edward shifted his eyes to Bella, but didn't say anything.

She rolled her eyes as she lifted her hands and began signing. Of course, Edward couldn't read what she was saying. Emmett, however, appeared genuinely surprised. "Really?"

Bella nodded.

Emmett turned to Edward. "She says you're trying to learn how to sign."

"Um," he stammered. "I just thought . . ."

"It's a good idea," Emmett said. "But you're not going to get anywhere online, Edward." He paused and looked at Bella for a moment before added. "I'll teach you."

Bella's eyes widened and she looked at Edward.

"What?" Edward choked out.

"I'll teach you." Emmett shrugged his shoulders.

"I, um . . ." Edward shook his head. "I don't know."

"Just think it over, okay?"

He nodded.

"You'd better get to your next class," Emmett said, walking back around his desk.

Bella grabbed Edward's shirt again and dragged him toward the door. They made it to their classroom just before the bell rang. Muttering an apology, Edward took the seat behind Bella and attempted to pay attention, but couldn't. Would Emmett really be open to teaching him how to sign?

The morning dragged on. Each class felt like it took twice as long as the previous. When they walked into the library, they found Esme sitting in the middle of the floor with at least two-hundred books piled up around her. She shifted her eyes up to them, sighing in relief.

"Thank God you're both here," she groused, scrambling to her feet. "We need to get these books scanned into the system, and shelved."

Bella tossed her backpack down on the floor next to the door before walking around the counter and grabbing the cart. She pushed it over to Esme, bent over, and lifted an armful of books off the floor and placed them on the cart. Edward smiled as he followed her over and began to help. And for a brief moment, he didn't feel like his life was falling apart.

**Thank you for the reviews. I'm sorry about the lack of updates, but blah, blah, blah. You don't really care why. I'm still working on these, but I can't promise speedy updates, so please have patience.**


	18. Chapter 18

18

Bella was astounded that Edward had gone through all the trouble to attempt to learn sign language just so that she could talk to him. Granted, he didn't know much, but the fact that he'd make the effort spoke volumes. Then add in Emmett's offer to teach him, and Bella was starting to feel like she was in the twilight zone. She needed Edward, as a friend or maybe as something more, and the fact that her brother not only saw this, but was willing to make their relationship easier by teaching him how to sign meant the world.

As the bell rang signaling lunch, Bella placed the last book she'd scanned into the system on the book cart, waved at Esme, who was still surrounded by books, and grabbed her backpack, knowing that Edward was right behind her. While they walked toward the cafeteria, she looked at him. He almost seemed happy, relaxed. After learning about his heart, and hearing how much guilt he carried for his parent's death, the scars that marred Alice's body, and the pain Carlisle felt for having to pick him over their mother, Bella worried about him.

Of course, she understood about guilt. If she hadn't begged Charlie and Renee to allow her to enter the contest, if Jasper's parents hadn't insisted on going with them to offer support, their entire lives would be different. Sure, Bella would have lost her voice due the tumor, but her mom and dad would be there with here, holding her when she cried, telling her how beautiful she was. Jasper and Rose would have their parents, but life was what it was and there was no point playing the "what if" game. All that did was lead to more heartache.

Jasper and Alice were standing outside of the cafeteria when they walked up. Bella had been surprised when Jasper offered Alice his hand, when he took a chance and put himself on the line. She was worth it, Bella knew, but to see Jasper leaving himself open to being hurt worried her. He was her best friend, the only person, beside Edward, who knew how much Bella struggled to get though one day and into the next.

"Hey," Jasper murmured, shifting his eyes to Bella.

She waved, trying to smile.

Alice was fidgeting nervously next to Jasper, who was still holding her hand. Edward cleared his throat, looked at her for a moment before turning his attention to Jasper. "She likes it when I put my hand on the back of her neck."

Jasper nodded. "Okay."

"Hurt her and I hurt you," he said before sliding his hand into Bella's and leading her into the cafeteria. Bella smiled and leaned toward her. His hand felt right in her, though she couldn't explain why. They were friends, or not just friends, yet she wasn't sure what they were. All she knew was that he made breathing easier. "You want a burger?"

Bella nodded and pointed to the fries.

"Okay," he whispered, and Bella knew how uncomfortable he was with the way everyone stared at him. She hated it, too, but she'd had three years of their constant watching. Edward grabbed a tray with his free hand and pulled two burgers, two fries, and two bottles of lemonade onto it before leading Bella to the cashier. She pulled on his hand, causing him to look at her as she dug some money out of her pocket and shoved it toward the cashier. "I was going to pay for our lunch."

She shrugged her shoulders, smirking.

"Fine, but next time it's my turn. Okay?"

Bella nodded, because there would be a next time and that made her happy.

Edward led her toward the table that he and Alice usually sit at and placed the tray down before pulling a chair out for her. He still held her hand, almost like he was afraid to let her go. She was, too. She needed him to hold her, to keep her in his life. The thought of not having him with her every day scared her, causing her to flinch inwardly.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, leaning toward her.

She shook her head.

"You sure?" he asked, and when she nodded, he didn't push it. Instead, he placed one of the burgers and one order of fries in front of her, before grabbing one of the lemonades, tilting it toward her. "Twist the cap."

Bella smiled and used her free hand to open the bottle, still loving the fact that he refused to release her hand. It was silly and goofy, but she liked it. Repeating the process with the second bottle of lemonade, Edward placed one in front of her and picked up the burger, taking a big bite as Alice and Jasper sat down.

For several minutes the four of them ate in silence. However, unlike the last time they'd found themselves sitting around the table together, the air wasn't thick with anticipation or nerves. No, it was comfortable and serene, almost like this was the way they had been meant to be.

As Bella ate her burger, with one hand, she noticed the way Jasper had his body angled toward Alice, the protective aura that radiated off of him. She had never seen him like this with anyone, not even her, and Bella knew that Jasper would take a bullet for her if such a situation ensued. Of course, he'd laugh and nudge her with his elbow as he said, "Not in the head, but maybe the leg or arm. You know, somewhere safe."

That was Jasper, though. He always tried to make her laugh. When she found herself laying in that bed with no voice, her parents lost to her, his parents dead, he did everything he could to make her smile and laugh, even though he was grieving inside.

"Hey," Jasper murmured, drawing Bella's attention to him. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head, feeling tears sprinkle down her cheeks. Embarrassment washed over her as she dropped her burger on the paper plate and grabbed a napkin, quickly wiping them away.

"Hey," Edward whispered and when she looked at him, she saw so many emotions in his eyes: hope, anger, longing, maybe even happiness. "You're crying."

Bella frowned, wishing she could tell him that she was okay, that for the first time in three years she almost felt normal. She had friends, other than Jasper, people who cared about her. Right now, in that moment, she didn't feel like a freak, but she was one. A muted freak who would never be able to tell him how much she needed him, how much she cared about him unless she used sign language, pen and paper, or her cell phone. Bella wanted her life back.

Closing her eyes for a moment, she shrugged her shoulders, trying to tell them that it wasn't a big deal, but she knew Jasper and Edward didn't believe her. Alice's attention was on her food, and Bella knew she was making a conscious effort not to stare at her. Last time, Jasper had yelled at her, and Bella suspected that Alice needed Jasper just like Bella needed Edward.

Shifting her eyes down to Alice's hands, she noticed orange smudges of paint. Bella tapped her nails on the table in front of Alice, causing her to look up at her with wide, fearful eyes. It hurt that Alice was so afraid of her, but Bella understand. Alice had lived through hell, the only difference was that her scars were visible where Bella's weren't.

Smiling at Alice, Bella pointed to Alice's hand and lifted an eyebrow.

"What?" Alice asked.

Bella pointed to her hands again, trying to get her to understand.

But Alice looked frustrated. "What? I don't know what you're saying!"

Huffing, Bella shifted her eyes to Edward, hoping he'd help. He looked from her, to Alice's hands, before sighing. "She's asking about the paint," he murmured.

"Oh," Alice whispered, tucking her hands in her lap. "I'm an artist, I guess. I'm always getting paint everywhere."

Bella smiled and nodded.

"Are you good?" Jasper asked, his voice low and soft.

Alice shrugged. "I don't know."

"She's amazing," Edward murmured, tightening his hold on Bella's hand. "When she's painting the right shit, at least."

Hurt sprang up in Alice's eyes, but she looked away. Bella frowned, hating the way Edward had disregarded Alice's feelings, and when she pulled on his hand, causing him to look at her, she tilted her head toward Alice.

"What?" he whispered.

Bella rolled her eyes and tried to release his hand, but he held on tighter. The act both thrilled her and scared her. She'd only known him for a couple of weeks, yet she felt this need to always be touching him. It wasn't rational or normal, but it was what it was, and she couldn't fight it so she kept her hand and in his and dug out her cell phone, laying it on the table so she could text him.

Edward grumbled when his phone went off and he pulled it out of his pocket, reading her message and frowning before looking over at Alice. "Pix," he said, pulling her attention away from the uneaten food in front of her. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she whispered, bringing her hand up and wrapping it around the back of her neck so that her hair hid the orange smudges.

"No, it's not," he grumbled, leaning forward and placing his elbow on the table. "Eat, Pix."

Alice nodded and picked up half the turkey sandwich she'd bought, taking a small bit off the corner.

The rest of lunch passed in silence. Jasper kept his body turned toward Alice, but Bella saw his eyes darting around the room. She'd been surprised when Jasper told her to wait next to the door that morning instead of hiding out under the stairwell like they normally did. And she was even more surprised when he offered Alice his hand, knowing how much he had hurt her the day before. She knew he was terrified of opening himself up to her, allowing her to see the real Jasper, but he needed her.

When the bell rang, Jasper was the first one to his feet. He gathered his and Alice's trash before slowly bringing his hand up to the back of her neck. It seemed to Bella that Alice melted into his touch, and when Edward shoved their trash onto the tray and tightened his hold on her hand, she understand exactly what Alice felt: peace.

Edward held her hand as they walked down to their lockers. Once they'd grabbed their books, he slipped his hand into hers once again, giving her a pleading look when she shifted her attention to him. Smiling, she leaned closer toward him and hoped that he'd understand that she wanted him to hold her hand as much as he wanted to be the one holding it.

Unfortunately, they didn't have a chance to talk for the rest of the day. Dr. Banner surprised them with a pop quiz, that took the entire hour to complete, and then in trig, Mr. Varner seemed to think today was a good day to review the last chapter, in preparation for a for a test on Friday. However, every time a class ended, Edward was by her side, his hand wrapped around hers. Bella loved every minute of it.

"Lot of homework tonight," he murmured as they stopped by her locker.

Bella nodded as she opened it and began shoving her books into her backpack.

"Maybe . . ." He trailed off.

Bella snapped her fingers at him and when he looked at her, she cocked an eyebrow trying to get him to continue.

"I, um, was just thinking," he muttered, shifting his eyes to the floor. "We have the same homework, and um, thought, maybe, we could . . . do it together."

Bella smiled as she placed her hand under his chin and tilted his head back so she could look in his eyes. She nodded, causing a wide grin to spread over his face.

"Yeah? You want to come over or I could go to your house," he suggested.

Bella released a deep breath before pointing at him and then at her.

"I'll come to your house," he understood and she nodded. "I, um, just need to drop Alice off at home."

She nodded and closed her locker.

"So, I'll be like five minutes. Maybe ten," he said, shoving his books in his bag as quickly as he could.

Bella laughed silently and placed her hand on his arm, causing him to look over at her.

He sighed as his ears turned pink. "Sorry."

She waved him off, trying to tell him that it was okay. Leaning up on her toes, she kissed his cheek. Before he could say anything, Bella turned and walked away. Her heart was racing at the mere thought of him coming to her house.

Emmett was just walking out of his classroom when she walked up to him. She grabbed his arm and started pulling him down the hall.

"Butterbean, why are you pulling me?" He laughed, grabbing her around the waist and halting her movement.

Taking a deep breath, she bit her bottom lip before bringing her hands up in front of her and signing, "Edward Cullen is coming over to do homework."

Emmett's eyes widen and for a moment Bella wondered if he would be pissed that she was having someone over without talking to him. "Wow."

Bella nodded, because wow just about summed it up for her, too.

"Okay, well, let's go," he said, walking past her.

Bella frowned as she followed him, grabbing his arm and pulling him to a stop. When he looked back at her, she signed, "You're not mad, are you?"

"Why would I be mad?" he asked, laughing at the same time.

She shrugged her shoulders.

Emmett sighed. "He seems nice, and like he could use a friend or two, so it's fine."

Bella pursed her lips together as she once again used her hands to say, "You're not normally so cool. What happened to you?"

"First, I've always been cool." He smirked, winking at her. "Second, what did you think I would do? Yell and scream how my little sister can't have a boyfriend."

Bella's eyes widened, but she nodded.

Emmett smiled. "Look, I trust you, butterbean. And Edward seems like a nice kid, one that's been through a lot. I don't know. I guess, I just see how different you are now, and I want to see that continue."

"Different?" she signed.

"Happier," he told her. "You smile when he's around, and he's willing to learn sign language for you. That must mean something, right?"

"I guess," she motioned. "Is that why you offered to teach him? Because he's different?"

"Yes," he said, "and no. I offered to teach him because he's not going to learn anything from the net. But, I worry about him. He's . . . I don't know, butterbean. I think Dad would have done the same thing, ya know?"

Bella nodded, because the Charlie Swan from three years ago would have made every effort to ease the burden Edward felt for his family's deconstruction. With tears filling her eyes, Bella looped her arm in with Emmett's and led him outside. He was a good brother.

**Thank you for all the reviews. That Emmett snuck up on me and made me cry!**


	19. Chapter 19

19

Edward watched Bella walk down the hallway, wondering what in the hell he had just done. Had he really just asked Bella to study with him? Was it a date? A feeling of nausea overcame him. He didn't know how to date. He'd never even spent time alone with a girl, other than Alice. She was his sister and didn't count. Even with her, because he was always so sick that his time alone with her had been limited.

"Hey," Alice murmured, coming up to him and leaning against the lockers. When he looked over at her, her eyes flew open. "What's wrong?"

Edward wasn't sure how to explain. Before their lives went to Hell, she had been upbeat and popular. She had spent the majority of her time at friends' houses, but not him. He'd always been too fragile. Even if his parents would have allowed him to go, he didn't have any friends. And Bella wasn't just a friend; she was more.

"Um," he started. "I think I might have asked Bella out on a date."

Her eyes widened more. "What?"

Edward shook his head. "I don't know. I mean, we were standing here talking about homework, and then I suggested that she and I should do it together. Is that a date?"

Alice rolled her eyes. "No," she scoffed. "For it to be a date, you have to pick her up at her house and take her to dinner. Maybe a movie. But doing homework at our house is not a date."

"I'm going to her house," Edward whispered, cringing when she frowned.

"Oh," she murmured. "So, I'll be home . . . alone."

"Yeah," he told her.

She nodded, shifting her eyes to the floor.

Edward slid his hand up to the back of her neck. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about you being alone. I'll text her and tell her to forget it."

"Don't," Alice whimpered, pulling away from him. "Go and have fun. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

Before Edward could say anything, Alice walked away from him. Sighing, he followed, knowing that she was terrified of being alone. He should have thought about how she would feel, instead of being selfish and putting himself first. They reached his car just as Emmett's jeep was leaving the parking lot.

"She's different than other people," she whispered, letting her attention linger on backend of their jeep.

"She is," he agreed, sliding his hand up to the back of her neck. "So is he, isn't he?"

Alice looked over at him. "I don't know. I think he wants to be, but I don't know if he can be."

"Why'd you let him hold your hand?" Edward asked. "After yesterday, why'd you just go with him?"

Alice huffed. "Because I want what you have with Bella. I want someone who will see me, who . . ." She shook her head. "Who won't look at how damaged my body is and run away. Jasper feels right to me, Edward. His hand fit in with mine. I don't know, maybe it sounds nuts."

"It doesn't," he disagreed.

"Is that how you feel about her?" she asked, looking up at him.

Edward nodded.

"You smile with her," she whispered, and Edward wasn't sure what to say. She made it sound like a bad thing. Alice sighed. "Would Mom have liked her?"

"Mom liked everyone," Edward murmured. "But she would have loved Bella. And probably Jasper."

"Yeah, not Dad, though," she whispered. "He wouldn't like that Jasper looked at me at all."

"No, he wouldn't," Edward laughed. "But only because Dad didn't think anyone was good enough for you."

They climbed in, but instead of him driving to their house, Edward drove them to Bella's. Alice looked over at him with wide eyes. Edward needed her to understand that Bella wasn't trying to come between them, but was trying to befriend them both. Sighing, Edward opened the car door and climbed out, walking around to her side and helping her out. He placed his hand on the back of her neck, both to support her and because his own nerves were getting the best of him. They'd barely stepped onto the porch when the door was opened and they found themselves face to face with Bella. She shifted her eyes from Edward to Alice, offering them both a welcoming smile before gesturing for them to go inside.

Edward could feel his sister trembling, and knew how hard it was for his sister to step over the threshold and walk into the house. Tightening his hold on her neck, he nudged her softly. Bella shut the door behind them. It was then that Edward saw Emmett, Rose, and Esme sitting in the living room, all three of them looking back at him and Alice.

"Hi," the three of them said together.

"Um, hey," Edward muttered, the awkwardness of the moment settling over him.

Bella rolled her eyes as she slipped her hand in Edward's and pulled them toward the stairs. She'd just put her foot on the bottom step when Emmett said, "Butterbean." Grimacing, she looked over at him. "The door stays open."

Bella narrowed her eyes before she released Edward's hand, and began to sign. The dramatic movements in her hands had Emmett, Rose, and Esme laughing, which just appeared to irritate Bella more. Grabbing Edward's hand once again, she tugged, almost seeming to beg him to follow her. Whatever she had told them hadn't been pleasant, that much Edward knew.

They'd just stepped onto the landing when the door to the left side of the hall opened, and Jasper leaned against the frame. He looked over at Alice, a small smile tugging on his lips. "Hey."

"Hey," she whispered.

"I didn't know you were coming over," Jasper murmured, shifting nervously.

"Me either," she replied. "But apparently these two can't handle being apart for like two seconds."

Jasper's lips twitched as he fought a smile. "Kind of disgusting, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah."

He shifted his eyes from Alice to Edward and then to Bella before looking back at her and holding his hand out to her. "If you wanted, you could hang out with me. At least that way you won't have to watch them making goo-goo eyes at each other."

Edward shifted his attention over to Alice, unsure of how she would react. A smile tugged at her lips as she said, "Yeah, okay."

And pulling herself away from Edward, she walked past Jasper and into his room. Jasper shifted his eyes to Edward before following her, wisely leaving the door open. Not that Edward worried that he would hurt Alice. It was clear to him that he cared for her, but she was fragile and if she got scared, he would need to be close.

Bella tugged on his hand, and when he looked over at her, she tilted her head toward her bedroom. Edward followed her inside and looked around. Her room was a typical girl's room. The walls were a soft yellow, and her furniture all matched, but her walls were covered in posters of her favorite bands, and she had several shelves filled with CDs, vinyl records, and even a few cassette tapes.

Blowing out a deep breath, Edward shifted his attention to Bella, who was watching him with expectation. "You have a nice room."

She shrugged her shoulders and climbed onto the bed, placing her backpack on her lap. Looking back at Edward, she reached over and patted the mattress next to her. He smiled as he climbed on next to her, letting his own bag rest next to him.

"Is it okay that I brought Pix?" he asked.

Bella smiled and nodded.

"She just . . ." He paused. "She's never really been alone before, and I couldn't do that to her."

Bella frowned as she shifted up so she could pull her cell phone out of her pocket. Her fingers flew over the keyboards. A moment later, she lifted her head toward Edward and smiled as his phone pinged with a new message.

Laughing at her excitement, he dug his phone out of his back pocket and opened his messages, reading her text out loud, "Stop apologizing for needing your sister. She's important to you, and I understand that. Besides, I like Alice. She makes Jasper smile, and I haven't seen him smile in a long time." Edward shifted his eyes over to Bella. "You amaze me."

Her eyebrow lifted.

"I just mean . . ." Edward paused, trying to organize his thoughts. "I've never met anyone like you before, Bella. After . . ." He gestured to his chest, ". . . people stared at us, gawked at us all the time. In the hospital, we were the poor Cullen kids, whose parents died on the way in. Pix had months of recovery because of the burns. She was in so much pain, and people just stared at her. Car was trying to be there for her, while making sure that I was okay. He was tired and lost, and . . ."

Edward shook his head. "I don't think he allowed himself the chance to grieve our parents. He gave up his internship because of us, because we needed him. And, I guess, we depended on him much, and he turned to hurting himself."

Bella reached out and covered his hand, drawing his attention up to her. She was frowning.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to share all that," he whispered.

She kept his hand in hers as she reached up and placed her other hand on his cheek. He leaned into her touch, and he found himself lost in her brown, soulful eyes. "Bella," he whispered, the word tumbling out of his mouth before he could stop it.

She smiled as she leaned toward him. Just as her lips were almost on his, the sound of someone stomping up the stairs filled the air, causing the two to pull away from each other. They looked over to her bedroom door just as Emmett appeared in the doorway.

He smirked as he looked from her to Edward. "How's the homework going?" he asked, shifting his eyes to their untouched backpacks.

Edward looked at Bella, who brought her hands up in front of her and began to sign. More than anything, he wished he knew what she was saying because whatever it was had Emmett laughing.

"Fine, fine, whatever, butterbean," he scoffed, shifting his eyes over to Edward. "You and Alice want to stay for dinner?"

"Um," Edward stammered. "My brother will be expecting us, so . . ."

"Invite him," Emmett suggested. "We're ordering pizzas. Not allergic to anything, are you?"

Edward shook his head.

"Okay." Without another word, Emmett left them alone.

Edward looked over at Bella, who was smiling. "Are you okay with us staying?"

Bella rolled her eyes, but nodded her head.

"I guess I should text Car," he whispered, picking up his phone off the bed.

Edward sent a quick text to Carlisle, telling him about the invitation. Less than a minute later, he received a reply. Though he could tell just from the message that Carlisle wasn't thrilled with the idea, he agreed.

Though Edward wanted nothing more than to close the distance between him and Bella, to press his lips against hers, he didn't. Instead, they pulled out their biology books and began working on their homework. Every few minutes, though, he'd look up at her and catch her watching him, or she'd catch him watching her. Either way, her cheeks would turn red and she'd smile as she looked away.

Before they started on their trig homework, Bella climbed off the bed and walked over to her stereo, turning on some music. She closed her eyes as the song poured out of the speakers and she swayed from side to side. Edward pushed his book off his lap and climbed off the bed, walking up behind her and placing her hand on his shoulder. Bella turned her head just slightly and looked up at him. Tears filled her eyes and her lips trembled.

"Dance with me," he whispered before he could stop himself.

She nodded and turned toward him, placing her hands on his chest. Edward couldn't stop the shiver that trickled through him as slid his hands along her hips, tugging her body against his. Her mouth opened as she shifted her up to hers. Afraid he'd made the wrong move, he loosened his grip on her, but before he could step backward, she wrapped her arms around his neck. Edward smiled and slid his arms around her back, burying her face in his neck.

The feeling of her in his arms had his body tingling. He'd never danced with anyone, never held someone that wasn't his mom or sister so close, yet it felt like Bella belonged in his arms, like she had been meant to be there. Edward tightened his arms around her, sliding one hand up to the back of her head and threading his fingers in her hair.

Bella tilted her head back and looked up at him, her eyes drifting down to his lips. His was racing as he leaned down and kissed her.

In that moment, that brief amazing moment, everything in his life felt perfect. He wasn't the boy with the heart problem, the boy whose mom and dad died in a fiery crash, the boy whose mom gave him a heart so he would live. No, the moment his lips touched her, he was just a boy kissing a girl.

**I swooned a little over Edward in this chapter. He's like this little nervous puppy who wants her, but is afraid of making the move.**


	20. Chapter 20

20

Bella couldn't believe that Edward was kissing her. His arms were wrapped around her, holding her firmly against his body. Her eyes filled with tears, though she managed to keep them from falling. She'd never kissed a boy, or danced with a boy, or allowed a boy to hold her like this, but then again, Edward wasn't just any boy. He was more.

"Whoa." The sound of Esme's voice caused both of them to jump back and look at the door. She was standing with her body toward the hallway, one hand on the doorjamb. "Sorry."

Bella snapped her fingers toward her sister, causing Esme to look over at her. She brought her hands up and began to sign. "Don't make a big deal out of this! Please! And don't tell Em or Rose. Or, fuck, Jasper. Please, Esme? Please! I'll love you forever and ever!"

Esme smiled and looked over at Edward before shifting her attention back to Bella. "Okay, I won't. Pizza will be here in half an hour."

Bella nodded and folded her arms in front of her chest. Esme smiled wider before she turned and walked away from the room, the sound of her sister's laughter trickling into the room. Bella grimaced as she threw herself on her bed, burying her face in her pillow, leaving Edward just standing there. Bella looked over at him, lifting a hand and curling one finger in his direction. Edward smiled as he walked over and climbed onto the bed, lying in front of her. He slid one arm under head and placed his hand on her hip.

"That was weird," he whispered.

She nodded, laying her leg over his.

"I like this," he murmured, and when she lifted her eyebrow, he added, "Holding you like this. I like it."

Bella smiled and nodded.

"I don't know if you feel the same or what's going on between us, but . . ." He trailed off.

She placed her hand on his face before she leaned up and pressed her lips against his. Edward moaned, tightening his grip on her hip. She leaned back, stroking her cheek with her fingers. She opened her mouth several times, but no sound came out. A tear fell down her face, which he was quick to wipe away. There was so much she wanted to tell him, but she couldn't because Bella's voice refused to work. Once again, she felt like a freak.

"I'm sorry," Edward whispered. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

She shook her head before sitting up and grabbing her cell phone. Another tear fell down her face as she typed out her message, but she ignored it. A moment later, Edward's phone pinged, and he reached over and grabbed it, opening the text and reading it out loud.

"I like you, Edward. And it scares me. You make me feel so . . . normal." He looked over at her. "I do?"

She nodded, a red tint filling her cheeks.

"I, um, I don't know how to do this," he admitted.

She cocked an eyebrow.

"Dating or whatever we're calling this. I told you; I've never even had a friend, much less a girlfriend."

A wide smile spread across her face as she pointed to him and then to her before clenching her fist and brushing her thumb across her jaw twice, then pressing the tips of her index fingers together, shifting them around and curling them together in the middle.

"I don't understand," Edward grumbled.

Bella huffed, feeling frustrated as she attempted to spell out her words, knowing that he'd learned the alphabet for her.

But again, Edward frowned and shook his head. "Sorry, but I don't know what you're saying."

"She's asking if you want her to be your girlfriend," Jasper said, drawing their attention to the doorway, where he and Alice stood. He mimicked Bella's sign. "That means girlfriend."

"Oh." Edward looked over at Bella. "I kind of just assumed. I'm sorry if that was wrong."

Bella grabbed his hands and shook her head before bringing her hands up once again and signing, knowing that Jasper would interrupt for her.

"She says," Jasper started, "I do want to be your girlfriend. Just that nobody's ever asked me before."

"Nobody?" Edward asked, and she shook her head. "Oh."

"Pizza is here!" Emmett yelled from downstairs just as the doorbell rang. "Hurry, or we're eating it all."

Jasper laughed as he wrapped his hand around the back of Alice's neck and led her downstairs. Bella gave Edward an exasperated look before she climbed off the bed and held her hand out to him. He smiled as he took it and slipped off the bed, allowing her to lead the way down to the kitchen where Rose, Emmett, Esme, Jasper, and Alice were waiting for them. Bella saw Edward shift his eyes toward Alice, knowing how nervous she would be with everyone around her. She was sitting in a chair next to Jasper, who had one arm on the back of her chair and his body angled toward her. They both had a slice of cheese pizza in front of them, but Alice hadn't touched hers. Bella and Edward took the empty seats next to her and accepted a slice from Emmett.

"Eat, Pix," he whispered, causing her to look up at him. She nodded before picking up the pizza and nibbling a bite off the end. Edward picked up his pizza and had just taken a bit when someone knocked on the front door. Everyone turned and looked over, but nobody moved.

Bella stood up and took a deep breath before she walked out of the kitchen and to the front door. When she pulled it open, she found Carlisle standing there with his back toward the door. He looked over at her.

"Um, this is the Swan house, right?" he asked.

Bella smiled and nodded, opening the door wider and motioning for him to come inside.

"Thanks," he murmured, walking past her. He kept the front of his body facing her, like he was afraid that she was going to attack him. Maybe he was.

She ignored the protective aura he put off and gestured for him to follow her into the kitchen, where everyone looked from her to him. Carlisle shifted nervously next to Bella, his hands shoved into the pockets of his faded blue jeans and his green eyes shifted from each person, landing on Esme last.

"Hey, sorry I'm late," Carlisle murmured.

"It's okay," Esme replied, smiling as she grabbed a paper plate, placed a slice of pizza on it and walked across the kitchen, handing it to him. "Pepperoni okay?"

He nodded. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Esme said. "Can I get you a drink? We have tea, water, grape Kool aide. I could make some coffee, if you'd like."

"I've had way too much coffee today," Carlisle laughed softly. "Um, some tea would be good, though."

"Okay," she giggled, pulling open the fridge and pulling out a pitcher of tea. She filled two glasses, handing one to Carlisle before taking a sip out of the other.

Bella rolled her eyes and snapped her fingers at her sister, lifting an eyebrow in her direction.

"What?" Esme asked.

She gestured to the glass of tea, and then to herself, silently asking if she was going to offer everyone a glass.

"You have two hands. Get it yourself," Esme scoffed before grabbing a slice of pizza and stuffing it into her mouth.

Bella grimaced and looked down at Edward, titling her head toward the tea.

"Please," he whispered.

She nodded and looked at Alice.

"If you don't mind," she murmured. Bella shook her head and smiled, hoping that Alice would see that she was genuine.

After asking Jasper, Emmett, and Rose, all with a pointed look, Bella poured everyone a glass of tea and placed them on the table before sitting back next to Edward, smiling at him. He returned the smile before helping himself to another slice of pizza. He'd just brought it to his mouth when Alice reached over and grabbed a slice, causing Edward to look over at her. Bella smiled when she noticed the way Jasper kept his hand on the back of her neck.

"So," Emmett said, ending the awkward silence that had filled the room. "Where'd y'all move from?"

Bella felt Edward tense next to her as Carlisle said, "Chicago."

"Wow, this has got to be a big change," Esme said, angling her body toward him. "What brought you to Forks?"

With everyone's attention on him, Carlisle brought his hand up and ran it through his hair, much like Edward did when he was uncomfortable. Knowing the reasons why, Bella slapped her hand on the table, drawing everyone's attention to hers. Her blush filled her cheeks as she brought her hands up and started signing.

"She says she doesn't know about Edward, Jasper, and Alice, but she's dreading the homework assignment for Emmett's class because he tends to ramble on about stupid shit," Esme interrupted before she started laughing.

"I do not!" Emmett exclaimed, bringing his hand to his chest and acting all offended. From the corner of her eye, Bella saw Edward smile when he looked over at her. However, she rolled her eyes and brought her hands up again, signing once more. "You do, too. I think you're in love with William Shakespeare. If I was Rose, I'd be worried about you're unhealthy infatuation with a man who used to have men dress like women. Some might think you're gay."

Rose, Esme, and Jasper burst out laughing as Emmett spit out the mouthful of tea he'd just drank all over the pizza.

"Ew!" Rose whined, still laughing. "Now, we can't have anymore!"

Bella slid her hand over and placed it on Edward's arm, drawing his attention to her. When he looked at her, she winked, causing him to smile. She loved his smile, the way it made his eyes crinkle at the corners.

"Yo, butterbean," Emmett belted, causing her to flinch when she looked over at him. "You have trash duty tonight."

Bella grimaced as she pushed away from the table and grabbed the bag from him. However, when she turned toward the front door, Edward was standing there.

"Here," he said, tugging it out of her hand. "I'll do it."

She shook her head and tried to take it back, but he refused. Huffing, she stomped her foot and gestured with her hand for him to give the bag to her, but Edward smirked and shook his head.

"I'm taking it out," he said. "Just deal with it."

Rolling her eyes, Bella waved a hand in the air and let it go, knowing it was useless to argue with him. He looked all too excited as he turned and walked out of the house. Bella stood in the doorway and watched as he walked to the end of the driveway and tossed the bag into the plastic trash bin.

"He never got to do stuff like that." At the sound of Alice's voice, Bella looked over at her. "He was always too weak, so Mom and Dad wouldn't let him do chores." She smiled. "I used to tell him he was lucky, because washing dishes sucks, but he just smiled."

Bella nodded and shifted her eyes to Edward, who was trying to make sure the lid was on tight, and she understood why he was so insistent on taking out the trash. It made him feel normal, or as normal as he could get at least.

"Don't hurt him," she whispered, causing Bella to look at her again. "He likes you, and if you're not really into him, it will destroy him. He's been through enough."

Bella's eyes filled with tears as she brought her hands up to her heart, placing one on top of the other, and then gestured to Edward, trying to explain that she cared for Edward, that he was important to her. Her lips trembled, and once again, she wished she had the ability to speak, to make Alice understand.

As Edward turned and headed back up to the house, Alice walked back into the kitchen. Jasper had been leaning against the doorjamb, and it was clear based on the look on his face that he'd heard Alice. Bella turned away as a tear traveled down her cheek. She was just wiping it away when Edward walked up to her, his smile dropping immediately.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, bringing his hands to her face.

She shook her head, and wrapped her arms around his waist, trying to like hell to keep control of her emotions. Though she expected him to question her more, he didn't. Instead, he slid his arms down her arms and around her, nestling her against him. A feeling of peace filled her.

It wasn't until a voice cleared behind them that they were pulled out of their small, private bubble. They looked back and saw Carlisle standing there looking awkward.

"Um, sorry," he stammered. "It's getting late, and . . . Sorry."

"It's okay," Edward muttered, while Bella smiled, or tried to at least. She was reeling inside, the feeling scaring the shit out of her. "We, um, should probably go."

Though she didn't want to let him leave, Bella nodded and stepped away from him, feeling the loss immediately. What was wrong with her? This boy, this amazing boy, had her acting like she was never going to see him again. She'd only met him a few weeks ago, yet now he was her boyfriend. Edward didn't see her as a freak or a loser. He made her feel beautiful and wanted. Another tear slipped down her face, but before she could wipe it way, she felt Edward's hand on her cheek. She shifted her attention to him, finding him smiling.

"Me too," he whispered, and she knew that he was feeling just as overwhelmed as she was.

Bella leaned into his hand, letting him hold her in the simplest of ways. However, Carlisle cleared his throat again. Her cheeks warmed as she looked over at him, smiling softly. Esme came up behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder. Carlisle's eyes fluttered to a close as a soft breath blew out of his lungs. However, a moment later, his eyes snapped open and looked over at Esme.

"Don't," he whispered, shrugging off her touch and walked past Edward and Bella. They watched as he climbed into his car and drove away, leaving Edward and Alice there.

Edward shook his head. "Sorry. He's . . ."

"It's okay, Edward," Esme said, though Bella could see the hurt in her eyes. "I'm just going to . . ." She trailed off before she turned and walked upstairs. A moment later, Bella heard her bedroom door close.

Bella frowned and looked up at Edward.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

She nodded.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

Bella smiled before she leaned up and kissed him, feeling him sigh against her.

A few minutes later, she watched as Edward and Alice drove away. She closed the door behind her, leaning against it and taking a deep breath. The sound of Emmett's laughter drew her attention to where he stood, leaning against the doorway to the kitchen.

"Did you get your homework done?" he asked.

Bella bit her lip as she signed, "Most of it. Still have your assignment to do and a few problems from trig."

Emmett nodded before he pushed away from the doorjamb and walked over to Bella. Without saying a word, he leaned down and kissed the top of her head, then headed down to his and Rose's room. Bella could hear Rose piddling around in the kitchen, probably getting her coffee set up for in the morning.

Pushing away from the door, Bella walked upstairs, but before she went into her room, she stopped at Jasper's room, knocking on the door to pull his attention away from the book he was reading.

"Hey," he said, patting his bed.

Bella shook her head and brought her hands up. "I can't hang out. I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You know, with Alice."

Jasper smiled. "Yeah, I think I'm okay. Scared shitless, and I don't have a clue about what's going to happen with us, but . . ." He shook his head. "I like her. A lot, and I don't know, I want — no I need — to see where it goes. I owe it to my parents to attempt to live my life, right?"

Bella nodded, once again finding herself blinking back her tears.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," he groaned.

She waved her hand before signing, "It's not you, it's me. I feel all of these feelings, and . . . ." Her hands fell to her side as she shook her head and turned toward her bedroom, and walked inside, closing the door behind her.

Bella climbed onto her bed and picked up her cell phone, smiling when she saw the text from Edward.

_**Just got home, but I wanted to say goodnight . . . again. **_

Though she was alone, she felt herself blush as she sent him a reply: _**Goodnight to you, too . . . boyfriend.**_

Less than three seconds later, her phone pinged in her hand, and she opened his message: _**I like the sound of that . . . girlfriend.**_

Eventually, Bella stowed her phone away on her nightstand and turned her attention to her homework, but not before she and Edward flirted relentlessly through text message. She had no clue what she was doing, and for the first time since her life had been torn apart, she found herself smiling when she turned off the light and settled into her bed for the night.


	21. Chapter 21

21

Edward woke up the next morning with a strange feeling in his gut. He'd never felt it before. It wasn't pain, but a fluttery, twittery feeling that left him curious. Especially when the feeling intensified when he thought of Bella. Was it happiness? Joy? Contentment? Was it her that made him feel like singing and skipping?

"I'm going fucking crazy," he muttered as he sat up on the side of the bed and braced his elbows on his knees, dragging his fingers through his hair.

"Why are you going crazy?" Alice asked, and when he looked over his shoulder, he found her leaning against the doorjamb to his bedroom. "Or is it a who that is making you crazy?"

Edward smiled. "Maybe."

Alice sighed as she pushed off the doorframe and walked over to his bed, sitting on the far side. "I'm worried."

"About?" he pushed.

She rolled her eyes. "You. And Bella. Or you and Bella together."

Edward frowned.

"It's not that I don't like her," Alice was quick to add. "Because I do."

"Then what is it?" he asked.

Sighing, Alice scooted back and pulled her knees up in front of her. Edward's eyes drifted to her jeans, noticing the rips in the knees and the paint spattered all over them. A mixture of green, orange, and yellow. But before he could ask her about them, she said, "You're getting attached to her. I don't want you to get hurt if it doesn't work out between you."

Edward frowned again. "Why are you assuming that it won't work out?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "Does it ever work out for us? You were born sick, I wasn't even supposed to be born. Mom and Dad, the accident, Car. Nothing in our lives has ever worked out the way it does in the movies."

"Life isn't a movie, Pix," Edward scoffed. "And you were supposed to be born. Maybe they didn't plan to have another baby, but you know Mom and Dad loved you."

"No, I know they did," she said quietly.

Edward wasn't sure what to say. The Alice before the accident hadn't worried about the fact that two months after Edward was born, their mother discovered she was pregnant again, or that the doctors worried about how their mother would handle another pregnancy and a sick infant, along with an angry adolescent. Their father did everything he could to help, but Edward had been rushed into the OR immediately after his birth for the first of many heart surgeries. His first year was spent inside the hospital, hooked up to machines that constantly monitored his health.

"We should hurry," Alice muttered, climbing off the bed and shuffling over to the door. She stopped and looked back at Edward. "Do you love her?"

Edward's eyes widened. "I . . . I don't know. I like her. Probably more than I should."

She nodded. "Then I'm happy for you. I just . . . I just hope she doesn't break your heart."

Alice turned and walked out of his room, closing the door behind her. Edward sat on the bed for a few more minutes, letting his sister's words sink in, but while he understood Alice's concerns, because he worried about Jasper hurting her, too, in his heart, he knew that Bella wouldn't hurt him. She understood the guilt he felt for his parents' death, for the scars that marred Alice's body, and the fact that Carlisle couldn't look at him without wanting to take a razor blade to his skin. Bella eased his pain, made him smile and laugh. Bella made him feel normal and alive for the first time in his life.

Pushing himself off his bed, he wandered into the bathroom and took a shower. Once he was dressed, he grabbed his backpack and made his way downstairs. Like he often did, he found Carlisle and Alice in the kitchen. Thankfully, his brother hadn't attempted to make them breakfast. Edward poured himself a bowl of cereal and sat down in his usual chair. For several minutes, they simply say there, nothing but the silence surrounding them.

"So . . ." Carlisle let his words trail off as he leaned back in his chair, his left hand pulling at the long-sleeve shirt he wore.

"Something wrong with your arm?" Edward asked, noticing the way Alice was looking between them.

Carlisle's eyes lifted to his and he sighed before holding his arm up and pulling the sleeve down his arm, showing them his forearms. "I didn't cut, if that's what you're implying."

"Just asking," he groused.

"I'm trying," he mumbled. "It isn't easy."

"Never said it was," Edward rebutted. "Is that why you were weird last night?"

"I — I wasn't," Carlisle stammered, causing Edward and Alice to snort. "I wasn't!"

"Yeah, you were," Alice said with a smirk. "Esme was eyeing you all night, but I bet you didn't notice."

His cheeks turned bright red, causing them to laugh. "I noticed."

"So, why did you tell her not to touch you when she put her hand on your shoulder?" Edward asked.

He sighed, leaning forward and placing his arms on the table. "I don't know. She just makes . . . nervous."

"You like her," Alice accused.

"I don't even know her, Pix," he scoffed.

"So?" she countered. "Sometimes, you just know."

Carlisle looked at her. "Like with Jasper?" When Alice's smile dropped, he added, "You like him, right? You want him looking at you?"

She nodded. "But it's different with me. I've got scars. You don't."

"I do," he whispered, once again pulling at the sleeves on his shirts. "He sees you now, right?"

"Yes," Alice said, her lips trembling. Carlisle reached over and covered her hand with his. "Everyone stares at me, but they don't see. He does, he makes me . . ."

"Happy," Edward whispered, drawing their attention to him. "He makes you feel happy again."

Alice's eyes widened as she nodded. "And normal. Like I did before."

An awkward silence filled the kitchen, and Edward knew they were all reexamining their lives. After a few minutes, Carlisle cleared his throat and stood up, causing them to look over at him.

"I'd better get going," he muttered. "So, um, dinner tonight? Just us."

"Sure," Alice whispered, while Edward nodded.

Carlisle picked up his empty cereal bowl and carried it over to the sink, filled it with water before he looked back at them. "The Swans? They're good people?"

"Think so," Edward said.

Nodding, Carlisle simply walked out of the kitchen. A moment later, they heard the front door closed and the sound of his car pulling away from the house. Without a word, Edward and Alice grabbed their bags and followed him out of the house, over to Edward's car, and drove to school.

He parked next to Emmett's jeep, and he and Alice made their way into the building, once again finding Jasper and Alice standing just inside the building. Jasper shifted his eyes down to Alice before holding his hand out to her. The smile that spread over her lips was breathtaking.

She looked over at Edward. "I get it."

"I know you do," Edward murmured, slipping his hand into Bella's. "See you at lunch, okay?"

She nodded before she turned and pulled on Jasper's hand, leading him down the hall. Edward smiled as he turned to Bella, who was watching him with a shy smile. "Morning."

She smiled wider and brought her free hand up to his chest, laying her palm right over his heart. A shiver trickled over him, causing her to lift her eyes to his, looking at him from under her lashes. She was beautiful. Innocent, yet wise. She'd been through hell, and somehow managed to find the strength to reach out to him.

"Did you sleep okay?" Edward asked, and Bella nodded. "Good, good."

Grinning wider, Bella stepped backward and pulled on his hand, tilting her head toward their first classroom. As they walked down the hallway, everyone stopped and stared, clearly wondering about the freaks being together. Edward didn't care, not anymore. Being the center of attention wasn't new to him. He'd spent his entire life being in the spotlight.

Emmett was standing behind his desk when the two walked into his classroom. His eyes drifted down to their hands before lifting to Bella. Edward saw her glare in his direction before they walked over to their desks and sat down, reluctantly releasing the other's hands. Emmett laughed softly, but didn't say anything as the rest of their class trickled into the room.

He lectured over Hamlet, and about halfway through, Bella turned in her seat and looked at him, tilting her head in Emmett's direction and making a heart with her hands. Bella's teasing from the night before, about his infatuation with William Shakespeare, had Edward struggling to keep his laughter at bay, something that Bella seemed to struggle with, too.

Once class was over, Edward walked up to Emmett's desk, but waited until everyone but Bella had left before he spoke. "So, um, I was thinking," he stammered. "If you don't mind, I'd, um, I'd like to learn sign language. From — from you."

Emmett pressed his lips together and shifted his eyes from Edward to Bella and back. "Sure. Best way you're going to learn. Stop by after school and we can set something up, okay?"

Edward nodded.

"It'll take a lot of time and discipline," Emmett added.

"I know," he replied, looking over at Bella. "I'm willing to do whatever it takes to learn."

Bella smiled, a red blush creeping over her cheeks.

"All right," Emmett chuckled. "Better get to class."

They made it to their class just before the bell rang, offering him an apologetic smile as they took their seats. They had a free period, so while the rest of their classmates chatted amongst themselves, Bella turned in her chair and faced Edward, giving him a coy smile.

"Are you okay with Emmett teaching me?" Edward asked.

Her brow furrowed as she nodded, almost like she couldn't understand why he would think she would have an issue.

"I just ask," Edward continued, "because I know how sensitive you are about signing."

Bella nodded as she reached over and covered his hand with hers. She brought her hand up to her cheek, clenched her fist before swiping her thumb across her skin twice and then placed the points of her index fingers together before hooking them.

Edward smiled. "Girlfriend."

Bella bobbed her head, this time pointing to him and bringing her hand up to her forehead with her hand at a thirty degree angle. She closed her hand, smashing her fingers together before, once again, placing the tips of her index fingers together and then hooking them. She looked up at him with expectation.

"What does that mean?" he asked.

Sighing, she made the sign for girlfriend again, then pointed to him, and repeated the last sign she had showed him. It took Edward a moment, but then he got it, he understood. His lips curled into a smile as he whispered, "Boyfriend."

She nodded and pointed to him again.

"Yeah, I'm your boyfriend," Edward snickered. "Still feels weird."

Bella lifted an eyebrow.

"You're so much more than a girlfriend," he admitted. "You're . . . Well, you're everything."

Red flooded her cheeks, and Edward felt like a babbling idiot. "Sorry, I guess that's kind of stupid, right?"

Bella reached up and placed her hand on his chest, shaking her head.

The rest of their morning flew by and neither Bella nor Edward had another chance to talk. Finally, the bell rang, ending third period so Bella and Edward made their way down to the library. However, when they opened the door, they found Mr. Greene towering over Esme, who was cowering against one of the shelves. Her eyes were wide and full of fear as she kept saying, "No, thank you."

He had one hand on the shelf up next to her head, while the other was grabbing at her waist. Bella grabbed Edward's arm and when he looked down at her, she had a disgusted look on her face.

"Excuse us," he heard himself saying, causing Mr. Greene to leap away from Esme as if someone had slapped him. "Sorry."

"I'll talk to you later, Ms. Swan," Mr. Greene cooed before he turned and walked out of the library, letting the door close behind him.

In an instant, Bella was next to her sister, her hands flying in a frenzy.

"Butterbean, I'm fine," Esme insisted, grabbing Bella's hand to stop her from ranting. "I promise. He just kept asking me out, and when I said no, he wouldn't drop it."

Bella huffed and pulled her hands from between Esme's and started signing once again, only this time her movements was calmer and smoother than before. Esme's expression soften as Bella spoke to her. Once she was done, Esme sighed and placed her hands on Bella's shoulders.

"I know, butterbean, and I will handle it. I'll talk to Em at lunch, okay? Just don't worry about it."

Bella nodded and looked over at Edward, frowning as she reached for him. He walked over to her side, taking her hand.

"You two are so cute together," Esme gushed, bringing her hands up to her chest. Bella grimaced and rolled her eyes. "Butterbean!"

"Why do you call her butterbean?" Edward asked.

Esme smirked as she and Bella looked over at him, a look of horror on his girlfriend's face. Though she shook her head frantically for Esme not to tell him, she did anyway. "Because she was a fat baby."

Bella stomped her foot and grabbed Esme by the shoulders, forcing her to face her. She shook her head, but Esme just laughed. "Ah, come on, butterbean. He wants to know all about you!"

"It's okay," Edward whispered, unsure if he had crossed a line by asking.

Sighing, Bella shook her head and looked at him. She brought her hands up in front of her, and as she began to sign, Esme interrupted. "I weighed almost eleven pounds when I was born. My father," Esme paused, her eyes widening as she watched Bella. "My father called me butterbean because I was so big."

"Oh," he murmured.

The sound of Esme's cell phone ringing broke through the silence that had filled the library. She muttered an apology before she walked behind the desk and dug it out of her purse, lifting her eyes to Edward before she answered it and said, "Hello, Carlisle . . . Mmhmm . . . Oh, that's okay . . . What?" she asked, turning her back toward Edward and Bella.

He looked down at her, smiling when he saw her giggling silently.

"That would be nice . . . Yes, I'm serious." Esme laughed. "Okay . . . Friday at eight . . . Yes, I'll see you then. Goodbye." Esme sighed as she closed her phone and turned back to Edward and Bella. "Well, we should get to work."

Bella smirked as she brought her hands up in front of her. While Edward had no clue what she was saying, there was one sign that he did know, one that she had just taught him that morning. Bella was teasing Esme about Carlisle being her boyfriend.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Not sure I am 100% in this chapter, but at the same time, I kind of do.**


	22. Chapter 22

22

By Friday afternoon, Bella was almost giddy. Esme had been practically singing show tunes all week, and didn't even seem to mind that Emmett was teasing the crap out of her about her having a date with the moody Dr. Carlisle Cullen. Bella understood, though. Like with Edward, Esme felt a connection to him, a pull that she couldn't deny. She had confided in Bella that from the moment she saw him in the doorway of their father's hospital room that she felt something she had never felt before, a need to be close to him. And like Bella, she fought the urge, telling herself that it was silly to be attracted to someone she'd only met once, and seen once at the diner.

"Butterbean, how does this look?" Esme asked, walking into her bedroom. She was wearing a short, red dress. While the dress was gorgeous on her, it wasn't right for her first date with Carlisle.

Bella shook her head as she brought her hands up in front of her. "Too much. Dress casual. Jeans and a nice sweater maybe."

"Jeans?" she scoffed. "On a date?"

She nodded

"Okay, let me try again," Esme muttered, turning and walking out of the room.

Bella laughed silently as she turned her attention back to her book. That had been the fifth time her sister had come into her bedroom to get her opinion on what she should wear, and the fifth time Bella had told her she was trying too hard. But she understood. Esme wanted to impress Carlisle. It was clear to all of them that he was taking a huge leap out of his comfort zone by asking her out, but if Esme tried too hard to make him like her, Bella was afraid he'd push her sister away. If that happened, Esme might not be able to handle it. While she put on a brave face, Bella knew she struggled to keep it together.

"How's this?" Esme asked, strolling back into her room. Bella appraised her outfit. The denim designer jeans and green cashmere sweater looked prefect. Dressy enough for a date, yet casual. When she gave her sister the thumbs up, Esme released a breath of fresh air. "Thank God!"

Bella smiled as she began to sign. "You're cute when you're nervous."

"Ugh, don't make fun of me," Esme grumbled, falling on Bella's bed and covering her face with her arm.

Grabbing it, Bella pulled it away from her face, drawing Esme's attention to her. "I'm not making fun of you. I just think it's sweet that you're so nervous."

"I like him," she whispered. "I like him a lot."

She nodded, knowing just what she meant. Bella's feelings for Edward were intense, to the point that she was scared about how much she cared about him. He understood her in ways that nobody else ever had. He had the ability to just look at her and know if she was upset. Like the day before. Bella had had dreams about the accident, waking up silently screaming into her pillow. Though, both Emmett and Esme had questioned her on why she looked so sad, Bella hadn't been able to confide in them, knowing they didn't like it when Bella let the accident get to her like that. But Edward had been able to see that she was upset, and instead of pressing her for information, he simply held her in his arms and let her cry.

Nobody ever just let her cry, just let her grieve for the parents who were supposed to be raising her. It was in those moment, when he had his arms around her, when he whispered that it was okay, that he wasn't letting her go, that Bella wondered if she had fallen in love with him. But that was silly, right? They'd only known each other for a few weeks, only been together for a few days. She couldn't be in love with him, could she?

"Butterbean," Esme said, drawing her attention over to where her sister still lay. "You okay?"

Bella nodded.

Esme leaned up on one arm, and reached over, tugging her hair behind her ear. "You know you can talk to me about anything, don't you? Even things you don't think I want to hear."

Once again, she nodded, though she couldn't tell Esme everything she felt. Her sister suffered enough, even with weekly therapy sessions. As the oldest, Bella figured Esme felt responsible for all of them. She was the executor of their parents' estate so all decisions that pertained to their care had to be made by her. She always brought it to her and Emmett, too, but in the end, it all lay on Esme's shoulders.

"Maybe you and I should have a girl's day out," Esme suggested. "Get our hair done, mani, pedi, facials. What do you think?"

Bella bit her lip, unsure what to think. While she had never been one of those girls, she had always loved it when their mother would take them to the salon and treat them the works, as she called it. Shrugging her shoulders, she signed. "I guess so. Maybe we could invite Rose and Alice, too?"

At the mention of Alice, Esme's eyebrows lifted. "Do you think she'd come?"

Again, Bella wasn't sure. There were times, when she caught Alice staring at her with an almost wistful expression on her face, almost like she was envious of her. But then, she'd shake her head and look away. Bella couldn't explain why, but she knew it was important for her to continue to reach out to Alice. Maybe it was just because she knew Edward was over-protective of his sister, or maybe it was because if Bella hadn't lost her voice, if Alice hadn't been trapped in the backseat of that car and gotten burned, she was certain that they would have been friends.

"Butterbean, are you listening to me?" Esme asked with a huff.

Bella smiled and shook her head, quickly giving her sister the sign for sorry.

"Yeah, I figured as much," she said with a sigh. "Probably thinking about that boy again."

She frowned, hating that Esme had been teasing her about her relationship with Edward. Though she knew Esme wasn't doing it to be mean. Quite the opposite. Esme was happy for her, happy that Bella finally had a reason to smile.

"What time are they coming over?" Esme asked, standing in front of Bella's mirror and smoothing out her sweater. Her eyes flittered up, looking at Bella through the mirror.

She looked at the clock before signing, "An hour. Give or take."

"What are y'all planning on doing?" she asked, trying to sound nonchalant, but Bella could hear the real question in her tone. Emmett and Rose were going out, which meant Jasper, Alice, Edward, and Bella would be alone.

Bella shrugged, unsure what their plans were. They'd talked about watching a movie or playing a board game, but they hadn't settled on anything specific. Esme nodded and turned back to the mirror.

"Well, I guess I'd better finish getting ready for my date," she murmured, and with another smile, Esme walked out of her room.

Sighing, Bella closed her book and tossed it onto her bed before she made her way across the hall to Jasper's room. She could hear his music blasting through the door, but before she could knock, the door opened and Jasper motioned for her to come in. He always had a way of knowing when she was there. Bella climbed onto his bed, leaning against this headboard with his pillow against her chest. Jasper walked over to his stereo and turned down the music before flopping onto the bed next to her.

Jasper's room was the typical boy's room. His clothes were scattered on the floor, and his walls were covered in rock posters. Like Bella, Jasper's heart had always lay in music, and like her, when he lost his parents in the accident, he hadn't been able to return to it.

"I rented a couple of movies," Jasper said, letting his head lob to the side so he could look at her. "Scary shit, too."

Bella smiled, thinking about all the times they'd begged their parents to let them watch scary movies. They always refused, saying over and over that they'd get nightmares. Of course they didn't believe them. Then, just after their thirteenth birthdays, they snuck away and watched Friday the Thirteenth. That night, Bella had the worst nightmares. Charlie came rushing into her room and held her while she cried about Mrs. Voorhees killing all of them. Charlie he'd her all night, never once letting her go.

"Bella," Jasper said, causing her to look over at him. "Where'd you go?"

She shook her head.

"You okay?" he asked. "You've been acting off for the last couple days."

Sighing, Bella released the pillow and began to sign, "I don't know. Everything feels good right now, you know? Me and Edward, you and Alice, Esme and Carlisle. I guess, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"Yeah, I am, too," he admitted, tucking one arm under his head. "I've been thinking about them a lot lately." Jasper turned back to Bella. "My parents, I mean. Do you think they would have liked Alice?"

Bella nodded, because she knew that if they were here, they'd love her. Next to Charlie and Renee, Jasper's parents were the best people she'd ever known. They loved their children and treated Bella, Emmett, and Esme just like they were theirs, even after Rose and Emmett started dating. In fact Renee used to tease that when they were little, that she and Catherine Hale had arranged for their union. Charlie would snicker when Emmett groaned and told her to stop, adding that he hoped Rose had a hefty dowry. Then William Hale would add to their embarrassment by stating that he had two goats and a sheep to offer. Emmett and Rose would mutter under their breath about hating them all. That was Charlie, Renee, Will, and Cat, though. They thoroughly enjoyed embarrassing their children. Bella would give anything to have them here with them now.

Jasper climbed off the bed and grabbed Bella's hand, dragging her to her feet. Smiling at him, they headed downstairs, where they found Esme pacing nervously in the living room while Emmett and Rose stood next to the door. He had her coat in his hands and was holding it up so that she could slip it on. Bella smiled as she watched her bother being a gentleman. Charlie always helped Renee with her coat, too. Every day, no matter what.

"Butterbean, Jasper," Emmett said, giving them both a look. "No parities."

Bella rolled her eyes while Jasper snorted. "Need friends to have a party, don't we?"

Though she knew Jasper didn't mean it the way it came out, Emmett, Rose, and Esme stopped and looked over at them, their eyes filling with sadness. It wasn't their faults that everyone had turned their backs on them after the accident, that the few people they had called friends were too scared to stay around when things got hard. And things got hard. Bella and Jasper were angry, but nobody stuck it out with them, nobody cared enough to keep trying. And she didn't blame them, either. Neither Bella nor Jasper were the same people they were before their lives were torn apart.

"We shouldn't be too late," Emmett muttered, uncomfortably.

"Yeah, okay," Jasper mumbled, adding to the awkwardness in the room.

Thankfully, at that exact moment, the doorbell rang. Bella rushed over and threw it open, surprised to see Carlisle standing in front of Edward and Alice, both of whom were smirking. She smiled and stepped aside, waving a hand to ask them to step inside. Carlisle looked like he was ready to puke as he stepped over the threshold. He looked over at Esme, a small smile spreading over his lips as he let his eyes travel down her body.

Edward walked over to Bella, automatically taking her hand in his. "Hey."

She smiled and waved, knowing everyone was watching them with goofy smiles. Yeah, they were silly and mushy, but wasn't that how they were supposed to be?

Emmett cleared his throat, drawing everyone's attention to him. "Nice to see you, Carlisle."

"You too," he muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets. His eyes shifted to Rose and he nodded.

"Well, we should be going," Rose said, smiling.

"Okay," Esme said, walking over to Carlisle. "We should, too, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, if you're ready?"

"I am," she laughed, placing her hand on his arm. He inhaled a deep breath, and she started to move her hand, but he reached up and covered it. "Don't."

"Okay," she whispered, sliding his hand around his arm. She shifted her eyes over to Bella. "Text me, if you need me."

She nodded.

A few minutes of awkward sentiments later, she shut the door and looked back at Jasper, Alice, and Edward, all of whom were standing in the living room like they were unsure of what to do. Pressing her lips together, Bella brought her hands up in front of her and signed, knowing Jasper would interrupt.

"She wants to know if you want a drink. Says we have sodas, teas, lemonade, and water," he told them.

"Um," Alice whispered. "I'll guess I'll take a soda?"

She said this like a question, so Bella tilted her head toward the kitchen, silently asking them to follow. She opened the door to the fridge and gestured for them to pick whatever they wanted. Alice went with a diet soda, while Jasper choose an orange. Edward, however, grabbed a bottle of water, so Bella did the same. They wandered back into the living room and settled on the couches. Jasper and Alice were on the smaller of the two, sitting side by side like they were unsure if they should hold hands. Bella turned and draped her legs over Edward's, smiling when he laughed and wrapped his arm around her.

Bella looked over and noticed the paint smudges on Alice's hands. Snapping her fingers to get her attention, she gestured tot her hands, silently asking her what she was working on.

"Oh, I thought I washed it all off," she mumbled, rubbing the sky blue paint. Bella cocked an eyebrow. "I've been working on something new," she whispered. "I've had this picture inside my head for the last few days. I'm sure that sounds nuts."

Bella shook her head, because it didn't. She was an artist, her imagination was her muse.

"How long have you been painting?" Jasper asked.

"Um," Alice muttered, clearing her throat. "For as long as I can remember. It's just something I've always done."

Bella signed, "Do you show your work?"

Once Jasper had told her what she asked, Alice frowned and shook her head. "Not anymore."

An awkward silence filled the room, and Bella knew that she had made a mistake by bringing up Alice's artwork. Edward pulled his arm from around her as he leaned forward and picked up the movies sitting on the coffee table.

Shifting his eyes up to hers, he cocked an eyebrow. "You two seemed to have a thing for scary movies, don't you?"

Bella smiled and nodded.

"Ever since we were kids," Jasper added.

"Should we watch one?" Alice asked.

"Sure," Jasper said, looking over at Bella and Edward.

They nodded, so he stood up and grabbed the movies from Edward, selecting the one on top. Once he had it in the player and had settled back on the couch with Alice, he reached over and turned off the lamp, casting them into darkness as the movie started. Bella felt Edward slip his arm back around her, and she looked over at him. He was staring at her with a smile on his lips. Bringing a hand up to her cheek, he leaned in and kissed her. In that moment, she knew, without a doubt, that she was in love Edward Cullen.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Next chapter: Esme and Carlisle's date!**


	23. Chapter 23

23

Esme followed Carlisle to his car, smiling when he opened the door for her. "Thank you."

"Welcome," he murmured as she slid in. He closed the door behind her and walked around, climbing in behind the wheel. "Um, is there any place in particular that you want to go? I don't really know Forks all that well, yet."

"Not really," she said, with a smile. "Depends on what you're in the mood for, I guess. Pizza, Mexican, Chinese?"

"Hmm," Carlisle hummed, pressing his lips together. "Not a big fan of pizza."

"That's un-American!" She laughed.

He smiled. "I know, but I've never really cared for it. I mean, I'll eat it, if you want. Lord knows, we ate plenty of pizza when I was growing up."

"No, it's okay. We had pizza last night," Esme replied, reaching over and placing her hand on his arm again. He inhaled and looked down at it. "Do you want me to move it?"

He shook his head. "No."

"Okay," she said, simply. "How about Chinese?"

"Sounds good," he whispered, starting the car.

It only took them a few minutes to arrive at the restaurant. Carlisle told her to wait when she reached for the door handle, and she couldn't help but laugh when he nearly ran around the car and opened the door for her. He was gentleman, something he had in common with Edward, based on the way she saw him treating her sister.

Once inside, they were taken to a table in the back. Their waitress stopped by and took their drink and dinner orders. When she dropped their teas off, she told them their order would be out shortly.

As she walked away, Esme turned to Carlisle. "So, this is nice."

"Yeah," he murmured, looking around before turning to her. "I, um, I'm not sure what to say. I don't really do this."

"Do what?" she asked.

"This," he said, gesturing between him and her. "I don't date."

Esme pressed her lips together before speaking. "Then why did you ask me? If you don't date, why did you call and ask me out?"

"I . . ." He shook his head, leaned toward the table, but kept his arms under it. "I like you, Esme. A lot. I just don't know how to date."

She smiled and leaned toward him. "It's not really that hard. If it helps, you're doing a great job so far."

He laughed. "Thanks. Does kind of help."

"To be honest, I haven't really dated much in the last few years, either."

"Why not?" he asked.

Esme inhaled a sharp breath. "Just life got in the way, I guess. Well, you know about my parents. And when they got hurt, Emmett was still in college, and Bella needed us. She . . . she's been through a lot."

"She can't speak, right?" he asked, and she felt her shoulders tense. "Sorry, I know it's rude to ask."

"No, it's all right," Esme said. "After the accident with our parents, the doctors found a tumor resting on her voice box. Squamous Cell Carcinoma. They were able to remove most of it, but it was bigger than they assumed, growing down around her vocal cords. And, she lost her ability to speak."

"And there's nothing they can do to restore her speech?" he asked.

"Um, at her last check up, about four months ago, there was talk about an implant that would stimulate the nerves that were damaged to her vocal cords from the surgery, but Bella doesn't want to do it, so we've tabled the discussion for now."

"Yeah, I've heard about that. They've had good results with it so far," he murmured.

Esme nodded. "I think she's scared to try. There's always the fear that the tumor will have grown back, and if it does, I don't know how she will handle it. She's . . ." Esme trailed off, unable to think about how her sister would handle life if she fell out of remission. "She was barely fourteen when this all happened, and she shut herself away from everyone."

"I can understand that," he said, clearing his throat as their waitress came over, placing their food in front of them.

"Need anything else?" she asked, looking from him to her and back.

"Um, no thanks," Esme told her, trying to make her smile real. The waitress turned and walked to a different table, so she picked up her fork and began mixing her chicken broccoli with her steamed rice.

"You and your brother and sister are close?" Carlisle asked, and when she looked up at him, she noticed that he hadn't touched his food yet.

"Very," she replied. "Especially after the accident. Rose and Jasper's parents fell that night, too, but they died. The five of us just kind of leaned on each other."

"And Rose is married to Emmett?" he asked.

Esme nodded. "For a few months now. Though, they've been together for years. They got engaged a month before the accident, but then Bella got sick, and . . . The timing never worked out for them, I guess. I know it was hard for Rose not to have her father walk her down the aisle. They opted to go to city hall and get married rather than have a big wedding."

Carlisle grabbed his fork and stuck it into his cashew chicken. "Has Rose . . . told you anything? About me, I mean."

Hesitating for a moment, she shook her head. "But I was at the market one day, with her, when she ran into Edward. They didn't know I was standing there, but I got the gist. You . . . hurt yourself, right?"

He nodded, and blew out a heavy breath. "Is that why you said yes?" he looked up at her. "Because you feel sorry for me?"

"No," she insisted, dropping her fork. "Carlisle, I agreed to come out with you tonight because I like you."

"You don't even know me," he grumbled with a shake of his head. "I was ten when Edward was born. I wanted a little brother, more than anything. I imagined that I'd teach him how to throw a baseball, how to ride his bike, or. . ." He paused, shifting his eyes back up to Esme. "He was born with a heart condition. He had to have surgery immediately after he was born, the first of a dozen that he'd have to have during his life.

"I was angry, Esme. Pissed as hell because the baby brother I had pleaded with God to bring me wasn't healthy. But I loved Edward, and then Alice was born nearly ten weeks early, and my mother was so depressed. She had one baby in the NICU and one on the Peds floor, fighting for every moment he got to live. My father did everything he could to help my mom, but she blamed herself for hurting her children, for not making them perfect. I heard her crying, asking God why he was punishing her children for her mistakes. I made a vow that I would do everything I could to keep my brother and sister healthy, to ease the burden on their shoulders. I graduated from high school early, but instead of taking the scholarship I was offered by Harvard, I stayed and went to school in Chicago. I went on to medical school, I wanted to be a cardiovascular surgeon. I wanted to save my brother, or others like him, I guess. Keep them from having to go through what he went through."

Carlisle brought his hand up, rubbing the back of his neck. "Edward was going to die. The corrective surgeries weren't going to work anymore, and he needed a new heart. When my mom called and told me that I needed to get to the hospital, that I had to hurry before it was too late, I dreaded going there because I wasn't ready to lose my little brother. He's a good kid. Smart compassionate. He's never gotten the chance to live. To be free to run through the rain, or play in the snow.

"I was about four blocks from the hospital when I passed an accident. Both cars were on fire, and there were fire trucks, police, and ambulances all around. And I thought, maybe Edward could get one of their hearts." He shifted his eyes to Esme's. "Of course what I didn't know was that my parents and Alice were in that accident."

Esme gasped. "Oh, my God."

"Alice had gotten trapped in the backseat. As you can tell by the scars, her burns were severe. Dad died instantly, Mom died about five minutes after they brought her to the hospital. She was a perfect match for Edward, so they asked me to decide if he should get her heart. And while I know that she would have ripped her heart out herself if she could have, having to decide that she should die in order for him to live was impossibly hard. But I did it. I made the choice. I saved him and let her go. And I live with that guilt every day, live with the fact that I had a wishful thought that my brother would live because someone else died."

"I can't even imagine how difficult that is to deal with," she admitted.

"Yeah, difficult is one word to describe it," he mumbled, picking up his fork and taking a bite. "Hmm, not bad."

"It's not big city Chinese, but for a town like Forks, it's not too shabby," Esme snickered.

He smiled. "So, you work at the school?"

"Yeah, I'm the librarian," she replied. "I wanted to be a writer, but I needed a job and they had an opening. At least I get to be around books, though."

"What kind of writer?" he asked. "Naughty romances, or mysteries?"

"Is there a reason I couldn't write both?" She smirked, spearing a piece of chicken and popping it into her mouth.

Carlisle's eyes widened. "I suppose not. Do you still write?"

She shrugged. "I mess around sometimes. I have a novel started. Several actually. I just can't seem to finish them."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I get about halfway through one and seem to lose my muse."

"Alice does that, too," Carlisle said, and when Esme cocked an eyebrow, he added, "She paints. She's extremely talented, too. Amazing eye for detail."

"And what do you do?" Esme asked.

"I brood," he chuckled. "World-class brooder."

"Well, as long as you put your best effort into it," she sniggered.

"My thoughts exactly!" he exclaimed, throwing a hand up. He looked down, noticing they'd both stopped eating. "I'm done. Do you want a box for yours?"

"Sure. I'll let Bella have it tomorrow. I'll just have to hide it from Emmett."

Laughing, Carlisle waved to their waitress, asking her for two boxes. She brought them over a few minutes later, leaving the check. Esme reached for her wallet, but he was quick stop her. While she never minded paying for her meal on a date, it was nice to be with a man who refused to let her. Once they'd paid, they climbed back into his car. Esme expected him to take her home, but he didn't. Instead, he drove them out of town, taking a small, dirt road. She wasn't sure where he was taking her, but she wasn't scared. She couldn't explain why, but being with Carlisle made her feel safe.

Carlisle pulled through a line of trees, and Esme gasped. He parked and climbed out of the car, coming around and once again offering her his hand. She let him help her out and led her to the front of the car, where he spread out a blanket. He'd parked on a cliff that over looked the ocean. The moon was glowing over the water and a feeling of tranquility filled the air. She turned to him, finding him watching her.

"About two week after we moved here, I was having a really bad night," he explained. "Lots of memories and I wasn't handling it. The urge to . . . cut . . . myself was overwhelming, but I'd promised Edward and Alice that I'd try, and I was determined to keep my word this time. So, I climbed in my car and just drove. I rolled the windows down and turned the radio up, just wanting to lose myself in something other than my head. I don't remember how I got here, but I parked and climbed out. I just stood here, watching as the moon cast down on the water, listening to the water below, and I don't know, I felt better. And I've been coming here a lot. I guess, I thought you might like it, too."

"It's beautiful," she murmured.

"It's okay," he whispered, reaching out and grabbing Esme's hand. "It doesn't compare to you, though."

Esme felt her cheeks warm as her blush crept over her skin. "You think I'm beautiful?"

He nodded. "The first time I saw you, standing inside your father's room, my heart began to race. My hands began to sweat. I felt like a fifteen year old boy, crushing on the popular girl at school again. And it scared me, Esme."

"Me too," she admitted.

"Yeah?" he asked, smiling.

"Oh, yeah," she scoffed. "I've never felt like this before, Carlisle."

"And, um, what is it that you feel?"

She blew out a heavy breath. "Attraction. Intense attraction."

"So it's not just me," he mumbled, almost like he was talking to himself.

"Definitely not just you," she laughed. "But what do we do now?"

"Dance?" he asked, smiling as he stepped away from the car and pulled on her hand.

"There's no music," she told him, but let him pull her into his arms.

While his fingers were wrapped around her, his other arm wound around her waist. Their eyes were locked on each other's, their breathing soft and measured. Esme couldn't explain the feelings bubbling inside of her. She barely knew this man, yet she found herself drawn to him, needing to hold him, touch him.

"Carlisle," she whispered.

"Hmm," he hummed, shifting his eyes to her lips.

"Kiss me," she breathed.

Though his body tensed, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. Esme leaned against him, her mouth moving against his. Carlisle's arm tightened around her, as the kiss intensified. Her heart was racing, beating frantically.

He ended their kiss, leaving his forehead against hers. "Esme, tell me this is real."

She smiled. "I sure as hell hope it is."

**Thank you for all the reviews. Gonna be honest and say that this Carlisle had me swooning. **


	24. Chapter 24

24

Edward woke up the next morning with an intense tightness in his chest, one that he knew all too well about. He'd had some soreness over the last two years, knowing that it was normal after open heart surgery, but this one felt different, and that scared him.

He climbed out of bed, leaving his hand on his chest as he walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, hoping the hot water would help ease the feeling. Sometimes the heat loosened the muscles in his chest. He stripped off his shirt, tossing it onto the cabinet and looked at his chest in the mirrored. He hated his scar. Of course, he'd never looked at himself and not see one. There were times when it wasn't as noticeable, but over the years, after so many surgeries, it feel like it stuck out to him, like everyone who looked at him could see it. Everyone but Bella, that was.

Pushing away from the mirror, he stripped off the rest of his clothes and stepped in under the water, moaning when the warmed beat against his skin. Bella had been the only person in Forks who didn't gawk at him when they arrived at school. She had always been different, and it scared him. His feelings for her were so intense and strong. He was falling in love with her, needing her more than he should. How can someone he's only known a month have such an effect on him?

Trying as hard as he could to push away those thoughts, Edward finished his shower. The hot water helped a little, but the pressure was still there. He dried off and walked into his bedroom and got dressed, wearing a pair of ratty jeans and a T-shirt. He and Bella had made plans to hang out today, but she wouldn't tell him what they were doing. It both excited and scared him.

When Edward walked into the kitchen, he found Alice and Carlisle in the kitchen. Unlike most mornings, where they sat in awkward silence, they were laughing as they poured over one of the family photo albums.

"Remember when he forgot their anniversary, and to make up for it, he stood out in the yard and sang their wedding song to her," Alice snickered, leaning toward the table with her chin in the palm of her hand.

"Didn't work," Carlisle laughed. "Mom was still pissed."

"Yeah, she was," she agreed with a sigh.

Edward didn't say anything as he grabbed a bowl of cereal and sat at the table. That was the year he turned ten, and had spent nine months in the hospital after one of many corrective surgeries. He'd gotten an infection that took weeks to get rid of and lived in isolation of months because the smallest cold could have killed him. His mom and dad came to see him, but Alice had only been able talk to him through the phone, and Carlisle was in his first year of college and between his classes and helping to take care of Alice, he hadn't been able to be there much. It was the longest period of time Edward had spent in the hospital, at least until just before the transplant.

"Do you remember that, Edward?" Alice asked.

"I was in the hospital when that happened," he said, unable to keep the hurt from his voice. She had only been nine, so of course she wouldn't have remember. But Edward remembered every miserable day he'd spent in the hospital. "It had been cold when Dad stood out there and he ended up getting sick and I didn't get to see him for almost a month."

"Oh, that's right," she mumbled, leaning back in her seat and pulling her knees up to her chest.

"But he was always doing stuff like that," Edward added. "Leaving her love notes in the refrigerator."

"Using her lipstick to write messages on her mirror," Carlisle laughed. "She used to get so pissed about it because he never used her cheap lipstick, he used her expensive one."

"Then would bring her five more tubes home that night," Alice whispered.

Edward nodded and turned his attention to bowl. Their parents had never hidden how much they loved each other, or their children. In fact, his mother always told him that love was what saved him every time he was on the brink of death, that the love of his family was stronger than anything else in the world. He believed her, after all when she died, her heart gave her a new start in life.

He looked up at Carlisle, who was staring out the window with a smile on his face. "How was your date?"

Carlisle looked over at him, his ears turning red. "It was nice."

"Just nice?" Alice asked, lifting an eyebrow.

He shrugged his shoulders and leaned toward the table. "Yeah. I mean, I had a good time, and I think she did, too."

"What'd you do?" she asked.

Carlisle rolled his eyes. "You don't need to know."

"But I want to know," she whined, jutting out her bottom lip.

"Really, Pix?" he scoffed. "You're going to pout?"

Alice nodded, her bottom lip sticking out further.

Carlisle laughed and shook his head. "Fine. We ate dinner over at the Chinese place and just talked. It was nice."

"Do you like her?" Edward asked.

His shoulders tensed as he nodded. "A lot."

"Are you going out with her again?" Alice wondered.

"Tonight," he mumbled, causing her to sigh. "What is it, Pix?"

"I want you to be happy, Car," she whispered. "I do, but I can't help worrying. About both of you."

Edward pushed his empty bowl away, getting frustrated with her constant fretting over him and Bella. "Pix, you act like you're not already invested with Jasper."

"I never said I wasn't," she groused. "And if I have to leave him, it will hurt. The logical part of my brain tells me that it would be better if I said my goodbyes now, if I let him go. But I don't want to."

"Why are you so sure that we're going to have to leave?" Carlisle asked, and Alice simply looked down at his arms. "I haven't don't it again, and I'm not going to!"

"So you say," she chirped, pushing away from the table and standing up. "But you've made that promise before and I believed you, yet just a few weeks ago, I found you in the bathroom floor with blood pouring down your arm, Car."

He flinched. "I know, Pix, but it's different this time."

"Yeah?" she asked, and he nodded. "What makes this time different?"

Carlisle looked at her before he stood up. "For the first time in two years, I woke up this morning and I didn't wish I had been the one that died instead of them. I don't know if she's the one who makes me feel like this, or what, but I like it."

Turning, Carlisle walked out of the kitchen. Alice sighed and looked over at Edward. "Do you believe him?"

"I don't know," he replied. "I want to."

"Me too," she whispered, before leaving him alone in the kitchen.

—SW—

Edward pulled up in front of Bella's house and cut the engine, bringing his hand up to his chest once more. He'd spent the last half hour cleaning up the kitchen and now his chest ached. After rubbing it for a couple of minutes, he climbed out and headed up to the porch, but before he could knock, the door was opened and he found himself face to face with Esme, who was smiling but when he looked at her, disappointment flooded her face.

"Oh, it's you," she said with a sigh. "Bella will be down in a minute."

"Um, okay," he replied, stepping into the house. "Is everything all right?"

"What?" she asked. "Why wouldn't it be?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "Were you expecting someone else?"

Esme's cheeks turned red as she shook her head and turned to walk upstairs. "Expecting? No, but hoping. Very much hoping."

As Esme went upstairs, Emmett stumbled down the hallway next to the stairs, pausing when he saw Edward standing there. Making a sound that was a mix of a snort and grunt, he walked into the kitchen.

"Coffee, Edward?" he called out.

"Um, no," he said, loud enough of him to hear.

Emmett came out a moment later with two cups of coffee. "I know this will shock you, us living in Forks and all, but it's supposed to rain today, so make sure she has an umbrella."

"I've got one in my car," he mumbled, expecting more than a weather tip from Bella's brother.

"Good, good." He yawned before he turned and started back down the hallway. "Butterbean, move your ass. Edward's here!"

The sound of Bella running downstairs echoed throughout the room. As she stepped off the bottom step, she had a glare on her face. She looked around the room, for Emmett Edward presumed, but when she saw he was the only one there, she smiled and waved.

Edward placed his right hand on his chin and swept it in a downward motion before placing the tips of his left hand in the crook of his right arm and bring it upward, giving her the sign for Good Morning. Bella smiled and nodded as she returned the gesture.

Pointing to her first, Edward waved his right hand in a circular motion in front of his face, clenching his hand into a fist as it came to his right jaw, telling her that she was beautiful. Bella's mouth opened and closed as her skin flushed a sensual pink color.

Bella brought her hands up and signed, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he murmured. "Sorry, that's all I really know."

She smiled and waved him off before grabbing her jacket from the back of the couch and looking back at him, tilting her head toward the door.

"Ready when you are," he said.

Bella walked over to him and grabbed the front of his shirt, giving it a gentle tug causing him to lean down. She pressed up on her toes and gave him a kiss, smiling against his lips. Then, she pulled away and opened the door, motioning for him to follow her. Edward couldn't keep the grin spreading over his lips. She had this power over him, one that he couldn't explain and he wasn't sure he wanted to.

Once he'd opened the car door for her and helped her inside, he rushed around and climbed in behind the wheel, looking over at Bella. "Where to?"

She pulled out her phone and opened a fresh text message, sending him the directions on how to get to Port Angeles. While he drove them out of Forks, Bella leaned over and laid her head on his shoulder. When they got into Port Angeles, she directed him to drive down Main Street for three blocks, take a left, go four more blocks before taking another left, and drive one more block and then park. They ended up in front of a huge, brick building with a large marquee on the front. It reminded Edward of the old majestic theaters he'd seen in pictures, the ones that were lit up in multicolored lights. Bella motioned for him to follow her inside, which he did. The building was musty and needed a lot of work.

Bella smiled as she led him across the lobby and pushed open a set of thick, wooden doors. She looked back at Edward before walking inside. He should have been nervous, scared even of where she was leading him, but he wasn't. He trusted her with everything he had inside of him. When he stepped through the threshold, he felt his breath catch in his chest. They were inside a huge theater. Dozens upon dozens rows of plush, red velvet seats faced the large, majestic stage. Burgundy curtains lined the walls and draped along the side of the stage, inviting everyone's attention toward it. As Edward walked down the aisle, he looked up and around him. A large balcony wrapped around the back and sides of the theater. The building was incredible. Bella run away from him, down to the stage and climbed up on it. Edward settled into one of the seats and watched as she just stood there on the middle of the stage, her eyes closed and a feeling of contentment on her face.

"You almost look like you belong up there," a woman called from behind them. Bella's eyes opened and Edward looked behind him, finding a tall, thin woman with long, black hair and deep, black eyes. She was at least in her early forties. Standing next to her was a man just a shy shorter than her. He had dark brown hair and thick, black framed glasses. The woman looked from Bella over to Edward, and smiled. "You must be someone very special for her to bring you here."

The sound of Bella clapping her hands together, caused everyone to look at her. She brought her hands up and began sighing.

"I am being nice, Bella," the woman laughed. She turned back to Edward. "You think I'm nice, don't you?"

"Um, yes?" he asked, unsure why he made it sound like a question.

The woman laughed again, and the man grinned, shaking his head. "Forgive my wife, she's . . . eccentric," the man snickered, holding his hand out to Edward. "I'm Ben Cheney, Bella's Uncle."

"Oh, um, Edward Cullen," he muttered, shaking his hand and looking at his wife.

"Angela," she said, smiling and looking over at Bella, who was still standing on the stage. "Doesn't she look like she belongs there?"

"Yeah," he mumbled, because she did.

Bella rolled her eyes and began to sign.

"She says that was another lifetime, one that no longer exists for her," Angela translated. Sighing, she pointed a thin finger at Bella. "It doesn't have to be."

Shifting her eyes from Edward, Bella turned and walked off the stage and over to them. She brought her hands up once again, and once again, Angela translated, "The place looks good. Can't wait to see it once it's fully restored."

"It's coming along," Ben said, looking around. "Hopefully the funding from the grant we've applied for will come through and help edge the costs a bit."

"You're restoring this place?" Edward asked.

Angela smiled. "Yes. The theater belonged to my parents. Vandals broke in about twenty years ago and destroyed the place. Shredded all the curtains, sliced up all the seats, dug holes in the halls. My parents were elderly and couldn't really afford to fix the place so they closed it. When they did, they left to me and Charlie," she explained. "Bella's father is my brother."

"Oh," he murmured.

"Anyway, a few years ago, we started the process. Repaired the roof, the marquee, and now, we're hoping to get the inside finished so we can finally reopen," she added.

"So, you'd put on plays or what?" Edward asked.

"Yes," Ben said, "but behind the curtains is a movie screen, so we'd be able to show films, too."

Edward nodded and looked over at Bella, noticing the way she stared at the stage with longing. Almost as if she could feel him watching her, she turned to him, giving him a sweet smile. Her hands came up in front of her once more as she signed, "When I was little, my dad would bring me here, and I'd stand on the stage and sing. He'd sit in the front row and just listen. It's one of my favorite memories with him," Angela translated.

Bella brought her hand up to her face and discreetly wiped a tear off her face.

"Sweetheart, we'll leave you two alone," Angela said, leaning over and whispering into her ear. Bella's smile grew as she nodded. Angela turned to Edward. "It's been lovely to meet you, Edward."

"You too," he said, tilting his head in her direction.

Ben slipped his arm around his wife as they turned and walked out of the theater, leaving Bella and Edward alone. He looked over at her. "Your aunt and uncle are nice."

She nodded, and pulled her phone out of her pocket, sending him a quick text. A moment later, his own phone pinged. "She and Charlie didn't really get along. She's a bit of a free thinker, a hippie according to my dad. But when he got hurt, she was devastated. She started the restoration on this place a month after the fire. While I was going radiation, Emmett and Esme would bring me here, and I'd stand on the stage, with tears pouring down my face as I tried to remember my life, grieve for my parents. Grieve for myself."

After Edward read her message out loud, he looked up at her. "You're lucky. You have an amazing family, Bella."

She nodded and pointed to him.

"You're right, I do, too, but it's different," he said, bringing his hand up to his chest. "Car . . . Pix . . ." Edward stammered as the pain and pressure in his chest increased.

Dropping to his knees, he clutched at his chest and looked up at Bella, who was watching him with a look of horror on her face. He reached for her, but before she could take his hand, darkness wrapped around him, taking him away.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Faith, peoples, faith.**


	25. Chapter 25

25

As Edward fell to the ground, one hand reaching for her and the other clutching at his chest, Bella stood there with a look of horror on her face. In an instant she was on her knees, grabbing his hand. Her mouth opened and she tried to scream, but she couldn't. She couldn't because cancer had eaten away at her vocal cords and stole her voice away. Tears sprinkled down her cheeks as she dug her phone out of her back pocket and sent Angela a text, hoping and praying that she'd have her phone on her. Her aunt wasn't known for having it on her all the time, and Ben refused a phone all together, claiming they were destroying the sanctity of humanity. But right now, her phone was all she had to reach out for help.

When almost thirty seconds went by without a response, Bella looked around for anything she could find to make some noise. She couldn't leave Edward, not when he needed her. Five feet away from her, laying between two rows of seats, was a long, metal pole. Bella scrambled over to it, lifted it off the ground and began to beat on everything she could, hoping the ruckus would cause her aunt and uncle to come running.

Sure enough, less than a minute later, the doors to the back of the theater opened and Angela and Ben ran through, looks of irritation on their faces. However, they looked from Bella to Edward, who was laying in heap on the ground.

"Oh, my God," Angela cried, rushing over to him. "What happened?"

Bella's tears continued to fall as she began to sign. "He has heart problems. Call an ambulance. Please!"

Then she tossed Ben her phone before falling to her knees next to Edward again. She wanted to beg him to stay with her, beg him not to leave her like her parents had, but she couldn't. All she could do was hold him and silently let her tears fall while Ben called 911 and requested an ambulance.

Time felt like it had slowed down. Bella had opened herself up to Edward, shared all her fears and darkest secrets. He was the one person who never told her how to feel, tried to sweep the pain she felt everyday under the rug. He was her everything, her life, and if she lost him now, she'd never be able to recover.

The sound of the ambulance pulling up outside and the doors to the theater opening echoed throughout the theater. Angela wrapped her arm around Bella's shoulders and pulled her away as two paramedics came rushing inside.

"What happened to him?" one of them asked, looking at Ben, Angela, and Bella.

"Bella?" Angela asked. Tears continued to fall as she brought her hands up and began signing, knowing her aunt would translate. "She says they were just talking when he grabbed at his chest and passed out. He has a heart condition, and had a transplant two years ago."

Angela and Ben looked down at Edward with pity, and Bella knew that he'd hate it. He was so protective of himself, of what he shared with other people. The paramedics began their assessment, muttering terms like low blood pressure, faint pulse, and rapid heartbeat. It was all gibberish to Bella.

Minutes after they showed up, they strapped Edward to a stretcher and loaded him into the ambulance. Bella wanted to ride with him, but they refused. Angela once again wrapped her arm around her and told her that she and Ben would take her to the hospital. The ride was silent. After Bella sent Esme a text, telling her to call Carlisle and let him know that Edward was being taken to the hospital in Port Angeles, Bella curled herself up in the backseat of their car and watched the flashing lights in front of her, hoping and praying that Edward would be okay. He'd suffered enough, struggled enough in his life without needing to add this, as well.

The ambulance pulled up in front of the emergency room and they rolled Edward inside. Bella was out of the car and following them before Angela or Ben could stop her. She stood outside of Edward's trauma room and watched while they continued to work on him, hooking him up to wires and attaching monitors to his body. She'd never felt so helpless before.

"Miss," a nurse called, and Bella looked over at her. "Are you family?"

Bella just stared at her, knowing that she wasn't, but at the same time, feeling like she was.

"Honey, are you okay?" the nurse asked, reaching for Bella's shoulder. However, she stepped away and shook her head. "Can you tell me your name?"

She shook her head again.

The nurse sighed and looked around. "You can't just stand here, honey. Come on, I'll take you out to the waiting room."

This time her fingers wrapped around her arm. Bella started fighting her as she attempted to drag her down the hall, away from Edward. She needed to stay with him, to be there for him. He couldn't wake up alone, not again. Bella grabbed the nurse's hand and ripped it off her arm before running back down the hallway to Edward, but the nurse wrapped her arms around her, dragging her to the floor. Two orderlies rushed over to help her subdue Bella, who as sobbing uncontrollably.

"Let her go!" Angela shouted, causing everyone to turn to her. She sprinted over and pulled Bella out of the arms of the nurse. "Can't you see that she's upset and worried about her friend?"

Bella's hands shook a she brought them up, giving her aunt the sign for boyfriend.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart," Angela whispered, before addressing the nurse and orderlies again. "That young man is her boyfriend. She's very scared, and she needs to be here for him."

"We understand that, ma'am, but she isn't family," the nurse stated, like that should just seal the deal.

Bella gritted her teeth together and began signing, her hands flying everywhere in a frenzy. "She says, he and I may not have the same blood, but he is everything to me. He's holding my heart, my soul, and I will not leave him," Angela interpreted.

"She can stay." At the sound of the doctor's voice, they turned around and saw him standing in the doorway to Edward's room. He was tall, thin, with short black hair and tanned skin. The nurse glared at Bella before she turned and walked away. "He's stable for now. Have you contracted his family?"

Bella nodded and pulled her phone out of her pocket, indicating that she had. She gestured to Edward.

"I can't tell you anything other than for now, he's okay, but you can go sit by him," the doctor stated.

Bella's eyes closed as a fresh round of tears flooded her eyes. She'd never cried like this in front of other people, especially over the last few years. She'd worked so hard to protect herself from everyone.

'Thank you, Dr. . ." Angela trailed off.

"Dr. Black. Jacob Black. And don't thank me," he rambled. "I'll be back in a bit to check on him."

With that said, Jacob turned and walked away. Bella's hands shook as she reached out and pushed open the door to his room. She walked over and sat next to him, sliding her fingers over his hand.

She wasn't sure how long she had been sitting there when the doors to his room opened again and Carlisle and Alice came rushing in. They looked from her to Edward, and sighed.

"What happened?" Carlisle asked

Bella gestured to his heart, but couldn't say anything else.

"He had chest pains?" he pushed.

Bella shrugged her shoulders, but the truth was, she didn't know what Edward had felt just before he passed out.

"What were you doing?" Carlisle asked, his tone turning short. "Hmm? Where'd you take him? Was it dangerous?"

She opened her mouth, but promptly closed it, wishing like hell that Esme, Emmett, Rose, or Jasper were here to interrupt for her. Carlisle muttered something under his breath about her being a pain in the ass. Bella flinched, but managed to keep either of them from seeing. Carlisle grabbed Edward's chart and began reading over the notes Dr. Black and the nurses had been making.

"Excuse me." Everyone looked over at Jacob, who was standing in the doorway of Edward's room. "I'm Dr. Jacob Black. I'm taking care of Edward."

Carlisle introduced himself before gesturing to Alice. "This is our sister Alice. I see here that his pulse was low, but his heart rate was high."

"Yes," Jacob said, walking over and gently tugging the chart from his hands. "I've scheduled him for a heart biopsy to check for organ rejection, but I don't think that's the problem."

"And why not?" Carlisle asked, folding his arms in front of his chest.

"When I listened to his chest, I thought I heard a clicking sound. I think he's experiencing mitral valve prolapse."

Carlisle nodded and looked back at Edward. "Do you think it's surgical?"

"I can't answer that at this point," Jacob stated with a shake of his head.

"When are you doing the biopsy?" Carlisle asked.

"They should be taking him to the cath lab in a few minutes."

Carlisle nodded and brought his hands up to his mouth, dragging it over his face and through his hair. "Okay."

Jacob shifted his eyes over to Bella, watching her for a moment before he said, "It's a good thing she was there and acted so quickly."

Alice and Carlisle looked over at Bella, but neither of them said anything. Jacob turned and walked out of the room, leaving the three of them alone. Bella felt awkward and out of place. Standing up, she tried to let go of Edward's hand, but he held on tighter. When she looked down at him, she saw him watching her with wide eyes.

"Don't leave me," he croaked, his fingers tightening around hers.

Bella simply nodded and sat back down.

Edward smiled, though it didn't come off as being real as he looked over at Alice and Carlisle. "Hey."

"Hey," Carlisle murmured, sitting on the side of Edward's bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Shit," he muttered. "Like shit. Tired and sore."

"Yeah, I would imagine so," he replied. "What happened, Edward?"

However, he shook his head, his eyes closing. "Pressure . . . pain. The usual."

Alice's whimpering trickled through the air, causing everyone to look over at her. Edward lifted his other hand. "Pix."

"I'm okay," she cried, but walked around the bed and took his hand.

Carlisle pulled her onto his lap, and it was in that moment that Bella saw just how close the three of them were. Like Bella, Emmett, and Esme, they'd been through hell and back. They'd lost their parents, but somehow, they'd managed to hold on to each other. And in that moment, Bella understood why Carlisle was being rude. He was terrified of losing his brother.

A few minutes later, two nurses came in to take Edward down to the cath lab to perform the biopsy on his heart. He pulled on Bella's hand, and whispered, "Kiss me."

She smiled as she leaned down and pressed her lips against his.

Carlisle cleared his throat, reminding them that he and Alice were standing right there. Bella's cheeks flushed as she stepped away from him and allowed the nurses to unhook his monitors and roll him out of the room. She was unsure if she should follow them, so she stood there. It wasn't until Carlisle and Alice were at the door to his room that he looked over his shoulder at her and said, "Aren't you coming?"

She nodded and walked over to him, wrapping her arms around her torso and following them out to the waiting room. Bella was surprised when she saw Emmett, Rose, Esme, and Jasper sitting with Angela and Ben. Esme was on her feet immediately and rushed over to Carlisle wrapping her arms around him.

"Is he okay?" she asked.

"We don't know yet," he muttered, ducking his head into the side of her neck. Feeling out of place, Bella sat in the empty seat next to Emmett, pulling her knees up to her chest, and trying to keep her tears from falling. However, when he slid his arm around her legs, she looked up at him and the damn broke. Bella buried her face in the side of her arm and cried. Cried for Edward and how scared he had to be. Cried for Alice and Carlisle, who had had to sit by too many times and watch Edward fight for his life. And she cried for herself. She was in love with Edward, and losing him now would be the end of her.

"Bella," Alice whispered, causing her to look over at her. "Can you tell us what happened?"

Nodding, she leaned away from Emmett and brought her hands up in front of her, knowing he'd communicate for her. "She says they'd gone to the theater that Angela and Ben are restoring. She wanted to share it with him because it's her favorite place to go. They were talking when he grabbed his chest and collapsed."

"We heard her banging on . . . well, everything," Ben said, shaking his head. "When we ran in, we found him on the ground. We called for an ambulance immediately."

Carlisle nodded. "He's been having some soreness, but kept saying it wasn't anything. I mean, he always has some discomfort. The bones rub together . . ." He sighed and sat down. Esme settled in the seat next to him, sliding her hand into his. Carlisle looked at Bella. "Has he told you everything? About his heart, I mean?"

Bella nodded, feeling Emmett, Rose, and Jasper look at her.

"I'm sorry, but what about his heart?" Emmett asked, and when Carlisle looked over at him. "She didn't tell any of us."

Carlisle shifted his eyes to Bella for a moment before he said, "Edward was born with a heart defect. He's had dozens of surgeries over the years, but they were all just quick fixes. About two years ago, he had a heart transplant."

"So they think he's rejecting the heart?" Rose asked.

"They're doing a biopsy now, but the doctor thinks it's mitral valve prolapse," Carlisle explained.

"Hmm, that's rare in a patient with transplanted heart," she murmured.

"Yeah, well, Edward doesn't do anything the easy way," he scoffed, leaning forward and placing his elbows on his knees and shifting his eyes back to Bella. "Thank you."

Bella cocked an eyebrow in confusion.

"For being there with him," he whispered. "Just thank you."

She nodded, trying in her own way to say you're welcome.

Forty-five minutes later, Jacob walked out into the waiting room, and everyone was immediately on their feet. Bella could feel her heart racing, and the sense of anticipation in the room was thick.

"I've transferred him up to ICU, just as a precaution," Jacob told them. "We won't get the results of his biopsy for a couple of days, and I'm waiting for a call from his cardiothoracic surgeon in Seattle, but I'd like to go ahead and do a few tests to check his mitral valve. An electrocardiogram, chest X-ray, echocardiography for now. Depending on how those look and how the biopsy comes back, we'll have a better idea of what we're looking at."

"When can we go see him?" Carlisle asked.

Jacob looked at all of us. "I can let a few of you go up now, but the rest will have to wait."

"Okay," he said before he grabbed Alice's hand and started to lead her to the elevator after Jacob. Once again, he stopped and looked over his shoulder at Bella. "Are you coming?"

She nodded and followed him and Alice, knowing how big of a deal it was for them to let her go with them. The elevator felt like it took forever as it slowly climbed to the fifth floor. They stepped off and followed Jacob down the hallway, through a set of double doors, and to a small, private room. Edward was lying in bed, his eyes locked on the ceiling. He turned and looked at Bella and he smiled.

"Hey," he murmured, reaching for her. She rushed over and took his hand, bringing it up to her chest. "Don't cry. I'm okay."

It wasn't until he'd said anything that she realized she had been. Her eyes closed, and more than ever she found herself wishing she had her voice. She wanted to tell him how much she loved him, how much she needed him. He made her life worth living, and now, he was sick again.


	26. Chapter 26

26

"Ugh, this shit tastes like . . . well . . . shit," Edward grumbled, pushing the rolling table away from him and sitting up in his bed. He'd been in the hospital for two days and been poked and prodded. A heart biopsy, stress test, electrocardiogram, chest X-ray, echocardiography and the only thing they knew for sure was that Edward's mitro value wasn't working correctly and he'd have to have surgery. Another surgery to add to his list.

Edward shifted his attention to Bella, who was sitting on the right side of his bed. She had her knees pulled up to her chest and had been watching him with a wistful expression. She had refused to leave his side. Emmett and Esme had tried to insist that she go home, that she had school today, but when her hands flew through the air and she began signing, they both took a step back like she'd reached out and slapped them. Edward wasn't sure what she had told them, but they simply nodded their heads and told her she could stay. While Edward knew it was unconventional for the hospital to allow her to stay, seeing as she technically wasn't family, Jacob Black insisted that it was okay and Bella hadn't left his side. Of course, Edward was glad. If he was going to have another surgery, then he needed her here. He wouldn't survive another one without her.

"You think if I call, Esme would bring me a pizza?" Edward asked.

Bella smiled and shook her head.

"Didn't think so," he grumbled, sitting up and bending his knees in front of him. "You're too far away."

Grinning bigger and cheeks blushing pink, Bella placed her feet on the ground before standing up and sitting on the bottom of Edward's bed, shifting so that she was facing him. For a moment, they sat in silence, just staring at each other. Edward hated that he had scared her when he passed out, hated that she had to see him so weak. He felt like he was just getting to live and now he was sick again.

Before he could say anything else, the door to his room opened and Carlisle and Alice came inside. Like Bella, they'd been at the hospital with him non-stop. Carlisle had tried to get him transferred to the hospital in Forks, but Jacob hadn't thought he was strong enough to be moved.

Edward looked at Carlisle. "So? What's the word?"

"No word on the biopsy yet," he said with a sigh. "They've called Dr. Davis."

Groaning, Edward turned back to Bella. "Great."

She cocked an eyebrow.

"He's the cardiothoracic surgeon who we were referred to after we left Chicago. I've only met him once, and he's . . . different," he muttered.

Bella pointed to him and then brought her hand up to her chest, sliding her hand between her breasts.

"Yeah, he'll be the one to operate," he whispered.

She shook her head and looked away. Edward could tell she was scared about him having surgery. Hell, so was he. He wanted to tell her it was okay, but he knew there was a chance that he wouldn't survive another surgery. Always a chance that he would die. He wanted to tell her so much, to hold her, to kiss her again. He wanted a life with her.

"You know, when I get this," Edward muttered, gesturing to his chest, "taken care of, I'll need to set up those lessons with Emmett."

Bella turned to him and smiled.

"What lessons?" Carlisle asked, drawing attention to him and Alice, who had been watching Edward and Bella's exchange.

"Sign language. He offered to teach me how to sign," he explained.

Carlisle frowned and looked at Bella. "Why not just have the implant placed and regain the use of your voice?"

Her eyes widened as Edward looked over at her. "What implant?" he asked, and Bella's eyes closed. "Bella?"

She shook her head.

"Bella, what implant is he talking about?"

She sighed and pressed her lips together.

"It's a fairly new procedure," Carlisle stated. "Only a hundred or so have been done, but basically, they'd place a device, almost like a pacemaker, in her throat, connecting the damaged pieces of her vocal cords, and giving her the ability to speak again. At least, in theory."

"Why aren't you doing it?" Edward asked, pulling on Bella's hand. She waved her hand in the air. "Bella."

With another shake of her head, she out her cell phone and started typing. A moment later, Edward's phone pinged and he picked it up, reading her message with a frown. "In order for the implant to be placed, I'd have to undergo one round of radiation therapy, and even then, there isn't a guarantee that the implant will even work because when they removed the tumor, they had to sever my vocal cords entirely, hence why I can't speak. There is only a forty-five percent chance of success."

Edward looked over at her. "So you won't even try?"

She shook her head, and he watched as a tear traveled down her face.

"Then I won't, either," he said, causing everyone to look over at him. "If you won't have the implant surgery, then . . . then I won't let them fix my heart."

Bella's mouth opened, but before she could as much as type one word on her cell phone, Alice was across the room, her hands grabbing the front of Edward's shirt. "You don't get to do that, Edward," she cried. "You don't get to give up on life just for her!"

"Pix, stop," Carlisle said, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her backward.

Alice began to sob. "Selfish. He's being selfish."

"I know, Pix, I know," he whispered, before he looked at Edward. "You're having the surgery."

"Not if she doesn't do the implant," he said, nodding his head toward Bella. When she frowned, he added, "You're scared, Bella. I get that, but so am I. The only reason I can even consider letting them cut me open again is because I know that you'll still be here. I'm willing to take the chance, so why won't you?"

Simply shaking her head, Bella stood up and walked out of his room, letting the door slide closed. Edward dragged a hand through his hair before he laid back on the bed and closed his eyes, knowing that Carlisle and Alice were still pissed with him. But if he was taking a chance, then she could, too. They could have a normal relationship, one where they didn't need translators or cellphones to communicate.

"Edward," Carlisle murmured.

"Don't," he whispered, turning his back to him. "If she doesn't get the implant, I won't have my valve repaired."

"You can't just not do it," he said, and Edward felt him sit on the side of the bed. "You'll die."

"Then I guess you'd better start planning my funeral," he lashed out, looking over his shoulder. A look of horror spread across Carlisle's face while Alice's hands flew up to her mouth and she bolted from the room like he'd just threw acid in her face.

Carlisle turned from Edward and stood up, walking to the door. "Is she worth it, Edward?"

"She is," he whispered. "I love her, Car. She's everything I never thought I'd get to have."

Making a scoffing sound, Carlisle walked out of Edward's room, leaving him alone.

—SW—

Edward wasn't sure how long he'd been alone in his room when the door opened and Bella came back in. The look on her face told him that she was pissed with him, and while he hated that she was angry with him, he knew that she needed a reason to take this chance. He understood about her being scared, so was he, but this was a chance worth taking.

For a long moment, she just stood at the end of his bed, her arms folded in front of him, and a frown spread on her lips. But then, she brought her hand up and pointed to him before gesturing to herself and signed, "Boyfriend."

"Yeah, I'm your boyfriend," he said. "And you're my girlfriend, Bella. But I don't understand why you won't try the implant."

She pressed her lips together and just looked at him.

"So now you won't even text me?" he asked.

She shook her head, tossing her phone on the bed. He picked it up, noticing that her battery was dead. "Oh," he murmured.

Sitting on the edge of his bed, she simply nodded.

"I know it's selfish of me," Edward said, grabbing her hand and bringing it up to his chest. Her eyes lifted to his. "But I want to hear you say my name. And I know that you've accepted losing your voice, just like I've accepted that my heart, no matter whose heart I have in my chest, will never work right. But if I have to let them cut my chest open again, then you can try the implant."

She shook her head, pointed to him before bringing her hand up and spelling out one single word: "D.I.E."

"You're right," he admitted. "I'll die if I don't have the surgery. But I'm still not going to do it if you don't agree to the implant surgery."

Bella grimaced and nodded.

"You'll do it?" he asked.

She sighed and nodded again before pointing to him.

"For me?"

A tear slipped down her face when her head bobbed up and down, and Edward felt guilty for pushing her so hard to take this chance. Pulling on her hand, he laid back on the bed. Bella laid next to him, her head resting on his chest and her hand curving around his hip.

Closing his eyes, he leaned his head against hers. "I love you."

The moment the words were out of his mouth, he regretted it. Bella's body tensed against his for a split second before she leaned up and looked down at him. There was a look in her eyes, one that Edward couldn't make out. Before he could say anything else, the door to his room opened and they looked over to see Carlisle, Alice, Jacob Black, and Dr. Davis step inside.

Dr. Peter Davis was an odd fellow. Edward had met him just after they'd moved to Forks, though his office was in Seattle. He hadn't said much to Edward, just hummed and nodded while reading over the thick medical file Carlisle had given him. He asked Edward how he was feeling, if there was any pain, and there hadn't been. Not really. Just the mild soreness he always felt.

Bella scrambled off the bed, her face burning red as she looked from Edward to everyone else. Alice was glaring at her while Carlisle looked indifferent. Jacob, however, appeared concerned yet he didn't say anything. Instead, it was Aro who spoke.

"Well, we've gotten the results of your biopsy back," he stated without as much of a 'hello,' 'how are you,' or even 'so your life is going to hell again, huh.' Peter looked up from Edward's chart. "You are not rejecting the transplanted heart."

"Okay," Edward said, because he honestly wasn't sure what say. Was he supposed to be happy that his mother's heart was still working, minus the mitro value, of course?

"I've scheduled your valve surgery for the day after tomorrow," Dr. Davis continued. "The damage to yours is quite extensive, so we're most likely looking to do a complete replacement."

"If he's having the surgery," Alice muttered, glaring at Bella again.

"Pix, stop," Edward growled.

"What do you mean if he's having the surgery?" Dr. Davis asked, looking at Alice and then back at Edward. "Why wouldn't you have the surgery?"

Before Edward could reply, Alice started rambling. "Because she's being a selfish little bitch and he's an idiot by risking his life just so that he can talk to her like a normal goddamn person."

"Alice!" Edward yelled, sitting up and causing her to gasp. He never called her by her name. She'd been 'Pix' since she was born. "Shut up."

"No," she raged. "You're going to die, Edward. And for what? For her?"

Bella brought her hands up in front of her, slapping them together. Everyone looked over at her, but her eyes were locked on Alice. Bella pointed to her throat and nodded, hoping that she'd understand.

"She agreed to the implant," Edward muttered, and Bella looked over at him and nodded.

"Oh," Alice whispered.

"Yeah, oh," Edward grumbled.

Bella reached out and grabbed his hand, playing it over her heart.

He took a deep breath, and looked over at Dr. Davis. "So the day after tomorrow?"

"Um, yeah," he said, still sounding confused. "After discussing your case with your brother and Dr. Black, we've decided to go with a biological valve instead of a mechanical. While mechanical valve's last a lifetime, you'd be required to take blood thinners and with the medication you're already taking, I would feel better about not adding a new pill to your daily regimen."

"Oh, sorry." Everyone looked back at Esme, who was standing in the doorway to Edward's room. She looked from Carlisle to Bella, a frown etched on her face. "I don't mean to interrupt, but, Bella, can I talk to you?"

Bella nodded and released Edward's hand before she walked past everyone and stepped out into the hallway. Edward watched while Esme whispered to her followed by Bella's hands flying through the air. Suddenly, Bella's eyes shifted to Edward and he saw her shoulders raise and drop as she sighed and nodded.

She and Esme walked back into his room and she came to stand next to his bed. Bringing her hands up in front of her, Bella began to sign. "She says," Esme interrupted, "She has an appointment with her oncologist on Wednesday morning, and if all goes well, she should be started radiation the following week." Esme looked over at Edward. "Which means she won't be here for your surgery. The next opening is not for two more months. She told me what you did, and it's really stupid."

"Maybe," he admitted. "But it worked, didn't it?"

Bella frowned while Esme rolled her eyes. "It's a good think she likes you, kid," Esme scoffed, causing Bella to look over at her. She brought her arms up in front of her chest, crossing them at her wrists. Esme's eyes flew open as she looked from Bella to Edward and back. "Really?"

Bella nodded.

"Do you want me to tell him?" she asked.

She shook her head, looking down at Edward before she began to sign.

"Oh, okay, Butterbean," Esme replied.

"What'd she say?" Edward asked.

"I can't tell you," she said. "Sorry."

"You're not sorry," he muttered, watching as she stepped over to Carlisle and brought her hand up to his face. His eyes closed and for the first time since Edward's transplant, he saw his brother and not the man so overwhelmed with grief and heartache that he could barely function.

"Well, I guess I should go," Dr. Davis stated, reminding everyone that he was still standing there. "Edward, I'll be by tomorrow to check on you."

He nodded, but didn't say anything. Jacob followed Dr. Davis out of the room, leaving Bella, Alice, Esme, and Carlisle alone. Bella sat on the side of Edward's bed, and grabbed his hand, bringing it up to her chest. He was in love with her, and she'd agreed to try and regain her voice. Perhaps, they could be happy after all.

Before he could stop himself, he heard himself speaking. "Marry me."

**Thank you for all the reviews. Do you think it was right for Edward to withhold his surgery if she refused?**


	27. Chapter 27

27

"What!" Carlisle exclaimed, glaring at Edward. "Are you insane?"

"He's an idiot. A fucking idiot," Alice muttered.

"Oh, it's so romantic," Esme cooed, clapping her hands together, but her words were laced with sarcasm.

However, Bella just stood there, unable to believe he'd just asked her to marry him, without even knowing that she loved him too. Of course she did love him, but she didn't want her sister to have to translate her feelings, especially her declaration.

"Will you?" he asked. "Will you marry me, Bella?"

She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as everyone shifted their attention from him to her. With a subtle shake of her head, she told him no. He frowned and looked away, and she felt horrible for having to say no, but they weren't ready for marriage. Sliding onto the side of his bed, she reached out and placed her hands on the side of his face, forcing him to look at her. She could see the fear in his eyes, the need, but she knew that wasn't a reason to tie their lives together.

Bringing her hand hands up in front of her, she began to sign, knowing Esme would translate for her. "She says we're not ready for marriage. We've only begun to explore our lives together and we've already have a huge bump in the road with your heart and my voice."

"Which is even more reason to get married," he pleaded.

Again, she shook her head.

"I love you," he said, causing Esme, Carlisle, and Alice to gasp. "And I don't want to die without you being my wife."

Bella's brow furrowed as she pointed to him and spelled out 'die' again, shaking her head.

"I know what the risks are, Bella," he said, placing his hand on her leg. "With each new heart surgery, the odds of complications increase. It . . . it wouldn't be the first time I've coded on the table, either."

Her eyes flew open and she looked over at Carlisle.

"When he was ten," he murmured. "They were doing another patch and his heart stopped. But it was only for a minute and they were able to get it restarted."

Bella looked over at Edward, a frown tugging on her lips.

"Please?" he whispered, grabbing her hands. "Please marry me?"

And once more, she shook her head. Slipping her hands out from under his, she reached up and cupped his face and leaning toward him. Her mouth opened, and while no sound came out, she hoped he'd be able to make out the words she wished like hell she could say, "I love you."

He smiled. "You do?"

Her cheeks turned red as she closed the distance between their lips.

"Then why not marry me?" he whispered.

She sighed and leaned away, signing once more. "Because I'm not ready to be your wife. Because I won't be able to stand in the front of the church and look into your eyes and tell you that I promise to be yours, to be always be yours. And I want to be able to do that without needing someone to translate for me."

After Esme told him what Bella had said, she added, "You've already asked her to step outside of her comfort zone and try the implant surgery, Edward. Like you, she's scared."

He nodded and looked back at Bella. "Afterward then." And when she began to shake her head, he sat up and grabbed her face between his hands. "Once my heart is fixed and you've got the implant, then we can get married."

Closing her eyes, she leaned into his touch. As a tear slipped down her cheek, she found herself nodding.

"Yeah?" he asked. "You'll marry me after everything is said and done?"

Again, she nodded.

"This is insane," Alice groused. "You're barely eighteen, Edward. You don't even know her!"

"Pix," he said, shifting his eyes to her. "What'd mom always say? About love?"

Alice hesitated for a moment before replying. "She said love finds us when we least expect it and it's up to us on whether we hold on or let it go."

"I'm choosing to hold on," he said before looking at Bella. "I finally feel like I have a place in this world, and I'm not about to let her go now."

"But marriage is a huge step," Carlisle argued.

"Look, I've already accepted that she won't marry me today, okay?" he groused. "But when my heart is fixed and I've healed from the surgery, and Bella has her voice back, we will get married. You can accept it or not. That's up to you."

—SW—

By Wednesday morning, Bella was nearly shaking with nerves. Edward was scheduled to go into for surgery in a few hours, but she couldn't be there. Dr. Phil Dwyer only had one opening in his schedule and if Bella wanted the implant surgery, she had to act quickly. And she knew if she waited, she'd talk herself out of proceeding further. So she had to settle for Rose and Jasper going to the hospital and being there instead of her. Emmett and Esme were going with Bella to Seattle, like they had for every appointment over the last three years.

Climbing out of bed, Bella grabbed her clothes off the back of her chair and slipped on the jeans and T-shirt, thankful that she'd showered when she got home the night before. Leaving Edward in the hospital had been harder, much harder, than she thought it would be. But she promised him that she would try the surgery, and he swore to her that he wouldn't die on the table. If she lost him now, she would have nothing to live for. Edward was everything she ever wanted, and everything she never thought she'd get to have, not after the accident, not after watching her parents lose themselves due to the fall, not after a tumor tore her voice away, leaving her a freak.

Grabbing her cell from off the dresser, she shoved it into her back pocket and started downstairs, stopping when she heard Emmett and Esme talking in the kitchen.

"We have to do something, Esme, this is getting insane," Emmett muttered. "He's stalking you."

"I know, Em," Esme groused. "But what can I do? The police have already said that unless he breaks into the house or harms me physically, there isn't anything they can do. There's not even enough for a restraining order."

"I know. Maybe . . . maybe we should consider moving," he muttered. "I mean, Jasper and Bella are almost out of school. We could move somewhere new and start over."

"And leave Mom and Dad here?" Esme asked.

"They aren't Mom and Dad anymore, Esme!" Emmett argued. "They haven't been in three years. Look at how Mom reacted to Bella last time. She could have hurt her. She's dangerous."

"She's our mother!"

"And I love her, I do. But Bella needs us to take care of her now."

"Have you forgotten about Edward?" Esme asked. "They're getting married, remember?"

Emmett snorted. "Yeah, whatever. Once he gets his valve replaced and really thinks about it, I doubt he's going to be pushing to get married. I like the kid. I do, but talk about going to the extreme."

"She loves him, Emmett."

"I know she does," he admitted. "And I'm not saying that they won't get married someday. But they've only known each other a few weeks. They're scared. They've both been through hell and back. I'm glad that she has him, and I think she's good for him. But marriage is a big step, Esme. Huge."

"You're right, but you know Bella isn't going to just sit back and listen to reason, either," Esme groused. "Where is she, anyway? We're going to be late."

Dragging her hand over her face and through her hair, Bella stepped of the last step and rounded the corner into the kitchen. Emmett and Esme looked over at her, smiling and clearly unaware that she'd heard the majority of their conversations. In the trashcan, next to the back door, were a bouquet of dead roses, a gift from Mr. Greene she was sure. His obsession with her hadn't waned, even after Emmett made it clear after Edward and Bella found him hovering over Esme in the library that he was to leave their sister alone or they'd file a sexual harassment suit against him.

"Sit down and eat, Butterbean," Emmett said, standing up and pulling a plate out of the microwave and placing it on the table. Eggs, toast, and two slices of turkey bacon. She looked up at him and grimaced as she pushed the plate away, grabbing just the toast. "When you're starving later, I'm not going to buy you any lunch."

She rolled her eyes because there was no way they were going all the way to Seattle and not eating lunch at their favorite seafood shack. It had become a tradition ever since they were little and Charlie and Renee would take them into the city to explore, as they called it. No matter where they went, they always sound themselves at a small shack along the pier, dining on fresh crab legs and shrimp.

Esme laughed and looked at her watch. "Oh, crap, we've got to go or we're going to miss the ferry."

Bella shrugged on her jacket and followed her brother and sister out to Emmett's car. Curling herself up in the backseat, she closed her eyes and thought about Edward, about a life together as his wife. Would they be ready for marriage after they healed from their surgeries or would it be a mistake?

Just over three and half hours later, Emmett turned into the parking lot of Phil's office and Bella's cell phone pinged, indicating she had a text message. Smiling, she pulled her phone out of her back pocket and found a message from Edward.

**The first time I saw you, I remember thinking that I'd never seen someone as beautiful as you. I love you, Bella.**

Tears welled up in her eyes as she sent him a reply. **When I saw you sitting in the desk behind mine, I wanted to turn around and touch you. I needed to touch you. My heart was beating so fast, I thought it would break through my chest. I love you, Edward. Don't forget your promise.**

Less than thirty seconds later, he'd replied, **I'm hanging on for dear life. **

So was she.

Bella climbed out of the car, ignoring the smirks on Emmett and Esme's faces, and followed them into the building, over to the elevator, and up to the tenth floor. Phil's office was located in the Seattle's Children Cancer Center. She'd spent an hour and half, five days week, for eight weeks here after she was discharged from the hospital. She hated this building. Every time she had to come in for a check-up, Bella was afraid that they'd tell her the cancer was back, and today was no different.

When they stepped off the elevator, Jane, the receptionist sitting behind the counter, waved and told them it would be a few minutes. She was an older woman with dark, salt-and-pepper colored hair and a friendly demeanor. She had nine grandchildren and loved to brag about how they were playing baseball, soccer, how their ballet recitals went.

Emmett led them to the back corner of the waiting room, to a long, beige couch. Bella sat beside them, pulling her knees up in front of her and trying like hell to get her hands to stop shaking. Phil had first broached the subject of the surgery at her last check-up, four months ago, telling her about how the device would give her a chance to live a normal life. But Bella had never lived a normal life. Normal girl's parents didn't turn into strangers after a fall. They didn't have tumors growing in their throats, stripping them of their voices and leaving them helpless. Bella wasn't normal, and it had taken her a long time to accept that she would never be the person she was before the night of the fire. And now, they told her that she could have life back, but were the risks worth it? Edward was worth it, he was worth trying, at least that's what she was telling herself.

"Bella." At the sound of her name, Bella looked over at Heidi Daniels, Phil's nurse. She was a tall, legging brunette with a stunning smile. "You ready, honey?"

She nodded and stood up and led Emmett and Esme across the waiting room and into the back. Heidi checked her weight and height before leading her into a small examination room. Bella sat on the table while Esme and Emmett took the two chairs. Heidi took her temperature and blood pressure before telling them that Phil would be with them in a few minutes. The moment the door was shut, Emmett was on his feet, pacing back and forth.

They didn't have to wait too long before there was a soft knock on the door and it was pushed open. Phil Dwyer walked in, smiling at everyone. He was handsome man. Tall, with wide shoulders, soft, dark brown hair and large blue eyes.

"Hello," he said, shaking Emmett's hand before leaning over and kissing Esme's cheek.

From the way Bella understood, Phil and Charlie had been best friends since they were little, having grown up together. Charlie met Renee when they were fifteen, and they fell in love. Bella often suspected that Phil had feelings for Charlie, but that he'd been too embarrassed to admit that he was both gay and attracted to his best friend.

Phil had always been a part of their family when she was little. Every Christmas, every Thanksgiving, every birthday party, he was there with a smile on his face and a stack of gifts in his arms. When the doctor in the emergency room found the mass, Esme immediately called Phil, insisting that he treat me. It hadn't been easy for him. He was grieving the loss of Bella's parents, but he told her that he would take care of her and he had for the most part.

Phil turned to Bella "Hey, sweetheart."

She simply waved.

"Kind of surprised when Esme called," he admitted, leaning against the sink and folding his arms across his chest. "I thought you were dead set against getting the implant."

Bella frowned, unsure of what she was supposed to say. It had never been that she didn't want to try, but she had been afraid. It had taken her a long time to accept that she'd never speak again. If she got her hopes up and the implant failed, she'd be crushed.

"What made you change your mind, Bella?" Phil asked, pushing her to talk to him.

She brought her hands up and began signing, knowing that he'd understand her. "I met someone."

Phil cocked an eyebrow. "A boy?"

Bella nodded. "He's . . . Well, he's amazing. And he loves me. He wants to marry me, Phil."

"Marry you?" he exclaimed, pushing off the sink and looking over at Emmett and Esme. "What the hell!?"

Before Emmett or Esme could say anything, Bella clapped her hands together, drawing their attention to her. "Edward is . . . different than most boys our age. He's been through a lot. He was born with a heart defect and had to have dozens of surgeries when he was little. A couple years ago, they told him that the patches wouldn't work anymore, that he needed a new heart. He was standing on death's door when his parents and sister were in an accident. His dad died instantly, but his mom didn't. She was declared brain dead and because she was a match to Edward, they transplanted her heart into his chest."

From the corner of Bella's eye, she saw Emmett's eyes widen. She knew he was aware of some of his history, but not all of it. While it wasn't her story to tell, she needed them to understand that Edward wasn't some horny, eighteen year told boy trying to get into her pants. He loved her and she loved him. While she still wasn't sure they were ready for marriage, she wasn't about to let him go, not when she just found him.

"He and his sister and brother haven't had it easy. Like us, they've lost so much, let their pain and anger cause them to . . . make bad choices," she signed, trying to be cryptic in regards to Carlisle and his cutting. "But even with all that he's going through, with that anger built up inside of him, he loves me."

She paused, trying to keep the tears from spilling down her face. "He's having a mitral valve replacement done right now, but instead of being there for him, or his sister and brother, I'm here because he wants to marry me and I can't do that unless I take the chance and get the implant. I want to be able to stand with him and say my vows, promise to always love him. So, don't stand there and judge me, judge us."

Phil pressed his lips together and stared at her for a moment before he finally spoke. "Okay."

She lifted an eyebrow in response.

"Look, I don't know this kid, so I can't say whether or not he's worth a damn," Phil said, placing his hand on Bella's shoulder. "But I've known you since the day you were born. And if you tell me that Edward is a good man for you, then I believe you."

She smiled and signed, "He's everything I never thought I could have after the accident and the tumor."

Phil nodded, letting his hand fall from her shoulder. "Would he have liked him? Charlie, I mean. Would he have liked Edward?"

Bella looked over at Emmett and Esme.

"He would have loved him," Emmett admitted. "He and Mom would have welcomed all of them into the family and made sure they never felt alone again."

Esme brought her hand up to her mouth, trying to keep the sob from slipping out. But she nodded, agreeing with Emmett's assessment.

"Then that's good enough for me." Phil turned to the sink and washed his hands before facing Bella again. "I'm just do a quick examination and then I'd like to send you for a MRI and a laryngoscopy. If there are no growths, which I am not expecting to find, then we can set your schedule for the radiation."

Bella's hands trembled as she signed. "And if there are any growths?"

Phil hesitated. "If there are, then we'll have to do another biopsy to see if they're cancerous, and go from there."

Nodding, she bit her bottom lip.

"Bella," Phil said, placing his hand under her chin and tilting her head backward. "Trust me, sweetheart."

As a tear slipped, down her face, she brought her hands up and signed. "I'm trusting you with my future."

—SW—

Four hours later, Bella sat in one of the uncomfortable, brown leather chairs in Phil's office with Emmett on one side of her and Esme on the other. She'd had both the MRI and laryngoscopy done, and as now waiting for Phil to deliver the results of both tests. She was terrified and nervous and anxious, and waiting was just making everything worse for her. Her future was on the line.

The door to Phil's office opened and the three of them looked back. He didn't say anything as he walked around his large, oak desk and sat down, laying her file on top of his desk, leaning back in his chair, and looking up at her.

"There's a growth," he said, the three words seeping into Bella's soul. "At the base of her larynx. It's not very big, barely the size of a pea, but it's there."

"So what now?" Emmett asked, sliding his arm around Bella's shoulder. She pulled her knees up, wrapping her arms around them and trying to keep herself together.

Phil sighed and leaned forward, placing his elbows on the desk. "We need to do a biopsy to determine if it's cancer or not."

"If it is?" Esme asked.

"We can still do the implant, but she'll need radiation and chemotherapy before we can even attempt the surgery. If it's not, then we'll do the round of radiation and proceed with the surgery."

Bella lifted her hands, lifting her head so that she was looking at him. "How does this affect the odds?"

Phil pressed his lips together. "Because you've got a new mass just three years after the first, the odds of the implant working go down."

"To what?" Esme asked.

"Thirty-percent," he replied.

Bella blew out a heavy breath.

"I know, sweetheart, but I've done this procedure ten times and seven of them have been successful, which not to sound cocky, improves your odds," he explained. "I understand that you're scared, but I still think the implant will work."

Bella shook her head.

"Butterbean, you don't have to decide on the implant right now," Esme said, sliding her hand over hers. "Right now, we just need to focus the biopsy and finding out if the mass is cancerous or not, okay?"

She nodded, blinking back the tears that filled her eyes.

Esme looked over at Phil. "When are we doing the biopsy?"

"We can admit her today and do it in the morning," he said.

But Bella clapped her hands, drawing their attention to her. She shook her head and signed, "No, not tomorrow. I need Edward. Please, I need Edward!"

"Okay, Butterbean, calm down," Emmett said, covering her hands with his. He looked over at Phil. "How long can she wait to do the biopsy?"

He grimaced. "I wouldn't recommend waiting."

"I understand that," he groused. "But she needs him. So how long can she wait to do the biopsy without it causing a problem?"

Phil leaned back in his chair. "I wouldn't wait more than a couple of weeks."

Emmett shifted his eyes down to Bella. "Okay. Schedule us for two weeks from today."

"I don't think you should wait," Phil fretted.

"And she can't go through this again without him," Emmett said, his voice thick with emotion. "You haven't seen them together, Phil. You don't understand how much he . . . ." Emmett brought his hand up to his mouth, taking a shaky breath. "He makes her smile. So if she says that she needs him, then we'll wait. Okay?"

"Yeah," Phil whispered. "Okay. I'll, um, be in touch with time and everything."

"Thank you," Esme murmured, standing up with Bella in her arms.

"You're welcome, I guess," he said, looking over at Bella. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

Bella nodded, because there was nothing else for her to say. Emmett led them out of the office, through the waiting room, and over to the elevator. The ride down was tense and awkward. Unspoken words hung round them, but nobody would speak them. Bella had found happiness and now there was a tumor.

The doors to the elevator opened and the three of them walked through the lobby and outside. They climbed into the car, but Emmett didn't start it.

He turned and looked back at Bella, his eyes full of sorrow and grief. "Butterbean."

"Can we just go to Port Angeles? Please?" she signed. "I need to see him."

"Okay," Emmett murmured, turning around in his seat.

He started the car and pulled out of the space, his eyes flickering to hers. Bella curled herself up against the seat and allowed her tears to fall.

Two hours later, Emmett pulled up in front of the hospital in Port Angeles. Bella was out of the car and halfway to the entrance before Emmett had even opened his door. He and Esme caught up to her while she was waiting for the elevator. Emmett placed his hand on her shoulder, trying to offer her a small bit of comfort.

They found Carlisle, Alice, Rose, and Jasper in the surgical waiting room. Rose was next to Carlisle while Jasper had his arm wrapped around Alice, who was curled up in her seat facing him. It was clear to Bella that they cared for each other, that they needed each other. Like she needed Edward.

Bella brought her hands up and signed, "Is he out of surgery?"

Carlisle looked at Esme, who quickly translated what she'd said. "Not yet. They were late taking him back. Probably have another hour at least."

She nodded and wrapped her arms around her torso.

"How'd the appointment go?" Jasper asked, his eyes flickering from Emmett to Esme to Bella.

She frowned and shook her head.

"Not great," Esme told them, sliding into the empty seat next to Carlisle and slipping her hand into his. "They, um, found another mass."

"What?" Jasper sat up, his eyes flittering over to Bella.

"It's small, but they want to do a biopsy," Esme continued.

"Does that mean they can't do the implant?" Alice asked, her voice soft and meek.

While Esme filled them in on her appointment, Bella went to the far corner of the waiting room and sat down, pulling her knees up in front of her and closing her eyes. She'd always known there would be a chance that the cancer would come back, but she never believed that it would. Hadn't she suffered enough? She'd lost her parents, lost her voice, lost her passion, and now she was facing death again. The tumor would be cancerous again. The odds were too high for her to ignore.

"Bella." At the sound of Esme's voice, she opened her eyes and looked over, finding Dr. Davis and Dr. Black standing next to Carlisle.

She scrambled to her feet and rushed over, signing, "How is he?"

"He's in recovery," Dr. Davis said after Emmett had interrupted for her. "The replacement went smoothly, but there was a lot of scar tissue left from the transplant so it took longer than expected. But he's okay."

Bella nodded, feeling her eyes flood with tears.

"When can we go see him?" Carlisle asked, his hand resting on Esme's lower back.

Dr. Davis looked around at each of them. "I can allow a few of you to go back now, for a few minutes."

Carlisle nodded and reached back for Alice, but his eyes landed on Bella. "Let's go."

She nodded and followed Carlisle, Alice, Dr. Davis, and Dr. Black out of the waiting room and to the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. The tears that Bella had been fighting sprinkled across her cheeks. Edward was laying in the middle of the bed, a tube down his throat, leeds hooked up to his body so they could monitor his heart rate, pulse, blood pressure, and temperature. Bella walked over to him, picking up his hand and wishing more than anything she'd married him two days ago when he asked.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Let me know your thoughts on this one, too.**


	28. Chapter 28

28

Edward's hand was wet. That was the first thing he noticed as he slipped out of the groggy fog that came with the anesthesia. Prying his eyes open, his head lobbed to the right. Bella was sitting next to his bed, her head resting against the palm of his hand. He moaned, causing her to look up at him. A smile spread over her lips, while her eyes flooded with more tears. She brought her hand up, giving him a simple wave of hello.

"Hey," he whispered, his throat dry. His chest ached, the effort to take a simple breath hurt. Of course, he knew it would. It always had, but the pain always took him by surprise.

Bella brought his hand up to her cheek, pressing her lips against his palm.

Edward smiled, but the sound of someone clearing their throat drew his attention to the left side of his bed, where he found Carlisle sitting. He looked around for Alice, but didn't find her. His lips parted and murmured, "Pix?"

"Jasper took her to the cafeteria for something to eat," he explained. "She's been worried, and you know how she gets when she's worried and doesn't eat."

Edward nodded, wincing softly. Alice always struggled when he had to have a new surgery, her imagination getting the better of her. Their mother always said it was the artist in her, and Edward wondered if she had been right.

Carlisle grabbed his hand, sliding the red pain controller into his palm. Edward clicked it three times, knowing that it wouldn't do any good. The device was set to automatically stop his medication at a certain level to keep people from pressing it to the point of overdosing.

"Everything went smooth," Carlisle said. "They were able to replace the valve, and said everything looked great, so . . ."

"Yeah, good, good," Edward whispered, looking over at Bella, who had her eyes closed and his hand still pressed against her cheek. "Beautiful."

Her eyes opened and a tear slipped down across his fingers.

"It's okay," Edward said, groggily.

Shaking her head, she closed her eyes again, causing more tears to sprinkle down her cheeks. Before Edward could press for more details, he felt his eyes drifting closed as his pain medication seeped into his system, causing him to drift back to sleep. The sight of her weeping into his hand haunted him.

When Edward woke again, his room was dark, only a small light above the sink and the glow of his monitors filling the room. Letting his head tilt to the right again, he found Bella still sitting in the same chair, her knees pulled up to her chest and his hand clenched tightly in her. Though it was late, he wasn't surprised that she was still there, still holding his hand, still supporting him. His love for increased.

Edward moaned, causing her to shift her eyes over to him and smiling. "Water."

Bella reached over to the small, rolling table and picked up the small foam cup of water, placing the straw at his lips. He took a sip, wincing when his chest ached. Bella placed the cup back on the table, sliding to the edge of her chair and bringing her hand up to his cheek.

"Thanks," he whispered.

She nodded.

"How'd your appointment go?" he asked, reaching for her hand.

Bella frowned as she wrapped her fingers around his and shook her head.

"You didn't go?"

Her eyes flittered to his, and he saw a flash of pain and grief. Shaking her head once again, Bella pointed to her throat and then spelled out, "M.A.S.S."

It took Edward a moment to understand what she was saying. His eyes widened. "They found another mass?"

She nodded and a tear trickled down her cheek.

"So you can't do the implant now?" he asked.

Bella bit her lip and once again, her head shifted from side to side.

"No you can't or no you can?"

Pointing to her throat, she nodded.

"You can?" he asked.

Bella's head barely moved as she replied with a yes, but then she pulled her hand out of his and grabbed a small note pad and pen off the table, scribbling a quick note. Holding it up in front of Edward, she sat on the side of his bed, letting him read her note.

"Yes, I can do the implant . . . eventually. They're doing a biopsy in a couple of weeks to determine if it's cancer again, which I'm sure it is." Edward frowned and looked over at her. "Oh, fuck, Bella, I'm sorry."

She shrugged her shoulders, and he knew she was trying to give off the impression that she didn't care, but she did. Like with Edward and his heart, her life had been altered by a mass once, and now, she found herself facing another. He couldn't help but feel guilty. He'd pushed her to do the surgery, and by doing so, her life had been altered.

"Are you still going to do the implant?" he asked. "I mean, if it's cancer?"

Bella shifted her eyes to his and before pointing to him.

"For me?"

She nodded.

"Is it wrong that I'm glad you're still doing it?" he asked.

Bella smiled and shook her head as she pointed to him and then crossed her arms in front of her chest before gesturing to herself.

"I something you," he said.

Bella laughed silently before she brought her hand up and spelled out: "L.O.V.E."

"Love. I love you," he said.

She smiled and nodded.

"I do," he told her as the door to his room opened and a nurse came inside.

She glared at Bella before turning her attention to Edward. "Are you in pain?"

Edward shifted his eyes to Bella before he nodded.

"On a scale between one and ten, ten being the worst?" she asked.

"Seven or eight," he admitted. "Maybe a nine."

She nodded before reaching over to his morphine pump and increasing his dosage. "Click your button, young man. No point in being strong just out of spite."

"I'm not," he mumbled. "I just don't like how they make me feel."

The nurse, whose nametag read Marcy, scowled. "Being in pain isn't going to help you heal." She shifted her eyes to Bella, before adding, "You need your rest, Edward."

Spinning on her heel, she turned and walked out of the room, letting the door close behind her. Edward looked over at Bella, who was frowning. "She's kind of a bitch, huh?"

She nodded but brought his hand back up to her face.

Once again, Edward felt his eyes growing heavy as his pain medication took the edge off and he found himself drifting off to sleep.

—SW—

"I don't care what you say, I'm going," Edward declared, placing his hand on his chest. The ache in his chest was a reminder that he'd only been home for two day.

He'd spent eight days in the hospital. Four of those days were spent in the ICU while an additional four were spent on the cardiac floor. Bella had only been allowed to stay with him for the first two days. He'd laid in his bed and watched as her hands flew through the air as she argued with Emmett and Esme about staying, but in the end, she had to go back to forks. She'd already missed several days of school, and with the biopsy in three days, she'd miss at least two more. And that all depended on how the results came back. She was terrified, Edward could see that she was barely hanging on, which is why he was adamant about being with her at the hospital.

"Edward, you're not strong enough," Carlisle said, from his seat on the couch. Edward had been propped up in a recliner. Upright was the only position that didn't have him hurting. Well, it hurt, but it wasn't as bad when he was upright, anyway.

"She needs me to be there," he said, staring Carlisle straight in the eye. "She's terrified, Car. You don't understand how it feels to face death once, live, and then find yourself facing it again."

"Maybe not," he said, shifting his eyes away. "But you're still weak. Hell, Edward, you can barely stand for five minutes without breaking out in a sweat."

That was true. "I'm still going," he relied again, and before Carlisle could say anything, he put a hand up. "I'll use a wheelchair, or whatever you want, but I will be there for her. I love her."

Groaning, Carlisle finally nodded. "Fine, whatever. But the first time I think you're done for, I'm taking you to the hotel. You won't be any good to her if you end up back in the hospital because you've overdone it."

"Deal." He leaned his head against the back of the chair, taking a deep breath.

"You need another pain pill?" Carlisle asked.

Edward shook his head, knowing that school was almost over and then Bella would be there. She'd come to his house every day after school, needing to see him, she said. He heard Carlisle mutter under his breath as he walked out of the living room, but Edward ignored it.

Ten minutes later, the door to the house opened and Edward smiled when Bella, Alice, and Jasper came inside. While Jasper hadn't been the easiest person for him to like, Edward knew that he was important to Alice. Plus, he'd stepped up and supported his sister when she needed him. Watching Edward undergo yet another life-threatening surgery had been difficult on Alice, but Jasper had been there for her.

Bella tossed her backpack next to the door and rushed over to Edward, sitting on arm of his chair. She waved and brought her hand up, giving the sign for "Boyfriend" again.

"Not boyfriend," Edward said, laughing softly as he brought his hands up, pressing his index finger and thumb on his right hand together, drawing an invisible circle above his left hand before pressing his fingers on top of his left ring finger. "Fiancée."

Bella smiled and nodded, mimicking the sign.

"How was school?" Edward asked.

When she grimace and shrugged her shoulders, Edward shifted his eyes over to Alice. "That bad?"

"Pretty much," she admitted, sitting next to Jasper and laying her hand on his thigh. "Lots of stares and whispers, and . . ." Alice shook her head. "People are assholes."

"That they are," Jasper agreed, placing his hand on the back of her neck and pressing his lips against the top of her head.

Carlisle came downstairs, shrugging on his scrub top over a long, sleeve gray T-shirt. He looked from Edward and Bella to Alice and Jasper. "Esme said she'd come by in a while with dinner," he said. "If you need anything, call me, okay? I've got my phone on, and I can be here in like two minutes."

"We'll be fine, Car," Edward grumbled, hating that he worried so much about him.

Tonight was Carlisle's first night back to work, after taking the last twelve days off, without pay of course. He hadn't had enough vacation or sick time saved up, which meant that every shift he missed cost them a lot. They each had a small trust given to them from by their grandparents, but they were only given a small monthly allowance and Edward's medical expenses alone would cost them a lot.

"Yeah, I know," he muttered, his brow furrowing, and Edward worried about how the stress of taking care of him was affecting him. Taking a deep breath, he grabbed his jacket, keys, and wallet, and looked back at them. "No wild parties," he laughed, but it didn't sound real.

"Well, there goes our plans for tonight," Alice groused, standing up, grabbing Jasper's hand, and leading him to the stairs.

Carlisle watched them as they went upstairs with a look on his face like he should stop them, but then he simply shook his head and looked back over at Bella and Edward, his forehead creasing in worry again. "Okay, I've gotta go. Just . . . be careful."

"We will," Edward muttered, rolling his eyes while Bella looked over her shoulder and giving him a soft wave.

With another sigh, Carlisle turned and walked out of the house, closing the door behind him. Bella bit her lip as she shifted her attention back to Edward, who had his hand pressed against his chest. She frowned and gently placed hers on top of his.

"I'm okay," he whispered.

She shook her head because she knew he wasn't being honest.

Edward sighed. "I'm just tired. And I hate sitting around doing nothing like this."

Bella pulled her cell phone from her back pocket, quickly typing out a message for him. However, instead sending it to Edward's phone, she turned hers around so that he could read it. "The more you rest now, the faster you'll heal." Edward frowned and shifted his eyes up to hers. "I know, but I've spent a lot of my life like this."

Bella nodded.

Edward reached out and grabbed her hand, bringing it up to his lips. "You're going to be okay. You know that, right?"

Shaking her head, she gestured to her throat.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow?" Edward asked.

Bella tensed and held up nine fingers.

"And they're doing the biopsy at eleven the next morning?"

She nodded, releasing a silent sigh.

"And how long will it take to get the result?" he asked.

Bella shrugged her shoulders and held up two fingers, followed by three fingers and then spelled out, "D.A.Y.S."

"Two to three days, huh?" He hummed. "And do you have to stay in the hospital that long?"

Bella shook her head.

"That's good, right?"

She smiled and shrugged her shoulders again.

Before he could say anything else, someone knocked on the front door. Bella pressed her lips against his before she stood up and walked over to the door, pulling it open and revealing Esme, Emmett, and Rose, all of whom had their arms full of dishes. Bella took a step backward and allowed them into the house. While Emmett and Esme walked into the kitchen, Rose walked over to Edward, sitting on the edge of the coffee table.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, grabbing his arm and checking his pulse.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, he said, "Like I've had my chest ripped open." Over her shoulder, Edward noticed the frown on Bella's lips and he felt horrible for being in a bad mood. "My chest hurts. The incision, I mean. And it itches. I'm tired, but find it really hard to sleep because of the pain."

"Are you taking your pain meds?" Rose asked, shifting her eyes to the small table next to Edward where his medication sat.

"When I can't take the pain anymore," he said, and when she cocked an eyebrow, he added, "It gives me weird dreams."

Rose nodded. "Okay, fair enough."

"Hope you're hungry, Edward," Esme chirped, walking into the living room with two bowls in her hands.

Emmett was behind her with another two. He stopped and looked around the living room. "Where are Alice and Jasper?"

Edward looked at Bella before he said, "Up in her room."

Emmett, Rose, and Esme all shifted their eyes to the stairs, but it was Rose who stood up and yelled, "Jasper! Alice! Get your asses down here!"

The sound of Alice's door being thrown open and footsteps rushing across the landing and down the stairs echoed, and a moment later, both Alice and Jasper were standing at the base of the staircase with red faces. Edward shifted his eyes down to Alice's fingers, noticing the array of red, blue, and yellow paint.

"Time for dinner," Rose said, gritting her teeth together. "And for the record, no having sex."

Jasper's eyes widened as he looked from his sister to down to Alice, who looked like she was ready take off running out of the house. "Shut the fuck up, Rose," Jasper grumbled. "She was painting, and I was listening to music."

"Uh huh, just saying," she replied with a smirk. "Now come eat."

Alice looked at Edward before she walked across the room and sat on the couch, pulling her knees up in front of her. She mumbled a thanks as Emmett handed her one of the bowls he had in his hand.

"You're welcome," he said, quietly. "Don't mind Rose. She's not that scary, just likes to pretend to be a bitch."

While Rose scoffed, Alice gave Emmett a tiny smile. "Okay."

"Here, Edward," Esme said, holding one of the bowls in her hands out to me.

"What is it?" he asked, taking it from her. It looked like some kind of cream soup, one that didn't look all that appealing.

"Potato soup," she responded. "Thought it would be easy on your stomach. Carlisle mentioned that you were having a hard time eating, so . . ."

"Yeah, nothing really looks good," he quipped. "It always takes a while to get my appetite back."

Esme smiled and nodded as she handed Bella her bowl. "Try it. If you don't eat it, I won't be offended. I promise."

Edward agreed, and picked up his spoon, taking it a small sip. Though he was sure it tasted good, he couldn't really taste it. Nothing tasted good to him anymore. Everything had a cardboard like taste, but he attempted to eat it, knowing how worried Carlisle was about him. While everyone settled around him and Bella, who was sitting on the arm of his chair again, he thought about how much had changed over the last couple of months. Edward had friends, family, and Bella. He just hoped he wouldn't lose them like he had his parents.

**Thank you for all the reviews. I apologize for the delay. I've had a rough few days. A killer headache, lots of trouble sleeping, and then I had to update my Microsoft word, that decided to glitch and cause me to have to completely uninstall it and redo it. Took forever! Anyway, leave me a few words on this chapter and I'll see you next time. **


	29. Chapter 29

29

Bella hadn't been able to sleep. Her nerves were getting the better of her and every time she closed her eyes, flashes of the fire haunted her, the sound of her parents screaming at her and Jasper to get out, the image of them falling. It was all too much, and by the time the sun started to peek over the mountain range, she was barely hanging on.

Slipping out of her room, she quietly made her way downstairs. The house was dark, only a small light in the kitchen was on. Bella scribbled out a note and left it next to the coffee pot, knowing that either Rose or Emmett would see it. Then, pulling on her coat, she walked out of the house. The air was chilly as she began her walk, though the air was refreshing at the same time. Her room had become stifling and she needed to clear her head. Everything in her life was spiraling out of control, everything but her relationship with Edward.

She'd been so worried about him. Hell, she still was. He put on a brave face and acted like he felt better than he did, but he was in pain and it crushed her not to be able to help, to be able to really talk with him. There was so much she wanted to tell him, like how when he looked at her, she felt her heart race. Or how when he held her hand for the first time, it made her feel happy. She wanted to share her hopes and dreams, to whisper her secrets in his ear, and she wanted to hold him while they danced, feel his hands touching her, she wanted to be his wife.

But if the mass was cancerous, would she be able to? It was a thought that she tried not to have, but she couldn't stop herself. For the second time in three years, Bella was dealing with cancer. Edward didn't need the stress of caring for a sick wife, not when he had his own worries.

Without realizing where she'd been walking, Bella found herself standing outside of the hospital. She walked into the lobby, keeping her eyes on the floor as she bypassed the visitors' desk and headed to the elevator. When the doors opened on the fifth floor, she automatically walked down to Charlie's room. Unlike the last time she was there, he was laying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. Bella paused in the doorway and took a deep breath before she walked over to his bed and took hold of his hand. Of course, he didn't react to her, not that she expected him to. For three years, he'd been a stranger to her, unable to do anything but lay there.

Sitting on the side of his bed, Bella brought his hand up to her face, placing his palm on her cheek. With her eyes closed, she imagined the conversations that she and Charlie would have.

"What's wrong with my Butterbean?" he would asked.

Bella would frown and sign, "I'm scared. Everything's out of control right now, Daddy."

Charlie would laugh and say, "It is what it is, Butterbean. Just because we don't understand the whys doesn't mean there isn't a reason. Besides, nothing is going to happen to my girl, not while I'm here to protect her."

Of course the problem was that Charlie wasn't there to protect her. He was an empty shell, lost inside of himself.

"Bella." She looked over, finding Carlisle standing in the doorway to her father's room, looking rather uncomfortable. "Um, what are you doing here?"

She shrugged her shoulders and tilted her head toward Charlie.

"He's doing good," Carlisle said, causing her to look at him. "If that helps."

She shook her head, because honestly, it didn't help.

"Does Esme know you're here?" he asked, and once again, she replied with a shake of her head. "Oh."

Bella bit her lip before she placed Charlie's hand on the bed and stood up, dragging her phone from her pocket. She typed out a quick message before holding the phone out to Carlisle, who seemed nervous about taking it from her.

"I left them a note." He shifted his eyes up to hers. "Aren't you leaving for Seattle soon?"

She nodded and pulled her phone from his hand, trying out another message, and handing it to him.

"I just needed a few minutes away from the house, away from them. I love my family, but they tend to smother me," he read, smiling wider with each word. "Yeah, Edward says we do the same to him."

Bella grinned, knowing that he felt that way.

"Are you nervous?" Carlisle asked. "About the biopsy, I mean."

She nodded, feeling her eyes fill up with tears.

"Can I ask you something?" he wondered, and she waved her hand for him to go ahead. "You've been through a lot. I mean, the fire, losing your parents like you have, the cancer, your voice." He paused. "How have stayed so . . . positive?"

Bella cocked an eyebrow at him and started typing out a message on her phone. When she handed it back to him, he read, "I'm not positive, I just hide my feelings really well."

He shifted his eyes up to hers. "Really?"

She nodded as she took her phone back and typed out a new message, giving her phone back to Carlisle when she was done. "When I found out about the first tumor, and they told us that I'd have to have surgery, I never thought I'd lose my voice. I was fifteen and suddenly, I couldn't communicate with anyone. I felt so . . . alone. I'd cry, but nobody would hear me, I'd scream but nobody would hear me. And my family tried to help. Esme made us learn sign language, Emmett is constantly watching me for any signs that I'm losing it, but I learned real quick to hide how I really feel, to protect them. I've closed myself away from everyone, Carlisle." He looked up at Bella after he read her message. "Everyone but Edward, you mean."

Bella nodded.

"Do you love him?"

Taking a deep breath, she shifted her eyes to his and nodded.

Carlisle smiled. "Good, because my brother deserves to be loved."

Bella agreed with him. She shifted her eyes to the clock, noting that it was already after eight. Sighing, she gestured to the time and tilted her head toward the door.

"I'm, um, done with my shift," he stammered. "Can I give you a ride home? Assuming, of course, that you didn't drive."

Bella smiled and nodded.

"Just give me a few minutes and I'll be ready," he murmured, before turning and walking out of Charlie's room.

Bella shifted her attention back to her father. Placing a hand on his cheek, she leaned forward and kissed his forehead, wishing more than anything she could tell him that she loved him, that she needed him.

"You little whore!"

Startled by the sound of her mother's voice, Bella snapped her attention to the other side of the bed just in time for Renee to grab her by the hair and yank her away, throwing her to the floor. Bella was barely able to react before Renee was on her once again, her palms coming into contact with her face and arms. Bella curled herself up, trying to protect herself as much she could, but the sting of her mother's slaps hurt.

"I told you to stay away from him. He's mine, you little bitch, all mine!"

"Get off her!" Carlisle yelled, wrapping his arms around Renee and pulling her off Bella. "I need help in here!"

Bella scrambled away from them, curling herself up in a corner and watching as Carlisle, two nurses, and an orderly attempted to restrain Renee. They ended up giving her a sedative, which caused her to fall sleep. The nurses and orderly managed to get Renee onto a stretcher, muttering something about restraining her.

"Bella," Carlisle said, drawing her attention to him. He walked over and knelt in front of her, bringing his hand up to her chin and turning her head to the left. "She hit you pretty hard, huh?"

She nodded, feeling her body trembling.

"Come on, let's get you home," he whispered, offering her his hand. She placed hers in his and let him lead her out of her father's room, down the hallway, and to the elevator. She could feel the eyes of the staff on her, knew they felt pity for her. Bella was used to it, but she hated it. Hated being the sick, mute daughter of the crazy woman.

Carlisle led her through the hospital and out to the parking lot, to a black Mercedes. He opened the door for her and she slipped inside, pulling her knees up in front of her. Carlisle rushed around to the driver's seat and climbed in. He didn't say anything as he started the car and drove her home, parking out front. The door to the house was opened before Bella or Carlisle were able to get out of the car, and Esme and Emmett rushed out of the house.

"Butterbean, where were you?" Esme demanded, though when Bella lifted her head to her sister, she gasped. "Oh, my God, what happened?"

"Your mother attacked her," Carlisle said.

Emmett and Esme looked from him to Bella.

"You went to see Mom and Dad alone?" Emmett asked, and Bella nodded. "Why? I would have taken you."

She just shrugged her shoulders.

"Butterbean, why didn't you just ask us to take you?" Esme demanded.

Bella gritted her teeth together and brought her hands up in front of her. "Because I can't fucking ask you. All I can do is wave my hands in front of you both like a Goddamn freak and I hate it! I just want a normal life, but I don't get to have one. Instead, I get to have cancer . . . twice!"

Before either of them could say anything else, Bella pushed her way past them and into the house, unsurprised to find Rose sitting on the couch with a cup of coffee in her hand. Unlike her brother and sister, Bella knew Rose wouldn't give her any shit about going to see her parents, or lashing out at them. Rose never pushed Bella to do anything but survive.

Wrapping her arms around her torso, she walked upstairs to her room, finding Jasper laying on her bed. His eyes were closed, but he opened his arms to her. She laid down next to him, resting her head on his chest, and allowed her tears to fall, knowing that she was letting her fears get the best of her. She just wanted to be normal, to be the woman Edward could love. Was that too much to ask?

—SW—

Half an hour later, there was a knock on Bella's bedroom door. She gave Jasper a look before motioning for him to go open it, knowing that Emmett and Esme were most likely on the other side. However, when the door opened, she was surprised to see Alice standing there.

Alice smiled at Jasper before shifting her eyes over to Bella. "He can't handle the stairs yet."

Understanding what she meant, Bella climbed off her bed and walked downstairs, finding Edward sitting in the living room. His hand was pressed against his chest and he was pale, clearly from the pain. Sighing, she walked over and sat next to him, knowing that the only reason he was there was because she'd had a breakdown.

Bella placed her hands on his face and mouthed, "I'm okay."

"No, you're not," he murmured. "Car told me about your mom. Bella, I'm so sorry she did that to you."

Bella shrugged her shoulders, unsure of how to respond.

"You don't have to do that, you know?" he said, and when she looked up at him, he added, "You don't have to pretend that you're not falling apart. I get it. I do. You're scared that they'll find out it's cancer, you're scared that the implant won't work. Hell, you're probably even scared that it will work."

Bella nodded, because she felt all of those things and more.

"I shouldn't have pushed you to do the surgery," he grumbled.

She reached over and grabbed his hand, laying his palm on her chest. He lifted his eyes up to hers.

"I love you, Bella. And no matter what happens with the biopsy, whether it comes back as cancer or not, I'm never leaving you. You and I are forever. We're going to get married and have a happy life together, the one that we both deserve," he whispered, curving his fingers around her hand and bringing it up to his lips. "I promise."

Tears flooded her eyes as she nodded and signed, "I love you."

Their moment was interrupted when Emmett walked into the living room, clearing his throat. "Butterbean, we've gotta go."

Nodding, she shifted her eyes to Edward before standing up and carefully leaning in and kissing him.

Leaving him sitting there, Bella rushed up to her bedroom and grabbed her overnight bag from next to the door and headed back downstairs. Alice and Jasper were sitting on the couch next to Edward, who looked grief-stricken. Bella worried about him, but knew that right now, she had to focus on herself. If she did have cancer again, she'd have to fight hard to overcome it and become the woman Edward deserved. He'd given her a reason to hope, and she wanted to give him the same.

Emmett and Esme were quiet on the ride to Seattle. Bella knew that they worried about her, worried about her visit to their parents, and worried about her shutting them out, but didn't like being their burden.

Four hours later, Bella had been admitted to the hospital, taken to her room, where she had changed into a gown and was now hooked up to an IV. Due to the placement of the mass, Bella was going to have to be put to sleep in order for Phil to get a sample of the mass, something she wasn't looking forward to.

She'd been in her room, staring mindless at the ceiling when the door to her room opened and Phil came walking in. He smiled as he looked from Emmett to Esme and then over to Bella, and he frowned.

"Who hit you?" he asked, walking over to her and placing his hand under her chin, tilting her head up and toward him.

"Mom," Esme said, and when Phil looked over at her, she added, "She went to see them this morning, and apparently Mom attacked her."

Phil shook his head and looked back at Bella. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders, because in all honesty, she wasn't sure if she was okay or not.

"I know you're scared, Bella, but I'm going to take care of you. Before you know it, you'll be standing before that man of yours, saying your vows."

With a nod of her head, Bella blinked back her tears, hoping like hell Phil was right.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Bella had a bit of a breakdown, didn't she? Can you blame her, though?**


	30. Chapter 30

30

Edward had never felt as helpless as he did when he sat there and watched Bella walk out of her house with her arms wrapped around her and a look of fear in her eyes. He wanted to hold her, to assure her that everything would be okay, but he couldn't because he knew exactly how she was feeling. He'd tried to be strong, tried to have faith, yet here he was sitting in the front seat of Carlisle's car after having his chest sliced open again.

"Are you hot?" Carlisle asked, but before Edward could reply, he reached down and turned on the air conditioner. In the backseat, Alice muttered something about frost already growing on the windows, but Carlisle seemed to ignore her.

"I'm fine," Edward replied, shifting his eyes to his brother. "You need to sleep."

Carlisle smiled, though it came off strained. "I will when you do."

Sighing, Edward shifted his eyes out the window. He wouldn't, of course. He'd just come off a long shift, and Edward didn't want to think about what he had to do in order to arrange the time off to take him and Alice to Seattle to be there for Bella. Instead, he was thankful that his brother understood how important she was to him, how much he needed her. She gave him a reason to live, a reason to breathe every day.

"How much longer?" Edward asked, trying to keep the pain from filling his voice. Sitting upright for the last two and a half hours had him aching.

"Um, about twenty minutes," Carlisle said, shifting his eyes over to him. "Do I need to pull over?"

He shook his head. "No, just hurry."

Carlisle hummed under his breath, but didn't say anything as he pressed his foot down on the gas pedal and sped up.

Half an hour later, he pulled up in front of the hospital. Alice climbed out of the backseat and rushed inside, searching for a wheelchair, coming out a few minutes later with one. Carlisle came around and helped him out of the car. Edward hissed and grabbed the car door, trying to keep from crying. His body ached, his chest burned, and his legs felt weak.

"You okay?" Carlisle asked.

Edward nodded. "Just need to stretch out a second."

Wrapping his arm around Edward, Carlisle did his best to hold him up while giving him a chance to stretch out. After couple of minutes, Edward began to feel better so he turned and sat in the wheelchair. Carlisle pushed him into the hospital, telling Alice to wait with him while he parked the car. Alice didn't argue. A few minutes later, Carlisle was back. He grabbed the handles on Edward's chair and pushed him toward the elevator.

A few minutes later, they were outside of Bella's room. Alice knocked on the door. A moment later, the door opened and Esme smiled at all of them before stepping backward. Bella was curled up in her bed, her eyes locked on Edward's.

"Hey," he murmured as Carlisle pushed his chair up to the side her bed. "I thought we were going to be too late."

Bella shook her head, her hand stretching out for his. He wrapped his fingers around hers, wanting to pull it up to his lips.

"Did you sleep last night?" he asked.

Her eyes flittered to Emmett and Esme before she shook her head.

"Me either," Edward admitted, and when she lifted an eyebrow, he added, "Chest hurt a lot."

She frowned, her forehead crinkling.

"Hey, I'm okay," he told her, squeezing her hand.

Shaking her head, Bella sighed, pointed at him and spelled, "N.O.T. O.K.A.Y."

"You're right, I'm not okay, but I'm getting there," Edward murmured.

Behind him, he could hear Carlisle and Esme whispering to each other and a quick look over his shoulder confirmed that they were leaning toward each other. He had his hands on her hips and she had hers on his chest. Edward shifted his eyes to Bella's, barely able to keep from smirking. She smiled and nodded her head, silently agreeing with him.

The door to Bella's room opened once more and he saw her shoulders tense. Looking toward the door, he saw a tall, thin man with dark brown hair and blue eyes standing there, his eyes shifting between all of them before coming to rest on Bella.

"Hey, sweetheart," the man said, walking over to the bottom of Bella's bed. He shifted his eyes back to Edward. "Can I assume that this is the boy?"

When Edward looked over at Bella, he saw that she was smiling and nodding. She brought her hands up in front of her and began to sign. Whatever she said had him laughing. "Good, that's good." The man held his hand out to Edward. "I'm Phil, a friend of the family and Bella's doctor."

"Edward, Bella's fiancée," he said, taking the hand.

"So I've heard," he replied, releasing his hold and looking over at Bella. "You about ready?"

Bella shook head.

Phil sighed. "Yeah, I guess that was pretty stupid question."

This time she nodded.

"Well, the sooner we get it done, the sooner we'll know one way or another," Phil said before looking over at Esme and Emmett. "You know the drill."

"Yeah, we do," Emmett groused. He walked over the other side of Bella's bed, draping his arm over her, and leaning down so that his lips were just outside her ear. "We love you, Butterbean, and we'll be here when you wake up."

Bella brought her hand up to his face, giving him a gentle pat before he leaned away. Esme gave her a quick hug, whispering in her ear that everything was going to be okay. A tear slipped down Bella's cheek as she shifted her eyes to Edward, her hand once again reaching for him. He gripped it and brought it to his lips, even though the pressure of leaning forward caused his chest to hurt.

"I love you," he whispered.

Her lips parted, and though no sound came out, she mouthed, "I love you."

As Edward watched as Phil and two nurses rolled Bella's bed out of her room, he struggled not to let his tears fall, not fall apart completely. She was his life, his everything, and he couldn't lose her, not now.

—SW—

Time felt like it had slowed down. It was the first time Edward found himself on the other side, where he was waiting for the person he loved to come out of surgery. It was maddening. Sighing, he brought his hand to his chest, trying like vain not to star at the clock.

"You okay?" At the sound of Emmett's voice, he looked over at him, finding the man watching him closely. "Are you in pain?"

"I'm fine," Edward lied, noticing the way Alice rolled her eyes. She'd settled in the corner, her sketch book on her knees, which had been pulled up in front of her. She needed Jasper, but Rose had insisted that he go to school, saying that he'd already missed enough school.

Emmett nodded and leaned forward, pressing his elbows on his knees. He was sitting across from Edward, and he wondered if, like Alice, he needed Rose there to help him get through it. Carlisle and Esme were cuddled together a few seats from Edward, whispering and laughing together. It was oddly comforting for Edward to see his brother happy, and he hoped that his relationship with Esme would prove to be as good for Carlisle as his with Bella was for him.

"She's an amazing girl, isn't she?" Emmett asked, and when Edward looked over at him, he smiled. "Bella, I mean. She's pretty cool."

"She is," Edward admitted.

"When she was little, she'd . . . Well, she'd sing all the time. Everything was a song to her. It annoyed the crap out of me because we couldn't even eat dinner without her making up some song about eating chicken and potatoes." He laughed softly before turning serious. "I'd give anything to hear her sing now."

"Me too," he said, causing Emmett to look up at him. "I love her."

"I know you do," he replied. "And she loves you. Any fool can see that."

"But?" Edward pressed. "There is a but, right?"

"No. Well, not really a but as much as why," he said. "Why do you want to marry my sister?"

Edward blew out a heavy breath, his hand pressing down on his chest. "Growing up, I never allowed myself to think about the future. I was always sick, always needing a new heart, always needing some kind of surgery. It was easier not to think about what I wanted to be, or whatever. And then my parents were dead, and they had put my mother's heart in my chest. And I still didn't know what I was supposed to do. I mean, I'd never really lived before. I had barely been allowed to go to school, mostly I did home study because I was too weak and there were always too many germs. I never had friends. And when I met Bella, she was different than everyone else."

"Different how?" Emmett asked.

Edward frowned, trying to organize his thoughts. "She never made me feel like a freak. The kids at school, they stare at us, whisper about us, but not Bella. She never pushes for more than I can give her. I don't know when my feelings for her changed from friendship to more, but I found myself needing to be around her, needing to hold her hand, or . . ." Edward shifted his eyes to Emmett. "To kiss her."

"And you really think you're ready for marriage?" he asked. "It takes a lot of work. You have to be willing to compromise, to let her win fights, and sometimes be willing to fight harder for her to see your side."

"Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. She's got a long road ahead of her, and I'm still trying to heal," he said, gesturing to his chest. "But one day, we'll stand before our families and she will become my wife. I only hope that when that day comes, we'll have your support."

"If you didn't," Emmett said, leaning back in his seat and crossing his legs, "you wouldn't be here right now. I won't stand in the way of my sister's happiness, Edward. She's earned the right to decide what or who she wants. Just don't hurt her, okay?"

"I can't hurt her," Edward said, his voice laced with his emotions. "I love her too much."

Emmett smiled. "I believe you."

After a few more minutes of awkward silence, Phil came walking into the waiting room. Esme and Emmett were automatically on their feet.

"Is she okay?" Edward asked, struggling to get his chair turned so he could face the man. Carlisle grabbed the back and shifted him. "Thanks."

"Welcome," Carlisle murmured.

"Bella's okay," Phil said, gesturing for everyone to take a seat. Once they were settled, he leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands together. "The mass was larger than we excepted. We managed to remove most of it, and sent it to the lab for the biopsy. Once we know whether it's cancerous or not, we'll know how to proceed."

"Do you think it's cancer?" Esme asked, reaching over and taking hold of Carlisle's hand.

Phil sighed. "Yeah, I do. The fact that she's had two masses in three years . . . The odds of someone her age developing two masses are not high, yet here she is."

"If it's cancer, can she still do the implant?" Edward asked.

Phil shifted his attention to him. "She can, but the odds of success drop dramatically. Bella will have to undergo radiation and chemotherapy, and then we'll have to do another round of tests to ensure that we've gotten the last of the cancer. Then, we'd place the implant. Due to the fact that her vocal cords have not been used in three years, she'll have to undergo speech therapy. And that's just if the implant works. If it doesn't, she'll have to undergo another procedure to remove the device, and I don't know if she has the emotional strength to handle all of that, not again."

"She does," Edward said, causing Phil to lift an eyebrow. "She's strong and determined. Plus, she has me, and I'll do whatever I can to make sure she's all right."

"Hmm, okay."

It was clear to Edward based on the look on Phil's face that he didn't believe him, but that didn't matter, not really. Edward knew Bella was stronger than anyone gave her credit for. She'd been through hell after she lost her voice, after her parents were ripped away from her, yet she found the strength to befriend him.

"She'll be in recovery for another half hour or so, and then you can go see her," Phil added, standing up. "I've put a rush on her test results, but it'll still be at least a day, probably two."

"Thank you, Phil, for everything," Esme said, reaching past Edward and grabbing the man's hand. "He'd be glad you're the one treating her."

Phil nodded. "Yeah, I know."

Turning, he walked out of the waiting room, leaving all of them sitting there. Carlisle placed his hand on Edward's shoulder. "Come on, let's go to the hotel. You need to rest."

"I'm fine," he groused, shrugging the hand off his shoulder and then wincing when it hurt.

"Oh, yeah, you're just peachy," Alice scoffed, rolling her eyes and settling back in her chair in the corner. Propping her sketch book on her knees, she added, "Give it up, Car. He's not going anywhere until he sees her for himself."

Though Edward could tell that Carlisle wasn't happy, he didn't argue with him, either. Instead, he fell back into his chair, reaching for Esme's hand and pulling her into the seat next to him, which she did with a sigh. Blowing out a deep breath, Edward brought his hand up to his chest.

Half an hour later, a nurse informed them that they could go see Bella. Carlisle grabbed the back of Edward's chair and rolled him behind Emmett and Esme. Emmett held the door open for him. Bella was laying on her side, white bandage on her neck. Her eyes met his and she smiled, her hand reaching out for him. The moment his hand wrapped around hers, he felt a sense of contentment. He was with the woman he loved. He only hoped that he wouldn't lose her like he had his parents. If he did, his heart would break for good.

**Thank you for all the reviews. See you next go around!**


	31. Chapter 31

31

Bella sat at her desk in Emmett's classroom with her arms folded on the hard surface and her head resting on top of them. Her brother was sitting behind his desk, grading a stack of essays he'd assigned the week before over Romeo and Juliet. Every few minutes he'd mumble to himself about some idiotic typo, underdeveloped comparison, or the fact that half his students had opted to watch Leo and Claire's Romeo and Juliet rather than read the play, or at least watching the original version.

However, while Bella sat there and watched him, her mind was elsewhere. Three days had passed since the biopsy and they still hadn't heard a word from Phil. With each passing day, hell each passing hour, Bella felt herself sinking deeper and deeper into a black abyss. There was no doubt in her mind that the mass was cancerous.

She was angry and bitter and pissed off. Hadn't she suffered enough? Hadn't she paid her dues? Jasper's parents were dead, Bella's parents were strangers, she'd lost her voice, lost everything. All she had left was her family and Edward, and he was going through so much that she didn't want to add to his heavy stress level.

The sound of the first bell rang and Bella's eyes automatically flittered to the door, hoping in vain that Edward would come walking through. Of course he wouldn't, even if he was strong enough, which he wasn't. He had a follow up appointment in Port Angeles with Dr. Davis and Dr. Black. Bella had wanted to go with him, she'd argued with Emmett and Esme for a solid hour, but they refused to listen to her, insisting that she'd already missed too much school. Bella knew the real reason. They needed her to stay close, to be ready to leave the moment Phil called with her test results.

Emmett cleared his throat as Bella's classmates began to trickle into the room, causing her to look over at him. He smiled, though she could tell it was strained. He and Esme had been walking the line with her over the last few days, their worry evident. She hated that they hurt because of her, that they'd lost their parents because she wanted to sing. She'd been selfish by wanting the brass ring before she'd earned it.

Sighing, Bella attempted to return his smile before she looked away, knowing that he'd see right through her. Emmett was her big brother. He was the guy who taught her to kid a boy in the nuts if he got too handsy, how to use her cuteness against their father so he'd take them out for ice cream.

"Okay, everyone sit down!" he called, pulling everyone's attention from her to him.

When Bella showed up at school two days ago with a white bandage covering the small incision on her neck, everyone had turned and stared at her, whispered about the freak getting cancer again. Just like they had mumbled under their breaths about Edward and his heart, Alice and the scars that marred her body, and Jasper and his inability to care about anyone. At least until Alice showed him that it was okay to love and Bella had no doubt that Jasper was in love with her, even if he wasn't ready to admit it to himself, yet.

"I've graded your papers," Emmett continued, picking them up and walking around to the front of his desk. "Gonna be honest and say that I was disappointed. Other than a handful of you, they were crap. I expect better, I expect more effort. If you've made below a seventy, please come by and see me after school and we can discuss ways to improve your grades."

Then, Emmett passed everyone's papers out. A collective moan filled the room as they say the red marks and the comments questioning what they were trying to say. Emmett had a passion for literature, a love for the written word, and Bella knew it infuriated him when people took the easy way out.

He placed her paper on her desk, bringing his hand to her shoulder and giving her a gentle squeeze. Bella leaned her head against his arm, trying to say with the single action what she couldn't with her voice.

Once he had all the papers passed out, he returned to the front of the room and began lecturing on Ernest Hemingway. Bella turned her paper over, smiling when she saw the A in the corner. She knew that some in the class assumed that Emmett only gave her A's because she was his sister, but that wasn't true. Bella worked hard to earn her grades. Their parents had always stressed the importance of an education, stating more than once that having a passion in life was great, but having a strong mind to support that passion was equally important.

At the end of the hour, the bell rang ending class and Bella once again slid out of her desk and walked past Emmett, feeling like she was on autopilot. The desire to do anything, to care about anything or anyone other than her family and Edward wasn't there. They were all she cared about, all she wanted, yet she found herself going to class alone, lost in a world where she was unable to share her opinion, voice her concerns, or even scream in frustration. Bella wanted her voice back, but at what cost? What price was she willing to pay to be normal?

As the morning wore on, Bella found herself struggling to keep control of her emotions. Every time someone cleared their throat, she'd look up, both hoping and fearing that she'd see her brother or sister in the doorway. The suspense of not knowing was killing her, though in her heart she knew. The odds of the mass being benign were too small, and there wasn't any point in pretending otherwise.

Bella shuffled down to the library at the start of fourth period. Esme was perched up behind the counter, her eyes locked on the computer. At the sound of the door opening, she looked over and Bella saw the pity in her sister's eyes. Where Emmett had taught her to fight, Esme had given her the courage to truly be herself. She always told Bella that she was beautiful and amazing, never got tired of having her baby sister around, even when she was being a brat and singing about Esme loving some guy. Esme never told her to stop, never told her to be anyone other than herself.

"Hey, Butterbean," she said, softly. "You hanging in there?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders and tossed her bag down next to the door. Bringing her hands up, she signed, "Any word yet?"

Esme frowned. "Not yet. I called Phil this morning, but it went straight to his voicemail."

She nodded, unsure of what else to say or do. Really, what was there? Her life was hanging in the balance, her future, her sanity, and Phil was taking his sweet time.

Pressing her lips together, Bella walked around the desks, grabbed the returned book cart, and pushed it out into the library, needing something — anything — to occupy her mind, but it wouldn't work. Nothing helped, only Edward and he couldn't be there. She knew he would if he could, but he had to heal and she needed him too much to ask him to risk his health for her.

The hour dragged on, but finally the bell rang and Bella returned the cart back to behind the counter and grabbed her backpack, waving at Esme when she told her that she'd see Bella later. The walk down the cafeteria felt lonely without Edward next to her. She'd gotten used to him being with her, holding her hand or taking quick peeks at her and turning away when she caught him looking. Maybe that had been her downfall. Maybe she'd gotten too cocky by falling in love with him. Maybe this was God's way of punishing her for being greedy, for wanting to be happy, for wanting the happily ever after her mother promised she'd get when she five years old.

A silent sigh left her lips as she walked into the cafeteria, ignoring the pointed stares and muffled whispers about poor Bella Swan, the girl who'd lost her voice, lost everything. She was long over their abandonment. She'd been the freak for too long, the girl who just sat there while they were joking around, the girl who couldn't laugh, scream, cry, plead for them to look at her and see the girl they'd grown up with. But she wasn't that girl anymore, and she'd never be her again, even if she did get her voice back.

Bella grabbed a carton of yogurt and a bottle of water and walked over to where Jasper and Alice were sitting. He had his hand wrapped around the back of her neck, holding onto her the only way he knew how. When she sat down, both of them looked over at her, their eyes full of questions that she didn't have answers for.

"Hey, Bella," Alice whispered, her voice full of uncertainty.

Alice didn't like her, which didn't surprise Bella. In Alice's eyes, Bella had been the catalyst for Edward's latest heart problems. Maybe she assumed that Edward had wanted too much, as well. Maybe she felt that Edward had reached for more than he deserved by falling in love with Bella, by asking her to be his wife. While Bella knew they weren't ready to get married today, she would be his wife. If she lived, at least. How many times can one girl survive cancer?

"Have you heard anything yet?" Jasper asked, shifting his eyes to her.

Bella shook her head and peeled back the top of her carton of yogurt, though she wasn't hungry. Her stomach felt like acid had been poured into it, and her throat still hurt from the procedure, though that might have been in her mind, too.

"I'd hoped he'd called by now," Jasper grumbled, shifting in his seat so that he was facing Alice. "Eat, Alice."

"Okay," she whispered, picking up half of her sandwich and taking a small bit off the corner. She chewed it slowly, almost like she was trying to make it seem like she'd bitten off a bigger piece.

Bella dipped her plastic spoon into her yogurt as her eyes traveled around the room, watching and listening to the noise. They were laughing, carrying on like everything was perfect, like her life wasn't spinning out of control. She should have been able to be that happy. In another life, she and Alice might have been best friends, giggling over the silly things their boyfriends did. They'd braid each other's hair and help the pick out what outfit to wear for their dates. But they weren't like that. Alice was tainted by scars, hiding the loving, caring person that she was because she was afraid of getting hurt. Bella saw her, saw the longing in her eyes to be like everyone else. Bella felt it, too, wanted it, too, but she wouldn't get it.

"Bella," Jasper murmured, and when she looked over at him, she found that he wasn't looking at her, but rather at the doors to the cafeteria.

Following his line of sight, she felt her heart jackhammering in her chest when she spotted Emmett and Esme standing in the doorway with Phil. He'd come all the way to Forks to deliver her test results, which means they weren't good. Glancing back at Jasper and Alice, Bella left her food on the table and stood up, making the slow, agonizing walk over to them. Esme's eyes were red, full of heartache and grief and Emmett refused to look at her, just more conformation that her entire world was about to change.

Bringing her hand up, she found herself not caring that everyone could see her signing. "It's cancer."

Phil's lips trembled as he nodded his head. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

Bella's eyes flooded with tears, and while she attempted to keep them from flooding down her face, she was unable to. Her arms came up, wrapping around her torso, trying in vain to keep herself from falling apart. Emmett reached for her, but Bella took a step back, shaking her head with fervor.

"Butterbean," he whispered, once again reaching for her, but she took two steps backward, her body trembling as her tears fell.

Shaking her head, she bumped into a table, turned around, and startled the three freshman girls who were sitting there when she picked up one of their trays and threw it onto the ground. The cafeteria became dead silent and every pair of eyes was on her, watching as she lost control. Picking up another tray, she threw it, followed by another and another.

A pair of arms wrapped around her, pulling her to the ground. As Emmett held her, his own body shaking from his grief, Bella opened her mouth to scream, but nothing but air came out.

Nothing.

The silence in the room became deafening as the bell rang, ending lunch. Nobody moved, everyone stood there and watched the freak have a breakdown, watching the freak sob silently in the arms of her brother.

"Everyone get to class," Esme yelled, and the sound of murmurs and the click of pictures being taken filled the room as they trickled by her, leaving her to grieve alone. "Butterbean," she whispered, kneeling down next to Bella and Emmett. "It's going to be okay."

Bella turned her head and looked at her sister, seeing the false hope and unanswered prayers that God would suddenly decide to save her. "Okay?" she signed. "Okay? Nothing is okay. Nothing! Everything sucks! Everything! I don't want to do this again, I don't want to fight anymore. I just . . . I just . . ."

Frustrated, Bella tore herself out of Emmett's arms and brushed past Phil as she ran out of the cafeteria. Her classmates stared at her as she ran down the hallway and out the front doors. The air was cold, but she didn't care. Instead, she ran and ran and ran, trying to find something, somewhere to go where the pain wouldn't find her. Bella was tired of being the girl with no future.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Yes, I know the chapter was short. Yes, I know Bella didn't handle the news well, but would you have? I know I wouldn't have.**


	32. Chapter 32

32

"You okay?" Carlisle asked.

Even with his eyes closed, Edward could feel the worry radiating off his brother. "Yep."

Though Carlisle didn't say anything else, Edward knew Carlisle was stressed to the max. Here he was barely three weeks after having open heart surgery, and they were headed home from Port Angeles. While physically Edward was on the mend, doing well according to Dr. Davis and Dr. Black, he was still struggling to take more than a dozen steps without having to stop and take a break. They'd even released him to go back to school, mornings only, which Edward was sure wasn't helping to ease the strain on his brother's shoulders.

Carlisle had been working around the clock, trying to pick up as many shifts as he could. Though part of the reason why he was working so much was to help earn some extra cash since he'd missed out on so much time around his surgery, Edward knew that Carlisle was also watching over Bella's parents. Carlisle didn't tell him much, but Edward knew that it had frightened him to walk into her father's room and find her mother beating Bella. Hell, it scared Edward, too. He should have been there to protect her, to make the last few days easier for her, but he hadn't been. He'd been at home, trying to recover yet another surgery.

The jolt of the car slowing down caused Edward to open his eyes and he saw that they were driving into Forks. It was barely one in the afternoon, and for a brief moment Edward wondered if Carlisle would take him to school if he asked. But then again, he knew he wouldn't. His appointment had taken longer than they expected, and Edward was already feeling the soreness from spending the last few hours in the car and being poked and propped.

"You okay?" Carlisle asked again.

"Yes, Car," Edward said, his annoyance coming through. "I'll tell you when I'm not all right. Please, just stop asking me every two minutes."

"Sorry," he muttered, looking away from him and Edward felt horrible for lashing out at him. He was only trying to help, trying to be there for him the way his mom and dad always were after one of his surgeries.

"Just don't baby me, Car," Edward whispered.

Carlisle smiled and looked back at him. "I'll try not to."

After a quick stop by the pharmacy to refill Edward's medication, Carlisle drove them home, pulling up into the driveway. Edward pushed open the car door and climbed out before Carlisle could come around and help him, which Edward knew annoyed his brother. But he'd been through this enough times to know that the faster he took control of his life the more time he'd have to enjoy life before another problem with his heart came up, and Edward didn't doubt one little bit that his heart was going to give him shit again. He'd learned a long time ago not to expect anything but pain and heart failure in his life.

Carlisle hovered over him as they made the walk over to the front porch. However, when Edward grabbed the railing, his eyes lifted to the porch and he felt his stomach drop. Bella was curled up on the ground in front of the door, her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. She was asleep, but there wasn't any doubt that she had been crying. Her face was red and her eyelids were swollen.

Edward shifted his eyes to Carlisle, who looked terrified and unsure what to do. "Carry her into the house."

He looked at Edward. "Maybe I should just call Esme?"

"You can't leave her out here," he argued. "It's cold and she'll get sick."

Carlisle nodded as he grabbed Edward's arm and helped him up the handful of steps. Once they were both up there, he released Edward and cautiously walked over to Bella, squatting down and slipped his arms under her, lifting her to his chest. She started, her arms flying out and wrapping around his neck. Her eyes snapped open and from over Carlisle's shoulder, she looked at Edward. The sorrow and grief filling her brown eyes had his knees weakening and he had to grab onto the one of the white, pillars to keep from falling.

Somehow Carlisle managed to open the door with her in his arms. He carried her over to the couch, laying her down. She automatically curled up in a ball, watching as Edward walked across the room and say on the far end of the sofa, a sigh slipping out of his mouth. For a moment, the three of them just stared at each other.

"Bella," Carlisle said, pulling her attention to him. "Does Esme know you're here?"

Her eyes shifted to the floor as she shook her head, her hand coming up to her throat.

"You got your results, didn't you?" Edward asked, causing Bella to look at him. The grief in her eyes, the undiluted pain pouring off of her made it easy to know the answer she'd gotten. "Cancer."

Slowly, ever so slowly, Bella nodded her head, tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry," Edward whispered, reaching for her. She scooted closer to him, so that her body was nestled up against his. Her fingers wrapped around his hand and she brought it up to her chest. Edward could feel her shaking, trembling, and he wanted to pull her into his lap and hold her, but he couldn't. He wasn't strong enough to hold her like that yet. "So what happens now?"

She shrugged her shoulders.

"They didn't say?" he pressed.

Bella shook her head, pointed to herself with her free hand and motioned that she'd taken off running.

"So they don't know where you are?" Carlisle asked, reminding them that he was in the room.

With a subtle shake of her head, she responded. He groaned before digging his phone out of his pocket and walking into the kitchen. Bella silently sighed as she stood up and walked across the living room, placing one hand on the window and covering her throat with the other. Edward knew better than to say anything. She needed time to absorb everything that happened, to deal with the grief he knew she was feeling. Like him, her life was being torn upside down and nobody else really understood.

"Esme said they'd be here as soon as they could," Carlisle said, walking back into the living room and pulling both of our attention to him. "Can I can get you anything, Bella? Some tea or water or, I don't know, a soda?"

She smiled and shook her head.

He nodded and looked at Edward. "You need to take your meds."

"Okay," he murmured. Carlisle disappeared into the kitchen and came back a couple minutes later with his hands full of Edward's medication.

"I've set my alarm on my phone to remind you to take the rest of them tonight," he said, handing him a bottle of water and the handful of pills.

"Thanks," Edward said before taking them, following with half the water. They always left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth.

"You're welcome," he murmured. "I'm, um, gonna be in the kitchen if you need me, okay?"

Edward nodded, and waited until he'd walked out of the room before looking back over at Bella, who had been watching them with a look of longing etched on her face. "Come here."

Wrapping her arms around her torso, she slowly walked over to him, sitting next to him again. Edward slipped his arm over her legs, needing to be closer to her. "It's going to be okay, Bella. I'm here."

When she nodded, Edward knew she didn't believe him. How could she? For the second time in a few, short years, she was facing cancer. Like him, she knew the odds got worse with each new tumor, with each new round of treatments. Like him, she'd fight with her dying breath for the right to have a happy life with him, a life full of laughter and not silence. Edward wanted to marry her now more than ever.

—SW—

Five minutes after school was scheduled to end, the door to Edward's house opened and Alice walked in with Jasper, Esme, Emmett, and Rose behind her. She looked at Bella and then Edward, a frown tugging on her lips. Edward knew Alice struggled with his relationship with Bella. It wasn't that she didn't like Bella, far from it actually. Alice just worried that he'd get hurt, that something would happen to take Bella away from him and he'd be left heartbroken, the kind of broken surgery couldn't fix. While Edward understood her concern, it was a chance he was willing to take. Something inside him knew that in the long run, Edward and Bella were going to get their happily ever after. At least, he hoped like hell they would.

"Butterbean," Esme said, her lips trembling as she rushed over and sat on the couch next to Bella, her hands reaching up and cupping her face. However, Bella's hands moved to Esme's arm, where a large bruise was starting to form. "It's nothing," Esme murmured, trying to cover it with her sleeve.

Bella frowned, her hands coming up in front of her. Whatever she said had Esme sighing. "It's really nothing. Mr. Greene . . ."

Her words died out as Carlisle walked into the living room, his eyes flittering between each of them, landing on Esme last. "Mr. Greene what? Who's Mr. Greene?"

"He's nobody," Esme lied.

Edward scoffed, earning a glare from her. "He's not nobody," he said, before looking at his brother. "He's the principal at school. He has a crush on her, and he's a little aggressive."

"Little," Emmett replied with a snort. "He's a lot aggressive. Pardon my language, but the asshole doesn't seem to understand that she doesn't want anything to do with him."

"He hurt you?" Carlisle asked, walking over to Esme and kneeling in front of her. He grabbed her arm gently and pushed up the sleeve on her blouse. "Son of a bitch."

"It's nothing," she whispered, bringing her other hand up to his face.

Carlisle's eyes flittered up to hers. "What did he do?"

Esme sighed. "He came into the library after lunch because he'd heard about Bella and . . ." She shook her head. "Phil was still there, and I guess he thought something was going on between us because the second Phil was gone, he grabbed my arm and pushed me against one of the shelves. He told me that kind of behavior wasn't acceptable in his school, and before I could say or do anything, he released me and left. I told Emmett about it immediately, and we've taken pictures of the bruises for our lawyer. We're handling it."

"That son of a bitch touches you again, and I'll be handling it," Carlisle groused, causing Esme to smile. "This isn't funny."

"No, it's not, but you being jealous is cute," she cooed, almost as if she'd forgotten that there were people around her.

"Oh," Carlisle murmured, his cheeks turning red. He shifted his eyes over to Bella, and scrambled to his feet. "Um, yeah, so you tell me if he comes near you again."

"I will," Esme promised before turning her attention to Bella. "Are you okay, butterbean?"

Bella shook her head, and Edward knew she was telling the truth. She wasn't okay. She was scared of losing even more of herself. He could understand that.

"We didn't intend on telling you like that," Esme said. "We were going to take you to the library and tell you in private."

"So why didn't you?" Edward asked, drawing everyone's attention to him. "Where did you tell her?"

When Esme hesitated, Emmett said, "The cafeteria."

"What?" Edward exclaimed, regretting it the moment his chest began to ache. Placing his hand over his scar, he took a deep breath. "How could you do that?"

"She asked us before we could say anything, and Phil said the test had come back as cancer," Emmett rambled, his hand covering his mouth. "We never would have done it like that."

"Okay, I'm sorry," Edward murmured. "You just don't understand what it's like being in that room, with everyone staring at you all the time."

"The whispers," Alice added from her seat next to the door. When everyone looked at her, she pulled her knees up in front of her. "They think we can't hear them, but we do. They say the most horrible things. Taking about . . ." She shook her head, refusing to say anymore.

Jasper wrapped his arm around the back of her neck, drawing her against him. "A bad day for most of them is having to decide which date to accept for the weekend, or maybe having to deal with their parents getting onto them for not cleaning their rooms. They don't understand what it's like to . . ."

"Hurt," Edward murmured when Jasper shook his head, unable to continue to voice his feelings. Everyone's attention shifted to him. "Every morning I wake up and the first thought in my head is about Mom. How she'd always smile, how'd she always be there when I was in the hospital. I knew it was hard on her, having to divide her time between me and you. And I was selfish because I wanted her there with me all the time. I was always scared that I wouldn't make it through the next surgery. And when I found myself facing those last few days, when it became impossible to breathe without it hurting, without seeing the pain in her eyes, I wished that I had never been born, that I hadn't been the one hurting her," he admitted. Bella slid her hand over his, bringing it up to her chest.

"When I woke up after the transplant, and I learned that she'd died, that her heart was in my chest, I was so mad because she wasn't supposed to be the one who died. I was supposed to get a stranger's heart, I was supposed to be normal for the first time in my life, but I wasn't. I was the boy whose mother died and saved his life. And I know that she would have wanted me to have her heart, that she wanted me to live, that she would have died a hundred times over for me. But I wanted Mom. I wanted her to be the one holding my hand and promising me that everything was going to be okay. And I don't get that, and I'll never get that again."

"Mom wouldn't want you to be angry, Edward," Carlisle said.

"She wouldn't want you to cut yourself, either," he replied, watching as his brother flinched backward. "You live with the guilt of making that decision while I feel her heart beating in my chest every moment of every day. I feel guilty, too, for Mom and Dad, for Pix's burns."

"You're right. I do feel guilty for making that choice," he admitted, nodding his head. As he began to speak again, his lips trembled. "Dad was already gone, and Pix was hurt. They were asking me to kill Mom and save you. I knew what she'd want, but I loved Mom, and I loved you, and I wanted someone else to decide. I didn't want to kill her, but I did. I told them to give you her heart, to save your life. And I've lived with the guilt that comes with that for two years now. But I'm glad that I made the choice I did, Edward," he said, his tone thick with unshed tears.

"You are?" Edward asked, using the back of his free hand to wipe away his tears.

Carlisle nodded. "I miss Mom and Dad every day, but I finally feel like I'm getting the chance to know you, the real you. Not the boy who was always too sick to play, to do anything. I know I've fucked up a lot. They don't teach you how to deal with the emotional aftermath of how to handle loss and grief. But I'm always here for you. Always."

Edward brought his hand up to his mouth, trying hard not to outright sob. He'd never been one to share his feelings, to be so open with anyone, especially not his family. They'd suffered so much because of him, and he hadn't wanted to add to their burden. Instead of replying, he simply nodded and hoped that his brother would understand how much he needed him, how much he loved him.

"Me too, Car?" Alice whispered, causing him to look over at her. "You're here for me, too, right?"

"Duh, Pix," he cried, opening his arms to her. Alice was on her feet in his embrace in a heartbeat. "I'm sorry that I've hurt you. I love you, Pix."

"I love you, too, Car," she cried, her hands clenching the back of his shirt.

Bella released Edward's hand and stood up, walking through the living room, and into the kitchen. Esme moved to followed her, but Edward put his hand up, stopping her. "Let me."

She gave him a long penetrating look before she nodded and leaned back against the couch.

Edward stood up and slowly walked into the kitchen, finding Bella leaning against the kitchen sink. He cleared his throat, drawing her attention back to him. Tears stained her face. "Tell me what you're thinking."

Bella shook her head, but pulled her cell phone from her back pocket. Her fingers flew over the screen, but she'd pause every so often and wipe the moisture off her cheeks. With a silent sigh, she held her phone out to him. Edward let his fingers brush across hers as he took the phone from her.

"I sat there and listened as you and Carlisle shared your feelings, finally being honest with each other, and I found myself feeling jealous. You could talk to him, like really tell him how you feel. I can't. My words come off as a gesture, a sign, and I hate that I can't tell Esme how scared I am that Mr. Greene is going to hurt her. Or tell Emmett how much I admire him, Rose how happy I am that she and Emmett love each other, or tell Jasper that he's my best friend. They don't know how much I really love them, how much I really need them." Edward finished reading her words and looked up at her. "So tell them."

She shook her head and grabbed her phone, but he held it away from her. "No, tell them, Bella. Don't you see how much they worry? How scared they are?"

Biting her lip, she once again shook her head.

Edward placed her phone on the counter and took the two steps toward her, cupping her face and tilting her head backward. "I know that you're scared. So am I. I don't want to lose you, Bella. They love you, too. They don't want you shutting them out."

Closing her eyes, a tear slipped down her face, which Edward quickly wiped away. "I wish I could take the cancer away, make everything better, but I can't. What I can do is promise that I'm here. No matter what, I'm here."

Bella brought her hand up to his chest, gently laying her hand over his heart. Her eyes lifted to his, and she smiled. Her free hand slipped between them and slowly, she signed, "M.A.R.R.Y. M.E."

"Marry you?" he asked, and she nodded. "We're already getting married."

Bella shook her head. "N.O.W — M.A.R.R.Y M.E. N.O.W."

**Thank you for all the reviews. Heavy chap I know. **


	33. Chapter 33

33

Bella's heart was racing as she waited for Edward to say something — anything. She understood it was rash and unexpected, but she loved him, and if she was going to face the toughest battle of her short life, she'd need him, all of him. Together, they'd given each other the strength to face every bump in the road that life threw at them, and life had given them plenty of obstacles to overcome so far.

"Are you sure?" he finally asked, his voice soft and filled with caution. "Because just a few weeks ago, you weren't ready. Just a few weeks ago, you wanted to wait until you had your voice back. And I know the cancer lowers the odds of the implant working, but I need to know that you're one-hundred percent ready to be my wife."

Bella frowned and nodded, wishing more than anything she could tell him how she felt without having to use her phone or have someone interrupt hat she said. She longed to hold a conversation with him, to whisper in his ear that she loved him, to share their deepest secrets, and discuss their dreams for the future — if they had a future. Why had she developed not one, but two tumors? Had she betrayed God? Was this his way of punishing her? She was just a girl, one with hopes and dreams. Had she desired more than she deserved? Was a lifetime of silence her punishment for being greedy?

"Okay," he said, smiling. "If you're sure."

Frantically, she nodded, bringing her hands up to his face. Her lips parted, and though no sound came trickling from her throat, she hoped he'd understand her when she mouthed, "I love you."

"I love you, too," he whispered, closing the distance between their lips. However, the motion of bending down appeared to be too much and he winced, reaching out and grabbing the counter with one hand. Bella frowned and gently placed her hand over the scar on his chest. "I'm okay. Just very sore."

She knew he wasn't okay. He'd never be okay, not really. Like her, the threat of the next problem would always be on the horizon. Even if Bella beat this round of cancer and the implant worked, the odds were stacked against her. There would be another tumor, and another, just like she knew Edward would never live a day without being the boy with the broken heart.

"Hey," he whispered, cupping her face and tilting her head up toward him. "Smile."

She tried, she really did, but as her lips curved upward, she knew it came off forced and false.

"Guess that will have to do," he said with a sigh.

A throat clearing behind them drew their attention the doorway of the kitchen, and when they looked over, they saw Esme standing there. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but we really need to discuss what happens next."

Bella's shoulders tensed, but she nodded. Grabbing Edward's hand, she led him into the living room behind Esme, who settled on the couch next to Carlisle. Emmett was sitting on the hearth to the fire place next to Rose, one arm wrapped around her waist while the other was perched on his knee, his chin resting on his palm. Alice and Jasper were still sitting next to the door and Bella wondered if Alice would be understanding about her and Edward's decision to get married now, rather than wait until after she had the implant surgery—if she could still have the surgery. Bella wasn't naïve. She knew even with Phil removing the majority of the tumor when they performed the biopsy and the combination of radiation and chemotherapy that she might not be able to have the implant placed. And if she did, the odds of it working were stacked against her. She needed Edward, and he needed her. Together, they'd fight for the lives they deserved, and not the ones they were being dealt.

"Okay, so Phil has outlined your treatment plan," Esme started, but stopped speaking when Bella put her hand up.

Sharing a look with Edward first, Bella released his hand and began to sign, knowing that Esme would interrupt for her. "Before we discuss treatments and plans for my life, you should know that Edward and I have decided that we want to get married now."

Everyone's heads turned from her to Edward as the last word left Esme's mouth.

"I don't think so, butterbean," Emmett scoffed standing up, and when she went to argue with him, he shook his head and said, "No!"

Bella gasped, never having heard him speak to her with so much force before.

"I'm sorry, butterbean, but no. You're eighteen years old. You're scared, and you're making a rash decision because life sucks right now. I don't want you to marry Edward and then in six months realize that it was a mistake."

"Why do you assume that it would be a mistake?" Edward asked, drawing his attention to him. "I love her."

"I know you do, Edward," Emmett replied, his tone much softer. "I look at the two of you, and I see how much you love her, how much she loves you, but you're young, and you're not ready for marriage."

Bella slapped her hands together, drawing his attention to her and she, once again, began to sign, "I can't — no I won't — go through this without him." Emmett sighed as he interrupted for her. "You won't be without him," Emmett pleaded. "But that doesn't mean that you have to get married, for God sake!"

"I think they should," Esme whispered, causing everyone to look at her.

"Es!" Emmett exclaimed.

"I'm sorry, Em, but look at her," Esme said, her eyes filling up with tears. "Physically, she may only be eighteen, but really look at her. She's got an old soul, one that has been through more hell than you and I put together. Yes, we lost Mom and Dad that night, too, but she lost who she was, her ability to speak. And that boy — he loves her, and he needs her, too. They've earned the right to make this decision."

Emmett sighed and shook his head. "This is insane."

With tears filling her eyes, Bella walked over to Emmett and placed her hand on his face, tilting his head up so he was looking at her. Bringing her hands up in front of her, she tried to tell him how she felt, why this was so important to her. "I'm angry, Emmett. I'm pissed that God would give me cancer twice. It wasn't enough that he took Momma and Daddy from me, but he took my voice, too. I feel helpless and lost, stuck inside of myself. If I cry, nobody hears me. If I find something funny, I can't laugh—really laugh, from deep in my gut. I can't scream if I get scared, I can't curse God for taking my voice away. I can't tell the man I love how I feel about him without using my phone or writing him a note. And I've tried to be strong, I've tried to put a smile on my face and pretend that I'm not dying. But I can't anymore. I can't pretend that my life isn't numbered."

"Butterbean," he wept.

"Please, Emmett?" she signed, begging him. "Please let him love me. Let him take care of me!"

Closing his eyes, tears sprinkled down Emmett's cheeks as he pulled Bella into his arms, one hand coming to rest on the back of her head, while the other gripped her shoulders tightly. "I wish I could I save you from all of this," he whispered.

"But you can't," Edward murmured, and Emmett looked up at him. "I'm not going to stand here and make a promise that I can't keep. Bella may not survive this. The cancer may be too much, too strong for her to fight. And if she does survive, she may never get her voice back. And I won't ever be the man that deserves her. I'll always be damaged, broken. But I can promise that I'll always love her, that she'll always be the first thought I have in the morning and the last I have every night. She'll be loved for as long as I'm able to breath."

Emmett nodded and turned and pressed his lips to the top of Bella's head, his tears dripped down into her hair. "Okay, butterbean. Okay."

Overcome by emotions, Bella began to sob. Emmett had always been so strong, the backbone of their small family. While Esme wore her heart on her sleeve, Emmett has stepped up and tried to be the leader of their family, always making sure the bills got paid, they had food to eat, and things were peaceful. Bella knew he struggled, but he always tried to be the brave one, to show her that even through life had taken its toll on her, she still has a reason to fight.

Leaning away from him, Bella brought her hands up, one hand to her mouth, pushed her fingers out and down in an arch, giving the sign for 'Thank you.'

"You're welcome, butterbean," he whispered, bringing his hands up to her face and brushing the tears off. "I love you. Don't ever forget that, okay?"

Bella nodded and gave him the sign for 'I love you.'

She started to turn to Edward, but stopped when she saw the tears sprinkling down Alice's face. Walking over to her, Bella knelt down in front of Alice, and slowly reached out and grabbed her hand, sliding her fingers across the scars that covered the back of her hand.

"You really love my brother?" Alice whispered.

Bella nodded.

"It's hard, you know? He's always been my best friend," she murmured.

Bella shifted her eyes to Jasper and once again nodded, because Jasper had always been her best friend, too. But like with Edward, she had to let him love Alice. They were meant to be.

"Just . . . just don't give up, okay? I know you're scared of the treatments and the chance that the implant won't work, but don't give up," Alice said, softly. "Please?"

Bella slipped her hand out of hers and began to sign, knowing Jasper would tell her what she was saying, "With every breath I take, Alice, I will fight for a future with him. I will never, ever stop trying to be the wife he deserves. And I hope that one day, you'll be able to look at me and see a friend, and not the girl taking your brother from you."

Alice brought her hands up to her chest, a sob bursting from her lips as her tears poured from her eyes. "You want to be my friend?"

Bella nodded, her own emotions sliding down her cheeks and onto her shirt.

"I'll try," Alice cried. "I'll try."

Knowing that was a lot of Alice, Bella looked over at Jasper and brought her hand to his face, knowing that he's know how she felt, that he'd understand. And he did, she could see it in his eyes. Giving her a subtle nod, he tightened his hand on Alice's neck and nestled her against his chest.

Bella stood up and walked back over to Edward, sliding her hand into his and looking up at him. "I love you," she mouthed.

He smiled. "I love you, too."

"Well, I guess, we have a wedding to plan," Rose said, and everyone looked over at her. "I'm thinking something simple, just us, a cake, and the Justice of the Peace. How's that sound? I would suggest Vegas, but Edward's not strong enough to fly yet."

"No, he's not," Carlisle agreed, clearing his throat. "And I agree with Rose. Something simple would work, just — just us, just — just family."

"Car," Edward murmured.

"Mom and Dad would . . . Well, they would have loved her," he whimpered. "She makes you want to live," he added, bringing Esme's hand up to his lips. "Something I'm starting to understand."

Bella knew his admission was huge, the fact that he'd said it in front of everyone was even bigger, so she simply nodded her head, hoping that he'd understand that while Edward was her world, he would always need his brother.

"Okay, now can we discuss the treatment plan?" Esme asked, tentatively.

Sighing silently, Bella nodded and she and Edward settled down on the couch, so that they were facing her and Carlisle.

"Phil wants to start treatments immediately, but I'll call him tomorrow and tell him we're going to wait until next week," she said.

Bella nodded, unsure of how to respond. She didn't want to think about radiation and chemotherapy and everything that would involve. She didn't want to think about the cancer cells still growing in her throat. All she wanted was to be with Edward, but she couldn't because whether she liked it or not, Bella had cancer.

"His plan calls for four weeks of radiation and four weeks of chemotherapy. And then, he'll run another round of tests and then from there, we'll know whether the implant is still an option or not."

"And if the cancer is still there after four weeks?" Bella signed, and when Esme interrupted for her, she felt Edward tense up beside him.

"Then, I don't know," she admitted. "I would imagine you'll have to undergo additional rounds of therapy, but we have to be positive, butterbean. We can't let negative thoughts get the best of us."

Bella bit the inside of her lip. Esme didn't understand. The fact was that Bella was dying, cancer was attacking her. She would fight because Edward needed her to and because she needed to be with him, but the doubt, the fear, the knowledge that there would always be cancer cells inside her body just waiting to kill her would never leave, no matter how many times she smiled and vowed to overcome everything.

And while Esme, Emmett, Rose, and Carlisle continue to discuss her treatments and the plans they'd need to make over the next few weeks, Bella leaned her head on Edward's shoulder and imagined a world where she was standing next to him in a pretty white dress, committing her life to him, and becoming his wife.


	34. Chapter 34

34

Edward sat on the edge of his bed, one hand resting on the long, vertical scar on his chest and the other braced against his knee. He'd just spent the last half hour showering and putting his suit on, and now he was exhausted. He was tired of being tired, tired of feeling weak, tired of being the boy with the broken heart. A month had passed since his latest open-heart surgery, and he still struggled to stand for more than twenty minutes or walk more than a couple of blocks. He was ready to be Bella's husband, the man who loved her, the man strong enough to save her, even if he wasn't.

The door to his room opened and he looked over and found Alice standing there, looking nervous. "Hey, Pix."

"Hey," she murmured, walking over and sitting on the edge of his bed. For the first time since the accident, she was wearing a dress. She had a pair of leggings and a sweater on that covered her legs and arms, too, but she was wearing a dress and that was huge. She tilted her head toward the hand resting on his chest. "You okay?"

He nodded. "Yeah, just doesn't take much to wear me out."

Alice smiled. "Gonna make for an interesting wedding night, then."

Edward laughed, softly. "I suppose."

For a few minutes, they sat in awkward silence. Edward knew it was hard for Alice to accept that he loved Bella, that he needed her, that she needed him. Alice had always been his go-to-person, the one he turned to when he needed help and now he had Bella, but he knew that Alice understood that need because she needed Jasper, because he was her person, the one who saw her. Not the scars, not the pain in her eyes, but the real Alice, and for that Edward was thankful.

"Is this a private party or can anyone join?" Edward and Alice turned to the door, finding Carlisle standing there. Like Edward, he was wearing a dark suit, and he looked just as uncomfortable as Edward felt.

"Sure," he replied. "The more the merrier."

Carlisle smiled as he walked over and sat next to Alice, his hand sliding to the back of her neck as he leaned over and kissed the side of her head. In the five days since they'd sat in the living room and been truly honest with each other, laying their feelings on the line and real about how they'd felt, Carlisle and Alice's relationship had been stronger. He made more of an effort to be there, even if it was just to place his hand on the back of her neck, and she let him, forgave him for not being the perfect brother and needing to grieve.

"It's about time to head over to the courthouse," Carlisle said, looking around Alice at him. "You nervous yet?"

Edward smiled and shook his head. "No. I thought I would be, but I'm not. I've never felt more ready for anything."

Carlisle smiled. "If Mom was here, she'd probably be bouncing off the walls, trying to make everything perfect for you and Bella."

"If Mom was here, I'd be dead," Edward murmured. He heard Carlisle and Alice inhale a sharp breath. "And if, by some miracle, I'd gotten a different heart, we wouldn't have left Chicago, and I would have never met Bella, never fallen in love with her, never know how it feels to be loved." He paused, blinking back his tears as he looked at his brother and sister. "I miss Mom and Dad so much. I wish I could tell them one more time that I loved them, that I'm thankful for the time I got with them, even if it wasn't enough." Pausing, he dragged his hand over his face, trying to keep from sobbing. "I think they sent us here, to Bella, Jasper, and Esme." He smiled. "Or maybe I'm just being emotional."

"I think you're right," Alice said, quietly, and Edward and Carlisle looked at her. "It scary to think about how much has changed in the last few months. After the accident, I never thought I'd fall in love, find someone who looked past the scars and saw me. But Jasper does. He sees me, not the damage."

Carlisle slid his hand off Alice's neck and leaning forward, placing his elbows on his knees, and clasping his hands together. "I didn't mean for things to get so out of control," he muttered, shifting his eyes to Edward and Alice. "With the cutting, I mean. I just have all these feelings inside of me, and I don't know how to let them out. I'm supposed to be strong for you, brave for you, but I'm scared. I'm terrified that one day you're just not going to wake up, Edward, or that you're going to walk out of the house, Pix, and say fuck me because I'm not the brother you need me to be," he whimpered. "And I didn't want to burden you with my shit, not when you both were hurting and struggling to move on, to live. I feel selfish for grieving Mom and Dad when you both need me, when you are in physical pain, and here I am perfectly healthy. So I keep my feelings to myself, and try to, I don't know, pretend I have my shit together, but it's too hard. I can't do it anymore.

"One day, about a month after Mom and Dad died, I was working the night shift in the ER, and I'd been having a really bad day. I hadn't been able to sleep, and my anger was . . . so intense. A junkie came stumbling in, demanding that we give him pain pills, claiming that he was hurting. He started throwing shit around. I don't know why I did it, but I found myself tackling him to the ground. Of course, I didn't realize that he had a knife, not until security arrived and carted him away and one of the nurses noted the blood pouring down my arm."

Carlisle shifted his attention back to Alice and Edward. "I didn't feel the blade cut into me, but I felt a sense of relief, one that I hadn't felt in a long time, well before the accident. I didn't understand why getting cut made me feel better. They cut my shift early because I had gotten cut, but you both were still in the hospital and I didn't want to go back to the house, not by myself, so I camped out in your room, Pix, and just watched you sleep. You were covered in bandages and . . ." Carlisle rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands. "All I could think of was the cut, the way it took away the guilt. So I found a pair of scissors, and . . . That was the first time I cut myself. I wish like hell, I'd never done it, that I'd resisted the urge to feel that small bit of relief."

"Have you stopped?" Edward asked, hating to be the one who voiced the question, but someone had to. He was getting married, he'd be Bella's husband, and he needed to know that she wouldn't come across Carlisle in the middle of the night dead because he'd cut himself again.

"I haven't cut myself since the day you found me in the bathroom, but the urge, the temptation, is always there. Always. I wake up in the middle of the night and it takes every bit of my control not to dig a razor or pair of scissors into my skin. Sometimes I can resist it on my own, but sometimes I call Esme and she talks me through it. Dr. Brooks says that I'll always want to cut, but that I have to decide whether I'm going to or not. And I'm trying really hard not to because I don't want you two to be disappointed in me again."

Edward nodded. "Good, because I need you, Car." Carlisle looked at him. "I'm scared."

"Of marrying Bella?" he asked, slowly.

"God, no!" Edward exclaimed. "She's the only part of my life that doesn't scare me. No, I'm scared that I'll never be healthy enough to be a good husband, that she won't survive the cancer. I don't care if she does the implant, or ever gets her voice back. I just can't lose her, not now. I'd never . . ." Edward blew out a heavy breath. "I'll never survive that heartbreak, Car. Never."

"I wish I could promise you that she'd be okay, but I can't," he pleaded.

"I know," Edward mumbled. "But lie to me. Lie to me and tell me that Bella and I will live a long life together, that we'll, I don't know, have babies and grow old together. Just lie to me and tell me we'll get to be happy."

"You'll . . . you'll get to be happy," he stammered. "You'll get married today, and go to college, and have babies, grandbabies, and sit on the front porch and watch the sun set. You'll be happy."

Edward's eyes closed. "God, I hope so."

—SW—

Half an hour later, Edward was sitting in front of the Justice of the Peace and waiting for Bella to enter the courtroom and become his wife. He and Bella had filed for their marriage license the day after they decided to get married immediately, rather than waiting until after Bella got her voice back. Though he had been expecting it, the look of disapproval on the county clerks face was irksome. Like she understood anything about how they felt, how they'd suffered though heartache after heartache, just to be facing an uncertain future once again. In the end, it didn't matter that the clerk hadn't approved, that she'd judged them. They were eighteen and able to make that decision for herself.

The clerk wasn't any different than the rest of Forks, either. They lived in a bubble, one that protected them from the harsh realities that Edward and Bella dealt with on a daily basis. In three days, Bella would begin her rigorous treatment plan, and Edward was determined to be the husband she needed, the one she deserved. He needed to be that man for her, because she was his saving grace.

Rose and Jasper were standing on the other side of the room, and next to them was Phil, Angela, and Ben, all of whom had graciously agreed to support their decision to get married without question. Edward had worried that they'd — like so many other people — would look at their ages and declining health and declare their actions to be rash and impetuous, but Edward knew in his soul that marrying Bella was the right decision, that loving her would be the only way they could survive the trials and tribulations they were facing. He had to believe that someone, whether it was God or his parents, had brought them together for a reason. What were the odds of the boy with a broken heart meeting the girl with no voice? It had to be fate, their destiny. Right?

Behind Edward, stood Carlisle and Alice. Their support meant the world to him, and he knew to Bella, too. In a matter of a couple of months, Edward's family and Bella's family had bonded, merged into one. While there had always been friends of his family who offered to cart Alice and Carlisle around while his parents were at the hospital with him, they hadn't had any real family, nobody willing to be there when things got hard, and things got plenty hard. Edward's grandparents had passed away before Carlisle was born, leaving his parents to handle the burden of a sick child on their own. Not that they ever complained.

The doors to the courtroom opened and Edward smiled as he looked back, finding his bride standing between Emmett and Esme. She was wearing a simple white dress, and she looked happy. Or almost happy. Edward could see the bitter anger that lingered under the surface. He felt it, too. She didn't deserve to deal with cancer again, but life had proven to be unfair to the two of them.

Pushing himself out of the chair, he stood up and reached a hand out of her, desperate to touch her. Bella smiled wider as she shifted her eyes to Emmett and tilted her head toward Edward. Though Edward knew Emmett wasn't ready to let his sister get married, he was pleased when he saw Emmett nod and hold his arm out for Bella to grip, which she did.

Esme leaned over to Bella, whispering something in her ear that had her smiling, before she started the short walk to down the aisle, taking her place on the opposite of Edward. Of course his attention was on the woman clutching her brother's arm, the one who had come into his life and gave him hope.

As Emmett and Bella walked toward him, Edward could feel his heart racing. They stopped in front of him and the Justice of the Peace cleared his throat, drawing their attention to him.

"We're gathered here today to celebrate the union of Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen." He paused, shifting his eyes from Edward to Bella, and it was clear that he wasn't sure he should be marrying them. "Who gives this woman to be married?"

"I do," Emmett declared, his voice thick with unfallen tears. Bella smiled as she leaned up on her toes and kissed his cheek. Bringing his hand up to the side of her face, Emmett whispered, "Love you, Butterbean."

Leaning away, she brought her arms up in front of her, crossing them at her chest. Emmett smiled and looked over at Edward, giving him a subtle nod before he turned and walked over to Rose, wrapping his arm around her waist. Bella shifted her attention back to Edward and reached for his hand, which he immediately gave. The moment their hands touched, a feeling of serenity washed over him, a feeling of calm and perfection.

He tugged her hand, coaxing her closer. She blushed as she closed the gap between them, her free hand coming to rest on his chest, right over his heart. Edward's eyes closed and he took a deep breath, struggling to keep his tears from falling. God, he loved her.

"Isabella, do you take Edward to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, until death do you part?" the Justice of the Peace asked.

With tears filling her eyes, she removed her hand from his chest and slowly spelled out, "I. D.O."

Once Esme had translated for her, the Justice of the Peace shifted his eyes to Edward. "And do you, Edward, take Isabella to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, through good times and bad, until death do you part?"

As he parted his trembling lips, he felt the tears that had been welling up in his eyes spill down his face, and he said, "I do."

Again, the Justice of the Peace gave them an affirming nod, before speaking. "Do you have rings?"

"Yes," Edward murmured while Bella nodded and turned toward Jasper, who stepped forward and placed the two gold bands in the palm of her hand.

While Edward had wanted to buy her a diamond ring, he hadn't had the energy or money to buy her want she deserved, so he'd settled for a couple of simple gold bands that they'd picked out from the photos that Esme had taken on her phone. It was just one more way that Edward was tired of being weak. He had wanted to go shopping for her ring, but he couldn't handle the mall yet. Bella turned and handed the rings to the Justice of the Peace, who held them in front of him.

"These rings are a symbol of your commitment to each other." He paused and turned to Bella. "Isabella, take this ring and place it on Edward's left ring finger."

Bella did it as he instructed, shifting her eyes to Edward's as she slid it along his finger until it rested firmly on the base. Then, she curved her fingers around his and lifted his hand to her lips, placing a simple kiss on his fingers.

Clearing his throat, the Justice of the Peace drew their attention back to him, and he turned to Edward. "Place this ring on Isabella's left ring finger."

Edward's hand shook as he lifted the ring from the palm of his hand and turned to Bella. Just as she had done, he slid the ring onto her finger, and then lifted her hand to his lips, placing a simple kiss on her knuckles.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife," he announced, causing Bella and Edward to look up at him. "You may now kiss your bride."

Edward smiled as he turned back to Bella, placed his hands on either side of her face, and slowly, ever so slowly and with great caution, pressed his lips against hers. The kiss was simple, yet the passion behind it had him gasping for air, the feeling of happiness and perfection with knowing that Bella was officially his wife overwhelmed him.

"I love you. I love you so much," he whispered.

Pressing her lips against his again, Bella placed her hands on his chest and looked him straight in the eye as she mouthed, 'I love you.'

—SW—

After a long reception at Garrett's Diner, Edward and Bella stood in the middle of his bedroom. No, their bedroom. Though Edward wanted nothing more than for them to have their own place, perhaps a small apartment, neither of them were healthy enough to live on their own. Edward was too weak to do much, and with Bella's treatments starting in a few days, she would need help, too. So, they opted for Bella to move in with Edward, since they had more room. Edward knew it was difficult for Bella to leave her brother and sister, not to mention Rose and Jasper. They had been her support system for so long. He only hoped that he'd be able to be there for her, the way she had been for him.

Bella smiled and looked around the room. Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle had moved her stuff in the day before and she and Alice had worked on merging her stuff in with his. Edward sat helplessly on the side of his bed and watched. Turning, she placed her hands on his chest.

"Are you tired?" he whispered.

She shook her head and lifted an eyebrow in his direction.

"A little," he admitted. "Think I just need to lay down. Been up and on my feet for too long."

Bella nodded before she began to unbutton his shirt. As her fingers grazed his chest, he inhaled a sharp breath, causing her to lift her eyes to his.

"Don't stop," he murmured.

She blew out a heavy breath as she turned her attention back to his shirt, slowly pushing the ivory buttons through the slits. Once she'd managed to undo every button, she slid her hands inside, placing them on his chest and pushing his shirt and jacket down his arms, letting them fall onto the floor.

Lifting her eyes to his, Bella smiled before she leaned forward and placed a kiss along his scar. Edward gasped; the feeling of her lips on his skin had him tingling. "Bella."

She smiled as she looked up at him. Taking a step backward, she turned so that her back was facing him and looked over her shoulder. Edward took deep breath as he reached up and gripped the zipper on her dress, slowly lowering it. Bella shimmied her dress down her shoulders until it pool on the floor at her feet. She stood in front of him in a pair of white lace panties and matching bra. She kicked the dress to the side as she turned and looked at him.

Edward's eyes automatically drifted downward. He'd never seen a naked woman before, or even one in just her bra and panties, but he'd imagined it plenty of times. Yet, the site of his wife was so much better than his imagination. Edward shifted his eyes up to Bella's as he brought his hands up and cupped her breasts. She inhaled a sharp breath, but before he could drop his hands, she covered them.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, his voice thick with emotions.

Bella smiled and gave him the sign for 'thank you.'

"Can I kiss you?" he murmured.

A simple nod of her head gave her answer, and Edward grabbed her hips, pulling her as he walked backward and sat on the edge of the bed. Shifting his eyes up to hers, he leaned forward and wrapped his lips around her covered nipple. Bella's fingers found their way into his hair, gripping his auburn locks.

Releasing her nipple, he shifted his lips to the other. Bella gave his hair a hard tug and he slipped his lips off of her. She released his hair and reached behind her, unclasping her bra and letting it slide down her arms. Edward inhaled a sharp breath.

"Wow," he murmured, nervously. Bella smiled as she leaned down and grabbed his hand, placing it over her breast. "Bella."

With one hand covering his, she brought her other hand to his cheek, causing him to look up at her. She gave him a nod, telling him that it was okay to touch her. And he wanted to touch her, he needed to touch her.

"You're prefect," he whispered, placing his hand on her hip and leaning forward. He gave her nipple a flick with his tongue. "You're beautiful."

Bella's hand slid to the back of his head, her fingers once again tangling in the hair at the base of his neck. God, he wished that he could hear her moan, knowing that she was making those noises because of him, because of his touch, because he was loving her, but more than wanting to hear her, he wanted to lay her on his bed and strip off the rest of their clothes. He wanted to feel her under him, feel himself inside of her. But he couldn't. He wasn't ready for sex, not just four weeks after having surgery, and they weren't ready for that step yet, either.

Edward stood up and began undoing his pants, kicking them off without care so that all he had on where his boxer-briefs. He climbed onto the bed, leaning back against the stack of pillows behind him. Lying flat on his back was still too hard, so he'd learned to stay propped up. When he reached for her, Bella smiled as she climbed on next to him, sitting on her knees so that she was facing him. Her eyes were wide, filled with anticipation and a bit of fear. Edward hated that he couldn't do anything to soothe away her fears, because if he was being honest, he was scared, too.

"Can — can I touch you, Bella?" he asked.

Biting her bottom lip, she nodded.

Edward placed his hand on her knee, slowly sliding it up her leg. Her eyes dropped down to his fingers and she watched as he reached her panties. His fingers were shaking as she reached down and covered them. Her eyes lifted to his as she shifted on the bed so that she was lying next to him, his hand still resting at the top of her thigh, just outside of her panties. Lobbing his head to the side, he watched her as she brought his hand to her stomach, slipped them inside her panties. The moment their fingers came into contact with the wetness between her legs, their mouths opened simultaneously.

Bella pressed their fingers down more firmly, telling him that she wanted more, that she needed more. Edward could feel his heart beating faster as he parted her wet folds and slipped a finger between them. A tear slipped from Bella's eyes and for a moment, he was afraid that he was hurting her, but she wouldn't let him move his hand. She covered his, pressing down and indicating that she wanted him to continue, so he did. One finger became two, and he slowly began to slide them in and out of her.

Her breathing began rapid, more tears filled her eyes, and while he could tell that she was trying to keep them from falling, a few managed to fall down her cheeks. As he curled his fingers inside of her, feeling the smooth, silkiness of her inner walls clench around his fingers, her lips parted and she arched off the bed.

Falling back against the pillows, she smiled and looked over at him. Edward shifted so that he was leaning toward her. "One day, soon I hope, I'm going to make love to you, Bella."

Her smile grew as she placed her hand on his chest and leaned up, pressing her lips against his.

**Thank you for all the reviews. So, I managed to get most of this written yesterday, but then I struggled a bit with the end. There's just so much to consider and I kept going back and forth on how it should work. And my amazing friend Mina stepped in and talked me through it! She's amazing, and I'm so lucky that she's always willing to be my sounding board. Now, we have a long way to go. A lot of story left to be told, and it's going to be emotional at times. I hope that you'll still be along for the ride and let me know your thoughts as we go along.**


	35. Chapter 35

35

Bella was terrified. Today, she'd start chemotherapy and radiation therapy, and she wasn't sure what to expect. When she got sick the first time, she'd gone straight from surgery into treatment, and it hadn't been easy. Not only had she been exhausted, but the skin on her throat became red and raw, she lost her will to eat, and she wasn't looking forward to go through all of that again. Plus, this time, she'd be undergoing chemotherapy and based on everything that she'd read, it was worse than radiation. Was it really worth going through all of that just for the chance she might get her voice back? And what would happen when a new tumor grew? Would she constantly be fighting for her life?

Of course, it wasn't just about getting her voice back, not anymore. It was about her survival, her very life. Bella had cancer, and if she didn't fight it, she would die. And if she died, she'd leave Edward alone, and she couldn't do that. He needed her to fight for him, to push through her fear for him, and for him, she would do everything she could to stay strong.

"You about ready?"

Bella looked over her shoulder, finding Carlisle standing in the doorway to her and Edward's room. Edward had already gone downstairs to take his meds, leaving Bella to finish getting dressed. They'd spent most of the morning just lying in bed, staring in each other's eyes. For those few hours, they could pretend they weren't suffering, that they weren't going through hell.

Nodding, she blew out a deep breath, unsure if she was or not, and it didn't matter either way. Cancer and treatments were just a part of her life, whether she like it or not.

"You're pretty scared, aren't you?" he asked.

And once again, Bella nodded.

Carlisle smiled and leaned against the doorframe. "Every time my parents had to take Edward to the hospital, which was too many times, my mom would place her hand on his chest, right over his heart, and say, 'Darling Boy, there's just too much love in that heart of yours and it keeps cracking.'" He paused, his lips trembling for a moment. "I hated when she said that because I knew it meant that he wouldn't be coming home for a while. I missed my brother, Bella. I had all these plans for him, you know? I wanted to teach him how to play baseball, and ride a bike. Fuck, I wanted to beat the shit out some punk for picking on him. But I never got to do any of those things because he was too sick."

Bella frowned.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to be so . . . I don't know . . . weird," he murmured. "I just . . . Look, I know you and I haven't gotten to really know each other, and I know that Edward's told you about my . . . problem, right?"

She nodded, biting her bottom lip.

"He's different now," Carlisle said. "He's always been so . . . reserved and private, and I know that's because of his health. He never got the chance to really make friends. The few times our parents let him attend school, the other kids were too scared to talk to him, and he never got to stay for more than a few months before he'd get sick again. Eventually, it was just easier for him to be homeschooled, but I know he longed for one good friend. You gave him that," Carlisle whimpered, blowing out a deep breath. "You see past the boy with the broken heart, and you love him, and I just want to say thank you."

Bella brought her hand up to her lips as she attempted to blink back the tears welling in her eyes. He was thanking her for loving Edward? Did he just not understand that Edward saved her? That he was the one who gave her a reason to fight, a reason to hope for a future? Edward was her reason for living, for breathing, for existing.

"I didn't mean to make you cry," he groused.

She smiled and shook her head, dislodging the tears that had been hanging onto her lashes. Once again, she wished she could tell him how she felt, make him understand, but she couldn't.

"Well, we should go soon, so . . ." Carlisle trailed off before he turned and nearly ran out of the room and downstairs.

Bella grabbed her phone from the dresser before following him. Edward was sitting on the couch, one hand resting on his chest while the other was braced on his knee. Bella rushed over and sat next to him, slowly reaching out and covering the hand on his chest with her own. Because of their declining health, they'd made the decision to be homeschooled rather than deal with the pointed stares and not-so-hushed whispers about them.

"I'm okay," he whispered, and even though Bella knew he was lying, she smiled. "Are you ready?"

She shook her head, because she wasn't ready. She wanted more time, but she couldn't have more, so she stood up and offered him her hand. Edward wrapped his fingers around hers and stood up, hissing out a sharp breath. Bella placed her hand on his face, slowly stroking his cheek. She wished more than anything that he felt better.

"Hey, I'm all right," he murmured, reaching up and covering her hand. "We're focusing on you today."

Bella frowned, hating that it had to be an either/or type situation. Why couldn't they just be normal? Sighing, she curved her fingers around his and gave him a gentle tug, urging him to follow her to the door. Carlisle was waiting on the front porch with Esme, and when Bella lifted an eyebrow in question, a furious blush crept into her cheeks.

"Don't start, butterbean," she muttered.

Bella laughed silently as she brought her hands up in front of her and signed, "What are you doing here?"

"You're starting treatment today," Esme replied, looking confused. "Why wouldn't I be here?"

"Because you have to work," Bella signaled.

Esme's mouth opened, only to promptly close as she shared a look with Carlisle, a look that didn't go unnoticed by Bella or Edward, based on the question that he asked. "Are we missing something?"

"Nope," Esme chirped.

However, Bella could read her sister better than that, and folded her arms in front of her chest, giving Esme a look that clearly meant for her to fess up. With an audible sigh, Esme slid her hands onto her hips. "I might have been fired yesterday."

Alarmed, Bella's hands flew in front of her as she said, "What? Why? Tell me everything!"

"Okay, okay, calm down." Esme reached out and grabbed Bella's hands, stopping her silent rant. "I didn't want to worry you, not with everything else going on."

Bella huffed.

"Friday, after the final bell, Mr. Greene showed up in the library again. He . . . he blocked the door so that I couldn't leave. He asked me out again, but I told him no, told him that I was seeing someone. Apparently that made him upset because he . . . he . . . Well, he grabbed my arm and threw me into the shelves. And then he grabbed my face and said that he was tired of me teasing him, tired of me leading him on. I hit him and ran out of the library and straight to Emmett. I told him everything, and well, you know how Em is."

Bella nodded, because she knew that Emmett was fiercely protective of her and Esme and didn't take kindly to anyone mistreating them.

"Emmett threatened to go find him and beat the shit out of him, but I stopped him, told him we needed to call Sam. You know how he told us to document everything."

And again, Bella blobbed her head up and down.

"Anyway, I managed to get Emmett to calm down and we went straight home. I forgot about the incident because we were focusing on you and Edward, and the wedding. But yesterday, Mr. Newton from the school board called and said that a complaint had been lodged against me for inappropriate behavior while on school property and they were placing me on official leave without pay while they investigate the claims, which is just their polite way of saying that I'm fired."

Bella stood there stunned. She knew Mr. Greene's obsession with Esme was dangerous, but she never thought that he'd go to such extremes.

"I don't want you to worry about me, butterbean," Esme said, bringing one hand up to her cheek. "Em and I are handling it. Sam is filing a lawsuit against the school board and Mr. Greene. Right now, we are focusing our attention on you."

Closing her eyes, Bella shook her head. All they had ever done was focus their attention on her, on her cancer, on learning how to sign, on trying to keep her from letting the guilt she felt about her parents' accident pull her into a downward spiral, not that it helped. Bella knew her parents' conditions was her fault, even if nobody else wanted to admit it.

"Hey, look at me," Esme ordered and Bella's eyes opened. "We are handling Mr. Greene. You just need to focus on you and Edward, okay? Please, butterbean? Besides, this way I can be here to help with your treatments and the homeschooling. Jas and Alice have expressed an interest in being homeschooled, too, so maybe this is for the best."

Even though she knew she wouldn't, she nodded, knowing that Esme wouldn't let the subject drop until she did.

"Good. Now, we'd better get going."

Edward slipped his arm around Bella's waist as they slowly walked down the front steps and over to Carlisle's car. Esme insisted that Edward ride in the front, stating that he needed the comfort more than she did. Though, Bella knew that Esme was just as nervous about her treatments as she was, and needed to be close.

Phil had agreed to set up Bella's treatments at Forks Memorial Hospital, knowing that the trips back and forth from Seattle to Forks would be too much on Bella and Edward. While she was appreciative of the effort, she wasn't thrilled about being at the hospital, where everyone would see her. She'd tried to keep the news of her relapse quiet, but Forks was a small town and news traveled quickly. It would only be a matter of time before everyone in town once again pitied her once again.

Carlisle parked in the physicians' parking lot, smiling as he looked over his shoulder at Esme. "Might as well take advantage of the perks, right?"

"Absolutely," Esme murmured.

Bella inwardly cringed at the love-sick look in her sister's eyes, though she completely understood how Esme felt. One look at Edward and Bella felt her heart race. When he touched her for the first time, it took all her control not to let go immediately. She wanted more, to feel him in her hand, to know what it felt like to be connected to him in every way possible. She hadn't planned on him touching her, but when she found herself standing in front of him with only her panties on and the need for him to put his hands on her was overwhelming.

"Bella?" At the sound of Edward's voice, she shook her head and looked over, finding him standing next to the door with his hand stretched out to her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded before she slipped her hand into his and climbed out of the car, turning her body so that she was nestled against him. Leaning up on her toes, she brushed her lips against his. Edward smiled against her mouth before deepening the kiss and wrapping his arm around her waist.

A cleared throat reminded them that they weren't alone, and Bella felt her cheeks flush as she broke their kiss and looked over at her sister and Carlisle, both of whom were looking anywhere but at them. Snapping her fingers at them to gain their attention, Bella brought her hand up to her chest, curled it into a fist, and rotated it into circle, giving them the sign for "Sorry."

"It's okay. You're newlyweds. It's to be expected," Esme mumbled. "But we really should go. Phil's probably worried about us."

And just like that, the carefree moment was gone. With a silent sigh, Bella nodded and tightened her hold on Edward's hand, needing him now more than ever.

As she expected, when the four of them walked into the hospital, people stopped and stared. Doctors, nurses, orderlies, the little old ladies who worked the information desk, everyone. Bella struggled with the attention, hating the way they always gawked at her like she was a side show in the circus. Didn't they have anything better to do? Weren't there people that needed their help?

Shaking her head, Bella tried her best to ignore them as they made their way down to the cath lab. Edward's arm tightened around her waist and when she looked up at him, she saw the pain etched on his features. He was in pain. She hadn't thought about how hard it would for him to walk from the parking lot, through the hospital to the lab. Stopping, she snapped her fingers at Carlisle, who turned and looked at her before shifting his attention to Edward.

"Shit," he spouted, rushing over and wrapping his arms around his younger brother. "Get me a chair."

Bella made the effort to move, but Esme shook her head and took off down the hallway, coming back with a chair from the waiting room, followed by the attendant who looked upset. At least, until he saw how pale Edward was and turned and walked back into the waiting room, clearly not worried about her husband.

"Here," Esme told him, setting the chair down.

Edward released a shaky breath as he sat down. "Sorry. I thought I could make it."

"You can't push yourself that hard," Carlisle said, sliding his fingers over Edward's wrist so he could read his pulse.

"I know," Edward gritted.

Bella knelt next to him, placing her hands on either side of his face and turning him so that he was looking at her. She smiled, trying to reassure him that it was okay to need help, to not be perfect. They were perfectly dysfunctional.

"Your pulse is a little too fast, but not outrageous," Carlisle said, releasing his wrist. "Any chest pain?"

Edward shook his head. "Just the normal soreness."

"Hmm," he hummed, and Bella knew that Carlisle didn't believe Edward. "Okay, well, maybe I should go get you a wheelchair."

"No," Edward groused, trying to stand up, but stopped when Bella placed her hand on his shoulder. "I'm fine. I just needed to sit down for a few minutes."

"You don't have to be strong," Esme said, draping her arm around Carlisle's shoulder. Bella watched as his eyes closed and a smile spread over his lips. It was clear to all of them that they cared for each other.

"She's right," Carlisle added.

"I don't need a wheelchair," Edward insisted, shifting his eyes up to his brothers. "Please, just give me another minute."

With a nod, Carlisle agreed. And even though Bella still worried, she knew that Edward wouldn't do anything to risk his health right now, not when he knew she needed him so much.

After a few more minutes, Edward pushed himself out of the chair and wrapped his arm around Bella's waist and told them he was good to go. They reached the cath lab and found an aggravated Phil waiting for them.

"I was starting to think you weren't coming," he grumbled, folding his arms in front of him.

Bella bit her lip as she brought her hand up in front of her chest and gave him the sign for "Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry. I just . . . I've been worried about you," he said, sighing. "Are you ready?"

Bella shook her head, because she wasn't ready. She didn't want to go through chemotherapy, or radiation, or anything else that had to do with cancer. She wanted to be at home, wrapped in Edward's arms, but she couldn't because whether she liked it or not, she had cancer and she had to fight for her life.

"Yeah, I suppose that was a stupid question, wasn't it?" he mumbled, and Bella nodded. "Okay, well, we're going to start by taking a blood sample so that we can check your blood count, platelets, and I'd like to keep an eye on your iron levels. Now, I've decided to use a pump and intravenous infusion. This way the solution enters the vein at a constant rate over a specific time period. The process is slower, but I think being aggressive like this will make your treatments more successful. Then once we have that set, you'll undergo your first day of radiation."

Bella blew out a heavy breath and nodded.

"I know it's not ideal, sweetheart, but I believe that if we fight this aggressively, the odds of eradicating the cancerous cells goes up twenty percent," Phil explained.

Struggling to keep her tears from falling, Bella brought her hands up in front of her, knowing that Esme would interpret for her "I don't care about odds or percentages. I just don't want to die. Can you promise me that I won't die?"

Esme sighed. "Butterbean."

Phil's eyes fluttered to a close, causing Bella to clap her hands to get him to look at her again. "Can you?" she signed. "Can you stand there and promise me that in the end, I won't leave my husband alone? That I won't leave my brother and sister, Jasper and Alice, Carlisle alone?"

"No," he mumbled.

"I don't think so," Bella signed.

"Don't you think I would if I could?" Phil quipped. "I look at you, Bella, and I see . . . I see your father, his spirit, and I want nothing more than to take the cancer from you, to give you back your life, but I can't. No matter how much I want to, I can't."

The tears that Bella had been fighting spilled down her cheeks, but she made no effort to wipe them away. Phil dragged his hand over his face and threw his hair as he walked over to her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"You've been given a shit hand in life, sweetheart, but you're your father's daughter, and I know that you're strong enough and brave enough to come out the other side a winner. It won't be easy, and it won't be fun, but you can do it." Phil paused and shifted his eyes to Edward for a moment before looking back at her. "You have reason to fight."

Bella nodded because she did. She had a family that loved her, one that had stood beside her. Sniffing back her tears, she brought her hand up to her mouth and lowered it in an angle to the palm of her other hand. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he murmured, leaning forward and kissing the top of her head. "Now, we have a lot to do today, so let's get started."

Though she wasn't ready, Bella slipped her hand into Edward's and the two of them followed Phil through to the back. Her life — no, their lives — were about to change. Bella hoped, more than anything in the world that the change would be for the better and not the worst.

**Thank you for all the amazing reviews. I am simply blown away by the response to this story. It's so heavy, and so emotional. Now, I've done a ton of research on the treatments, but there is only so much you can learn from the Internet, so please be patient with me.**


	36. Chapter 36

36

Edward had never felt more helpless. Nearly four days had passed since Bella started her treatment, and she wasn't doing well. Nights seemed to be the hardest for her; that's when she'd curled herself around the toilet, tears streaming down her face while she clutched her stomach, and nearly clawed at her skin. Her face would twist in agony, tears would slide down her face, and her mouth would open, yet her screams and pleas for help were silent. And all while she suffered, Edward found himself sitting on the sidelines and watching while Alice, Carlisle, or Esme helped his wife, soothed his wife, nurtured his wife, and all because he was too weak to hold her, too fucked up to be the man she needed when she needed him. More than ever, Edward hated his damaged heart.

As if the chemotherapy wasn't hard enough on her, her daily radiation treatments had her barely able to swallow. Her throat was red and raw. Phil had inserted a feeding tube into her stomach so that she could get some nutrients, but the chemo made it difficult to keep any of it down. When Edward questioned Phil about the aggressive course of treatment, the doctor explained that he was trying to rid her body of any lingering cancer cells, which would make the placement of the implant that much easier. But Edward didn't care about the implant, not anymore. While he still longed to hear her say his name, he wanted her to stop suffering more. Edward felt helpless and lost, and he could only imagine how much harder it was on Bella. She was in hell, and he couldn't do anything to make it better.

"Hey." At the sound of Esme's voice, Edward looked to the bottom of the staircase, finding her standing there wearing a pair of Carlisle's scrub bottoms and one of his T-shirts. She'd stayed over every night, always saying that she was there for Bella, in case Bella needed her. Edward knew that was one of the reason why Esme had all but moved in, but in reality, she was in love with Carlisle, and he with her. "She okay?"

Edward shifted his eyes down to his wife. Bella was laying with her head on his lap. They'd been up for hours because she'd been unable to sleep. Instead, she paced the length of the living room and every once in a while she'd stop and bring her hand to her throat, a look of misery covered her face and then it would be gone and she'd pull on a mask, pretending that she wasn't suffering. She'd only just settled on the couch and laid her head on his lap, drifting off to sleep a few minutes ago.

"No," he answered honestly. There wasn't any point in lying; Bella wasn't okay, and she wouldn't be until the cancer was gone, and even then, she may never be okay, not really. Like him, she would spend the rest of her life waiting for the next time death tried to take her. One day, when they weren't ready for it, death would snatch her away from him, or him away from Bella, and the one left would be lost to grieve in a sea of despair.

"If you want to lay down, I can sit with her for a while," Esme offered, walking over to them and kneeling in front of Bella. "You look exhausted."

She lifted her hand to push Bella's hair out of her face, but stopped when Edward said, "Don't touch her." Esme looked up at him with a frown. "She just fell asleep. She needs rest and if you wake her up, she won't be able to go back to sleep for a while, so, just don't touch her."

Esme nodded and moved to the other sofa, settling on the edge. "Are you okay, Edward?"

Once again, he heard himself saying, "No." Brining a hand up to his mouth, he tried to keep from crying. He didn't want to Esme to see him getting emotional, not when he was supposed to be strong and brave, not when he was supposed to be taking care of his wife, but he wasn't. His chest hurt, and he got winded easily, he could barely handle lying in bed because the pressure of his incision was excruciating. He was pathetic, a loser for not being able to make her life better.

"You're doing the best you can," Esme replied, and Edward felt his eyes widened. "You didn't think you said that out loud, did you?"

Edward shook his head.

"I didn't think so," she laughed, softly before turning serious. "I know this is hard on you, Edward, but just being here to hold her like this, to tell her that you love her is so important."

Tears filled his eyes as he once again shook his head. "She's my wife. I'm supposed to be the one holding her hair back, rubbing her back, telling her it's okay."

"But you can't," she said. "You're not strong enough yet. By letting us help, letting yourself get stronger, you'll be here when it gets really hard."

"That's bullshit," he spat, his hand flying up to his chest. He could feel his scar under his shift, mocking him, teasing him, taunting him about how useless he was. Curling his hand into a fist, Edward slammed it down against the arm of the couch.

The quick action, however, woke Bella, whose face contorted into misery as she pushed herself off the couch and rushed into the bathroom. Esme threw him a look before she followed. Edward, feeling even more helpless than before, pushed himself off the couch and stumbled into the kitchen. He threw open the door to the fridge, slinging the eggs, bacon, and milk onto the counter without care. Then, leaving the door open, he dragged two pans out from under the cabinet and slammed them onto the stove. He'd just opened the carton of eggs when Carlisle came rushing into the kitchen, his eyes shifting from Edward to the food on the counter and back to him.

"Edward, you shouldn't be cooking," he said, walking over and grabbing Edward's arm.

However, he pushed Carlisle off of him. "Leave me the fuck alone!"

"Edward!" Carlisle exclaimed with a gasp. "Stop."

"No," he snarled, grabbing an egg and smashing it into the pan. "I don't want to stop. I need to do something, something other than just sit there doing nothing and being utterly worthless. I need . . . I need . . ." Edward slumped forward before sliding to his knees.

"Oh, my God, Edward!" Carlisle yelled, rushing over to him. His arm was around him in an effort to hold him up. However, Edward pushed him off of him, turning so that he was sitting on the floor and leaning against the stove with his knees pulled up in front of him. "Talk to me."

"It's not fair," he whispered.

"What's not?"

Edward's eyes closed as his tears fell. "Everything," he croaked. "She needs me, Car. She fucking needs me, and I can't be there for her."

"You are there," he insisted.

But Edward shook his head. "Not like you are. Or Pix or Esme. I'm supposed to be holding her. I'm supposed to be making her feel better, but I can't because it hurts too much. Why me? Why her? Hadn't we suffered enough?"

But before Carlisle could say anything, the sound of someone slamming their hand on the wall echoed through the room and both men turned and found Bella standing in the doorway with Esme's arm wrapped around her. The look of anguish on her face had Edward slinking away. Here she was suffering through hell, and he was whining like a toddler who had been told he couldn't have a cookie. He was selfish, truly self-absorbed. Bella slid to her knees and crawled over to Edward. Carlisle moved, letting her in, letting her wrap her body around Edward.

"I love you," Edward cried, holding her as tight as he could. "I love you so much. Don't leave me! Please, don't leave me!"

As they sat on the kitchen floor, both of them letting their tears fall, Edward wished more than anything that he could be normal instead of a boy with a broken heart.

—SW—

Edward sat on the porch swing with Bella curled up around him. Once again she'd fallen asleep against him after a long, torturous afternoon. Though it was cold and dreary, Bella hadn't wanted to stay cooped up in the house any longer. She'd grabbed Edward's hand, a blanket, and motioned for the porch. And when Esme tried to argue that she didn't need to go out there, Bella dropped the blanket and released her hold on Edward's hands, her fingers flying in front of her. He didn't know what she said, just that Esme looked from her to him and nodded, telling them to stay warm. And he was doing his best to keep her warm, to keep her protected from the cold.

His meltdown in the kitchen had been humiliating. He hated that he'd let his guard down, that Bella had seem him like that, that Esme and Carlisle had seen him like that. He'd always been the sick one, the one that wasn't strong enough to be a part of the family. When were things going to change?

Edward was pulled out from inside his own head when a car pulled up in front of the house. Pulling the blanket up tighter around Bella's shoulders, he watched as Emmett, Jasper, and Alice climbed out and slowly walked up the front path. All three of them shifted their eyes to Bella and Edward, though Alice simply gave Edward a look before she walked into the house. She'd struggled so much with Bella's needs, the level of care that she required. It wasn't that Alice didn't want to help, but more that she was scared of doing something wrong and making things worse.

"How's she doing?" Emmett asked, while Jasper followed Alice into the house.

Edward shrugged his shoulders. "The same."

Emmett nodded and leaned against one of the pillars. "Have to admit, I wasn't prepared for this."

Shifting his eyes to him, Edward simply cocked an eyebrow in silent question.

Emmett shook his head. "After the fire, when they found the first tumor, she only went through radiation, not chemo. Her throat hurt like a bitch and she had a feeding tube then, too. She slept a lot, but shew wasn't sick like this. I wasn't prepared to see her so . . . fragile."

"She's not," Edward whispered.

"She's not what?" Emmett asked.

"Fragile. She's not. She's amazing and strong and brave and . . ." He paused, feeling his lips tremble. "None of you see her like I do. You see your baby sister. The girl who probably followed you around, the one who clung onto you when a fire ripped your worlds apart." A tear slipped from Edward's eye, but he didn't bother trying to wipe it away. "But I see a woman, a beautiful woman. She's . . . I . . ." He blew out a shaky breath. "I love her. I'm so in love with her. I sit here and I watch her struggling to get from one hour to the next, I hold her and pray that, by some miracle, God will spare her, that he'll give us something — anything — other than this," he whimpered. "I want . . . I want a future with her so much that I'm praying to a God that I'm not sure exists. What kind of God would do this to us? Our parents, our health, what more does he want? Haven't we suffered enough?"

"More than enough," Emmett murmured, and when Edward shifted his eyes to him, he saw the tears pooling in his eyes.

But before he could say anything, Bella twisted in his arms, falling onto the porch before scrambling to her feet and pushing her way past Emmett and into the house. Both of them followed, but as usual Emmett was quicker and by the time Edward got to the door of the bathroom, Emmett was already holding her hair out of her face and had a wash cloth on the back of her neck.

However, Bella reached back and pushed him away from her, and when she shifted her eyes to the door and saw Edward standing there, she stretched her hand out to him. Tears flooded his eyes as he walked over to her, carefully kneeling on the floor and wrapping his fingers around hers.

"I'm here," he whispered.

Emmett placed his hand on Edward's shoulder before he walked out, leaving the two of them sitting there. Reaching over for the wash cloth, he placed it on the back of her neck. Bella's grip on his hand tightened and she pulled his arm around her, placing their hands between her breasts. Though it was uncomfortable, Edward shifted so that he was curled around her, holding her and doing what he could to make her feel better.


	37. Chapter 37

37

Bella's entire body ached as she slipped out of bed, but her legs were too weak to hold her up. She slid to the floor and crawled across the room until she found herself in front of Edward's desk. Throwing her hand on top, she desperately felt around for her iPod, finally finding it next to his laptop. Her hands shook as she shifted so that she was leaning against the desk, being extra careful not to pull on the tubing coming out of her body.

Her father had haunted her dreams. His pleas for her to come to him, to save him from the darkness had her waking up with silent screams. Stuffing her earbuds in her ears, Bella pulled her knees up in front of her and rested her head on top all while fighting the tears that burned in her eyes as she watched Edward sleep and ignored her father's voice.

And while trying to lose herself to the music, she tried to remember a time when she wasn't the girl with cancer, the girl who was pathetic and needy. She hated all of it: the tubing, the pump, the constant queasiness, the overwhelming exhaustion, the unbearable pain, but mostly, the way Edward felt helpless and weak. He was anything but weak. Over and over, he went through hell, struggled to keep his hold on life. Bella only wished she could be as strong as he was, as brave, as beautiful, but she wasn't any of those things. He wasn't the one who needed someone to pull her hair back while she retched over the toilet over and over, to soothe away the tears she was unable to keep from falling. Edward wasn't the weak one, Bella was and she hated that he hurt because of her.

She'd been sitting on the floor for almost an hour when Edward began to stir. He reached across the bed for her, his face crumbling as he came up empty, which only added to the ache in her heart. He deserved better than a wife like her: one that wasn't sick, one that wasn't selfish. Sitting up, his hand automatically came to rest against his chest, and he looked over at her.

"What are you doing on the floor?" he asked.

Bella shrugged her shoulders and held up her iPod.

"Who are you listening to?"

Biting her lip, Bella paused the song and pulled the earbuds out of her ears and offered it to him. Slowly, Edward climbed out of bed and walked over to her. Before she could protest, he sat down on the floor next to her. She wanted to argue with him, insist that he wasn't strong enough to sit on the floor yet, but she couldn't. Not just because she didn't have a voice, but because she needed him next to her, so instead she shifted her body so that she was facing him.

Edward slipped the iPod out of her hand and placed one of the buds in his ear, turning the song back on. Bella watched his face, waiting for some kind of reaction, something that would give her any indication about how he felt while listening to the melody pouring out of the tiny speakers. After a few minutes, he smiled and looked over at her. "I like her. She has a . . . smooth, silky voice. What's her name?"

Bella felt her cheeks warms as she brought her hand up and patted her chest three times.

His eyes widened. "This is you?"

She nodded.

"But . . . how?" he stammered. "You never told me you recorded anything."

Bella shook her head and brought her hands up, slowly spelling out, "J.A.S.P.E.R."

"Jasper recorded you?" he asked.

She nodded.

Edward slipped his hand over hers, bringing her fingers up to his lips. "You have an incredible voice."

Bella grimaced and shook her head.

"You do," he insisted. "It's . . . very emotional." He paused. "Nights were always the hardest," he murmured, shifting his attention back to her. "I . . . I spent a lot of time alone, and at night, I sometimes got scared because there was always so much noise. Alarms and beeping, and . . ." Edward swallowed thickly. "It didn't take long before I learned the lingo. Code blue, code black, and, um, it seemed like nighttime was worse than the day. I never told my mom or dad how scary it was because I knew it was hard for them to leave me there, but they had work and Pix and Car, and I didn't want to make it worse, you know?"

Bella nodded.

"So, anyway, when my tenth birthday came around, Car snuck in one night after visiting hours, and he tossed a present on my bed. When I asked him what it was, he laughed and said it would make the nights easier." He paused and smiled. "He gave me an iPod filled with music. I must have cost him a ton, but when I asked him why he gave it to me, he said . . . he said," Edward whimpered, "whenever I found myself scared, that I could listen to the music and he'd be there with me." A tear slipped down Edward's cheek, but he didn't attempt to wipe it away. "And when I would hear the alarms going off on the floor, or hear the nurses calling for the code team, I . . . I'd listen to the music. I guess it was Car's way of taking care of me."

Bella laid her head on his shoulder, placing the palm of her hand over his incision. She felt him sigh, felt his chest rise and fall as he breathed, and for a moment, a brief and fleeting moment, she wondered what their lives would be like if they hadn't been dealt the hands they were. If Edward hadn't been the boy with the broken heart, would they have met? Or if a fire hadn't claimed her parents, would her first tumor have been found, or it would it have robbed her of more than just her voice? Too many 'what if's' and none of them were pleasant. Just the thought of a life without Edward had her weeping inwardly.

"Butterbean, Edward, are you two awake?" Esme called, knocking on their bedroom door.

Bella rolled her eyes as Edward said, "Yes."

"Your appointment is in an hour, Butterbean," Esme said.

Sighing, Bella scrambled to her feet and stumbled to the door, pulling it open. Esme was standing with one hand on the frame. Once again, she was wearing one of Carlisle's T-shirts, but at least she had on her own pajama pants. Bringing her hands up in front of her, Bella signed, "Yes, I know. I don't need you constantly reminding me of every appointment."

A look of hurt sprang up on Esme's face, and Bella felt horrible, but before she could apologize, her sister simply nodded, turned away, and walked away. Bella closed the door and looked over at Edward, who was trying to push himself up off the floor. She rushed over to him, but when she reached for his arm, he pulled away.

Edward looked up at her. "You're not strong enough. Get my brother."

Bobbing her head up and down, Bella tried to hide the hurt as she turned and walked out of their bedroom. She should be able to help him when he needed. She was his wife, yet she was too weak to be there, too pathetic. Life wasn't fair.

Stopping outside of Carlisle's bedroom, she knocked softly. A moment later, the door opened and she found herself face to face with Carlisle. "Hey."

Bella grabbed his arm and pointed to their bedroom.

"Edward needs me?" he asked, and Bella nodded. "All right."

Carlisle walked past her and down the hallway to their room, and Bella looked over at Esme, who was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching her with sad eyes. Bringing her hand up in front of her chest, Bella gave the sign for sorry.

"It's fine, Butterbean," Esme said, giving her a fake smile. "I know I'm overbearing."

She shook her head frantically.

"No, I am," she insisted and stood up. "I just . . ."

"You what?" Bella signed.

"I feel so helpless," Esme whimpered, wrapping her arms around her torso. "I want to make everything better for you, easier, but I can't. I can't do anything, and I fucking hate it!"

Bella gasped. Esme wasn't one to use foul language, and seeing her so emotional had tears burning her eyes.

"Mom would know what to do, how to make all of this better for you," she cried. "And Dad would . . . Well, he would tell Mom to stop nagging you all the time," she added, with a chuckle before she sighed. "I know you're annoyed with me, but I need to be here. For you, for Edward, but mostly for Carlisle." Her cheeks turned bright pink as she shifted her dark brown eyes to Bella. "I love him."

Her mouth flopped open.

"I know it seems so . . . fast," she said, reaching for Bella, who immediately walked over to Esme, wrapping her fingers around her sisters. They sat down on the side of the bed. "I've felt so . . . alone. Em has Rose, and you had Jas and now Edward, and I was just there. I tried to be strong, Butterbean, but there wasn't anyone there for me."

Bella frowned.

"Oh, please understand," Esme pleaded, pulling on her hands. "I know you did the best you could, and you were going through more than just losing Mom and Dad. I didn't want to be a burden to you, or to Em, so I did what I had to make sure that we were okay. My appointments helped. Gave me someone to talk to at least, but I came home every night and found myself in bed alone, and I just wanted someone who loved me, someone to hold me and tell me it was okay to be angry and to cry. I get that with him. He . . . he makes me feel special. I've never felt such a strong bond with someone the way I do with him. It's like . . .like he's my . . ."

Bella tugged her hands out from Esme's and pinched her index finger and thumbs on each hand together, waved her right hand in a circle, and pulled it upward. Then, she clenched her hands into fists and pressed them together, causing Esme to smile.

"Yes, yes, Butterbean, he's my soul mate," she murmured.

Bella slipped her hand over Esme's. She was glad her sister had found Carlisle, found someone who made her happy. A cleared throat drew her attention to the doorway, and when she looked over her shoulder, she saw Carlisle leaning against the doorframe, a cheeky grin on his face and red tinting his skin.

"Edward's in the shower," he murmured.

Bella nodded and stood up, turning back to Esme. Trying her best to smile, she brought her hand up to Esme's face, gently stroking her cheek. She wished she could tell her how much she loved Esme, how much she needed her sister, but she couldn't, not like this. So instead, she hoped that she'd live long enough to watch her sister get married, to have babies, to live a life where she didn't feel responsible for everyone.

With tears filling her eyes, Bella wrapped her arms around her torso and walked out of their room, pausing in the doorway when Carlisle placed his hand on her shoulder. As she tilted her head up, a tear slipped down her cheek. He didn't say anything as he reached over and wiped it away, and for that Bella was grateful. It was hard enough being the pathetic and weak wife of his younger brother, she didn't want his pity, too.

—SW—

"Bella." At the sound of her name, she shifted her attention to the doorway. She was curled up on a small sofa, her body trembling and shaking, her nerves on edge, and her heart heavy with fear. Once again she'd found herself lying on a hard table while beams of radiation were seared into her. Her throat hurt, her skin was red and blistered.

"Sweetheart," Phil murmured, walking over to her and kneeling next to the sofa. Edward had her head on his lap, his hand slowly rubbing her arm, doing what he could to make her feel better. Nothing helped, nothing made eased the ache. "Sweetheart, can you sit up?"

Bella shook her head, but pushed herself up so that she was sitting upright. Immediately, Edward had his arm around her, doing what he could to hold her up.

"I need to take a blood sample. Check your platelets, and white blood cells," he murmured, gently reaching for her arm. As his hand wrapped around her wrist and lifted her arm up, Bella noticed a tear slide down his face. She brought her other hand to his face, carefully brushing the moisture away. "I'm sorry."

Once again, she shook her head. There wasn't a reason for Phil to be sorry. He'd always done everything he could to make life easier for them, to be the uncle they deserved. Bella knew his feelings for her father were one-sided, that losing Charlie to Renee had been gut-wrenching for Phil, but he never let it keep him down.

Sliding her hand to his chin, she tilted her head up and back. Then, tugging her wrist out of his grip, she began to sign. "He loved you. You know that, don't you?"

Phil nodded after Esme interpreted for her so that Carlisle and Edward would know what she was saying. "But not like I loved him."

"No, not like you did, but you were his family, too," she gestured.

His chin quivered. "It's not fair, you know? To have sat on the sideline and watched him live a life I could never really be a part of, and then to lose him so cruelly."

Bella nodded, because it was cruel. Charlie had been the glue that kept their family together, the one who never raised his voice when he was upset with one of his children. He was a kind and loving father, and the love he had for her mother rivaled the way Bella felt for Edward. They were not only lovers, but best friends, soul mates, and now they were stuck in hell. And Phil had loved Charlie, loved him enough to put a smile on his face and pretend that it didn't rip his heart apart when he watched Charlie love Renee. It wasn't fair, but nothing they were going through was fair.

"I shouldn't be blabbering on like this," Phil murmured and reached for her wrist. "You're dealing with enough without adding my bullshit to the list."

"You're family," Edward said, causing Bella and Phil to look over at him. "I mean, you're here, right? For her, for . . . for all of us?"

Phil nodded.

"Then that makes you family and, um, you can never have too much family, right?" There was a pleading tone to Edward's voice, one that Bella longed to soothe with whispered promises. But she couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to.

"I suppose it does," he mumbled, and then cleared his throat. "Well, let's get a blood sample, and then you can go home, get some rest. You haven't been sleeping much, have you?"

Bella shook her head, once again thinking about the way her father had crept into her dreams.

"I didn't think so," he replied. "Only a couple more weeks, hopefully, and then we can move forward with the implant."

Bella frowned because there would never be such a thing as moving forward, not for her. She would always be the girl with cancer, and even if she got her voice back, that wouldn't change. She'd always be afraid when her throat hurt, when her voice became rough. Every check-up, every test, every day, she would wonder if there was mass of cancer cells trying to rob her of a life with Edward, and that thought alone had her grieving. Would they ever get to be happy? Really, truly happy?

Nobody else said anything as Phil filled several vials with her blood. He kissed her forehead before he reminded Edward, Esme, and Carlisle to call if they needed him. They would always need him, whether to treat her cancer or be their honorary uncle, they would always need Phil. Edward stood up and attempted to help Bella to her feet, but when he winced and grabbed at his chest, Esme placed her hand on his shoulder.

"Let me," she said, and when he grimaced, she added, "Just let me get her to her feet, and then you can hold her. Please? Let me do this for both of you."

"Okay," he whispered, and though Bella knew it was excruciatingly hard for him, he stepped back and let Esme wrap her arms around Bella, hoisting her up.

In an instant, Edward was by her side, his arms taking the spot where Esme's had just been. Bella grabbed at his hand as it rested on her hip, the other reaching up and grabbing at the front of his shirt. Slowly, ever so slowly, they walked out of the small room, down the hallway to the elevator. However, when they stepped inside, Bella reached over and pressed the button for the fifth floor.

"Butterbean," Esme whimpered. "No."

She nodded and brought her hands up. "I need to see them, Esme. Please, I need to see them!"

"But last time . . . Mom . . . she . . ." Esme paused. "She's dangerous."

"I need to see Momma and Daddy," Bella signed. "I can't explain why, but I need to."

Sighing, Esme nodded. Though Bella knew she didn't think this was a good idea, and it probably wasn't, Bella couldn't ignore the pull she felt toward them. Her life had changed so much over the last few weeks. She'd gotten married, started her treatments, and now, she needed something more, something she couldn't explain.

When they walked onto the floor, all the nurses at the front desk stopped and looked at them, however it was Kate who made the effort to come to them.

"Hey, honey, are you feeling?" she asked.

Bella shrugged her shoulders. Biting her bottom lip, her hands shook as she brought them up in front of her. "How are they?"

It might have been her imagination, but it seemed that Kate tensed just split second before she smiled. "Um, well, you're mom is in the craft room. She's not having a good day, and it helps to keep her focused on an activity."

"And Daddy?" Esme asked.

"The same," Kate replied with a frown. "Always the same."

Bella nodded and then led Edward down to her father's room. Like he always was, Charlie was sitting in front of his window. A blanket covered his legs and he had a dark, blue robe that was frazzled around the edges. Bella walked over to his chair, kneeling in front of him. His dark eyes were locked on the window, and when she grabbed his hand, she wanted his fingers to wrap around hers, for him to cradle her against his chest, and promise that everything was going to be okay, but he didn't. So, instead, Bella placed his palm on her cheek and laid her head on his knees. Tears flooded her eyes, spilling done her face, and though she cried, her father didn't react, never reacted.

Bella wasn't sure how long she'd sat there when she heard it: the sound of her mother's voice echoing down the hallway. Sliding out from under her father's hand, Bella scrambled to her feet and started to walk to Edward, but when a hand reached out and grabbed her arm, she froze.

She froze because Edward, Carlisle, and Esme were standing on the other side of Charlie's bed. The only person within range of being able to grab at her was her father. And with tears once again flooding her eyes, she turned her head to her right and looked down. Not only was his hand wrapped around her wrist, but his head was tilted back and his eyes were locked on her.

**Thank you for all the reviews. **


	38. Chapter 38

38

Bella's eyes filled up with tears as she stood there staring into the dark eyes on her father's face. He was looking at her, right at her. For three years, she'd wanted this, waited for this, prayed for this, and now that he was, Bella wasn't sure what to do. Pulling her hand out of his hand, she shifted her body back toward him and brought her hands up to his face, watching as Charlie's eyes closed and he leaned into her touch.

The dam inside of her broke, causing her tears to cascade down her cheeks as her knees buckled and she once again found herself kneeling next to her father. Her lips parted and she tried to call out to him, but once again, nothing but silence could be heard. Frantically, Bella looked over at Esme, who seemed to have frozen as she watched their father come to life right in front of her.

Bella reached for Esme with one hand, snapping her fingers to get her attention. Esme rushed over to Bella and Charlie, wrapping her arm around Bella's waist and bringing her hand up to Charlie's face. He shifted his eyes from Bella to Esme and back.

"Daddy," Esme wept. "Oh, Daddy."

"Charlie!" Renee yelled from the hallway, and Bella looked in horror at the doorway, afraid of what her mother would do if she saw her kneeling in front of her father again.

However, when Bella attempted to stand up, Charlie reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her back down. She turned back to him, finding tears in his eyes, just like they were in hers. Bella's mouth opened, and she desperately wanted to say something to him, beg him to say something to her, but they both simply stared at one another.

"Renee, stop!" Kate called out, and everyone turned to the doorway just in time to see Renee rush into the room. Her eyes were wide and wild, filled with rage and anger. She growled as she leapt toward Bella and Esme, who had wrapped her arms around Bella and pulled her back against the wall in front of Charlie's chair.

"Stupid, fucking little whore!" Renee screamed, fighting against Kate and Carlisle, who had moved so that he was between all of them. They wrestled her down to the floor, both them struggling to keep Renee from hitting them, from scratching and clawing at them.

"We need help in here!" Carlisle yelled, holding Renee's arms against the floor while Kate pressed the call button for the nurses' desk. A minute later, two orderlies and three nurses, plus a doctor came rushing into the room.

"Leave me alone, cocksuckers!" Renee screeched. "That little whore keeps giving him her pussy. I'll teach that bitch whose pussy Charlie wants. He's mine! All mine!"

The nurses and orderlies held Renee down while the doctor gave her a sedative. Renee continued to scream and curse, calling Bella the most horrid names she'd ever heard for a few minutes before her voice began to slur and she drifted to sleep.

"Get her back to her room," Carlisle ordered, standing up. "Strap her down, and call Dr. Gerandy. Her violent behavior is escalating. I want a full battery of tests ran on her as soon as possible."

"Yes, Doctor Cullen," Kate said as the orderlies lifted Renee off the floor and laid her on the gurney they'd brought with them. Once they were gone, Carlisle turned back to Bella, Esme, and Charlie.

Esme had Bella wrapped in her arms, one hand on the back of her head while the other was on her cheek, trying to keep her from getting hurt. It was the same way her sister would hold her when shew as a little girl and watching a scary movie because she had convinced her parents she was old enough to watch with Emmett and Esme, even though she wasn't. Even though she had nightmares for a month. It was the same way they'd held her the night Charlie and Renee fell from the fire escape, and Bella learned she had cancer.

"You two okay?" Carlisle asked, walking around the bed and squatting next to Charlie, but his eyes were locked on Esme.

"Yes . . . no." She laughed. "I don't know." Leaning back, Esme looked down at Bella. "Butterbean, you okay?"

Bella shook her head, because she wasn't okay, and it wasn't just because of her mother, either. She turned and looked up at Charlie, who was still watching her. She pulled herself out of Esme's embrace and onto her knees, placing her hands on the side of Charlie's face again.

"Daddy," Esme said, kneeling next to Bella. Charlie shifted his eyes to her. "Daddy, can you hear me? Nod if you can hear me."

Slowly, almost to the point of being painful, Charlie's head tilted down and then moved back upward.

"Oh, Daddy," Esme cried, leaning up and giving him a hug. His right arm wrapped around her, while his left laid motionless.

"Esme," Carlisle murmured, causing her to look back at him. "Can I . . ." He trailed off as he gestured toward Charlie.

"Oh, yes, of course," she murmured, scooting backward. Once again, Bella attempted to stand up, only to have Charlie grab her arm and keep her next to him. Esme reached around Bella, covering their father's hand with hers. "Daddy, it's okay. This is Carlisle, he's your doctor. We're gonna be right here."

Charlie's eyes shifted from Esme to Bella, over to Carlisle, who had dropped to his knees next to him. He released Bella's arm, but she didn't move.

"Butterbean, come on," Esme whispered, trying to help Bella to her feet, but she shook her head. "Butterbean," she said again.

However, Bella turned and looked at her as she brought her hands up and signed, "I am not leaving him. Call Emmett. Call Rose and Jasper and Alice. They need to be here, but I am not leaving him."

Esme nodded. "Okay, okay. Just be careful with your port. Please?"

This time Bella nodded, and turned back to Charlie, who was watching her with wide eyes. She tried to smile as she reached over and placed her hand on his cheek.

While Esme pulled out her cell phone and stepped out into the hallway to call Emmett, Bella noticed the way Edward stood next to the door, like he wasn't sure whether he should stay or go, or what. He looked at her, giving her a soft smile before pushing off the door frame and walking around the bed, sitting on the edge. His hand came up to his chest, and Bella worried about how much stress he was putting on himself.

"Charlie," Carlisle said, drawing Bella's father attention to him. He pulled out a pen light and held his finger up in front of his face. "Look directly at my finger."

While Carlisle examined Charlie's vision, having him follow his finger as he moved it from side to side and then up and down, Bella knelt next to him, keeping her hand on his face, his shoulder, his arm, any part of him that she could touch. Three years. Three long years of waiting and hoping, praying and wishing, but never having her father look at her, not really. Now, all she wanted was to touch him.

Well, that wasn't all she wanted. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, that she'd missed him. She wanted to tell him about Edward, about her cancer, about how scared and lost she'd felt for three years. But she couldn't. The words were locked inside of her.

"Okay, Charlie, can you say your name?" Carlisle asked.

Charlie's lips parted. "Ch . . . cha . . ." Huffing, he shook his head.

"It's okay. It's been awhile," Carlisle murmured, placing his hand on his Bella's shoulder. "Do you know her? Can you tell me her name?"

Charlie's eyes flittered to her and his lips quivered. "But . . . butter . . . butterbean."

Tears flooded Bella's eyes and spilled down her face as she leaned her head on his knee. In an instant, Charlie's hand was on the back of her head, but then he gasped and pulled his hand back. When she leaned up, she saw strains of her hair wrapped in his hand. His eyes were wide and full of fear. She leaned up and placed her hands on his face while looking at Carlisle or Edward to say something, to make him understand.

"I want to run a few test, okay?" Carlisle asked. Charlie's head bobbed up and down, his eyes still locked on the hair in his hand. "She's sick, Charlie."

He shifted his attention to Carlisle. "Bella, I mean. She's sick. She has cancer."

Charlie's face crumbled and he began to shake his head. "No . . . No . . . No!"

As he writhed in his seat, Bella fell backward, hitting her head against the wall. In a heartbeat, Edward was by her side, on his knees with his arms wrapped around her. "It's okay, baby, it's okay."

"Esme!" Carlisle yelled, and a moment later, Esme was back into the room, her phone still perched against her ear. "Get Kate!"

"Okay," she murmured, her eyes never leaving their father, who was in hysterics. Carlisle had grabbed both his arms and was holding him down, and he had moved so that he was directly in front of him. A moment later, Kate came rushing back into Charlie's room.

"Get Bella and Edward out of there," Carlisle ordered. Bella began to shake her head, but Carlisle said, "I've got him. I promise. I just need you to wait outside. Please, Bella."

Though she didn't want to leave the room, leave her father, she allowed Kate to help her to her feet. Once Edward was standing, he wrapped his arm around her waist and led out of the room. Esme was leaning against the wall, one hand covering her mouth while the other was pressed against her chest. Bella reached out and placed her hand on her sister's shoulders, causing the woman to look over at her.

"Oh, Butterbean," she wailed, drawing her into her embrace. "Can you believe it?"

Bella shook her head because she couldn't believe it. After three years, her father was . . . lucid? Was that the correct term? Was he back to normal, back to being the same Charlie Swan who he had been the second before the fire escape detached from the hotel and plummeted to the ground? Bella knew no matter what Charlie would never be the same. Like she'd never be the same Bella, the same girl she was.

"Butterbean," Esme murmured, and Bella leaned back, looking up at her. "Are you okay?"

She shook her head and brought her hands up in front of her. "No, I am not okay. He's back. I don't know how to feel."

"Yeah, me either," she said, shifting her eyes to Edward. "You need to sit down."

"I'm fine," he lied. Bella knew it, Esme knew it. Hell, even Edward knew it.

"None of us are fine, Edward," Esme quipped, before walking down to the nurses' station. She came back with two rolling chairs and pushed them against the wall outside of Charlie's room. "Both of you sit."

Bella glared at Esme but sat down, feeling the weariness from a long, tiring day. Just an hour ago she had been laying on a table having beams of radiation shot at her throat, and now, her father had come back to her. Bella shifted her eyes back to Esme, and signed, "Phil?"

"I called his office," she murmured. "He was with a patient, so I left a message for him to call me."

Bella nodded and looked over at Edward, who had his head back against the wall. His eyes were closed, but she could tell he wasn't asleep. Reaching over, she wrapped her fingers around his. Edward smiled and lobbed his head to the side, looking right at her.

"Hey," he whispered. She returned his smile and shifted in her chair so that she was facing him. He did the same, placing his hands on her hips. "Big day, huh?"

Bella sighed, nodding.

"You told me about them, but I didn't understand. Not until I saw them. Watching you lying your head on his knee . . . I just . . . I never got it. How much it hurt for you to lose them. My parents are dead, but yours . . . yours were right there, but at the same time, they were not there."

Bella bit her lip and nodded.

The sound of the elevator opening drew their attention down the hallway, and Bella watched as Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice rushed off. Emmett's eyes met hers, and she saw the mixture of fear and hope on his face.

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded, rushing down to them. "Dad's coherent?"

"So it seems," Esme murmured, and then proceeded to tell him, Rose, Jasper, and Alice everything that had happened since they'd stopped by to visit their parents, including Renee's outburst. Edward kept his fingers wrapped around hers, and she knew he was trying to keep her together, to keep her from falling apart. But how could she not? Her father had defeated the odds and had come back to them? Was this a sign? Was this God's way of trying to tell her that she, too, would be a survivor? What were the odds that she'd be able to beat cancer and that Charlie would stay with her? That Renee would become her mother again, that Bella would get everything she ever wanted?

"This is . . ." Emmett shook his head and looked over at Bella. "Butterbean, you okay?"

She cocked an eyebrow at him, causing him to smile.

"Stupid question."

She nodded because it was more than stupid. Nothing in Bella's life was okay, nothing but the man holding her hands, and even if he wasn't okay. Carlisle and Kate walked out of Charlie's room, and Kate said, "Yes, Doctor," before hustling down the hallway to the nurses' desk. Bella watched as she picked up the phone and started to make a phone call.

"Is he okay?" Esme asked, drawing Bella's attention away from Kate.

"He's asleep. He was very agitated, so we had to sedate him," Carlisle explained, dragging his hand through his hair.

"When he wakes up, will he be . . . coherent again?" Emmett asked, and Bella could hear the longing in his words.

"I don't know," Carlisle admitted. "I'm going to run some tests, see if anything has changed since his last round of tests. There were no indications of what caused him to be in a catatonic state. I just . . . I don't know. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Esme murmured, wrapping her arms around him and laying her head on his chest.

Bella stood up and walked over to the doorway, leaning against the frame and watched her father sleeping in his bed. Edward placed one hand on her hip, and a moment later, she felt his lips on the top of her head.

"Butterbean, you should go home," Emmett said, causing everyone to look at him. He was staring at Bella. "You need to rest."

But Bella shook her head and looked back at Charlie.

"Butterbean," Emmett began.

"No," she signed, her hands flying up in front of her. "I have to be here. He needs me here."

"Butterbean," he started again, but clamped his lips together when Edward slammed a hand on the wall.

"She said she's staying," he snarled, looking over at him. "She needs to be here. She needs to be here with him, so just . . . stop and let her."

Bella turned and faced him, placing her hand on his chest. The last thing she needed was for him to hurt because he was defending her. Edward blew out a heavy breath and looked down at her. "I'm okay."

Nodding, Bella turned back to her brother and signed, "I know you don't understand, that you're scared that I can't handle it if he wakes up and isn't lucid again. But I can't leave here without knowing if he's really back or if it was just a fluke. Please, just . . . just don't make this an issue, Emmett. Please?"

"Okay, okay," he said, putting his hands up. "But you need to sit. You're feeling okay right now because you're pumped with adrenalin, the excitement of what if might happen, but you need to rest. So sit your ass down, or I'm calling Phil and having him admit you."

Bella rolled her eyes, but signed, "Fine. Whatever. You're a bully."

"I call it being your brother." Emmett smirked as he grabbed the chair she'd been sitting in and pushed it toward her. "Now sit."

Knowing Emmett wasn't going to stop nagging, she grabbed the chair and pulled it into her father's room, right up next to his bed. As she sat down, she wrapped her fingers around his, and hoped like hell that when he woke up, he wouldn't be lost again. She needed her father.

**Thank you for all the reviews. ****Now, I don't know about you all, but Charlie's breaking my heart here. Will he be coherent when he wakes up?**


	39. Chapter 39

39

Edward stifled a groan as he shifted in his seat. He had been sitting at Charlie's bedside for hours, waiting for the sedative Carlisle had given him to wear off, waiting for some sign of what was to come, and his body was feeling it. He was sore and his chest ached, though he did his best to hide it. Bella needed to be here for her father, and he understood more than anyone just how much she wanted this chance to be with him. Edward would give up almost anything to have just one more heartbeat with his mom and dad — anything but Bella.

"Here." Edward looked behind him at Emmett, who was holding out a cup of coffee. "You look like you need it."

"Thanks," he said, taking the cup. "I'm supposed to be cutting out the caffeine. Bad for the heart, but I can't seem to give up coffee."

"I like to think of coffee as being my crack." Emmett laughed, setting in the chair on the other side of Charlie's bed.

Carlisle, Rose, Jasper, and Alice had gone out to grab everyone something to eat, giving Edward a look that said not to argue. Esme had convinced Bella to lay down on the cot that Carlisle ordered for her. Her treatments had made it hard for her to keep her eyes open, and when she dozed off for the eighth time, Esme put her foot down and told her that if she wanted to stay, she needed to take a nap. Bella huffed, and signed something that Edward suspected was full of curse words, but she laid down and within minutes she was asleep.

"It'll break her if he doesn't wake up again," Emmett said, causing Edward to look over at him again. "One moment of coherency won't be enough for Bella. It'll break her for good to lose him again. She's always been a daddy's girl. Losing him the way we did from the fall made dealing with the cancer harder, I think."

"Do you think he won't wake back up?" Edward asked.

Emmett shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. They've never been able to explain why he never truly recovered from the accident. Said that sometimes with patients like my dad, they lock themselves away to deal with the trauma, and they can't seem to find their way out. The longer he was like that, locked inside of himself, the less likely he'd be able to recover. And as the days turned into weeks, and then into months, and years, we just . . . we gave up. We stopped visiting as much because it was hard, and not just on Bella, either." Emmett dragged his hand over his mouth. "He's my father, Edward. He taught me how to be a man, taught me how important it is to love a women with my whole being, and to be a good friend. He's . . . he's the best man I've ever known."

"I know," he murmured.

"I'm sure I sound like a baby," he grumbled. "It could have been worse, I guess. They could have died that night."

"I don't know," Edward said, causing Emmett to look over at him. "Death is . . . there's not a good word to describe how horrible it is when your parents died, especially when you need them so much. But to see him like this, for him to be here but not really be here, to watch your mom call Bella such horrid names . . . I guess, I wonder if death would have been easier. You'd cry, you'd get angry, you'd grieve, but you'd also learn to put a smile on your face and fake it. Or you'd try to at least. But when they're here, a fingertip away but not really here, it's like God's taunting you, dangling what you want the most in the world in front of you just to keep pulling it away when you reach for it."

"Do you believe in God, Edward?" Emmett asked. "That there's a higher power watching over us, guiding our lives?"

Edward inhaled a sharp breath. "I don't know. My mom believed in Him. She always said that God was watching out for me, protecting me from the Angel of Death, but I don't know that I believe in a God that would give me a bad heart, one that was never strong enough to be a normal kid, then torments me by killing my parents and giving me my mother's heart. God's not supposed to be the monster that I fear, right?"

"No, I guess not, but I'd like to believe that God, or whoever, is out there brought our families together. Maybe it's silly of me, but I've watched my sisters falling in love, being happy for the first time in three years, and for the first time in . . . well, my entire life, I guess, I don't feel like I need to be there all the time. I trust you and Carlisle, Edward."

"I'd die for her, Emmett," I told him. "Give my last breath to keep her safe."

"I know. I just hope you never have to."

Edward and Emmett fell into a comfortable silence as they sat on either side of Charlie's bed and watched him sleep. Carlisle, Rose, Jasper, and Alice arrived five minutes later with several bags of Chinese. Though Edward tried to eat, he was too tired, too worried, just too overwhelmed with life and everything that had been thrown at them. His father-in-law, a man he'd only heard about in the form of childhood memories from Bella, had somehow pulled himself out of a nearly comatose state. What would happen when he learned that Edward and Bella were married? Would he accept Edward as his son-in-law, or Bella have to choose between them? And if she did, would she choose him over that father she'd been missing so desperately?

Edward wasn't sure how long they'd been sitting there — at least five hours — when Charlie began to stir. Carlisle had taken advantage of his sedated state and ran an MRI and CAT scan, hoping to get some idea why Charlie Swan suddenly and unexpectedly regain control of his senses. Charlie's grunts and groans woke Bella, who was immediately on her feet and by his side. Charlie lobbed his head to the side, reaching a shaky hand out to her, almost begging her to take it. She wrapped her fingers around his, bringing his hand up to her lips. Edward could see the tears swimming in her eyes, the desperate need to be close to him, to talk to him. Placing his hands on her hips, he pulled Bella onto his lap so that she could sit while holding on to him.

She shifted her eyes to Edward, giving him a grateful smile, which drew Charlie's attention to him.

"Dad," Emmett said, drawing Charlie's attention to him. Rose had moved so that she was standing behind her husband, her hands resting on her shoulders. He reached out and took hold of Charlie's other hand. "Dad, it's me. Emmett."

Charlie smiled and nodded. "I know, son, I know."

"I've missed you, Dad," Emmett cried, bringing his father's to his chest.

"Me, too," he murmured. He looked at Rose. "Hey, honey."

"Hey, Charlie," she whispered. "You look good."

Charlie scoffed and shook his hand. "No, you look good. You look happy."

"We are. Mostly, at least," she replied.

Charlie nodded and looked over at Jasper, who was standing next to a very nervous looking Alice. "Jasper. Look at you. You've grown at least two feet."

Jasper smiled. "Nah, just standing a little taller these days."

Charlie chuckled softly. "Who's your friend?"

"Oh, um, this is Alice. She's my . . . Well, she's my girlfriend," he mumbled.

Shifting his attention to Alice, Charlie tilted his head toward her. "It's nice to meet you, Alice."

"You, too," she whispered so softly, Edward could barely hear her. Knowing she would have a hard time with the attention, with the scars that marred her body, Edward worried about how she would react to meeting Bella's father, but when Jasper slid his hand up to the back of her neck, Edward saw the way she relaxed. In that moment, he was glad his sister had found Jasper, that she'd given him a second chance.

"Charlie, do you remember who I am?" Carlisle asked, stepping up to the bottom of the bed.

Charlie shifted his eyes to him and nodded. "Dr. Cullen."

"Yeah. I'm also Alice and Edward's brother," Carlisle said, gesturing to Edward.

Charlie's eyes traveled to him and then to Bella, who was perched up on his lap. "You're Edward?"

"Yes, sir," Edward said, quietly. "Bella's told me so much about you."

"Yeah?" he asked, looking at his daughter. "Butterbean."

Bella bit her lip as she raised her hand and waved. Charlie frowned, causing her to sigh. She shifted her eyes to Emmett as she began to sign. Charlie's eyes widened as he watched her communicating with her brother.

"What the hell is going on?" Charlie demanded, attempting to push himself up in the bed, but his arms were too weak to hold him up.

"Calm down, Dad," Emmett told him, standing up and placing his hand on his father's shoulder.

"Tell me why Butterbean isn't speaking!" Charlie snarled.

Bella cringed away from him, turning and wrapping her arms around Edward, who held her as tight as he could. "It's okay. He just doesn't know yet."

"Know what?" Charlie asked, causing everyone to look at him. "Someone had better start talking!"

"Okay, just calm down, Daddy," Esme said, walking around the bed so that she was standing next to Bella. With a sigh, she turned to Bella. "Butterbean, we have to tell him."

She shook her head, but gave up with a wave of her hand.

Esme placed her hand on Bella's back as she turned back to Charlie. "God, I don't even know how to begin," she murmured. "After the fire, after you and Momma fell, Butterbean and Jasper were taken to the hospital to be examined. And, um, the doctors found . . . Well, they found a . . . a mass in her throat."

Charlie's eyes flew open and he looked right at Bella. "A tumor?"

Bella nodded.

"Jesus Christ," he muttered. "It was cancer?"

Once more, Bella nodded.

"They were able to remove most of the tumor surgically, but because of where it was placed, Butterbean lost her voice," Esme went on to explain. "That was three years ago, but Phil said there's an implant that we could try."

Charlie nodded and looked at Carlisle. "You said she's sick. When . . . when her hair was in my hand, you said she's sick."

"She is," Carlisle replied. "About a month and half ago, they found another tumor. The cancer returned. She's been undergoing radiation and chemotherapy, which is why she's losing her hair."

"Butterbean," he whispered, shaking his head.

Bella slid off Edward's lap and sat on the side of Charlie's bed, taking his hand in hers again. He lifted his eyes to her. She smiled and brought his hand up to her face, placing his palm against her cheek. Edward watched as the tears she'd been fighting fell freely, landing on Charlie's fingers and sliding down the back of his hand.

"I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," Charlie cried. "I could hear you, I could see you, but . . . I couldn't do anything. It was . . . I was . . ." He trailed off as he shook his head.

"You were aware of who was around you?" Carlisle asked, drawing his attention.

Charlie nodded. "It was being underwater. I could hear people talking to me; I could make out their features, but I couldn't say or do anything."

"Until this morning," Carlisle said. "What changed this morning?"

"I don't know. It was just different."

Carlisle nodded, but didn't say anything else.

Kate stepped into the room and cleared her throat, causing everyone to look over at her. "I'm sorry to interrupt, but visiting hours are over."

Bella shook her head, tightening her hold on Charlie's hand.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but you can't stay," Kate replied, shifting her eyes to Edward.

Taking a deep breath, he stood up and placed his hand on Bella's back, drawing her attention to him. "We have to go home. We'll come back tomorrow after your appointment." Bella's lips trembled, and Edward hated that he was making her sad. He brought his hand up to her cheek. "I promise," he whispered. "We'll come back tomorrow. First thing in the morning."

Another tear traveled down her face as she nodded and looked back at Charlie. Her mouth opened, yet nothing came out. Sighing, she kissed the palm of his hand before sliding off the bed.

"I'm gonna stay for a while," Carlisle said, looking at Esme. "You can take my car, get them back to the house. I'll catch a cab or something."

Esme nodded and walked around the bed, leaning up on her toes and kissing him. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied, shifting his eyes to Edward. "Don't forget your meds."

"I won't," he muttered, feeling Charlie's eyes drift to him. "I'll take care of Bella tonight, sir. I promise."

"Make sure that you do," Charlie told him before he looked at Bella. "I love you, Butterbean."

Bella smiled and brought her arms up in front of her chest, crossing them before pointing to him.

"You love me, too?" he asked, and she nodded. "I'll remember that one."

Once everyone had bid him goodnight, except for Carlisle, Edward wrapped his arm around Bella's waist and led her down to the elevator. The ride back to the house was eerily quiet, almost like nobody was sure what to say or do. One might Charlie Swan was a void of a man, and the next, he was talking to them like three years hadn't passed by.

—SW—

Edward sat on the bed and watched as Bella changed into her pajamas. "I'm worried about you."

Bella frowned as she adjusted her feeding tube so that it wouldn't get pinched before she walked over and climbed onto the bed so that she was facing him. Reaching out, she took hold of his hand, bringing it to her lips and kissing her palm.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

Bella nodded and brought her hand up placing her fingers so they were almost touching, but not quit.

"A little tired?" he asked, smiling when she nodded again. "You want to sleep?"

Giving him a coy smile, she shook her head.

Edward narrowed his eyes at her. "What do you want to do?"

She shrugged her shoulders before reaching over and picking up her cell phone from her nightstand. Her fingers flew across the keypad before she held the phone out to him. Edward took it from her, reading her message out loud. "I can't stop thinking about my dad. I've wanted to be able to sit with him like that, to hear him call me butterbean so many times. I just can't help but worried that he's not to be here tomorrow, or the next day. I can't lose him again." Edward paused and looked up at her. "I can't imagine how that must feel."

Bella frowned.

"I just . . . My mom, before she died, used to sit next to my bed, and she'd place her hand over my heart, and . . ." Edward paused, blinking back the tears that burned his eyes. "She'd, um, she'd say a prayer, asking God to give her a little more time to find my heart. And when she died, I was so angry, so . . . fucking bitter that I cursed God. I needed someone other than myself to blame. I watched you with your dad today, and I was jealous, Bella." He brought her hand up to his lips. "Do you think she knew how much I loved her? Before she died, I mean. Do you think she knew? Or my dad?"

Bella slipped her hand out of his and placed it on his cheek, tilting his head back and nodding.

Edward reached over and placed his hand on the back of her head, nestling her against him. "I really hope you get your dad back, Bella. You deserve to get another chance with him."

Closing his eyes, he held her against his chest, and tried to stifle the envy that filled him.

**Thank you for all the reviews.**


	40. Chapter 40

40

Bella slipped out of bed early the next morning and walked quietly into the bathroom. She hadn't been able to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw her father before her, begging her to speak to him, begging her to be his little butterbean again. And she wanted to be that little girl, to curl up in his lap and let him take all the pain away. But she couldn't. Bella wasn't a little girl anymore, and her father couldn't kiss her throat and make the cancer go away.

Standing in front of the mirror, she stared at her reflection, shocked by the person staring back at her. Her eyes were dark and gaunt, her skin pale, but it was her hair that caught her attention the most. She brought her hand up to her head and dragged her fingers through her long, dark locks, barely able to keep the tears from falling as she found her hand covered with hair.

She'd known since Phil told her that the cancer was back, that she'd have to undergo chemotherapy as well as radiation, that the day would come when she lost her hair, but she still wasn't prepared for the shock of seeing it for herself. Placing her hand on the counter, she leaned forward and tried to keep her tears from falling, but failed miserably. She was about to walk out of the bathroom when she saw a pair of scissors behind the box of tissues. Bella reached over and picked them up, laying them flat in the palm of her hand.

Then, she took a deep breath and looked up at herself in the mirror, grabbed a lock of her hair and cut it off, getting as close to her skull as she could. Over and over, she cut her hair, sobbing silently as the strands fell to the floor, landing on her feet. It wasn't until she tried to get a large patch in the back that she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked over to see Edward standing there.

"Need help?" he asked.

Biting her lip, she nodded and held the scissors out to him. Edward stepped up behind her and took the scissors, and then keeping his eyes locked on hers through the mirror, he began cutting her hair.

"Maybe we should paint your head," he suggested. "Put some eyes on the back, and then you can tell Emmett that you've got eyes on the back of your head."

Bella smiled, but shook her head.

"Don't like that idea?" he asked. "Hmm, okay. How about a giant butterfly. Purple, pink, orange, and green. It can cover your entire head."

Bella grimaced as he continued to cut the rest of her hair.

"You're that picky, huh?"

Smiling, Bella nodded.

"Okay, okay. I'll keep thinking on it." Placing the scissors on the counter first, he reached into the medicine cabinet and pulled out a can of shaving cream and a razor. "Do you trust me?"

Bella didn't hesitate as she nodded, something that made him smile. Edward grabbed a washcloth and wet it before wiping it over Bella's head, laughing when she shivered from the cool water. Then, picking up the can of shaving cream, he squirted a large amount into the palm of his hand.

"Maybe," he started as he began to spread the cream over her head, "I should shave mine, too."

Bella cocked her eyebrow.

"You know, show my support," he explained.

She frowned and shook her head.

Edward washed off his hands before picking up the razor. Then, placing his hand on her shoulder, he carefully shaved the first strip of hair off her head. "I will, if you want me to. I'd do anything for you."

Bella sighed as she turned and faced him. She placed her hands on either side of her his face, and once again, shook her head.

"Thank God," he muttered. "I wouldn't look good bald."

Bella smiled and nodded.

"Glad you think so," he snickered as he turned her back toward the mirror.

For the next several minutes, they stood in silence as he shaved her remaining hair off. Once her head was smooth and soft, he rinsed the razor and placed it onto the counter. He wrapped his arms around her as they stared at her.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, kissing the side of her neck.

She brought her hand up to the back of his head, silently thanking him for taking care of her, for always taking care of her.

"If we hurry, we might be able to stop by and see your dad before your appointment," he murmured. "Would you like that?"

Tears once again flooded her eyes as she nodded, because as selfish as it was, she needed to see her father again, to see for herself that he really was okay.

—SW—

Half an hour later, Edward and Bella had showered and were sitting in the kitchen while Edward ate breakfast, and Bella watched with envy. The radiation made her throat hurt too much to eat, so she got her nutrients in the form of a feeding tube that had been placed through her side and into her stomach. While the chemo made her nauseous, watching Edward eat oatmeal made her miss being normal. Or as normal as she could be, at least.

"You're doing it again," he said before scooping a spoonful of oatmeal into his mouth and smiling. "Every time I take a bite, you open your mouth."

Bella frowned and shook her head.

"When you're better, once you've had that implant and everything is normal for us, I'm going to make you everything you haven't been able to eat. Make a list, and I'll cook it for you."

Bella smiled and reached over, placing her hand on his chest, right over his heart.

"I'm okay," he murmured, covering her hand with his. "A little sore, but it's the best I've felt in a long time."

With a tilt of her head, Bella tried to show how happy that made her. She'd been so worried about him. He'd struggled over the last couple of weeks with her health, about not being able to be the man he thought she needed. It was silly, of course. Edward was everything she needed: kind, compassionate, gentle, yet he didn't treat her like she was fragile. Every day her love for him grew, and every day, she hoped that her treatments would eradiate her cancer, and the implant would work because she wanted to be able to tell him how much she loved him, how much his love meant to her.

"Good morning," Esme said, greeting the two of them. She poured herself a cup of coffee before sitting across from Bella. Her eyes traveled up to the beanie Bella had put on after her shower that morning. "Are you okay?"

Sighing, Bella nodded and brought her hands up in front of her. "As good I can be considering. Figured there was no point in torturing myself by watching it fall out slowly. Plus, Edward's planning on painting my head."

After Esme translated what she'd said, she laughed and looked at him. "What are you planning?"

"Haven't decided yet," he replied. "Any suggestions?"

"Hmm," she hummed, cradling her cup against her chest as she leaned back in her seat. "A cat. Or a puppy."

Bella slammed her hand on the table and shook her head.

"Oh, come on, Butterbean!" Esme exclaimed. "You're still not scared of dogs and cats, are you?"

She nodded.

"What?" Edward laughed and when she looked at him, he asked, "You're scared of dogs and cats?"

Bella brought her hands up and said, "When I was little, we had a cat. He was old, and when I was five, he attacked me. It turned out that he was sick, and had started to go blind, which is why he attacked me. Or so they told me. I think it was just crazy. My dad thought that instead of a cat, we should get a dog. But he didn't want a nice, little dog. No, he wanted a big, slobbering dog. He came home one day with a Great Dane that kept crapping everywhere, including on my bed!"

Edward fell back in his seat and laughed so hard that Bella worried that he'd hurt himself. "Oh, my God. That's . . . that's priceless!"

"So glad you think it's funny," she signed, waiting as Esme told him what she said.

"Sorry, love, but it's hilarious," he told her and reached over and took hold of her hand. "We never had any pets."

"Never?" Esme asked, speaking for both her and Bella.

He shook his head. "My mom and dad were always too worried that a dog would be too rough and I'd get hurt, and mom was allergic to cats. Plus, with me being in the hospital so much, nobody was there to take care of a dog. I always wanted one, though," he murmured.

An awkward silence filled the kitchen. After a couple more minutes, Esme cleared her throat. "Well, we should go. I want to stop and see Daddy first."

Bella nodded her agreement before looking over at Edward and tilting her head toward the door.

"Yeah, I'm ready," he murmured, and she heard the nerves in his voice. She wished she could take them away, assure him that Charlie wasn't a bastard, but she wasn't sure how her father was going to be. He wasn't supposed to be able to talk to them like this.

Ten minutes later, Esme dropped Bella and Edward off at the front doors. They waited for her inside, and Bella cringed when she noticed people staring at her. Didn't they have anything better to do than gawk at the bald freak?

"Ugh, it's getting cold," Esme muttered as she rushed inside. She stopped next to Bella and ran her fingers through her hair. Suddenly, she paused and let her hand fall to her side. "Goddamn it," she swore, and dug her phone out of her pocket. Bella was confused what had set her off until she spotted Mr. Greene sitting in the small sitting area on the other side of the lobby. "Em, he's here . . . Liam is here at the hospital . . . I know . . . I know, Em, just call Sam, and tell him to fucking hurry and get the restraining order."

Bella reached over and wrapped her fingers around Esme's hand, causing her sister to look at her. With a heavy huff, Esme shook her head. "I've gotta go. Butterbean, Edward, and I are going to stop in and see Dad. Em, just . . . tell Sam that I'm scared, okay? Please?"

Esme nodded to whatever Emmett had told her before saying, "Okay, I'll call you back in a bit . . . Love you, too." Ending the call, Esme blew out a gust of air and looked over at Bella. "Let's go see Dad, Butterbean."

Bella pulled on Esme's hand and tilted her head toward Mr. Greene, who'd stood up and was staring at them.

"I know," she whispered. "We're handling it. I promise."

Though Bella knew Esme meant every word that spilled out of her mouth, the facts were clear. Liam Greene was obsessed with her, had made his intentions clear, and that terrified her. As Bella, Edward, and Esme walked over to the elevator, Bella couldn't stop herself from looking back at him, finding him watching Esme. Mr. Greene shifted his eyes to Bella and a smirk curved the corner of his lips.

"Come on, Butterbean," Esme murmured, placing her hand on her back and nudging her forward.

When they stepped off on the fifth floor and made their way to the long-term ward, Bella spotted Carlisle standing in front of Renee, his hands wrapped around her arms as she fought against him and Kate, who was trying to calm her down, as well.

"I want Charlie!" Renee screeched, and Bella watched in horror as she broke through Carlisle's hold on her and slapped him, her nails digging into his skin. Tears flooded Bella's eyes. Her mother had been turned into a monster. "CHARLIE! You'd better not be with that little whore again! CHARLIE!"

"Come on, Butterbean," Esme said, wrapping her arm around Bella and trying to lead her away, but Bella pulled herself away from her sister and shook her head. "Butterbean."

"No," she signed, angrily.

Though she was terrified, Bella found herself walking toward Carlisle, Renee, and Kate. Carlisle and Kate looked over at her just as she brought her hand up and placed it on Renee's shoulder, causing her to look over her shoulder.

"Slut," she spat, trying to free herself from the hands grabbing her. "Don't fucking touch me, you little bitch!"

Tears sprinkled down Bella's cheeks as she wrapped her arms around Renee, laying her head on the woman's back.

"Don't touch me!" Renee screamed, but Bella held on tighter.

"Bella, stop," Carlisle said, shifting and trying to put himself between them, but she refused.

"Carlisle, let her," Edward told him. "She can calm her."

Bella kept her arms wrapped around Renee, but placed her palm on Renee's chest, right over her heart. At first, Renee fought her, tried everything she could to push her away, to free herself, but then, she just stopped. Bella and Renee sunk to the floor, and as Bella held her, Renee began to weep.

"Sedate her," Carlisle murmured, kneeling next to them. "I want a full panel of tests ran on her today."

"Yes, Dr. Cullen," Kate said, before she injected Renee with a sedative. Less than a minute later, Renee was asleep, so Kate and two orderlies lifted her onto a gurney and sent her down for the first of numerous tests.

Carlisle reached out and helped Bella to her feet. "Are you okay?"

She nodded, and brought her hands up in front of her. "Why are you running the tests?"

Once Esme had told him and Edward what she said, Carlisle sighed and turned his attention back to Bella. "I couldn't save my mom, Bella, but maybe I can bring yours back."

Bella placed her hand on his cheek, wishing she could ease the guilt that he felt.

"Don't worry about me, Bella," he said, smiling. "I'm okay."

She nodded, and turned to Esme, knowing that her sister was largely responsible for the sudden shift in his mood. Bringing her hands up, she began to sign. "How's my dad?"

A dark look crossed Carlisle's face, and Bella became afraid of what he was going to say. "The tests show a mass. It's not very big, barely the size of a pea, but because of where it's located, it's not operable. There's nothing we can do."

"Is it malignant?" Esme asked, walking over and placing her hand on Bella's shoulder.

He hesitated, and Bella already knew the answer. "Yes."

Exhaling sharply, Bella signed. "Is he going to die?"

Carlisle shifted his eyes to hers as Esme interpreted for her. "Yes."

Bella stumbled away from him, and looked over at Edward. Immediately, he was at her side, holding her as tightly as he could. She'd just gotten her father back, and now, he was being ripped away from her again.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Yes, yes, I know. I'm evil and cruel. **


	41. Chapter 41

41

Once again, Edward felt helpless as he stood holding his wife and tried to soothe away the fresh round of pain that filled her. Her father was dying, and there was nothing anyone could do to save him. Hadn't she suffered enough? Charlie had just come back to her, and now he was being ripped away again.

"How long?" Esme cried. "How long does he have?"

"A few days, maybe a few weeks. It's impossible to know for certain, but probably not more than a month," Carlisle mumbled. "I'm sorry."

Esme brought her hand up to her mouth, trying hard to keep from falling apart, but Edward could tell that she was struggling. "I don't . . ."

Bella took a step backward, pulling herself out of his embrace and turned to her sister. Her hands came up flying in front of her as she signed. Esme's face crumbled as she translated what Bella was saying, "No. No, this isn't fair! There has to be someone, somewhere who can operate, who can remove the tumor!"

"Bella . . ." Carlisle trailed off and shook his head. "I've never heard of anyone attempting this type of removal. The tumor is located in the middle of his brain. To get to it, they'd have to cut his brain in half, and . . ." He shook his head again. "I'm sorry. I'm just so sorry."

However, Bella stomped her foot and started signing again. "Five percent. Five perfect is all they gave him to wake up, and look, he's awake. Please, Carlisle, don't give up on him." Esme interperated for her before turning to face Carlisle herself. "It's worth searching, right? I mean, there are a lot of doctors in the country. Hell, the world! Surely, there is one out there that would take the chance."

"I don't know," he fretted.

Bella clasp her hands together and stomped her foot again.

"Fine," he groused. "I'll make some calls. See if . . . if there is someone, but don't get your hopes up."

Bella pulled her hands apart and signed, "Hope is all we have."

Carlisle simply nodded once Esme had told them what she'd said. Bella turned back to Edward. Placing her hand over his heart, she tilted her head toward Charlie's room. Edward covered her hand with his own and nodded. "Let's go see him."

Weaving his fingers in with hers, Edward and Bella left Carlisle and Esme standing at the nurses' desk and walked over to Charlie's room. Bella knocked timidly on the door, only pushing it open when she heard her father say, "Come in."

With a smile on her face, she walked over to his bed and took hold of her hand. Charlie wrapped his fingers around hers, but his eyes shifted to him. "You're Edward, right?"

"Yes, sir," he replied.

"You're Carlisle's brother?"

"Yes," he said.

Charlie nodded and shifted his eyes to Bella. "Are you okay, Butterbean? You look tired."

Bella shook her head, and Edward understood why: nothing was okay. She was sick, Edward was still struggling to recover from his last surgery, Esme was being stalked, and now, Charlie was dying. Nothing was okay, and Edward had a bad feeling, things were only going to get worse for them.

"You shaved your head," Charlie said.

Bella smiled and tilted her head toward Edward.

Charlie looked at him again. "You did it?"

"I helped."

"I see," he said, quietly, and turned his attention back to Bella. "You're so beautiful."

Bella smiled, but shook her head.

"No, you are. You look just like Mom," he insisted, and when Bella turned away and frowned, Charlie sighed. "She's different now, isn't she?"

Bella nodded.

"She's hurt you?" Charlie asked, and when Bella looked back at him, he groaned. "I hoped it was a dream."

Bella shook her head. The door to Charlie's room opened once again and Esme and Carlisle walked in. Her eyes were red and puffy, making it clear that she'd been crying. This, of course, was something that Charlie noticed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Esme lied.

"You've been crying," he said, trying to push himself up in his bed, but his left arm seemed to be useless.

Esme sighed, but didn't say anything. Charlie huffed. "Esme Renee Swan, spill it!"

"Really, Dad? Bringing out the middle name?" she scoffed.

"I wouldn't have to if you weren't so damn stubborn, just like your mother," Charlie chuckled.

"Oh, Charlie, you shouldn't be calling anyone stubborn." Everyone looked at the doorway, where Phil stood with his arms crossed in front of him and a smile on his face. "Or should I tell them about the incident when we were fifteen?"

"Um, no," Charlie laughed. "Hey, Phil."

"Hey." Phil pushed off the doorframe and walked around the bed so that he was standing on Charlie's left side. He reached out and placed his hand on the man's shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"Confused," he admitted. "I have a headache that doesn't seem to want to go away, and kind of feels as if I'm underwater. Just very . . . sluggish."

"Pretty normal all things considered," Phil stated.

Charlie nodded and looked over at Bella. "Are you treating her?"

"Of course," Phil scoffed. "Like I would leave your little girl in the hands of someone else."

"So tell me how serious is it?" Charlie asked. "And don't hold back. I can handle it."

Phil paused for a moment before he pulled his hand off Charlie's shoulder and folded his arms in front of him. "Squamous Cell Carcinoma. Generally, this type of cancer is found in people over fifty, but like any disease there are exceptions, and Bella is certainly one. The first tumor was the size of one of those little bouncy balls. It's a slow growing tumor, which means she probably had it for at least three-five years before we found it. I was able to get ninety percent of it surgically, and then the rest through radiation therapy. I've been monitoring her every six months for the last three years because of the uniqueness of her case. She's young, she not a smoker, never been around one. The odds are only one in a three-hundred thousand that she'd develop one tumor, much less two."

Phil shifted his hands to his hips. "When I saw Bella almost six months ago, I talked with her about attempting a new procedure that could return her voice. It's a silicon implant that would be attached to the severed cords and give her the ability to speak, but she was hesitate, and I respected that she needed more time so I didn't push her, Charlie. She'd been through too much for me to add that kind of pressure on her. At the time, all of her tests came back normal; there were no signs of a tumor. But then, she came to me about a month ago and said she wanted to move forward with the implant. I ran a few a tests, and that's when I found the new mass. It's not as big as the first one, this one is closer to the size of a small marble, but because of where it's placed, it's highly aggressive. Bella started radiation and chemotherapy a couple weeks ago, and she has at least two more weeks left."

"And then what happens?" Charlie asked.

"We reevaluate. Run a new batch of tests, see if the tumor has been shrunk. If it has, then we might be able to remove the rest surgically while placing the implant, but if not . . ." Phil shook his head.

"If not what?" Charlie pressed.

"She'd have to undergo more treatments, and . . ." Phil sat on the side of Charlie's bed. "It would be very hard on her, Charlie. Both physically and emotionally. She's been through a lot, more than most girls her age, and it hasn't been easy for her. For any of them."

Charlie blew out a heavy breath. "Are you saying that if her current treatments don't work, she'll die?"

"I'm saying that the odds decrease with every setback," he replied.

Charlie nodded and pressed his head into his pillow as he closed his eyes. Edward worried about how the stress of hearing about his daughter's health problems would make his own condition worse, but even more than he worried about Charlie, he worried about Bella. Losing her father would be devastating to her.

Bella clapped her hands together, drawing Charlie's attention to her. Her hands began to fly in front of her and Esme was kind enough to translate for them. "She says she's a fighter and strong and she's not giving up now. And . . ." Esme paused for a moment. "And neither can you. She says Swan's aren't quitters, so it's time to fight."

Charlie smiled. "Yeah, we are, Butterbean."

Bella slid off the bed and leaned over, giving her father a hug and a kiss on his forehead. She turned and reached for Edward's hand, and he immediately wrapped his fingers around hers. Then, she looked at Phil, tilted her head toward the door.

"I'm coming, sweetheart," Phil said, softly before looking back at Charlie. "Time for radiation, and then she has chemo."

"Oh," Charlie frowned and looked back at Edward. "You'll be with her?"

"I'm not leaving her, sir," he said, sliding his arm around her waist.

Charlie's eyes shifted down to his hand before he looked over at Bella. "You love him, Butterbean, don't you?"

Bella nodded and looked back at Charlie and held up her left hand, showing him the gold band on her left ring finger. Charlie's eyes widened and he attempted to sit up, but Esme placed her hands on his shoulders and pushed him back. "Butterbean, get to your appointment, I'll explain."

With a sigh, Bella agreed and she slipped her hand in with Edward's, giving it a gentle tug. As they made their way down to the elevator, Edward once again stifled the jealousy that filled him.

—SW—

Once again, Edward found himself holding Bella while she wept. Only this time, it was the combination of radiation and chemotherapy that had her sobbing. They'd arrived back at home just an hour ago, and Bella immediately found refuge inside the bathroom. While she struggled to hold onto her dignity, he'd spread blankets and pillows on the floor and struggled to keep her from falling apart.

Suddenly, Bella lurched forward, gripping the sides of the toilet and convulsed as she gagged. She'd long ridden her stomach of any nutrients her feeding tube offered.

"It's okay," Edward insisted, though even he didn't buy the bullshit he said. He reached for a wash cloth and laid it across the back of her neck. "Better?"

Bella shook her head before she leaned back against him, letting her head fall back onto his shoulder. Edward turned and pressed his lips against the side of her head. "I love you."

Bringing her hand up, she placed it on Edward's cheek, giving it a soft pat. Placing his hands on her hips, he pulled her against him as he shifted his lips down to her cheek, then down her neck, letting them rest on her shoulder. Bella covered his hands with hers, nudging them to come around to her stomach, which he eagerly allowed. But then, Bella nudged his hands to move downward.

Gasping, Edward barely lifted his lips from her shoulder. "Are you sure?"

Bella nodded, and when she shifted her hips back into him, Edward moaned. His body responded to her, to the feel of his wife pressed against him, and he found himself hardening.

"Bella," he groaned.

She shifted so that she was facing him with one knee on either side of his legs. She placed one hand on his cheek while leading his other hand inside the plaid pajama pants she'd put on when they got him. Her eyes widened when Edward's fingers pushed through her wet folds and slipped inside of her.

"Bella," he whispered, rubbing and touching her.

She bit her lip as she moved her hand from his and placed it on his chest. Keeping her eyes locked on his, she slid her hand down his chest, into the waistband of his pajama pants and boxers. His breath caught in his chest for a split second before he exhaled roughly.

"Oh, fuck, Bella," he groaned as her fingers wrapped around his rapidly hardening length.

As they touched each other, their eyes never left each other's and their breathing became heavy. Bella was shifting her hips back and forth, riding Edward's fingers as they stroked her inner walls, her hands sliding up and down his cock in perfect unison.

"I can't," Edward stammered. "I'm not going last much longer."

Bella leaned her forehead against his, the hand that had been resting on his cheek slid around to the back of his head and her fingers tangled in his hair. Edward felt her pussy quiver around his fingers as she came. Her mouth formed an "o" and her eyes closed. Edward grunted as his balls tightened and he came on her fingers.

"Oh, shit," he groaned, riding out the last of his orgasm. Bella slipped her hand out of his hand, examining the semen on her hand. She brought it up to her nose and smelled it, cringing. Edward laughed. "Gross, right?"

Bella nodded and slid off his lap and turned on the water in the bathtub and washed her hand off. Edward grabbed her hips and pulled her back onto his lap. "Thank you," he whispered.

She turned and looked at him, cocking an eyebrow.

"That was the first time a girl's touched me," he mumbled, his cheeks turning bright red. Bella smiled and placed her hand on his chest, right over his heart. "I love you, Bella."

She mouthed, "I love you, too."

**Thank you for all the reviews. So, I'm not entirely heartless, am I? Charlie **_**might**_** live . . .**


	42. Chapter 42

42

Bella felt anxious. Today, after four weeks of grueling, nightmarish radiation and chemotherapy treatments, she would be undergoing another full round of tests to see if the tumor was gone, or if she was still dying of cancer.

"Hey." Bella looked toward the front door, unsurprised to see Jasper standing there. Since he and Alice didn't have school for the next three days due to the Thanksgiving tomorrow, he'd come over first thing to see Alice. He blushed and muttered about it not being a big deal, but Bella thought it was sweet that he had a hard time being away from her. She was his world, and Bella wanted him to be happy. "You okay?"

Bella shook her head. She wasn't okay. She was scared to death. Four weeks, twenty-eight days, and so many things had changed. Charlie was conscience, but he was dying. Phil had been searching all over the country for a surgeon willing to attempt to remove the tumor sitting in the middle of his brain. With each day that passed, Bella found herself terrified every time the phone rang, every time they stepped off the elevator at the hospital, afraid that Phil or Kate would tell her Charlie was dead. She'd lost him once; she couldn't survive losing him again.

She and Edward were married, and though they hadn't made love yet, they'd done a lot of touching. Bella was scared to have sex with her husband. Not just because she knew as a virgin having him inside of her would hurt, but that his heart couldn't take the stain of being with her. Edward grew stronger every day, but she saw the way he rubbed the scar on his chest. If she hurt him, she'd never forgive herself.

"Liar," he laughed, pushing away from the doorjamb and walking over to her. He sat down on the front step next to her, nudging her with his shoulder. "Haven't talked to you much lately."

Bella frowned.

"I didn't mean that as a bad thing," he clarified, causing her to cock an eyebrow. "I've just missed you."

Bella smiled and brought her hands up in front of her. "I miss you, too, Jas." She paused, before adding, "Are you happy?"

"For the most part," he said, and when she placed her hand on his arm, he reached over and covered it. "Feels like life is passing by, and I'm just kind of standing there like an idiot. I get up every morning, go to school, come home, go to bed — it's the same bullshit every day." He shook his head. "Except for Alice. She's the only bright spot in my day."

Bella scoffed and pulled her hand out of his, though when he looked at her, she was smiling.

"You know I love you, Bella, but she's . . ." He trailed off and shifted so that he was facing her. "How'd you know that what you feel for Edward is love?"

Bella blew out a heavy breath as she brought her hands up. "I don't know. He made living easier. I smiled more, felt like I had a reason to be happy."

"Oh." Jasper shifted his eyes from hers. "Did it scare you?"

Bella placed her hand on his arm, drawing his attention back to her as she nodded.

"I think I lo —"

"Butterbean!" Emmett yelled from inside the house before he came barreling through the front door. Bella rolled her eyes and looked over her shoulder just as he and Esme came rushing out with an amused Edward behind them. "Oh, there you are."

She brought her hands up and signed, "Did you think I ran away?"

"Yes," he said.

"What'd she say?" Edward asked.

"That she loves me more than you," he lied.

Bella gasped and scrambled to her feet, hitting Emmett in the chest before shaking her head.

Emmett burst out laughing. "You big baby."

She grimaced.

"She asked him if he thought she ran away," Esme explained to a confused Edward. "And for the record, she doesn't love anyone the way she does you, Edward."

"I know," he said, and Bella smiled wider.

"Yeah, yeah; whatever," Emmett grumbled. "Time to go."

And just like that, Bella could feel the tension in her shoulders again. She reached out for Edward, who immediately took hold of her hand. She could feel herself trembling, and though she tried, she couldn't keep the tears from falling.

"Shh, it's okay, baby," Edward murmured, sliding his arm around her and holding her against his chest. "Regardless what the tests say, we're still fighting."

Bella nodded, knowing that she'd fight until her dying breath, whether was a months from now or a lifetime. She just really hoped for a lifetime. Emmett cleared his throat, and when she looked over at him, she saw him shifting uncomfortably. While Bella understood that he knew she loved Edward, it hadn't been easy for her big brother to give her his blessing. With a frown, she reached for him, and when he took her hand, she gave it a squeeze, wishing that she could tell him that she loved him.

"Come on," Esme said, nudging them toward the edge of the porch.

Bella waved to Jasper before following Esme, Emmett, and Edward down to the car. The ride to Phil's office was tense and awkward, full of silent wishes and dreams that may never come true. Bella could feel the anticipation rolling off everyone, but mostly Edward. He'd been her rock for weeks, even though he was struggling to heal from his own trials and tribulations. She wanted to be the wife he deserved: strong and beautiful. But she couldn't be those things for him if her cancer wasn't gone.

With a jolt, Emmett pulled up in front of the building, and turned in his seat. "We'll meet you in the lobby."

Bella nodded, and slipped out of the car behind Edward. Taking his hand, she led him inside. He automatically wrapped his arm around her, holding her against him.

"I think we should go out and celebrate tonight," he murmured, and when she looked up at him, he smiled. "Just the two of us."

She shook her head.

"You don't want to go out with me?" he asked, sounding hurt, but there was a playfulness in his eyes that told her he wasn't really upset.

She sighed, and nodded, but then brought her hand up to her throat and grimaced. Though she hadn't had radiation in three days, her throat was still too sore for her to even attempt to eat anything. She knew from before that it would take a while before she was able to be the person she was once was, if the tumor was gone, anyway.

"It's going to be okay," he murmured, leaning his forehead against hers. "I know you're scared of what the tests are going to say. I am, too, but I'm not leaving you, no matter what they say. I love you."

"I love you, too," she mouthed before closing the distance between them and kissing him.

"Whoa!" Emmett catcalled as he and Esme walked into the building, and Bella rolled her eyes as she pulled her lips away from her husbands. "I did not need to see that."

Bella brought her hand up in front of her, lifting one finger in his direction. Edward burst out laughing, the need for an explanation wasn't needed. Everyone understood the universal sign for 'fuck off.'

"Butterbean!" Emmett laughed. "That's rude."

Bella shrugged her shoulders.

"Okay, enough, you two," Esme snickered. "Let's go."

The front receptionist waved them back to Phil's office, saying that he was expecting them. Bella felt on edge, like everyone was staring at the bald, mute freak. They were, of course. She wasn't stupid, and there wasn't any point in denying that they felt pity for her. She couldn't blame them, not really. She was pathetic. Eighteen years old and already fighting cancer for the second time. Bald, pale, and mute, why wouldn't people pity her. But she hated it, hated that they felt it was okay to openly gawk at her.

"Look, I know it's unorthodox, but he's worth the effort," Phil said as they pushed the partially open door to his office wider. He looked at each of them, his eyes landing on Bella last before he waved them inside, gesturing for them to have a seat. He turned his back on them as he said, "Please, just look at the file I sent you before you say no. He's a fighter, and stronger than he looks on paper." Phil paused and nodded, sighing and huffing. "Okay . . . Okay . . . I'll talk to you in a few hours then . . . Okay, thank you, Dr. Santiago."

Phil turned and placed the phone back on the cradle, and Bella watched as he closed eyes and released a shaky breath. Snapping her fingers at him, she began to sigh once he'd looked up at her. "Was that about my dad?"

Phil nodded as Esme translated what she'd said for Edward. "There's neurosurgeon in Texas, who has had decent results with these types of surgeries, but he's resistant to take your father."

"Why?" Esme asked.

"Charlie's spent the last three years in a type of comatose state. Even though he was awake, his brain was frozen, for the lack of a better term, which was why he couldn't speak, move, or do anything but sit there. Dr. Santiago, and those like him that I've spoken to about your father, have expressed their concerns that by trying to remove the tumor, that Charlie might . . ." When he trailed off, Bella slapped her hands together, signing for him to just say it. "There's a good chance that Charlie won't come back to us — to you — if he has the surgery. He might be lost inside of himself forever."

Bella nodded, feeling her eyes fill with tears. If he didn't attempt the surgery, he'd be dead — and soon, but if he did have the surgery and survived, he might not be coherent again. Either way she could lose him forever.

"What are the odds of him having the surgery and surviving?" Esme asked, reaching over and placing her hand on Bella's back. "Not just alive, but being coherent."

"There are so many factors," he muttered.

"The odds, Phil," she snarled. "What are the odds?"

"Ten percent," he replied. "And that's if the surgery goes perfectly, without a single complication."

Bella signed, "Ten percent is more than he had before, and he's back. That's something, right?"

"Of course it is, but —"

Bella clapped her hands together and then signed, "Would you do it? If it were you, and you knew all the risks, would you have the surgery?"

Phil pressed his lips together. "I don't know, sweetheart. I just . . . I don't know. And we don't even know if Dr. Santiago will even do the surgery. He was going to go over Charlie's file and then call me back."

Bella nodded, knowing that for now, that was all she could ask for.

"But now, it's time to focus on you," he said, sitting down behind his desk and opening her file. "We're going to start with the MRI and then do a laryngoscopy, along with full battery of blood tests."

"And if the tumor is gone, then what?" Edward asked.

"Then we can schedule the implant surgery for next week," he told them. "But if the cancer is not gone, then we'll have to start a new round of radiation and chemo, and forgo the implant entirely."

Edward nodded and looked over at Bella, who'd had silent tears streaming down her face. "We can do this," he murmured. "Together."

Placing her hand on his cheek, she nodded.

"Okay, well, let's get started," Phil said.

—SW—

Once again, Bella found herself sitting in Phil's office, waiting for him to deliver her test results. Three hours had passed and she hadn't been able to stop worrying, both for herself and her father. Bella knew that Charlie would refuse the surgery if her cancer wasn't in remission. Over the last two weeks, he'd apologized numerous times for not being there for her, for abandoning her when she needed him the most. She didn't blame him, of course. It wasn't his fault any more than it was hers. She hadn't started the fire that caused the fire escape to detach from the wall.

Not only was Charlie dealing with her health problems, but he was trying to cope with his own. Carlisle had told him about his tumor, about the unlikelihood that someone would be able to operate, and Charlie cried. She hadn't seen tears in her father's eyes often, and the sight of them in there had her reeling. He'd always been so strong, so brave, yet he wept like a child. And Bella had cried with him. The headaches had gotten worse, and though he wouldn't admit it, Bella suspected that he had started to hallucinate. There were too many instances where she'd find him staring off into space, like he was in another world. Maybe it was a peaceful world, one without pain and anger and hatred.

The door to Phil's office opened and he came walking in, placing her file on the desk before sitting down. He looked up at her, but she couldn't read him, something that bothered her more than she liked.

"Well?" Emmett asked. "Is the tumor gone?"

Slowly — ever so slowly — the corners of his lips turned upward, and he nodded. "Yes."

Bella took a shaky breath as she brought her hands up in front of her. "I don't have cancer anymore?"

"No, you don't. You're in remission again," he said, smiling.

Bella fell back in her seat, her hands covering her mouth as she sobbed silently. Edward wrapped his arm around her, placing his hand on her cheek and nestling her against his chest. As he held her, she could feel his body shaking with his own tears.

"So we schedule the surgery?" Edward asked, sniffing back his tears.

"If she's still willing to attempt the implant," Phil said.

Bella nodded. She hadn't just gone through four weeks of Hell for nothing.

"Okay." Phil opened his schedule and started running his finger along the days. "We could schedule you for next —" His phone rang, interrupting him in mid-sentence. "It's Dr. Santiago."

Bella felt her heart race as he picked up the phone. "Hello, Dr. Santiago . . . yes . . . yes . . . I understand . . . Tomorrow? Yes, of course . . . That's perfect . . . Thank you, thank you so much!" Phil hung up the phone and looked over at them. "Dr. Santiago has agreed to come see Charlie. He'll be here tomorrow. He'll run a few more tests, and if he likes what he sees, then he'll operate immediately."

"That's good news, right?" Emmett asked, his tone urgent.

"Very good, but it's not a sure thing. The fact that Dr. Santiago is willing to fly here rather than trying to transfer Charlie to Texas is a good sign, though," Phil explained.

Emmett nodded and looked over at Bella. "See? Today's a good day."

Bella shifted her attention to Phil as she started to sign. "How soon can we do the implant?"

"Um," Phil looked down at his schedule. "Next Wednesday?"

"That's seven days," she signed. "Can't we do it before then?"

"Why are you in such a hurry, Butterbean?" Esme asked

Bella bit her lip as tears flooded her eyes. Her hands shook as she signed, "Because if we don't place the implant before Daddy has his surgery, I may never be able to tell him I love him again? I don't want him to die without knowing how much I love him."

"I can do it tomorrow morning," Phil said, drawing all their attention to him. "Normally, I would wait a week, let your throat heal from the radiation, but I can understand the urgency. So tomorrow."

Bella nodded, and leaned back in her seat, unable to stop her tears from falling. Tomorrow, she'd either get her voice back, or she'd spend the rest of her life in silence.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Sorry for the delay, but it's been a long, long week. **


	43. Chapter 43

43

Edward was worried. Seemed like such a redundant thought, but he was worried about Bella. In less than four hours, she'd be once again laid out on the operating table. Only this time, instead of having a tumor removed, or even biopsied, she'd be having an implant barely the side of a button placed inside her throat, and hopefully giving her back her voice.

Edward's attention was pulled to Bella as she climbed off the bed for the hundredth time and walked over to the window, once again looking out over the back yard. She'd been restless all night. Hell, she'd been restless sense Phil told her he'd perform her surgery sooner rather than later. Edward knew she was worried about her father, about the doctor who was coming to evaluate him as a candidate for brain surgery. Edward worried — again — about what would happen with Bella if Charlie didn't make it through the surgery, if there was indeed a surgery. Why was everything in their lives so volatile?

"Hey," Edward said, causing Bella to look at him. "Smile."

Though she rolled her eyes, her lips curled upward into a smile that could only be described as breathtaking. God, he could stare at her all day and never get tired of how beautiful she was.

"Come here," he murmured, reaching for her.

Bella bit her lip as she walked back over to their bed and crawled over to him, sliding onto his lap so that she had one knee on either side of him. Edward groaned. The feeling of her panty-clad pussy rubbing against this boxer-covered cock was overwhelmingly delicious. He wanted to strip her clothes off and fill her, to be inside of her like a normal husband would. But as much as he wanted to make love to her, he didn't want their first time to be needy and frantic, based on the qualms of what could go wrong.

Bella threaded her fingers in Edward's hair, pulled his head back. The emotions pouring from her eyes had him on edge, the fear and doubt was excruciating. Biting her lip, she pointed at Edward.

"Me?" he asked.

She nodded, then crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Me Love?"

Again, she nodded, and then pointed to herself.

"Me love you?" he asked.

With another bob of her head, she brought her hand up to her throat, playing a single finger in the middle and shook her head.

"Will I love you if you never speak?" he asked, his eyes widening.

Bella's head barely moved as she replied with a nod.

"Of course I will," he insisted. "I love you, Bella. All of you. And while I hope you get your voice back, my love for you is not conditional. Have I made you feel that way?"

She shook her head a little too quickly.

"I have, haven't I?" he cringed, and again, she tried to deny it, but he hadn't, she wouldn't be worried about him suddenly falling out of love with her, right? "Fuck, I'm sorry, baby. I never meant to make you feel like that."

Bella placed her hands on either side of his face and frantically shook her head. Then, she reached over to the nightstand, and picked up her phone. He could see her frustration as she typed out her message, and he wanted nothing more than to ease her pain, but he knew he couldn't, just like she couldn't remove the doubt that he'd never be the boy without a heart problem.

Huffing, she turned the phone so that he could read what she'd written. "Thirty percent, Edward. If the odds are even that, anymore, but the odds are I won't ever be able to tell you that I love you, or say your name. I want to spend nights curled up in your arms, whispering how much I love you, but I may not be able to. And I don't want you to come to resent me if I never can."

Edward paused and looked up at her. "I would never resent you like that. It won't be your fault if the implant fails, just like it wasn't your fault that you lost your voice, or had two tumors, or, fuck, Bella, anything that's happened to you. If you think getting your voice back is the only way to keep me, or whatever, then you might as well just not have the implant placed. I fell in love with you because you saw me, the real me. And, I guess I saw the real you, too."

Bella smiled and brought her hands back up to his face, leaning her forehead against his.

"Don't doubt how deep my love is for you, Bella. You're . . . everything to me," he said, the words pouring out of his mouth were laced with his emotions. "Please?"

She nodded before pressing her lips against his. Edward moaned and wrapped his arms around her, trying to pull her closer than she already was. His mouthed opened and Bella slipped her tongue inside, surprising him. Then, just as he was getting into the kiss, Bella ended it, placing her hands on his chest and pushing him back against his pillows.

Edward inhaled a sharp breath as she grabbed the hem of her T-shirt and slipping it off, laying it on the bed next to them. Even though he'd seen her breasts before, he awed with how perfect they were. Round and perky, made just to fit into his hands. Bella reached down and grabbed his hands, placing them on her breasts, her mouth parting into a perfect little 'O'.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured, moaning when her skin turned a sultry pink.

Releasing his hands, Bella shifted so that she was hovering over him on her hands and knees. Then, sliding down his legs, she slipped her fingers under his shirt and pushed it up. Though he still didn't like the way he looked without a shirt on, Bella had always made him feel like his scar wasn't there, almost as if she couldn't see it.

Edward sat up and removed the article of clothing, letting it fall onto the bed next to hers. Bella placed her hands on his shoulders, pushing him back onto the bed. He moaned, but didn't say anything as she lowered her lips down onto his chest, kissing every inch of his scar. Her hands found the waistband of his shorts, giving them a gentle tug.

"Bella?" he groaned, causing her to look up at him.

Her eyes locked onto his as she once again tugged on the waistband of his shorts.

"You're not ready," he said. "I'm not ready."

Huffing, she sat up and pulled on his shorts again. This time, Edward lifted his hips, allowing her to remove them. The outline of his hard cock could be made out through his dark boxer briefs, something that had his cheeks warming from his embarrassment. Bella bit her lip as she hooked her fingers on the sides of his underwear, giving them a tug.

"Bella," he murmured, quietly.

She gave him a look as she pulled on them again, and with a sigh, he once again lifted his hips and allowed her to remove them. As Bella sat back on her heels, Edward struggled not to cover himself with a blanket, to hide away from his wife. He'd never liked his body, always felt scrawny and awkward, sickly and gross.

Placing one hand on his hip, Bella kept her eyes locked on his as she wrapped her fingers around his cock. Edward moaned, and was unable to keep from bucking his hips toward her. She'd touched him before, but usually just through his shorts, or with a hand inside his pants, never in such an intimate way. And he liked it; he liked it a lot.

"Bella," he whimpered, watching as she slowly stroked him. Leaning forward, Bella's tongue snaked out of her mouth, lapping along the bulging tip. "Jesus fuck, Bella!" Edward wailed, slamming his hand against the mattress.

She shifted her eyes up to his as her lips parted and she took the head into her mouth, swirling her tongue along the top. Edward's fingers curled around the blanket, and he bit back several curse words, but he'd never felt anything as amazing as her mouth around him. A plead for more rushed to the edge of his tongue, but he managed to keep from whining and begging for more. However, Bella seemed to know what he wanted and she took more of him inside her mouth.

"Oh, my God, baby, move!" Edward yelled.

Bella moved away from him just as his cock twitched and he came all over his stomach. His face turned five shades of red as he scrambled off the bed and rushed into the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth and cleaning himself. It wasn't until he felt her hands grip his hips that he realized she'd followed him inside.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "The sight of you with me in your mouth, it was just too much. I couldn't stop myself."

Edward felt her press her lips against the middle of his back, so he turned and faced her. She brought her hands up to his face, giving him a simple nod, silently telling him that it was okay. At least, he hoped that was what she was saying.

"Want to shower with me?" he asked, coyly. "We've got to head out soon."

With a sigh, Bella agreed.

Half an hour later, they'd both showered, dressed, and were ready to go downstairs. Edward picked up her over-night bag and slipped his arm around her waist as he led her out of their bedroom, downstairs, and into the kitchen, where Emmett, Rose, Jasper, Alice, Esme, and Carlisle were sitting around the table. When the two of them walked in, all of them stopped talking, which did nothing to alleviate the nerves both Edward and Bella were feeling.

"Good morning," Esme chirped, smiling. "Did you sleep?"

Bella shook her head.

"Yeah, me either," Esme replied, clearing her throat. "Are you about ready to head over to the hospital?"

Shrugging her shoulders, Bella brought her hands up in front of her and began to sign. Edward, Alice, and Carlisle all turned to Esme as she interpreted what she said. "I don't know what's going to happen today. Maybe I'll get my voice back, and be able to tell each of you how much I love you, but I might not. We have to accept that the chances of the implant being successful are not very high. Just know that I could not have gotten through the last month with you, and I just . . ." Bella huffed and let her hands fall to her side. Esme smiled as she stood up and walked over to her. "It's okay, Butterbean. We know. Now, we should get going."

Bella sniffed, but nodded.

The ride to the hospital was tense and awkward, full of unasked questions and timid hopes and dreams for the future. Bella curled her body around Edward as much as she could, placing one hand on his chest, right over his scar, while the other gripped his arm. It was almost like she was afraid he'd suddenly leap from the car and decide she wasn't worth it. Didn't she understand that she was all he had? That she was worth everything to him?

Then they arrived at the Bella's hospital room, they found Phil, Charlie, and Kate waiting for them. Charlie looked horrible. He was pale and his face was contorted in pain and anguish, and Edward knew it was the combination of the tumor inside his head and the thought of his daughter going under the knife. Bella pulled away from Edward and rushed over to her father, kneeling next to him as she grabbed his hand.

"I'm okay, Butterbean," Charlie murmured, his words coming out thick and laced with emotions. She shook her head, and Edward saw the tears sprinkle down her cheeks. "You're so much stronger than me. You always have been."

Bella pulled his hand up, placing it on the side of her face.

"I love you, Butterbean. No matter what happens today with your surgery . . . or mine, know that I love you, and I'm proud of the woman you've become." Though he spoke the next words to her, his eyes shifted to Edward. "Be happy. Love and live, but most of all be happy."

Though he struggled to keep from responding, Edward would never be able to express how much those few words meant to him. Charlie was bidding his blessing onto him and Bella, telling him it was okay for him to love her, to need her the way he did. And once again, Edward knew what it felt like to have a father.

"Okay, sweetheart, I'll be back in about an hour to take you to the OR," Phil said, placing his hands on the back of Charlie's chair.

Bella tightened her grip on her father's hand, frantically shaking her head. Emmett got to her before Edward could move and knelt behind Bella, placing his hand over hers and Charlie's. "Butterbean," he whispered. "He's going to be okay."

Edward could see her lips trembling as tears saturated her face and once again, she shook her head.

"He's going to be fine," Emmett insisted. "Dad's not leaving us again. But you have to let him go right now. Dr. Santiago is waiting for him."

Bella shifted her attention back to Charlie, who Edward could was struggling to keep control of his emotions as well. She opened her mouth a half dozen times before finally freeing her hands of his and Emmett's grip and began to sign.

"She says," Emmett started, "When you're better and she's better, she wants you to take her fishing, just like when she was little."

A small, weak smile spread across Charlie's face. "I will, Butterbean," he whispered. "I promise."

Bella crossed her arms in front of her chest, and then pointed at him.

"I love you, too," he murmured. He lifted a shaky hand, stroking his fingers across her cheek. Then, letting it fall back onto his lap, he shifted his attention over her shoulder to his son. "Emmett, I . . ."

"I know, Dad," he said, quietly.

"You're a good man," Charlie whimpered. "Strong and dedicated to his family. I'm proud that you're my son."

Edward could see the tears flood Emmett's eyes as he squeezed Charlie's hand. "You taught me well, Dad. I love you."

"I love you, too," he whispered, before reaching for Esme, who hurried to his side and knelt down. "Are you happy, honey?"

"I'm working on it," she replied. "But I'd be a lot happier with you here, Daddy.

Charlie nodded, but then said, "Promise me that you'll follow your heart, not let fear and sadness stop you from being where you want to be in life. Promise me that you'll find your story in life, that you'll live it every day."

"I promise," Esme cried. "Love you, Daddy. Love you so much."

"I love you, too, honey." His eyes shifted to his three children, all kneeling in front of him. "I'm the luckiest man in the world to have children like you. Thank you for giving me a reason to live."

Though all three of them were sobbing, they managed to hug him before Phil insisted that Charlie had to go. While Phil and Kate took Charlie to meet with Dr. Santiago, Edward helped Bella change into a hospital gown, and then sat at her side while the nurses came in and prepared her for surgery. He could feel her shaking, and knew it was caused by a mixture of fear for herself, and fear for her father. All he could was hold her hand, remind her that he was there for her.

Just over an hour later, Phil walked back into her room, having changed into a pair of green surgical scrubs. "Are you ready?" Bella shook her head, causing him to smile. "Stupid question, I guess."

This time, she nodded.

"It should take about an hour to place the implant, and then I'll move you to recovery," he explained, then shifted his eyes to Edward. "I'll come find you then."

Bella snapped her fingers at Phil, drawing his attention back to her. As she signed, his forehead furrowed. "Dr. Santiago is in with Charlie now. He had a fresh round of scans run, and should know within the next half-hour whether or not he can operate. If he can, they'll take him in immediately."

Bella blew out a heavy breath, but nodded.

"Don't worry about him, Bella. I'm taking care of Charlie," he told her, and once again, she nodded. Edward knew that regardless of how much Phil reassure her that her father was in good hands, she'd worry about him. "Well, let's get going."

Bella shifted her attention to Edward and pulled his hand up to her face, placing a kiss in the middle of his palm.

"I love you," Edward whispered. "And I'll see in a little bit."

Her lips parted as she mouthed, "I love you, too."

Releasing her hand proved to be harder than Edward ever anticipated. He stood in the hallway, with Alice and Esme on either side of him, Jasper and Carlisle on their sides, and Emmett and Rose on the other side of Jasper, each of them hoping that against the odds that when she woke up, they wouldn't have to tell her that her father was dead.

**Thank you for all the reviews. I got a wee bit emotional during this chapter. **


	44. Chapter 44

44

Edward stood up and walked out of the waiting room, already tired of the stale walls and boring pictures. A half hour had passed since Bella had been taken into surgery, and he hadn't been able to relax. He knew better than anyone the risks that come with surgery, even something that is supposed to be simple. When he was little, he had met a lot of kids in the hospital who were supposed to be having simple, easy procedures, yet they never made it off the table alive. Losing Bella would . . . Well, it would be the end of Edward.

Bringing his hand up to his chest, he rubbed his fingers against his scar, feeling the tension tightening beneath the tips.

"You okay?" When Edward looked behind him, he wasn't surprised to see Alice standing in the doorway of the waiting room, the hem of her long sleeve T-shirt clutched into the palms of her hands, which were marred in green and blue paints.

"Yeah, Pix, I'm all right," he muttered, knowing the words were untrue the minute they left his mouth. He was anything but all right. He needed normalcy, and his life had been anything but normal over the past few months. Hell, his life had never been normal. But Bella, she was his chance at a life he'd never dreamed he could have.

"Liar," she scoffed, coming over and leaning against the wall next to him. "Tell me not to worry about you."

"Why? It won't do any good," he said, smiling. "You'll worry anyway."

"True," she murmured with a nod.

"I just . . ." Edward shook his head. "I just need her to be okay, Pix."

"You really love her that much?" Alice asked.

Edward frowned and shifted so that he was facing her. "Is that really so hard to believe? We're married, Pix. Do you think I'd just marry someone I wasn't totally, and completely in love with?"

"What? No!" she insisted. "I just meant . . . Shit, I don't know. I watch you with her, Edward, the way you look at her. You're really in love with her, aren't you? Not just because she's beautiful on the outside, but because she's beautiful in the inside, too."

"I am," he admitted. "She's just . . ." He huffed. "Remember when you told me that Jasper was meant to see you?"

Alice nodded.

"That's how it is with Bella. She was meant for me, Pix. I can't . . . I can't live without her."

"You won't have to," she said, but as her eyes drifted past Edward, he saw her shoulders tense. Turning, he understood why. Kate was walking toward them with a tall, dark-headed man who Edward knew had to be Dr. Santiago. He had broad shoulders and sharp features, which gave him the impression of being someone very distant and cold.

"Edward," Kate said, stopping in front of him. "Are Emmett and Esme in there?" she asked, gesturing to the waiting room.

He nodded, looking over at Alice.

She sighed and took a few steps back toward the door. "Oy, Charlie's doctor is here."

In a heartbeat, Emmett, Rose, Esme, Jasper, and Carlisle were crowded around them. The anticipation and nerves were palpable, and Edward worried even more about Charlie. Though he didn't know the man — not really — he knew it would destroy Bella if her father didn't survive the surgery, or if he wasn't able to have the surgery at all.

"Everyone, this is Dr. Eleazar Santiago, the neurosurgeon Dr. Dwyer flew in for Charlie," Kate said, gesturing to the doctor. "Dr. Santiago, this is Charlie's family."

"It's nice to meet you," the doctor said, his accent thick. "Charlie told me such wonderful things about each of you."

"Are you going to operate?" Esme asked. "I'm sorry for being blunt, but I just . . . are you?"

"I am," he said. "The tumor will be difficult to reach due to the placement, but it's not growing as rapidly as Dr. Dwyer first assessed." He brought his hands up in front of him. "Imagine I'm holding his brain in the palms of my hands. The tumor is located in the very center, which means in order for me to get to it, I have cut his brain in half. Now, that alone would make it a risk, but the tumor is what I refer to as a peach, meaning the outer edge of the mass is fuzzy and messy. It will be nearly impossible to remove all of it. And leaving any of it behind means it will likely grow back."

"So, if you don't remove the tumor, we're looking at days left with our father, right?" Emmett asked, his voice thick and laced with emotions.

"Yes, and only a few," Eleazar said. "Honestly, I'm surprised he's as lucid as he is."

"And if you operate, but don't remove all of it, how long will he have?" Emmett asked. Rose wrapped her arms around him, leaning her head against his shoulder.

"It's impossible to say," Eleazar murmured. "At this point, the tumor is growing fairly slowly, but that doesn't mean that once I remove part of it, it won't jumpstart the growth process."

"Guess," Esme whimpered.

"A few months. A year at the most," he said. "And that's saying he even survives the surgery. The risks are high. He's not in the best health. And . . . given his recent history, it's unlikely that he'll ever be fully awake again. I'm reluctant to go forward, but Charlie has insisted that we operate."

"He's a fighter," Emmett said.

"I hope so," Eleazar groused. "I already have in the OR. I will have them update you, but don't expect an update for at least a few hours."

"Thank you, Dr. Santiago," Esme whispered, unable to keep her tears from sprinkling down her cheeks. Carlisle slid his arm around her waist, turning her so that she could lean against him. Dr. Santiago nodded before turning and heading down the hallway with Kate.

While everyone else trickled back into the waiting room, Edward noticed that Jasper seemed to hesitate in the doorway before he turned and looked at him. He hadn't gotten to know the man too well. He was quiet, and reserved, much like Alice. Perhaps that's why they had been drawn toward each other. Much like Edward and Bella, Alice and Jasper needed someone to love.

"I wanted to hate her," Jasper said, leaning against the edge of the doorway. "Bella, I mean. My parents . . . Well, they were the good kind, and when they fell, when they died, I wanted to hate Bella for putting us in that hotel. I mean, rationally, I knew it wasn't her fault. What were the odds of a fire breaking out in the hotel the one night we were there, you know?"

Edward nodded. "Probably around the same as the likelihood of my parents getting into an accident on the way to the hospital to tell me goodbye."

"Yeah," he murmured. "I was angry at the world for a long time, Edward. But not at her. Bella never . . . She made every day more bearable. There she was grieving for Charlie and Renee, dealing with cancer, losing her identity, yet she was trying to make me feel better." Jasper dragged his hand over his face and through his hair. "She's my best friend, Edward."

"I love her," Edward said. "I'm just . . . I'm so in love with her."

"I know," he replied. "If Charlie dies, she's gonna need you, Edward. She and Charlie always had this really, annoyingly close relationship. And after going through all of this, to lose him again . . . Just be there for her. Hold her, let her cry, make sure she knows you love her."

"Don't you think I already know how losing her dad will affect her?" Edward asked.

"I do, but what kind of best friend would I be if I didn't make sure?" Jasper smiled. "You've been good for her, Edward. And I know she's been good for you."

"Do you love my sister?" Edward asked, watching as Jasper's eyes flew open. "You stand here and tell me how to take care of my wife, how to love her. So I'm gonna ask you again: do you love Pix?"

"I do," he admitted. "She thinks . . . or thought I didn't see her. The real her, but I did. When she walked into the classroom, I just . . . I couldn't stop looking at her, Edward. Not because of the scars, but because I saw the need and the desire to be wanted in her eyes," he said, his quivering. "And, dammit, I wanted to be a good man for her."

"You are," Alice said, and Jasper looked into the waiting room, reaching for her and pulling her out into the hallway. "You're exactly the man I need, Jasper."

"Yeah?" he asked, his forehead furrowing.

Alice smiled, a real smile — one that Edward hadn't seen on her face in a long time. "Yes, idiot. And I love you, too."

"You heard that?" he grimaced. Alice nodded. "That's not how I wanted to tell you."

"It was perfect," she said, and Edward struggled not to gag as he walked around them and into the waiting room. However, he stopped when Alice grabbed his arm, causing him to look at her. "Thanks."

"For what?" he asked.

"Just . . . thanks," she muttered, her cheeks turning red.

Edward reached over and placed his hand on the back of her neck, pulling her toward him, and then kissed the top of her head. "Love you, Pix."

"Love you, too," she whispered, before sliding her hands into Jasper's and stepping further into the hall with him.

Edward sat in the chair next to Carlisle, leaning forward and bracing his elbows on his knees. A hand came down to rest on his shoulder, and when he turned his head to his left, he saw his brother. Carlisle didn't say anything, simply nodded and turned his attention back to Esme. Like Bella had been Edward's saving grace, and Jasper had been the man Alice needed, Esme was the woman Carlisle deserved. She was strong, compassionate, and loving, everything he deserved.

Time felt like it had stopped as they continued to wait for Phil to come into them. The hands clocked passed the hour mark, and still no word. Then another ten minutes, fifteen, twenty, half an hour, and still nothing. Feeling frustrated, Edward once again pushed himself out of the chair and started pacing around the waiting room, ignoring the looks from the other people waiting on word about their loved ones.

"What is taking so long?" he groused, bringing his hand up to his chest.

"There were some complications."

Edward snapped his attention to the doorway of the waiting room, where an exhausted Phil stood. Sharing a look with Carlisle, he walked over to Phil and asked, "What kind of complications?"

"The chords were more damaged than I thought, which means I had to cut back the dead nerves in order to attach the implant. Plus, there was a lot of scar tissue. I'm just . . ." Phil shook his head. "I don't know that I did enough. I just don't know."

"Is she alive?" Edward asked.

Phil nodded. "She's in the recovery unit. In about an hour, they'll move her back to her room." He shifted his eyes up to Edward. "I don't think the implant will work. I'm sorry."

Edward pressed his lips together. "When can I see her?"

"I'll take you back to her now."

Edward barely took a step before he felt Esme reach out and grab his arm, causing him to look over at her. "Tell her we love her," she said, her eyes filled with traitorous tears.

He nodded. "I will."

Edward followed Phil down the hallway, through a set of automatic doors, and into a small ward. He spotted Bella immediately, and rushed to her side, sliding his hand into hers. She was pale, her eyes were closed, and there was a bandage wrapped around her neck. Bringing her hand up to his lips, he couldn't stop the tears from sprinkling down his cheeks.

"I wanted to give her a miracle," Phil murmured, stopping on the other side of her bed and looking at the monitors. "She's fought so hard to have a normal life. All she wanted was her voice back, but I couldn't give it to her."

"You're giving up on her?" Edward snarled. "It got hard, so now you're ready to just quit?"

"No," he lied. "But the odds —"

"Fuck the odds," Edward said, reaching over and grabbing a rolling stool, sitting down on top. "She's beat the odds before. She'll beat them again."

"I hope so." Without another word, Phil turned and left them alone. Edward once again brought her hand up to his lips, placing a kiss on the palm of her hand.

Once again, Edward found himself waiting for Bella to come back to him. Her breathing was slow and even, her heart rate perfect, and Edward knew a thing or two about heart rates. While he sat next to her, holding onto her as tightly as he could, he found himself telling her about his mom and dad, about how he'd wake up after another surgery and find them by his bedside.

Just as Phil came back in to check on her, Edward felt her fingers tighten around his. Slowly, her eyes opened once, twice, and then a third and final time. She looked over at him, a small smile tugging on the corners of her lips.

"Hey," Edward whispered, placing his other hand on top of her head, brushing her hair back. "You're okay."

Her mouth opened and closed half a dozen times before she shook her head.

"Bella." She shifted her attention to Phil. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

Reaching over, she covered his hand with hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. Her lips parted and through Edward could tell it took great effort, a simple sound trickled out of her mouth: a moan.

Edward gasped. "Bella?"

Her eyes widened as she looked at him.

"You . . . you made a sound."

Her mouth opened again, though it was garbled and scratchy, she said, "Ed . . . ward."


	45. Chapter 45

45

Bella could feel her lips tremble as she opened her mouth and tried to speak. Tried desperately to make a sound, but when nothing but silence filled the air, she felt her eyes fill with tears and she shook her head.

"Bella." She shifted her attention to Phil, finding regret and sorrow filling his face. She knew he felt like he'd failed her. He hadn't, of course; he'd done everything possible to give her life back. "I'm sorry, sweetheart."

Reaching over, she covered his hand with hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. Her lips parted once more, almost out of reflex if seemed, and somehow, a simple sound trickled out of her mouth: a moan, which surprised all of them, especially her.

Edward gasped. "Bella?"

Her eyes widened as she looked at him.

"You . . . you made a sound," he murmured, his voice thick with emotions.

Her mouth opened again, though it was garbled and scratchy, she managed to say the one name she'd been dying to utter: "Ed . . . ward."

Edward dropped to his knees next to her bed, her hands brought immediately up to his lips. Tears flooded both their eyes, cascading down their cheeks. Bella tried to say his name again, but couldn't as much as a grunt to leave her mouth. Blowing out a frustrated breath, she pulled her hand out of his and placed it on his cheek, causing him to look up at her.

"You spoke," he whimpered. "You said my name."

Bella nodded and looked over at Phil, who seemed just as surprised. Keeping her hand on Edward's cheek, she reached for Phil, who immediately wrapped his fingers around hers.

"I didn't think it worked," he admitted, sitting on the side of the bed. "There was so much damage, and I . . ." He shook his head. "Guess I don't give you enough credit, do I? You've always been so much stronger than I thought. First when you survived cancer twice, and now with the implant. You're certainly your father's daughter, Bella."

Bella nodded, squeezing his hand. Her lips parted and once more she tried to speak, but was only able to grunt.

"Don't strain your voice," Phil cautioned. "It's going to take a while. Remember us talking about speech therapy?"

Bella sighed, but nodded. Bringing her hands up, she signed, "My Dad? What about my dad?"

Phil translated what she'd said for Edward, before turning his attention back to her. "He's in surgery right now. Dr. Santiago was hesitant to put him under, but . . ." Phil shook his head. "I don't know, Bella. He's a fighter, but he's been through so much. And he's weak. I just . . . I just don't know."

Neither did she. So instead of trying to understand, or trying to be strong, she rolled onto her side so that she facing her husband and reached for him. Edward immediately grabbed onto her hand and brought it up to his lips. Phil muttered something about letting the family know that she was okay, and arranging for her to be moved to a regular room, before he turned and left.

And Bella and Edward simply sat staring at each other, wrapped in the small amount of happiness that they had. At least, she could speak — barely.

—SW—

Bella and Edward spent the next half hour simply staring at each other, both of them shocked by the fact that she'd managed to say his name. The sound of her voice, though much different than it had been before her first bout with cancer, was like the sweetest music. There was so much she wanted to say to him. How his love for her had gotten her through the worst hell she'd ever lived in, how much she wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. She wanted to recite her wedding vowels once again, only this time, she didn't want someone to have to speak for her.

Bella wanted to be the wife he deserve, the way he was the perfect husband for her. She wanted to make love to him, to groan and moan as she had an orgasm, to scream his name in the midst of her climax, and beg him to never stop touching her. She wanted to have phone sex, to whisper dirty thoughts into his ear, and tease him with her words. She wanted Edward.

"Sweetheart, are you ready to go back to your room?" Phil asked, waltzing back into the recovery ward with a bounce in his step.

"Y — y — y — y . . ." she huffed and gave up, settling with a nod of her head.

"I know it's frustrating, Bella, but two hours ago, you couldn't have even made a sound," he said. "Just have patience."

Sighing, she nodded, knowing she was expecting too much, too soon, but for three years she'd longed to be able to speak, to be normal. To have the ability, yet not really be able to use it was frustrating.

"I've contacted your speech therapist, and she'll be coming up to see you in a couple hours. I think you're going to like Tanya. She'd very good at her job," he told her.

Bella nodded, unsure of how to react.

"Okay, well, I know Emmett and Esme are anxiously waiting for you, so . . ."

Phil trailed off as he began to unplug the machines that had been monitoring her heart rate, blood pressure, and oxygen levels. Once he had her IV hooked onto the side of her bed, he began to push her bed out of the recovery ward with Edward following behind them. Bella knew that ordinarily he'd have an orderly or a couple of nurses moving her, but Bella was special to him. Phil was family, and needed to feel important to them.

As they got closer to Bella's room, she spotted her brother and sister waiting for her outside in the hall. They shared a look before taking a step toward her. However, they were gracious enough to wait until she reached them before they were reaching for her hands.

"Hey, Butterbean," Emmett murmured, while Esme was openly sobbing.

Bella bit her lip as she brought her hand up and waved, then reached for Esme, who immediately gripped her hand. Though her throat hurt, she parted her lips and tried to speak. However, all she could get out were a few gritty groans.

"Oh, Butterbean," Esme wept, elbowing Emmett out of the way and nearly throwing herself onto Bella.

"Esme, give her some space," Emmett said, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her back. His arm wrapped around her chest and he pressed his lips against the back of her head. "She's good, Es; she's good."

"She's more than good," Edward mumbled, the tips of his ears turning read. "She's amazing."

"That she is, Edward," Emmett agreed.

Phil cleared his throat. "Can we take this inside her room?"

Quickly agreeing, Emmett and Esme shuffled out of the way and allowed Phil to push her bed into her room. Once he had her monitors plugged back in and her IV hanging, adjusting her pain meds, he excused himself and said he was going to go get an update on Charlie. Bella felt anxious and scared, and found herself reaching for Edward, who immediately held her.

"So, um," Emmett said, breaking the silence that had filled the room. "Sorry. I, um . . ." He shifted his eyes up to hers. "You made a sound."

Bella smiled and nodded.

"Three years, Butterbean," he whimpered. "Three years."

Unsure of how to react, Bella simply laid in her bed. Three years, and suddenly, everything was different once again, and that alone scared her.

—SW—

Bella wasn't sure how long she'd been laying there when someone knocked on the door to her hospital room. Feeling her shoulders tense, she shifted her eyes over to Edward.

"Come in," he called, tightening his hold on her hand.

As the door swung open, Bella had expected to see Dr. Santiago, not that she knew what he looked like, but the person standing in her doorway was clearly not the doctor who had been given the task of saving her father's life. No, the woman gracing her doorstep was tall, curvy, strawberry blond in a pair of tight-ass black leggings and a tight white-shirt. She had a pair of red, three-inch heels.

"You Bella?" she asked, pushing a pair of red sunglasses on top of her head and smiling.

Bella bit her lip as she nodded.

"I'm Tanya Denali, your new speech therapist." She pushed off the doorframe and walked into the room, stopping next to the bed. "It's nice to finally meet you. Phil's been talking my ear off about you for weeks."

Bella nodded, unsure how she was supposed to respond.

Tanya smiled and looked around the room. "You're her family?"

"Yes," Emmett said. "I'm Emmett, her brother, and this is my wife Rose. This is our sister Esme, Rose's brother Jasper. Carlisle and Alice Cullen, Bella's husband, Edward."

Tanya's eyes widened when her attention turned to Edward. "Well, it's nice to meet all of you. If you don't mind, I'd like a couple minutes alone with Bella."

"Of course," Emmett said, and while he, Esme, Rose, Jasper, Carlisle, and Alice started toward the door, Edward didn't move. "Edward."

"I'm staying," he said, and Bella was grateful.

"It's fine," Tanya stated. She waited until everyone was out of the room and the door was closed before she turned her attention back to Bella. "So, now that we're alone, I wanted to talk about your therapy. From what I understand, it's been three years since you've been able to make any kind of noise?"

Bella nodded.

"Okay, so here is my plan. I'm going to give you a couple days to rest, to heal, and then we're going to jump in with both feet. It won't be fun, and it won't be easy, but I hope that in two months, you'll be able to hold a conversation. At least with short, three-five words sentences. In six months, it'll be like you never lost your voice. But I need to know that you're committed, that you aren't going to give up with it gets hard. Can you give me that?"

Bella placed her hands on the bed and pushed herself up so that she was sitting a little straighter. Lifting her hand off the bed, she placed her palm on Edward's chest and then pointed at Tanya, all while nodding her head. Pain wasn't new, and struggling had been a part of her life for the last thirty-six months.

Tanya smiled. "You're feisty. I like that. I do know sign language, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask."

When Bella just laid there, she pulled a business card out of the waist band on her pants and held it out to Edward, who took it by pinching it between his thumb and index finger. Bella stifled her laugh, knowing how germaphobic he was because of his heart condition.

"Call me if she needs anything. I'm never in my office, but I always have my cell," Tanya stated, and before Edward could reply, the door to Bella's room opened and Emmett, Esme, rushed inside with a, whom Bella suspected, was Dr. Santiago.

"Sorry to interrupt, but it's about her father," Emmett said, keeping his eyes locked on Bella, who was unable to read his expression, and that scared her.

"Well, we were done, anyway." Tanya looked back at Bella. "Two days, okay?"

Biting her lip, Bella nodded. As soon as Tanya was out of the room, Emmett shut the door and rushed over to Bella, sitting on the edge of the bed. He reached for her hand, but she pulled it back and began to sign.

"Is he okay? Where they able to get all of the tumor? Is he dead? Speak, Emmett, speak!" she frantically motioned.

Emmett grabbed her hands and brought them to his chest. "He's alive. For now."

"What do you mean for now?" Edward asked, causing everyone to look at him.

"Charlie . . ." Dr. Santiago paused and took a deep breath. "The surgery was difficult. The tumor was much deeper than his scans showed, and the edges were messy. I was able to remove eighty-five percent of the tumor, which wasn't enough. I needed to get at least ninty-five to have any real hope, but there just . . ." He shook his head. "I'm sorry. I don't believe Charlie will ever wake up, and if he does, if by some miracle he does, he will be in a great deal of pain."

Bella pulled her hands out of Emmett's, drawing her brother's attention to her as she began to sign. He watched for a moment before he began to translate for her. "She says: Do you believe in God, Dr. Santiago? Do you believe that there is someone, or something, higher than us, watching over our lives?"

"I'm a man of science, not fairy tales," Dr. Santiago replied.

Bella frowned and signed, "They told me the odds of a girl my age getting the kind of cancer I had was two percent, that when I survived the first round of cancer, I'd be cured. But I wasn't, and the odds are strong that I'll have to fight for my life again, and again, and again, until the day comes that cancer does kill me. I am a miracle." Bella paused and pointed to Edward "He wasn't supposed to survive his birth. He's a miracle, one God gave me when I needed him the most. So don't stand there and tell me that my father, a man who had a three percent chance of coming back to us after he fell, is going to die. My father is a miracle, and he will survive, Dr. Santiago."

As Emmett recited the last of Bella's rant, she leaned back on her bed and took a deep breath as her lips parted and she said, "H—h—h—ho—hop—hope."

"Hope, huh?" Dr. Santiago asked, nodding. "And if it's not enough?"

Bella didn't have an answer for him, because right now, all she could do was pray and hope that God wasn't cruel enough to take her father away just as she got her voice back.

**Thank you for the reviews. **


	46. Chapter 46

46

Edward sat on the small, uncomfortable sofa on the far side of Charlie's hospital room with a book propped up on his knee, but his eyes were focused on his wife. Bella had insisted on visiting Charlie as much as possible. Five days had passed since she'd spoken his name for the first time, and though she'd tried several times again, she hadn't been able to quite get it out again. Phil released her from the hospital the afternoon after her surgery, and she had her first session with Tanya, the day before. Tanya hadn't lied when she said it wouldn't be easy or fun. She pushed Bella hard to exercise her vocal cords, mostly by having her make recite the alphabet over and over. Edward knew his wife was frustrated that she hadn't made more progress, that she was still held captive in her silent prison. Not that it mattered at this point. Charlie had been all that mattered at the moment.

He still hadn't woken from his surgery, and every day that passed made it that much more likely that he never would. Edward knew it would gut Bella if he never came back to her, that she'd blame herself all over again. She put on a brave face and spouted out about hope and miracles, but the fact was that sometimes, no matter how many times one prayed and begged God for mercy, people died.

"Are you actually going to turn a page at some point?" Esme asked, and Edward looked over at her, noticing the way she was smirking. "Or are you going to keep staring at my sister?"

"Shut up," Edward muttered, feeling his cheeks warm as Bella turned her attention to him and smiled.

Esme laughed. "Oh, you're so cute when you're blushing."

Before Edward could defend himself, Bella turned in her seat and began signing wildly toward her sister, causing Esme to laugh hard.

"Gees, Butterbean, calm down. I was just teasing," Esme snickered, turning and looking at Edward. "According to her, I'm being a bitch."

"Don't curse." The quiet, yet scruffy voice came from the bed where Charlie was laying, and when the three of them looked over, they gasped when they saw his eyes wide open. "Your momma hates when you curse, Esme."

"Daddy?" Esme whimpered, slowly standing up and walking over to him. She wrapped her hand around his left and brought it up to her lips. "Oh, Daddy."

"I'm okay, honey," he murmured, lobbing his head to the side and looking at Bella. "Butterbean."

Edward sat and watched as tears sprinkled down Bella's face as she laid on his bed, curling herself up around her gather.

"D—d—d—a . . ." Huffing, she trailed off.

"It worked? The implant worked?" Charlie asked.

Bella nodded, while Esme explained, "Yes. She started speech therapy yesterday."

"Oh, Butterbean, that's great!" Charlie exclaimed, then winced as he pulled his hand from Esme's and brought it up to his head, placing his hand over the bandages.

"Daddy, does your head hurt?" Esme asked.

Charlie nodded. "Did they get it?"

"Most of it," Esme replied before reaching over and pressing the nurse's call button.

A moment later, a voice crackled through the speaker. "Yes?"

"He's awake," Esme told her.

"I'll let the doctor know," the nurse said.

Esme sat on the side of Charlie's bed and placed her hand on Bella's back. "Dr. Santiago said he was able to get about eighty-five percent, which isn't as much as he wanted."

"Me, either," Charlie groaned, almost pushing Bella off of him as he brought his other hand up to his head.

Edward had barely managed to stand up when Charlie began thrashing in his bed, screaming and clawing at his head. Rushing over, he wrapped his arms around Bella and pulled her shaking and trembling body backward as Dr. Santiago, Phil, and half a dozen nurses came barreling into the room, shouting about rolling him on his side and medicating him.

"Get her out of here," Phil ordered, looking over his shoulder at Edward. "She doesn't need to see him like this."

Though Edward knew Bella would fight him, he nodded and dragged his wife, who struggled to free herself from his arms, out of the room and into the hallway. Esme followed, immediately pulling out her phone and calling Emmett, telling him to hurry and get to the hospital. Edward slid to the floor and dragged Bella onto his lap, doing his best to keep his wife from falling apart. Charlie Swan was more than just her father; he was her hope for a better future.

—SW—

Edward wasn't sure how long they'd been sitting on the floor when the door to Charlie's room finally opened again. Emmett had shown up minutes after Esme called him, demanding answers that none of them had. Rose and Carlisle arrived moments later, and now, all they could do was wait. Wait and hope that they weren't about to be told that Charlie was dead.

As Dr. Santiago and Phil walked out of the room, both looking wary and tired, Edward and Bella stood up, the latter clutching onto Edward's hand tighter than she ever had.

Dr. Santiago sighed. "Charlie suffered a seizure, which is not uncommon after brain surgery. We've managed to stop it, thankfully."

"But?" Emmett said, drawing their attention to him. "There is a but, right?"

"I'm afraid there is," he admitted. "Your father is in a great deal of pain, which we were also expecting if he were to wake up. I can treat the pain, but because of his history, the meds will be very difficult on his system, and will increase the risks of seizures, which will cause him even more pain. I'm afraid it's a never-ending cycle."

"And there's nothing you can do?" Esme whimpered.

"I wish there was," Dr. Santiago said.

Bella pulled away from Edward, despite his effort to keep his arms around her, and clapped her hands together, causing everyone to look at her. When she began signing, Phil translated for her, "He woke up! You said he wouldn't wake up, but he did, and now you're saying that there is nothing left to do?"

"Don't you think if I could save Charlie's life, I would?" Dr. Santiago pleaded. "I look at that man lying inside that room, Bella, and I see the fight in his eyes, the determination to defy the odds. I've never seen someone want to live more than he does, but there is only so much the human body can take." Pausing, the doctor blew out a thick breath. "I'm not God, Bella. I can't perform miracles."

Bella wiped the tears off her face before she began to sign again. "I'm not asking you to be God; I'm asking you not to give up on him. I'm not naïve; I know the facts, but I wasn't supposed to be able to speak again, yet I can make sounds. Just don't give up on him. Please."

"I'm not. I swear to you that I'm not. I will do everything possible to keep your father with us," Dr. Santiago vowed. "But if he doesn't make it, I don't want you, or your family, to crumble in your grief."

"We will," Emmett said. "For a while, at least. We'll grieve, like we did when they fell, when my sister lost her voice, and suddenly, our family was broken. But we'll be okay because my sisters are strong and beautiful, and they have men who love them," Emmett cried. Bella walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his torso. Emmett brought his arms up, placing one hand on the back of her hand, and the other in the middle of her back. "We'll be okay, Dr. Santiago, but don't expect us not to hurt. My father taught me that a man is never afraid of how he feels."

"Charlie's a wise man." With a nod in their direction, Dr. Santiago turned and walked back into Charlie's room.

"You should go home," Phil said, causing all of them to look at him. "We've sedated him. We're going to keep him sedated until the morning. You should go home, eat dinner, get some rest."

"You're staying with him?" Esme asked, looping her arm through Carlisle's, gripping the top of his arm.

"All night," he promised, shifting his eyes to Bella. "Please go home and rest. He's going to need you to be your strongest, sweetheart."

Bella nodded, and Edward knew that it took a lot of her to agree with him.

"Thank you. I'll call if anything changes, okay?" Phil asked, turning toward Charlie's room.

"O—o—kay," Bella huffed.

—SW—

Half an hour later, Edward and Bella were sitting at the kitchen table with Alice and Jasper, who'd just returned home from school, while Esme, Carlisle, Rose, and Emmett stumbled around each other in an effort to make them something to eat. Not that Edward nor Bella were paying attention to their bickering and arguing over what Bella needed to eat, seeing as she was still on a soft foods diet. No, Edward was too busy holding his wife and trying to keep her from falling apart, while Bella was leaning her head on his shoulder and staring at nothing. She was scared, and he understood that right now, she just needed to be held.

"C—c—car—l—l . . ." Bella huffed and slammed her hand on the table, pulling everyone's attention to her. Emmett translated for her as she began to sign. "What about my mom? You were running some tests, right? Because she'd gotten so mean. Did you find anything?"

Carlisle frowned as he leaned against the counter. "Her MRI, CT, x-rays, all came back clear. Her blood work didn't show anything out of the normal. There's no medical reason why her behavior is escalating, especially toward you."

"Why do you think she's like that?" Bella asked, once again letting Emmett speak the words for her.

Carlisle pressed his lips together for a moment before he begin to speak. "When Edward was little, and I mean just a few months old, there was a mom whose baby was in the NICU. She'd been born with her heart on the outside of her chest, and the doctors hadn't been able to fix it because it was too big. She needed a new heart, but there wasn't one available, and she was going to die, it just a matter of time. My mom came home from the hospital the night the baby girl died and cried," he whimpered. Esme was immediately at his side, placing her hand on the side of her face. And for the first time in years, Edward saw his brother smile like he meant it. "When I asked her why she was crying, she said because there's a new angel watching over Edward, and it made her sad because her mother would never know the joys of watching her daughter grow and thrive. My mom grieved for that woman's baby because like Edward, that baby was born with a broken heart."

Carlisle pushed away from the counter and walked over to the table, sitting across from Bella. "I don't know why your mom is broken, Bella. Somehow, when she fell, she lost many years of her life, and now, she's trapped inside this body that, I would image, scares her. All she knows is that Charlie is the love of her life, and he's not there for her. He's gone. Maybe, when he's better, he'll be able to get through to her. He'll remind her that she's loved and wanted and needed."

"Does that mean you think he'll be okay?" Esme asked, and Edward knew Bella was wondering the same thing.

"If I've learned anything about the Swans over the last five months, it's that you're stubborn. All of you, and I don't imagine Charlie's any different," Carlisle said, smiling.

Bella reached across the table and squeezed his hand, telling her in his own way that she loved him, and Edward knew she did. Carlisle and Alice had both become her family, and not just because she and Edward were married, but because they understood her fears and doubts. They were dysfunctional, but a family nonetheless.

—SW—

After forcing down a bowl of tomato soup, a bowl of vanilla pudding, and a glass of milk, Bella and Edward retreated up to their bedroom. Edward knew Bella was overwhelmed with life in general, so he turned on some music and dragged her onto their bed, smiling when she laid her head on his chest, right over his scar.

"I'm scared, Bella," Edward whispered, knowing that she could hear him over the music. "I don't know Charlie — not really, anyway — but it feels like I'm losing my dad again. And it scares the shit out of me."

Bella shifted on the bed so that she was sitting next to him with her knees pulled up in front of her chest and she was facing him. Her hair had started growing back, though it wasn't anything more than peach fuzz at that point. Placing her hand on her chest, she nodded.

"You're scared, too?" he asked, and once more, she nodded. Edward sat up and mimicked her position. "Before my parents died, I took them for granted. I never thought I'd lose them. I was the sick one, the one who was dying. I was angry and bitter, and I lashed out at them all the time. When the doctors told them that I needed a new heart, I . . . I didn't want it. I wanted to die."

Bella gasped, placing her hand on Edward's chest.

Edward covered her hand with his own. "I was just so tired of being strong, of being afraid that I'd go to sleep and not wait wake up. My mom was . . . exhausted. She was trying to be there for me, be there for Pix and Car, and my dad," he cried, softly. "And Dad did his best to help, but I'd always been a momma's boy. The night they died, Pix had an art show. Mom didn't want to leave me, but Dad insisted that Pix needed them, that she'd worked too hard on her paintings, and she needed them. And she did. Pix's work is amazing, and she has this way of seeing things that most people don't. The doctor promised that I'd be okay until morning. But I wasn't. I wasn't, and because I wasn't, my dad was driving too fast and slid on some fucking ice, and suddenly, my entire world had changed."

Bella scooted closer to him, sliding her arm around his waist.

"I miss them so much, Bella," he wept. "I don't want you to lose your father again."

Leaning her head on his shoulder, Bella hummed, and though it sounded strangled, she managed to say, "M—m-me, e—e—eit—her."

**Thank you for all the reviews. As you know, I've been having some health issues. Well, those of you who aren't friends with me on FB don't know that just a few days after I last updated, I ended up in the hospital. I've been anemic for a few months, and having some female issues. Well, my hemoglobin dropped too low because I was bleeding too much, and I had to have a blood transfusion. I was in the beginning stages of heart failure due to the anemia. Luckily, we've gotten everything under control, and I'm working on getting stronger. Hopefully, I will be able to update a bit more often, but if I can't, please be understanding. We have roughly five chapters or so left, if all goes according to plan, but you know how plans go . . .**


	47. Chapter 47

47

"A . . . B . . . C . . . D . . . E . . .F . . .G," Bella stammered, huffing as she fell back in her chair and folded her arms in front of her.

"Keep going," Tanya said, tapping her pen on the table.

Bella, however, shook her head. She was tired of sitting here, day after day, and saying the same bullshit letters. She wanted to be able to speak, to be able to say more than her husband's name, Hi, and Love. She wanted more. Two weeks of speech therapy and she was still unable to really speak.

Tanya tossed her pen on the table, and leaned back in her chair. "You told me you're a fighter, that you were going to put the work in."

Bella shrugged her shoulders. She was tired of fighting, tired of hoping, tired of watching her father slowly disintegrate in front of her. It wasn't fair that God gave him back just to snatch him away. Hadn't they suffered enough?

Tanya leaned forward and placed her hands on the table. "So that's it, huh? Two weeks and you're ready to quit?"

Again, Bella simply sat there. Nobody understood how hard this was on her. There were all kinds of words locked up inside of her, so much she wanted to say, but she didn't want to use her hands to communicate with her husband. She wanted to be an equal in their marriage, and right then, she didn't feel like one.

"I thought you were stronger than that." Tanya pushed her chair away from the table and stood up. "Guess I was wrong. If you're not going to work, you might as well leave."

Though she knew she was being silly and immature, Bella scrambled to her feet and rushed out of her office, almost slamming the door behind her. Edward was immediately on his feet, a frown curving over his lips. However, before he could say anything, Tanya spoke.

"Edward, can I talk to you for a minute?" Tanya asked.

"Um, sure," he muttered, and followed her inside.

Bella rolled her eyes and walked down to the elevator, knowing that Tanya was telling Edward how she'd given up, how she was acting like a toddler and throwing a fit. Not wanting to stand around while Edward learned that Bella wasn't as strong as she wanted to be, she headed upstairs to her father's hospital room.

Charlie's room was dark, only the lights from his monitors showed that he was sitting up in bed. The bright lights hurt his head, made the seizures worse. Seemed to Bella that everything made her father's condition worse, not better. Dr. Santiago and Phil were searching for any procedure, other than operating on him again, that would ease the pain and pressure, but so far nothing worked. Bella knew Charlie was living on borrowed time.

"Hey, Butterbean," Charlie croaked, his voice coarse and rough.

"Hi," she murmured, sitting on the edge of his bed. Charlie's fingers on his right hand twitched, and she knew he was trying to hold her hand, but the tumor, the small amount that had been left behind, was making everything difficult for him. Slowly, he was slipping away from her. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her cheek before pointing at him and waving her other hand in front of her face.

"I know that one," he chuckled, softly. "Pretty, right?"

Bella tilted her head backward. It was close enough.

Charlie grinned as he turned his attention to the clock the machine, and then he frowned. "I thought you had therapy until four."

Bella pressed her lips together, refusing to react in any other way.

"Butterbean," he said, quietly. "Why aren't you in therapy?"

Bella's lips parted half a dozen times and tears sprinkled down her cheeks as she said, "Too . . . too . . . h . . . hard."

"It's too hard," Charlie murmured. He hummed and shook his head. "Too hard. It's too hard. Wow. Never thought I'd see the day that my butterbean thought anything was too hard. Riding a bike, learning to ice skate, singing in front of a crowd." Charlie shifted her eyes to her. "It's too hard, huh?"

Bella nodded.

"So you just quit?" he asked. "You're just going to give up on ever speaking again because it got too hard?"

Bella rolled her eyes and crossed her arms in front of her.

"Oh, there's the stubborn girl I remember," he scoffed. "Well, I guess since you quit, I can, too."

She turned to him, cocking an eyebrow.

"What?" he asked. "You're allowed to give up when it gets hard, but I'm not?"

Bella opened her mouth to speak, but promptly clamped her lips together. The door to his room opened and they looked over as Phil, Eleazar, Esme, and Carlisle walked in followed by Emmett and Edward. Bella scrambled to her feet, fear creeping into her heart.

"We may have found something," Phil started. "There's a new procedure. It's only been done a few times, but it's been very successful with these types of tumors."

"Instead of going in through the top of your head, we'd use a laser and go up your nose. This approach would lessen the chances of permanent damage. If we can reach the tumor, I think we could get most of it, if not all of it."

Bella brought her hand up to her mouth as she turned and looked at Charlie, who looked too calm considering the news they'd just heard.

"No," Charlie said, causing everyone else to shift their attention to him. "No, I don't think I'll be having any kind of procedure done."

"What? Dad, you can't do that," Emmett argued. "This could save your life."

"Don't care," he said, shrugging his shoulders. "It's too hard."

Bella's mouth flopped open as she glared at her father. Too hard? Oh, he was a manipulative.

"Too hard?" Esme asked, her eyes wide. "Too hard. I don't care if it's too fucking hard. You're having this procedure done!"

"No, I'm not," Charlie said, turning his attention away from Bella and looking at Esme. "And don't use that tone with me, Esme. I'm not a child."

"I'm sorry," Esme murmured. "But, Dad, think about what you're saying. This is your life we're talking about."

"I know." Charlie took a deep breath before pushing himself up in his bed so that he was sitting straighter. "But I don't see the point in living if my children are just going to give up when it gets hard." As he spoke, Charlie kept his eyes locked on Bella's, who did her best to avoid his penetrating gaze.

"Who's giving up?" Emmett asked. "Dad, you're not making sense."

"Butterbean," Charlie said, causing her to look at him. "Who's giving up?"

She shrugged her shoulders. From the corner of her eye, she saw Edward lean against the doorframe, a smirk on his lips.

"What's going on?" Phil demanded, his tone firm. "Someone had better start explaining why everyone's acting like an idiot."

"She knows what I'm talking about," Charlie said.

Everyone looked at Bella, but it was Esme who spoke first. "Butterbean, what's going on?"

She began to sign, while Esme translated for her. "No idea. Clearly he's confused. Must be the tumor."

"Isabella!" Charlie yelled, startling everyone. He never called her by name. "I'm ashamed of you."

Bella huffed and folded her arms in front of her.

"Fine, if you're too much of a coward, I'll tell them," he said, turning to their family. "She's quit speech therapy. Said it's too hard. Said she can't do it. Why should I put my life on the line when she's quitting?"

As everyone turned to her, Bella struggled to keep her tears at bay. Nobody understood how hard it was. There was so much she wanted to say, so much she needed them to understand, but it was locked up inside her. Unable to keep the tears from falling, she brought her hand up and wiped the few that escaped off her cheeks.

"Is that true, Bella?" Phil was the first to ask. "Did you really quit?"

She refused to answer, instead choosing to just stand there. She was angry at her father for putting her in that position, tired of people manipulating her into doing what they wanted.

"Answer him." At the sound of Edward's voice, she snapped her head up, her eyes landing on his. "You're tired, right? And frustrated?"

Bella nodded, dislodging even more tears.

"And overwhelmed," he added. "Maybe even scared that going through weeks of chemo, and weeks of radiation, and having the implant placed wasn't really worth it if you can't ever really talk, right? And you're worried that another tumor is already growing, that you're living on borrowed time. Is that about all of it?"

A sob bubbled to the tip of Bella's tongue as she nodded, allowing even more tears to fall.

"I feel like that, too," Edward confessed, bringing his hand up to his chest. "Every time I felt a twinge, or a little strain, the first thought that pops into my head is that my heart is failing. And I think about leaving you alone, and I get angry, Bella. So angry."

"But you're not giving up on life, are you?" Charlie asked, drawing Edward's attention to him.

"No, sir, I'm not," he replied. "And neither is she. She's just . . . She's tired."

"Tired, huh?" Charlie asked, looking back at Bella. "I'm tired, too, Butterbean. I'm frustrated, and scared, and overwhelmed, and I don't know if I should let them cut into my head again, or just resign myself to the fact that I'm going to die. I hurt every second of the day, but I want one more second with you, with Emmett and Esme, but if you're going to quit on therapy, I might as well give up, too."

Bella's hands shook as she signed, and listened as Esme told him what she said, "You'll die if you don't let them operate. If I don't continue with therapy, I'll still be alive."

"Will you?" Charlie asked. "Will you really be alive? Or will you just be there? Don't settle for this world of silence that you were forced to accept when you can have a world full of laughter and happiness, Butterbean."

"I . . ." Bella stammered, struggling to speak, but the words just didn't want to come out. "ARG!" she screamed, flopping back onto the end of his bed. She pointed to her throat. "Bro . . . brok . . . broken."

"Not broken," Charlie murmured, reaching over and placing his hand on her shoulder. Bella leaned her head down, allowing her tears to fall onto his hand. "I'll make you a deal, okay? You don't give up on therapy, and I'll let them shoot laser beams into my brain."

Bella shifted so she was looking at him and began signing again, "And if I say no?"

Once Esme interpreted for her, Charlie shrugged his shoulders and laid back on his pillows. "Then, I guess we're at an impasse."

"No fair," Bella mumbled.

"Life isn't fair, Butterbean. Be a fighter, honey."

Bella sighed and nodded.

"You'll go back to therapy?" Charlie asked, and again, she nodded. "Okay." Charlie looked at Phil. "When are we doing this?"

"Um, in the morning," he said. "First thing."

Charlie nodded and leaned his head back, closing his eyes. "And you think this will work?"

"We're hoping," Phil told him. "It's all we've got right now."

—SW—

Bella, tired of the looks and stares coming from her family, headed straight up to hers and Edward's bedroom the minute they got back to the house. She knew they were upset with her for being weak, disappointed that she gave up so easily.

Bella turned to the desk and kicked her shoes off before walking over to the bed and sitting on the edge. Edward followed her into the room and closed the door. For a moment, he just stood there staring at her, but then he kicked off his own shoes and sat next to her. He reached over and wrapped his hand around hers, pulling it up to his lips and placing a kiss on the palm of her hand.

Bella leaned her head onto his shoulder and smiled. Only Edward seemed to understand, seemed to be able to see her. The real her. The scared her.

"Long day, huh?" he whispered.

Bella snorted, and nodded before tilting her head back and looking up at him. "Kiss . . . me."

Edward angled his body toward her and brought his other hand up to cup her cheek. Slowly, he leaned in and kissed her, starting softly, but then put more passion behind the kiss. Bella moaned and shifted so that she was straddling him, her hands finding their way into his hair. Their lips moved furiously against one another's.

"Oh, God, baby," Edward groaned, moving his lips to her neck, down to her shoulder. He rolled them so that she was laying back on the bed. While one arm was holding him up, the other hand had found its way up her shirt and he was fondling her nipple. Bella lifted her hips toward him, needing more, wanting more.

Edward leaned up on his knees and tugged off his shirt, tossing it onto the floor. Bella smiled as she mirrored him, letting her clothes land next to his as they stripped off their remaining articles. Now, sitting naked in front of each other, Bella felt self-conscious, and nervous.

"You're beautiful," he murmured, placing his hands on her breasts. Bella bit her lip, arching her body toward him. "Can I . . . can I taste you?"

Bella's eyes widened, but she found herself nodding.

Edward smiled as he slid off the bed, kneeling on the floor in front of her. He grabbed her thighs and pulled her toward him, so that she was directly in front of his face. Bella felt exposed and embarrassed, and she worried that smelled. However, Edward didn't seem to think she did as he leaned forward and gave her a tentative lick. Bella gasped.

"Do . . . do you like that?" Edward asked.

She bit her lip as she nodded.

"Me, too," he whispered, before leaning in and giving her another lick.

Bella had never felt anything like it. He slipped his tongue into her, brushing his lips against her clit, and a pleasurable pressure rushed pulsated through her pussy. The more Edward licked her, the more she found herself struggling to keep from grinding herself against his mouth, the urge to plead for more filled her, but every time she opened her mouth, throaty moans seeped out.

"Edward," Bella cried out as her orgasm rocket through her. Edward smiled as he leaned back and looked at her. "Oh . . . wow."

"A good wow, I hope," he said.

Bella smiled and nodded as she sat up and placed her hand on one side of his face while signing, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he murmured, standing up. He was hard, and she thought about returning the favor, but before she could move, he laughed. "Shower with me?"

Bella nodded and allowed him to lead her into the bathroom.

—SW—

As Edward and Bella followed Esme, Emmett, Rose, Carlisle, Jasper, and Alice into the hospital the next morning, Bella wrapped her hand around the top of Edward's arm and leaned her head on his shoulder. They'd held up in their bedroom all night, just enjoying being together. They talked, or rather Edward talked and read her responses from his phone, about her therapy, how she had to keep fighting even though she found herself frustrated with her lack of progress. She knew he was right, but she respected the fact that he didn't try to shame her into continuing like her father had. Though, she couldn't be angry with Charlie. He was scared, too.

When the elevator doors opened, Bella saw Kate and Phil whispering to each other outside of Charlie's room. As they looked over and saw the eight of them disembarking the elevator, Phil's face crumbled, and Bella knew. Even before he said anything, Bella knew.

"I tried to call, but I guess you'd already left," he said, walking up to him. "Charlie had another seizure. He fell out of bed before anyone could get to him and hit his head. He's bleeding into his brain. Eleazar rushed him into surgery to try to stop the bleed, but . . . It's not looking good. I'm . . . I'm sorry."


	48. Chapter 48

48

Edward barely managed to process what Phil told them before Bella's hands were flying in an angry frenzy in front of her. He didn't have to know sign language to know exactly what she was wondering: how could he have fallen out of bed when the man barely had the strength to breath every day?

"I don't understand how in the hell this happened?" Esme snarled while Emmett placed his hand on Bella's shoulder, trying to calm her down. "He's a fall risk, for fuck sake!"

"I know, I know," Phil said, putting his hand up and trying to calm her down. "I'm still trying to work out all the details myself. They were in the middle of a shift change, and sometimes things get . . . confusing, but it would appear that Charlie rang for a nurse and one of the aides went in to help him. As he lowered his bed rail, the seizure hit and Charlie fell from the bed. He hit his head on the bottom of his IV pole. Luckily, Eleazar was here early. He wanted to review the procedure once more before we took Charlie in." He paused and dragged his hand over his face. "I just don't know how much more he can take. He's already been through so much, and . . ."

Bella clapped her hands, drawing everyone's attention to her. "Die?"

Phil opened and closed his mouth half a dozen times before shaking his head. "I don't know. He's already weak, and . . . Going in again like we were going to was a huge gamble. I just . . . I just don't know, sweetheart."

Bella turned and buried her face in Edward's chest. As he wrapped his arms around her, he felt helpless. Once again, they found themselves on the cusp of losing Charlie. How many second chances would they get?

"Charlie's going to be in surgery for a while," Phil said, directing his comments to Esme and Emmett. "Make sure she gets to therapy."

However, Bella pulled away from Edward and grabbed the front of Phil's shirt. When he looked down at her, she shook her head frantically.

"Sweetheart—" he started, placing his hands on her arms.

"No," she spat, but when she tried to speak again, nothing came out. Huffing, Bella released him and began signing. Esme frowned as she translated. "I'm not leaving this floor until I know whether my father is going to live or die."

"Fine," Phil said, and Edward wondered if he knew it was pointless to argue with her. Could he blame her? She'd spent three years wanting nothing more than to be able to feel Charlie's arms around her, to hear him call her butterbean. And now, just as they got him back, he'd been ripped away from her. No, Edward couldn't blame her at all for refusing to leave the floor, not even for therapy. "I'm going to go check on him. I'll let you know if anything has changed."

"Thank you," Emmett told him, placing his hand on the small of Rose's back. Phil walked over to Kate, leaning in to whisper in her ear before he rushed down the hallway and disappeared behind a set of double doors. Kate shifted her attention to the eight of them before turning to the group of nurses behind the counter. "I need coffee."

"I'll go," Rose said, leaning in and kissing him softly. "Want anything else?"

He smiled, though it seemed forced. "No, thanks."

Rose turned to everyone else. "Anyone else want coffee? Water? Muffin?"

"I'll go with you," Carlisle offered, turning to Esme. "Latte?"

"Please," she murmured.

Jasper and Alice muttered that they'd join them in the cafeteria, leaving Edward, Bella, Esme, and Emmett to find their way to the waiting room alone. As they settled in a group of seats in the back corner, Bella pulled her knees up to her chest and leaned her head on top. Edward felt so useless as he sat next to her. It seemed odd how just the night before he'd found himself on his knees in front of her, tasting her on his tongue for the first time, and now, they were waiting for word on whether Charlie would live through yet another procedure.

"We need to start thinking ahead," Emmett murmured, refusing to look at Esme or Bella as he spoke. "Dad's . . . There's a lot to decide, and . . ." Emmett dragged his hand over his face and turned to his sisters. "There's a couple of plots next to Grammy and Gramps. I think he'd like to be close to them."

Bella's face contorted in pain as she began to sign. Edward wasn't sure what she was saying, but based on the way Emmett flinched, he knew she wasn't happy.

"I know, Butterbean," he gritted. "But you heard Phil: Dad is weak. There's only so much his body can handle, and—"

But Bella ignored him and stood up, gesturing wildly with her hands before storming away and settling in a seat on the opposite side of the room. Edward stared with wide eyes as she looked between the two of them. She and Emmett never fought. In fact, he'd never seen her argue with either of her siblings.

As Edward slid to the edge of his seat and began to stand, Emmett said, "I wasn't ready for this." Edward shifted his eyes to the man. "To be responsible for her; I wasn't ready. I'd barely begun to live when she got sick the first time. Esme worked three jobs to help support us so that I could be there for her. Insurance only covers so much, and Mom and Dad didn't have a lot in savings. Their care isn't cheap, either." Emmett looked from Bella to Edward. "I don't want to even think about my father dying, Edward. I need him so much, but someone has to think about the what ifs."

Edward nodded. "You're right."

Rose, Carlisle, Jasper, and Alice trickled into the room, all of them noticing the way Bella sat apart of them. While they handed everyone their drinks, Edward walked over to Bella and sat in the seat next to her. Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, he turned and looked at his wife, winking at her when she looked at him. Bella's eyes flooded with tears, and she scooted onto his lap, wrapping her body around his. As she cried, for Charlie and Renee, for Emmett and Esme, and everyone else was hurting, Edward held her and did his best to keep from falling apart himself. Charlie Swan's death would shatter their world.

—SW—

Hours passes without word from Phil, Kate, Eleazar, or anyone, and Edward found himself struggling with patience. Bella was angry and more than once she'd snapped in a furious wave of her hands. He understood her anger, but knew that she'd regret the way she was treating her brother and sister, Jasper, and Rose. They'd stuck by her from the beginning, and he didn't want her to lose them now, not after everything.

Just after one in the afternoon, and refusing Esme's request once again that Bella eat, Tanya strolled into the waiting room. She paused as she looked around, spotting Bella and Edward.

"I don't much like having to track down my patients," she said, walking over and sitting in the chair in front of Bella.

Bella shrugged her shoulders.

"I heard about your father, and I'm sorry, but you can't just blow off your therapy, Bella," Tanya argued.

Bella sighed, but didn't say anything.

Tanya shifted her eyes to Edward for a moment before looking back at her. "I knew Charlie. Before he got hurt, I mean."

Bella's eyes widened.

"I was eighteen, and had gotten into a fight with my parents. They weren't . . . ideal, and Charlie responded to disturbance complaint at my house. My dad . . . he's a drunk, and my mom blames me for how her life turned out. I got in the way of her plans for college, and adventure. Anyway, that night, my dad had been exceptionally vicious and after your father arrested him, he led me out of the house, and asked the usual questions about how long he'd been abusing me, blah, blah, blah."

Tanya frowned. "The sad fact is I don't remember a time when my father didn't hit me. I had gotten really good at hiding the bruises, and he knew how hard was too hard. Charlie — he . . ." Tanya paused, her eyes glistening with tears. "He hugged me and said he was sorry that I'd gotten stuck with defective parents. He helped me get safe. I moved in with a friend and her family, finished high school, went to college. It wasn't easy, being on my own. My mother disowned me after my father got sent to jail, and I had to work two jobs while taking a full load. The night I graduated from UW, I was so overwhelmed. Years of struggling had paid off, you know? That night, after the ceremony and all that hoopla, I had walked back out to my car and I found an envelope taped to the driver's side window with my name scribbled across it. Inside was a graduation card and five hundred dollars," she whimpered. "Do you know who that was from, Bella?"

Bella shook her head softly.

"Charlie Swan," she murmured. "In the card he'd written that he was proud of me for changing my life, for not letting the sins of my parents keep me from succeeding. He said my parents didn't deserve a daughter like me." Tanya stood up and pulled her chair closer to Bella, sitting so that she was knee-to-knee with her. "I know you're scared. You've been asked to deal with more than most girls your age. You're a two-time cancer survivor, you've lost your voice, which was a large part of your identity. Nobody blames you for being angry, Bella, but you're letting your anger define who you are now. You want to speak again? Then do it. Stop hiding behind the fear of not being strong enough."

Tanya stood up and pushed her chair back to where it had been. "I'll give you one more chance. If you're not there tomorrow, then we'll call it done. But think real hard about what kind of life you want."

Tanya shifted her eyes to Edward before turning and walking out of the waiting room. Edward looked at his wife, trying to gauge her reaction, but Bella was stone-faced. He knew better than to push her, knowing how fragile she was. So, instead, he grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips, earning a small smile in response.

"I love you," Edward whispered, just loud enough for her to hear him.

"Love . . . you," she stammered.

—SW—

By the time the sun had begun to set, the waiting room had empty except for the eight people who'd been waiting for word on Charlie for almost ten hours and still hadn't heard a word. Tension was high and more than once, Emmett had cursed under his breath, Esme had taken to pacing around the room, and Bella spent most of her time glaring at the floor.

"What the fuck is taking so long?" Esme spat, throwing her hands in the air.

"We're sorry." Everyone turned their attention to the doorway of the waiting room. Phil and Eleazar were standing there, both of them looking exhausted and worn. As every stood, the two of them stepped into the room. Phil gestured for them to sit as he said, "Charlie made it through surgery, but his blood pressure is dangerously high. We're keeping his sedated for at least the next twenty-four hours, if not for a full forty-eight."

Eleazar cleared his throat. "While we were in there, I attempted to remove the remaining bits of the tumor, but I don't know if I was successful. It was extremely tricky. I know you don't want to hear this, but the odds of Charlie making a full recovery after two surgeries and a significant brain bleed are small. Ten, maybe fifteen perfect at most," he explained. "Please don't misunderstand; I will do everything in my power to making sure that Charlie not only survives, but that he fully recovers. But we all have to face that fact that Charlie's got a long road ahead of him." Eleazar's eyes flickered to Bella. "A very long road."

"Can we see him?" Esme asked.

"For a few minutes," Eleazar agreed.

Edward placed his hand on the small of Bella's back as they followed everyone down the hall to Charlie's room. Tubes and wires covered him, and there was a thick, white bandage wrapped round his head. Bella pulled away from Edward and rushed to Charlie, carefully lifting his hand in hers and placing a kiss on this palm.

As tears sprinkled down her cheeks, Edward heard her say, "Stay. Daddy, stay."

**Thank you for all the reviews. Emotional chapter for me. **


	49. Chapter 49

49

Bella slipped out of bed early the next morning. Her head hurt, her body hurt, her soul hurt. She had cried herself to sleep in Edward's arms. Everything in her life felt like it was falling apart, everything but him. He was the only constant she had, and she clung to him as if he were the last gasp of air she'd breathe.

Walking into the bathroom, she turned on the shower and stripped off her clothes while waiting for the water to warm. She looked up at herself in the mirror, trying to recognize the woman staring back at her. A stranger; that's all she saw. Her dark hair had started to grow back, but it was thin and still too short to do anything with. There were heavy circles under eyes and a small scar on her neck. In time, she knew it would fade, almost disappearing entirely, but to her, it would always stand out, always be a sign of her life struggles.

"Hey," Edward murmured, and Bella looked over at the door, finding him leaning against the frame. His eyes drifted down her nude body and then back up to hers, causing her skin to flush red. "Can I join you?"

Biting her lip, Bella nodded.

"Say it," he told her. "Say I can join you."

Bella frowned, shaking her head.

"No, say it," he said, stepping closer to her. "Try. Just try."

Bella's lips trembled as they parted, and a tickle toyed with the back of her throat as she stammered, "J . . . jo . . . join m . . . me."

Edward smiled and brought his hands up to her face, brushing the pads of his thumbs across her cheeks and wiping away the tears that had fallen. "I'd love to."

Bella blew out a deep breath before turning and stepping into the shower. Edward followed, wrapping his arms around her waist. His firm body was pressed against her, causing her to shiver.

"Cold?" he whispered.

"No," she breathed. "It's . . . you."

Edward laughed as he turned her in his arms so that she was facing him. He placed his hand on the back of her head and tilted it backward, making sure it was completely wet before he picked up her shampoo and squeezed a small amount into the palm of his other hand.

"Are you going to grow your hair long again?" he asked.

Bella shrugged.

"Don't do that. Say it. You can say yes or no," he replied.

She huffed. "May . . . be," she said.

Edward tilted her head back in the water and rinsed the shampoo off. Then, he picked up a shower poof and her body soap, lathering the poof until it was overflowing with foamy bubbles. As he washed her body, he kept his eyes locked on hers. It was the most intimate shower they'd ever taken.

"Can I kiss you?" Edward whispered.

"Yes." The word had barely left her mouth when Edward's lips were covering hers. He pressed her against the shower wall, one hand on her hip while the other slide between her lips, finding her pussy. "Edward!"

"Oh, God, say my name again," he groaned.

Bella moaned. "Edward."

"Again," he begged, pressing his fingers inside her.

"Edward," she murmured. "Edward."

"Oh, fuck, that's hot." Once more, his lips found hers.

Bella could feel how hard he was pressed against her stomach. She maneuvered a hand between them, wrapping her fingers around his cock.

"Jesus, Bella," he growled against her lips. "Don't stop. Please, don't stop."

"N . . . never," she promised, tightening her hand as she found her release.

As she stroked him, Edward would shift his hips upward. He whimpered, whispered her name, begged for more, and she gave him what she could. He was trembling, and she began to worry that she was pushing too hard, but then he kissed her hard, thrusting his tongue into her mouth. A heartbeat later, she felt his warm release splash onto her stomach and hand.

Edward leaned away and smiled. "Thank you."

"Wel . . . come," she murmured.

After they finished their shower, they walked back into their room and got dressed. It was just after seven in the morning, and the house was quiet as they headed down to the kitchen. Edward ordered Bella to the table while he made them breakfast. She didn't argue with him, knowing it was pointless.

"Hope you're hungry," he said, placing the carton of eggs, a package of bacon, and a package of cheese on the counter. "How about an omelet?"

Bella grimaced.

"You don't like omelets?" he asked, shocked.

Bella shook her head. "Too . . . mu . . . mushy."

"Mushy, huh? Okay, how about just some fried eggs, bacon, and toast then?"

This time she smiled. "'Kay."

Edward hummed a song under his breath as he cooked, causing Bella to smile. He was happy. He smiled, he felt good. She envied him. While she loved her life with him, loved him more than anything, she hated that their future was still so uncertain. They had yet to make love, though they'd been married for almost two months. They hadn't discussed college, or careers, or children. Everything had hinged on whether or not Bella beat her cancer, whether she got her voice back, and now, whether her father lived or died.

"Hey," Edward called, drawing her attention back to him. "Why are you frowning?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders, causing him to sigh.

Edward dumped the eggs and bacon onto their places before carrying them to the table and sitting next to her. "Are you thinking about your dad?"

Bella nodded.

"Me, too," he replied. "I know you don't want to hear this, Bella, but . . . Charlie might not make it."

Bella clenched her jaw tight.

"Please, just listen to me," he pleaded, reaching over and grabbing her hand. "I don't want to hurt you, but we have to be realistic. He's been through so much. The fall, years of being catatonic, and then the tumor. Add in two operations in just a few weeks, Bella, and physically he's been through a lot of trauma."

"Strong," Bella whimpered. "He's strong."

"I know he's strong, but even the strongest of men falter," Edward responded silently.

Bella brushed her tears off her cheek. "Not fair."

"No, it's not," he agreed, leaning across the table and kissing the middle of her forehead. "But neither of our lives have been fair, have they?"

Bella shook her head. "Sucks."

"It does." Edward leaned back in his chair as Esme, Carlisle, and Alice trickled into the kitchen, looking from Edward and Bella, to the mess around the stove.

"Did you make us any?" Alice asked, crossing her arms in front of her. Bella noticed the smudges of blue and green paint on the palms of her hands.

"Nope," Edward sniggered.

"But that's not fair!" she whined, flinging herself into the chair next to Bella. She shifted her large green eyes up to hers, jutting her bottom lip out. "Can I have yours?"

Bella sighed and began to push her plate toward Alice, but Edward snorted and grabbed the plate. "No way, Pix. Make your own."

"You don't love me," Alice grumbled, but stood up and walked over to the stove. She picked up the dirty skillet. "You're supposed to clean up after yourself, Edward."

"I'm going to," he groused. "After I eat."

"But I'm hungry now!" Alice whined, waving the skillet around.

Bella laughed silently before standing up and walking over to Alice, gesturing for her to hand over the skillet.

"You don't have to wash it," she muttered, her cheeks turning red.

Bella smiled wider and gestured for it again. Alice sighed and handed it to her. Bella placed it in the sink and turned on the water, before motioning for Esme to translate what she signed. "Edward cooked, so it makes since that I clean up. Isn't that the rules?"

"I guess," she mumbled.

Bella waved her hand toward the table, indicating that Alice should sit.

"I can wash it," Alice said, trying to reach around Bella, who placed her hand on top of hers. Alice tensed and shifted her eyes upward.

"Family," Bella struggled to say.

"Okay," Alice whispered.

And though Bella saw tears in her eyes, she didn't say anything else. She knew Alice was a private person, someone who had shied away from attention, and the last thing she wanted to do was make her uncomfortable in her own house. Bella added a tad of soap onto her sponge before she began to clean the skillet. Once she had it spotless, she washed the spatula and pinchers Edward had used on the bacon. Turning back to where Alice was sitting with her knees pulled up, she smiled and placed the clean dishes on top of the stove.

"Thanks," Alice whispered, before standing up and walking over to her. Bella wasn't prepared for Alice to wrap her arms around her, though, and gasped as the arms encased her.

Alice was quick to release her, and didn't say anything else as she turned her attention to the eggs and bacon that were laying on the counter. Bella returned to her seat and picked up her fork, pushing her now cold eggs around her plate.

"Here," Edward said, sliding the plate out from in front of her and carrying it to the microwave. "Hear they're better hot."

Bella smiled before turning to Esme, who'd sat at the far end of the table next to Carlisle. "Es." When her sister looked up at her, she signed, "What time are we meeting Emmett at the hospital?"

Esme shifted her eyes to Carlisle, who looked extraordinarily withdrawn, before answering. "Em will meet you there, but I, um, have an appointment."

"What kind of appointment?" Bella signed.

"Um, well, with . . . with Sam, actually," Esme told her, speaking of her attorney. "About Mr. Greene."

Bella felt her shoulders tense.

"He's been calling some, and, um, following me to and from the hospital," Esme explained. "Sam's been pressuring the District Attorney to press charges, but so far he's refusing because it's really my word about Mr. Greene's. Sam thinks it would be a good idea for me to take my story to the media."

Bella's eyes widened.

"I just don't know what else to do," Esme groused. "He's dangerous."

Bella's hands were flying in front of her before she even had a chance to process what she was saying. "What happens when everyone in town is calling him out? Don't you think he's going to be pissed? That he'll come after you?"

"I do," Esme admitted. "And it scares the shit out of me, Butterbean, but I can't just sit here and wait for him to lose his patience again." She slid her hand on top of Carlisle's. "I've waited a long time for this man, Butterbean. I thought I would spend my life alone," she whimpered. "And then I met Carlisle, and he makes me smile. I just . . . I just want to move on with my life, you know?"

Bella nodded.

"Anyway," Esme murmured, brushing her tears off her cheeks. "I haven't decided if I am going to talk to the press, or not."

Bella opened and closed her mouth several times before managing to say, "Be . . . safe."

Esme smiled. "Don't worry about me; I'm a big girl."

Sighing, Bella rolled her eyes and let the subject go. Esme was a big girl, but Mr. Greene had made his feelings toward her sister clear, and that scared Bella.

—SW—

Emmett was already at the hospital when Edward and Bella arrived. Sitting next to their father, he looked ten years older and exhausted. Bella worried about her brother, worried about him carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. Biting her lip, she leaned against the doorframe and knocked on the door, drawing his attention to her. He had two days' worth of whiskers on his face, and bags that matched hers under his eyes. A family trait, she thought to herself.

Tiling her head toward Charlie, she signed, "How is he?"

"The same," Emmett murmured with a sigh. "Phil came in a few minutes ago. Said his vitals looked good, he's stable, but . . ."

"But?" Bella asked.

"But he's not responding well to stimulants. Said it could be a sign of damage to his brain," Emmett explained.

Bella's eyes closed as the air in her lungs struggled to be freed.

"Shh, baby, it's okay," Edward soothed, sliding his arm around her waist and tucking her into his arms.

"Butterbean," Emmett called, causing her to look at him. He had his hand stretched out to her. "Come here."

Bella walked over to him, letting his fingers encase hers. He pulled her so that she was sitting on his knee.

"I remember the day Mom and Dad brought you home from the hospital. You so little and kind of ugly," he teased, laughing when Bella huffed. "I'm kidding. Well, kind of. You were just this little thing that ate, pooped, and cried. I didn't understand why you couldn't play with me, or do anything else. One day, not long after you were born, Dad took me fishing. Said we needed some boy time. Of course, at the time I didn't know what that meant, but as I got older, every year, we'd go fishing and have boy time." Emmett paused and blew out a thick breath. "I've missed our boy time, Butterbean. Missed it so much, but I can't keep him like this, this shell of a man, just because I miss him. It's not fair."

"Fair," Bella scoffed and pointed to Charlie. "Not fair."

"No, it's not," Emmett agreed. "But when he fell, we never thought we'd get this again, either. I'm not saying that we have to give up; I'm just saying that we have to be prepared to say goodbye."

"Can't," Bella cried. "I can't . . . Em, I can't."

"Shh, okay," he murmured, leaning his head against her shoulder. "We don't have to yet. Just calm down."

As Bella allowed her tears to seep down her face, she watched her father's chest rise and fall. How could she let him go when she needed him so much?

**Thank you for all the reviews. Faith, people, faith. **


	50. Chapter 50

50

Edward sat outside of Tanya's office and waited for Bella to finish her therapy session. She'd been reluctant to leave her father, and Edward didn't blame her one bit, but she'd promised him that she would keep going if he had the surgery, so she would. A part of Edward hated that Charlie guilted her into continuing her sessions, manipulating her by refusing to have the procedure done, but then Edward remember how he had done the exact same thing.

He'd refused to have his value replaced if she didn't at least talk to her doctor about the implant. Of course, looking back over the last few months, Edward never would have expected everything that had gone done. Bella's cancer returned, they'd gotten married, Charlie woke up, Charlie was going to die, Bella could speak, Charlie got sicker, Bella grew frustrated, and so on and so on and so on. When was enough enough? How much pain and heartache were they expected to endure before God took mercy on them?

The door to Tanya's office opened and Edward stood up as she and Bella walked out. Tanya had a smile on her face, while Bella looked exhausted.

"You did good today, Bella. Keep practicing, and I'll see you tomorrow." Tanya looked over at Edward. "And you keep pushing her to speak. She did really good today, made some major breakthroughs."

"I'll try," he said. Tanya walked back into her office and closed the door, so he turned his attention to Bella. "So you had a good session?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders. "Don't know. Still . . . hard."

"But you tried, right?" Edward asked.

"Yes," she said, nodding. "Dad?"

"Nothing new. How about we grab some lunch, and then go check on him?" When Bella started shaking her head, Edward grabbed her hand. "You have to eat. We can go to the hospital caf, but you have to eat. And so do I."

Bella bit her lip and nodded. Edward had still been struggling to regain his appetite after having his latest surgery, but knew that as long as he ate, she would, too. So, they made their way down to the cafeteria. Bella grabbed a bowl of chicken noddle soup and a sandwich, while Edward opted for the spaghetti and meatballs. He was sure he would regret his choice, but it smelled good and he was actually hungry for a change.

They found a small table in the back corner, away from prying eyes. Which was hard to do in Forks. It seemed that everyone loved to gossip about the poor Swan family and their fall from grace. Edward had noticed the way people watched Bella, pity and sorrow filling their eyes, but never once had they reached out to her, or tried to help.

Bella took one sip of her soup before cringing and pushing it away.

Edward laughed. "Guess it's not very good?"

"Shit," she spat, grabbing her soda and taking a large drink. "You eat it."

"Um, no," Edward snickered before mixing his spaghetti around a meatball, and taking a bite.

"Good?" Bella asked.

"It's all right," Edward replied with a shrug of his shoulders. "My mom made the best spaghetti. Homemade sauce, the tastiest meatballs."

Bella reached across the table and placed her hand on top of his.

"But this is okay. At least I can kind of taste it, right?"

Nodding, Bella gave his hand a squeeze before picking up her sandwich and taking a bite.

Once they finished their food, Edward dumped their trash, and then placed his hand on the small of her back and led her across the lobby and to the elevator. As they stepped off on the third floor, the first thing they saw was Emmett and Esme standing outside of Charlie's room with Phil. The three of them turned and looked at Bella, who tensed against Edward.

"He's okay," Esme assured them.

Bella blew out a heavy breath as she looked past her sister at Charlie, who was still unconscious. Edward had hoped that there would be some sort of sign of life that would give them reason to hope, but so far there hadn't been any.

"Phil was updating us on what to expect next," Esme continued. "You know, if he wakes up, or doesn't."

Bella nodded and turned her attention to Phil. Edward knew she struggled with the idea that her father might not survive, but the facts were clear: the longer it took Charlie to regain consciousness, the less likely he would.

"As I was telling them, if Charlie does wake up, he will most likely be confused. He may have some short-term memory loss. There's a chance that the memory loss could be permanent. Small chance, but still a chance, and we have to be prepared."

"Odds?" Bella asked.

"Five percent, if that high," Phil said. "But memory loss may be the least of his problems. Because of how he fell, there's a strong likelihood that he'll have problems with his motor skills. His speech may be impaired, as well."

"And what if he doesn't wake up?" Emmett asked. "How long can he live like this?"

"The longer he's unconscious, the less likely he will ever wake up. His organs will begin to fail one by one, and . . ." Phil paused. "By the time we reach that stage, all we will be able to do is keep him comfortable."

Bella turned and buried her face in Edward's chest, her tears seeped through his shirt and scorched his flesh.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to do!" Phil exclaimed, his frustration evident.

"We know," Esme murmured, and she turned to Edward and Bella. "Butterbean."

Bella sniffed back her tears as she looked at her sister.

"We need to discuss what to do next," Esme said.

Bella shook her head and brushed past everyone and walked into Charlie's room. Crawling onto the bed with her father, she wrapped herself around Charlie and cried.

—SW—

As Bella and Edward reluctantly left the hospital that evening, he could tell Emmett and Esme were frustrated with Bella. She refused to even discuss the idea that Charlie wouldn't wake up, or that he would die. Edward understood their frustrations, but he also understood Bella's side of things. After the fire, she hadn't just lost her voice, but her parents. When her father regained his senses, it gave Bella a reason to go on, a reason to fight again. Losing him now would rip a hole in her heart — a hole not even Edward would be able to mend.

Bella and Edward settled at the table while Carlisle and Esme made dinner. Emmett and Rose were sitting next to Bella, while Jasper and Alice had disappeared up to her room. They'd come by the hospital after school, and Edward could tell that Alice had had a rough day at school. Jasper wouldn't give any specifics, but apparently Alice had heard two girls making fun of her scars. Edward would never understand why people felt the need to mock people. Wasn't there already enough pain in the world?

Bella snapped her fingers toward Esme, who'd been whispering in Carlisle's ear while he browned ground beef for tacos. When Esme looked over at her, Bella began to sign.

"My meeting with Sam went fine, butterbean," she replied and came over and sat in front of her. "Actually, it went better than fine. It turns out that Mr. Greene has quite the history of harassment when it comes to women co-workers. They found women in Port Angeles, Seattle, and Portland, all of whom had been stalked and harassed by him when they worked together. Sam thinks that we, as a group, should take our stories to the media, and I'm inclined to agree."

Emmett snorted, drawing their attention to him.

"What?" Esme snapped.

"I don't think bringing more attention to us is a good idea," he responded.

"More attention?" Esme asked. "Is that what you think I'm doing? Seeking more attention? Because the last thing I want is for people to gawk at us even more than they already to, Em."

"I know," Emmett muttered, looking thoroughly embarrassed.

"No, you don't," Esme insisted. "He's always there. Watching me, following me, calling me. I'm tired of always having to look over my shoulder, of always being afraid. I've already been ran out of the school. I'll be damned if I let him control the rest of my life."

Bella tapped her hand on the table, causing both Emmett and Esme to look at her. She sighed before she began to sign. "But by putting him in the spotlight, how can you be sure that he won't come after you? You said it yourself: he's dangerous."

After translating for Bella, Emmett said, "Butterbean has a point."

"Maybe," Esme agreed. "But on the same notion, maybe it's time to stop letting him control everything. Maybe it's time to fight back."

Bella bit her lip and looked at Emmett, who seemed just as confused.

"I think it's a good idea," Rose murmured, drawing everyone's attention to her. "Charlie and Renee would want her to fight back, too. And so would my parents."

"They would," Esme whispered.

"Okay," Emmett said. "If you really think it's a good idea, then I won't stand in the way. Just be careful. Mr. Greene isn't someone who's going to go away silently."

"If we're going to eat, I'm going to need some help," Carlisle quipped, and everyone laughed as they looked over at him. "I'm not joking."

Esme giggled as she stood up and walked back over to him, kissing his cheek before taking over the meat. Bella leaned her head on Edward's shoulder while Emmett and Rose went to help. After another ten minutes, everyone — including Alice and Jasper — were sitting around the table, munching on tacos, baked beans, and macaroni and cheese.

As they neared the end of dinner, Emmett turned toward Bella. "Can we talk?"

"No," she said.

Emmett smiled. "Let me rephrase. We're going to talk."

Bella sighed.

"I know you don't want to, but we have to," he argued. "You don't know this, but after Mom and Dad fell, Esme and I found a bunch of papers that talked about what they wanted to happen, you know in case life-saving measures were needed."

Bella frowned and placed her hands in her lap.

"We never needed to worry about it before, because after they fell, they were alive. Lost, but alive. But now, Dad is . . ." Emmett paused and shook his head.

"He's strong," Bella stammered.

"No, Butterbean, he isn't," Esme said, and when Bella lifted her hands to argue, Esme added, "I'm sorry, but he's not. He's been locked inside of himself for years. Unable to move, speak, feed himself. His arms and legs, they don't move the way they used to."

"No," Bella forced out through clenched teeth.

"Yes, Bella, Yes!" Emmett griped. "Do you really think we want to be sitting here talking about Dad like this? That we don't want to have another thirty years with him? Because we do!"

"I know," she whispered as the phone rang.

Carlisle frowned as he pushed himself out of his chair and walked over to the counter, lifting the phone off the base and saying. "Hello." He snapped his eyes over to Esme. "Are sure? . . . Okay . . . Yes, I'll tell them . . . As soon as possible . . . We will. Thank you . . . Okay . . . okay, goodbye."

Carlisle replaced the phone onto the base and turned his attention to the table, where everyone had been watching. He smiled and said the two words that everyone had been waiting to hear for days: "Charlie's awake."

**Thank you for all the reviews. Short chapter, I know, but an important one. See, Bella's faith wasn't misplaced, but will Charlie be the same old Charlie?**


	51. Chapter 51

51

For several seconds, the room was utterly silent as the words Carlisle just spoke hung in the air. Charlie was awake. He was actually awake. A sob bubbled to the tip of Bella's tongue as she tore herself out of her seat and rushed out of the kitchen, through the living room, and out to Edward's car. She'd just placed her hand on the passenger side door when a hand landed on her shoulder and she turned, finding her brother standing there with tears in his eyes.

"Ride with me," he murmured, the need in his voice evident.

Bella nodded and allowed her brother to lead her to his car. While she slid into the front seat, Esme climbed into the back. Edward and Rose rode with Alice, Jasper, and Carlisle, giving the three of them a few minutes together. It was odd to Bella how much had changed over the last few months. They'd always been close; the three of them, Rose, and Jasper became a family when their worlds were destroyed. But now, they were better. Bella and Esme had found love, Jasper found someone who understood him, someone he could love and cherish. Edward, Alice, and Carlisle, Bella knew, had barely been functioning when they moved to Forks. Yet now, they were strong and amazing. The eight of them were a family.

Emmett parked in the parking lot in front of the hospital, but when Bella reached for the door handle, he wrapped his fingers around her arm, drawing her attention to him. "I need you to know that I don't want to think about Dad dying. I want — more than anything — for him and Mom to come back to us, to be our parents again. I've sat back for the last few years and watched as you slipped away from us."

Bella shook her head frantically, but he smiled.

"You have," he said. "And I get it. You didn't belong in the normal world anymore. You couldn't speak, and you had all these feelings inside of you. You were afraid of telling us, right?"

Bella bit her lip as she barely nodded.

Emmett's smile turned into a frown. "So did I. Rose and I . . ." He blew out a heavy breath. "She wants a baby, but I'm scared, Butterbean."

"Of what?" Esme asked, voicing the question Bella knew they both had.

Emmett's lips trembled as he spoke. "That I won't be the kind of Dad that we had. Dad — he just . . . I need him to tell me that it's okay to be scared, that it's normal. And I want a baby — I do — but what if something happens to Rose? Or me? Or, hell, both of us? What if we end up leaving our son or daughter alone, too?"

Bella turned in her seat so that she was facing him and began to sign, "Then me and Esme and Jasper will tell your son or daughter how amazing you both are." Pausing for a moment, Bella tried to keep her tears from falling. "You were there when I needed you, Em. When I'd wake up crying because Mom and Dad were gone, when my voice was ripped away. When I found myself on my knees, begging God to kill me because it was better than living in Hell, you were the one who held me and promised that it would be okay."

The tears she'd struggled to keep from falling tipped over her eyelids and sprinkled down her face, but she kept signing, needing him to understand how she felt. "You've never walked on egg shells around me and I love that. Even when it's something I don't want to hear, I need you to say it. You're the best big brother, Em, and you'd be a fantastic father, too."

"She's right," Esme added, quietly. "I may be the oldest, but you were the one that kept us from falling apart. I wasn't ready to be responsible for anyone other than myself, but you — you came in and handled it all. It wasn't fair of me to put all that on your shoulders. The house, the bills, Butterbean."

Esme paused and ran her fingers through her hair, trying to calm herself. "Carlisle wants to marry me."

Bella smiled, though her eyes widened.

"Pretty crazy, right?" Esme laughed. "We've known each other like a second, but I love him. God, I am so in love with him. He just . . . When he looks at me, I feel like I'm the most beautiful girl in the room."

"He's good man," Emmett murmured. "He'd never hurt you."

"No, he wouldn't," Esme agreed. "But can I be the wife he deserves? I'm selfish and bitchy."

"And whiny," Emmett snickered, full out laughing when Esme hit him in the back of the head. "Just saying. When you don't get your way, you tend to whine a bit."

"Okay, Pot, whatever you say," Esme scoffed.

"Are you saying that I'm whiny, too?" Emmett asked.

"Hells yes!" Esme exclaimed.

"Okay, maybe I am," he admitted. "But you should marry him."

"You think?"

Emmett nodded. "Marriage isn't about not being selfish or bitchy or whiny sometimes. It's about loving the person you're with so much that you can't imagine not being connected to them in every way possible. It's . . . Hell, I don't know. Butterbean, what's it like for you and Edward?"

Bella shrugged her shoulders as she signed. "Haven't really got to be married, have we? I was sick, and he was too weak from his surgery. Then I had the implant and Dad came back, and . . ." She waved her hand in the air.

"Guess you're right," Emmett murmured, shifting his attention to the front of the hospital. "We'd better get inside. I just want both of you to know that I love you."

"We love you, too," Esme whispered.

Bella nodded, unable to say the three little words. Her nerves were on high alert and all she could think about was her father. He had defeated the odds once more and awoken from the surgery that was supposed to kill him, but would he really be back?

As they joined the rest of their family, who had been waiting for them just outside the door, Edward wrapped his arm around Bella, and nestled her into his arms, burying his face in the side of her neck. She shivered as she felt his lips against her skin. He always knew just how to touch her, how to soothe away the fear and doubt that plagued her.

Phil, Eleazar, and Kate were waiting for them in the hallway outside of Charlie's room. The grim expressions on their faces were enough to know that the news of Charlie's awakening wasn't good, and Bella once again found herself struggling to keep from crying. She'd never been so emotional before, but the last few weeks had her reeling. Would their lives ever be normal again?

"He's awake, right? That's what you said, Kate, right?" Emmett asked, trying to look around Phil, but the curtain around Charlie's bed had been pulled. "What's going on?"

"He is awake," Phil said, drawing everyone's attention to him. "But he's not coherent. His eyes are open, but he hasn't shown any response to my voice or other stimulants."

"Nothing?" Esme asked, frowning. "Just like before?"

Phil shifted his eyes down to Bella before nodding. "I'm afraid so."

Bella's eyes closed and she brought her hand up to her mouth, trying to keep from openly sobbing. Her father was lost against.

"So what now?" Edward asked, drawing everyone's attention to him. He fidgeted next to Bella, clearly uncomfortable with the attention. "He just goes back to the ward again?"

"We'll keep him here until he's healed from the surgery, but, yes," Phil said, gruffly. "He'll go back to the ward. Kate has already put in a request for him to get his room back."

"Not fair," Bella whispered, feeling everyone's eyes shift to hers. "It's not fair."

"No, it's not," Phil agreed, looking back into Charlie's room. "He deserves better than half a life."

Without another word, Phil turned and walked away. While Emmett and Esme questioned Eleazar and Kate further on Charlie's situation, Bella pulled away from Edward and walked into Charlie's room. As she sat on the side of his bed and slipped her hand around his, she looked for any sign that he felt her presence, but there were none. His eyes were open, but there was no sign of life. Dissolving in a pool of tears, Bella curled up around her father, praying that God would have mercy on them once more.

—SW—

It was after Midnight when they walked out of the hospital. The air was thick with humidity and the ground wet from the rain that had fallen while they were inside. The darkness felt suffocating as it wrapped around Bella, and she brought her hand up to her throat, almost as if she could tear the darkness away.

"Anyone want to grab some ice cream?" Emmett asked, and when everyone looked at him, he shrugged his shoulders. "Feels like an ice cream kind of night."

"Is there any place open that sells ice cream this late?" Carlisle asked.

"Maybe the gas station," Emmett replied.

"Oh, they have it by the pint," Rose cooed. "I wonder if they have chocolate chip cookie dough."

With a murmur, everyone agreed to check. Once everyone had selected their ice cream, the eight of them headed down to First Beach, off the La Push reservation. Bella knew why Emmett had selected this beach. Charlie and Renee always brought them there in the summer. The water was usually still too cold to swim in, but they'd spend hours building sandcastles, roasting marshmallows. Being a family. They needed the small comfort the beach brought them, though while everyone settled in the sand with their ice cream, moaning about the delicious chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla tastes, Bella wondered to the edge of the water, listening as the waves crashed against the shoreline. The moon was hidden behind a thick fog, and a feeling of forbearing hung in the air.

She should have known better than to expect her father to beat the odds again. He'd already been living on borrowed time. The fall should have killed him, his injuries were so severe. But his heart kept beating. Maybe it would have been easier if there hadn't been any hope of survival.

"Hey," Edward said, wrapping his arms around Bella and pressing his lips against the side of her head. "You okay?"

"No," she simply murmured. "I'm scared, Edward."

"Of me?" he teased, and she knew he was just trying to lighten the mood, but she couldn't find it in her to laugh. "Talk to me, Bella."

"Of losing him," Bella whimpered, unable to keep her tears from falling again. "Of losing myself again. I . . ." She shook her head, still finding it difficult to fully express her feelings.

"Of losing me?" Edward asked.

Bella nodded.

Edward placed his hands on her hips and turned her so that she was facing him. Then, he slid one hand up to the back of her head, dragging his fingers through the short crop of brown hair that had regrown since she stopped her treatments.

"I wish I could stand here and promise that I can give you forever, but I can't. You and I live in the real world, a world where we're living on borrowed time."

The thought of losing him caused Bella to shiver and grab the front of his shirt. "I need you."

"I need you, too," he murmured. "Always and forever, baby."

Edward's lips found hers in a fiery kiss that left her breathless. Bella felt her heart pounding against her chest, her lungs burning for air, but she couldn't find it in herself to end the kiss, end their connection. In that moment, for those few minutes, they weren't the girl with no voice and the boy with a broken heart. No, they were two lovers, lost in each other. And for now, that was enough.

**Thank you for all the reviews. Only one chapter left, I think.**


	52. Chapter 52

You know that saying about how a watched pot never boils? Well, life didn't stop when Charlie was ripped away from Bella, either. For the past eight weeks, she watched as her father stared at nothing. His eyes were void of any real emotion. Like before, he breathed on his own, ate when the spoon was placed at his lips, but there was no sign that he knew who his family was, and it was killing Bella.

She was selfish. It was a fact that she knew too well about herself, but she didn't care. She wanted her father back, and another chance to tell him how much she loved him. The few weeks they'd had together weren't enough, not by a long shot. And every day that passed a little piece of Bella died.

"Hey," Edward murmured.

Bella shifted her eyes up from the book she'd been pretending to read to the man laid across the bottom of their bed. Edward had a faint smile on his lips, but there was worry in his eyes. She wanted to assure him that she was okay, but she couldn't find it in herself to lie to him. He wouldn't believe her, anyway. He could always tell when she was putting on a mask.

"Hey," she replied.

"Good book?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow and shifting so that he was sitting up. His hand automatically lifted to his chest. Even after four months he still felt some discomfort. He assure her that it was normal, but she still worried about him. Just like he did her.

"I have no idea," she admitted. "Can't seem to focus on it."

Edward nodded. "Want to get out of here?"

"Sure," Bella said, tossing her book onto the bed and sliding to the edge. It was still odd when she heard herself speaking. Ten weeks of intense speech therapy had given her an almost normal speech pattern, though she still struggled with certain words and phrases. But at least she and Edward could have a normal conversation without her needing to use sign language all the time. Though, she had to be honest and admit that she still felt the urge to sign her speech most of the time. It had become such a habit for too long.

Edward wrapped his arm around Bella as the two of them descended down the stairs. Carlisle and Esme were sitting in the living room, snuggled up on the couch while watching a movie. Esme had all but moved in, spending every night here. Though they weren't officially engaged, Bella knew that one day Carlisle would ask her to marry him and Esme would say yes. Much like Edward and Bella, they had wandered through life, lost and alone until a chance meeting brought them together. They saved each other. In different ways, of course, but in the ways that mattered the most.

"Where are you two going so late?" Esme asked, not bothering to lift her head off Carlisle's chest. A week after Charlie "awoke" from his coma, Esme and three other women sat down with a reporter in Seattle and told their stories, depicting every horrid detail of how Mr. Greene had stalked them, assaulted them, and threatened them if they didn't comply with his demands. It turned out Esme had been luckier than the other three. Where she'd been stalked and threatened, he hadn't physically hurt her outside of a few bruises from when he grabbed her arms. Two of the women admitted that Mr. Greene had raped them, while the third refused to answer the question. A week after the four of them sat down with the reporter, their story was told during the nightly news, along with the fact that the police had opened an investigation in regards to the allegations made against him. Mr. Greene was arrested last week and officially charged with two counts of sexual assault, stalking, and harassment. There was a sense of relief on all of them, but, seeing as life tended to smack them in the face at every turn, Bella worried that Mr. Greene wasn't done with them, yet.

"For a walk," Edward replied before she could.

"Did you take your meds?" Carlisle asked, his eyes shifting from the television to Edward, who clenched his jaw in an effort not to show his frustration with his brother. Bella knew it bothered him when Carlisle nagged him about his health, but Carlisle was only trying to help. For too long he had let guilt over a simple decision eat way at him.

"Yep, after dinner, like always," Edward groused.

Carlisle opened his mouth to say something, but then promptly closed it. Bella sucked her bottom lip between her teeth as she tugged on Edward's hand. When he looked down at her, she titled her head toward the door, signaling that she was ready to leave.

"We won't be too late," Edward told them before following Bella toward the door.

The air was cool, but not too cold. There was a hint of moisture that felt like the heavens were ready to open. Edward kept his arm around Bella as they started walking down the block until they reached a small park a few blocks away. They'd found it a few weeks ago, and it had become one of their favorite spots.

They settled on a couple of swings, the sound of the metal chains squeaking echoed through the air. She still found it difficult to speak in front of other people, too. For too long she found it easy to just disengage and let herself get disappear. It was a hard habit to break.

"I've been thinking," Edward said, ending the quiet that had settled around him, and when she looked at him, he was smiling at her, which caused her cheeks to warm. "We need to go out on a date. We . . ." His hand came up to his chest. "We didn't really get to date before we got married, did we?"

"No," Bella murmured. Their relationship had been filled with so much heartache and silent wishes. They'd been married for almost four months and still hadn't made love. There never seemed to be the right moment for them to take that step. One set back after another kept them from being completely happy.

"So, will you go out with me?" he asked. "I will tell you, though, I am a married man, and I have no intention of ever leaving my wife."

Bella smiled. "Is that so?"

Edward smirked and nodded.

"Well, that seems fair since I am a married woman. Are you sure you can keep up with my husband, though? He's . . ." Bella made a whistle sound under her breath. "He's a bit of an animal, if you catch my drift."

"He is, huh?" Edward laughed, and the sound sank through her like a knife. He had a beautiful laugh, like presents on Christmas morning.

"Yeah," she whispered, her cheeks warm despite the cool air.

"That kills me," Edward murmured and when she looked back at him, he said, "When you blush, I mean. It doesn't matter that you've seen me at my worst, you still blush for me."

Bella smiled. "You make my insides quiver."

"I do?" He sounded surprised, though she wasn't sure why. He knew how much she loved him. "I thought I was the only one who felt like that."

"You're not."

"Good to know," Edward laughed with a smirk.

—SW—

Just before seven the next evening, Bella stood in front of the cheval mirror in their bedroom and smoothed out the dark green dress she was wearing. Edward had disappeared an hour beforehand, telling her that he would be back to pick her up at seven. He'd spent much of the morning on the phone and every time she came around, he suddenly got very quiet and muttered that he'd call whomever he was speaking to back. She wasn't sure what he was planning and she honestly didn't care. All she wanted was to be with him forever.

Her eyes flittered to the small scar on the side of her neck. Phil assured her that it would fade to the point that nobody would notice, but for her it would always be there. A sign of how much her life had changed in just a short amount of time. Eight months ago, she'd been so resistant to having the implant placed, afraid of what would happen if it failed, or if it worked. Change was terrifying, yet she was glad she'd taken the chance. To be able to tell Edward how much she loved him, how much she needed him, was so important to her.

He was the love of her life, the only person who saw the real her and not the muted freak. He was her world, her everything.

"Bella." At the sound of her name, she turned and found Alice leaning against the doorjamb of her bedroom. She was covered in paint: reds, blues, golds. A small smile played on her lips as she brought her hand up to her chest, toying with the neckline of her T-shirt. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," she murmured, automatically bringing her hands up and signing the two words as she spoke. "Sorry, habit."

"It's okay," she said, shrugging her shoulders and shifting nervously. "Can I come in?"

"Of course." Bella turned toward her sister-in-law as the small, fragile girl stepped into the room, but stayed next to the door. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she replied. "A little wired, actually. I spent all afternoon working on a new painting, and . . ." Alice laughed softly. "I kind of feel stoned. Or what I would imagine being stoned would feel like, anyway."

"That's how I used to feel when I sang," Bella murmured. "I'd be so nervous before going on stage, but the minute I found myself standing there, I'd just . . ." Pausing, she brought her hand up to her throat. "Everything disappeared and I could just sing."

"I admire you," Alice whispered, just barely loud enough for Bella to hear. "After the accident, when . . . the burns were . . ." Alice brought her hand up to her face, wiping away her tears. "I wasn't supposed to be born. I was the accident, the unexpected baby. And Edward was so sick and needed so much attention. I just . . . I felt so angry that I was the forgotten child," she cried. "I begged them to come to my art show. Mom wasn't going to, said Edward needed her. I screamed at her, told her I hated that she didn't love me the way she did him. I . . . I never told her I was sorry, Bella, not even when they showed up. I was still so angry that she was putting him first again. Then they were gone, and I was left behind. I hurt. Physically, emotionally, I hurt all the time. And Edward pushed us away. He cursed God for taking Mom away, when . . . when it was my fault."

"No, it wasn't." Alice gasped and spun around, finding Edward standing behind her. Bella nibbled on her lip, unsure if she should leave them alone, but before she could make a decision, Edward stepped closer to his sister and cupped her face between his hands. "Pix, you are not to blame for Mom and Dad dying. No more than I am. Or Car is. It sucks that they were taken from us. That the only reason I can stand here and breathe is because Mom's heart is in my chest. But Mom and Dad, they loved you so much. You're Pix, and you'll always be my Pix."

"Promise?" Alice wept, reaching up and covering his hands with hers. The sleeves of her shirt pulled down, showing the scars that marred her delicate skin.

"I promise." Edward leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I promise, Pix."

Alice smiled at Bella before she slipped past Edward and walked back into her bedroom, closing the door behind her. Just before the door closed, Bella spotted Jasper laying on Alice's bed, his earbuds plugged into his ears, but Bella knew that when Alice was in the room, he was completely tuned in to her. He loved her, and she loved him.

Edward shifted his attention to Bella, the intense look in his eyes had her trembling and her skin warming. "You look beautiful," he said, waving his hand in front of his face and signing the last word he'd spoken. "Incredible, actually."

"So do you."

And he did. He'd put on a pair of black dress pants, a white shirt that he'd left untucked. He had on a black jacket and his hair had been styled so that it looked like he'd just ran his fingers through his hair, but not like he'd just woken.

Edward laughed. "Thanks, I guess. Nobody's ever told me I was beautiful before."

"Well, you are," Bella murmured, reaching on top of the dresser and picking up the small black clutch Esme had let her borrow. "Are you going to tell me where we're going?"

Her husband smirked as he held out his hand. "No."

"I didn't think so," Bella groused, but she didn't mind the secrecy behind tonight's plans. Edward would never do anything to hurt her. She trusted him with every inch of her soul. Bella wrapped her hand around Edward's forearm and allowed him to lead her downstairs.

Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, and Rose were waiting seated in the living room, and turned toward them as they descended down the stairs. Smiles crept over their features, but none of them uttered a sound as Edward and Bella walked across the room and out of the house. Their support meant the world to both of them, Bella knew. Young and sick, the decision to get married after only knowing each other a couple months was silly, but Edward was the love of her life, the only person who saw the real her and wanted her. Bella knew it was hard on her siblings, especially Emmett, to let her go, to let Edward love her. Maybe it was because they understood. After all Rose was Emmett's world, and Carlisle loved Esme.

The air was cool and Bella shivered as she stepped closer to Edward. He chuckled under his breath as he wrapped his arm around her waist and led her down to his car. Once he'd helped her inside, he closed the door and rushed around to the driver's side, sliding in behind the wheel.

They didn't speak as Edward drove them through Forks, past the high school where they'd met, and onto the highway leading into Port Angeles. Bella slid her hand over Edward's knees, smiling to herself when she heard him groan.

An hour later, Edward parked in front of the theater Bella had taken him to the day he collapsed. Without a word, she took his hand into hers and followed him inside, through the lobby and into the theater. Bella gasped, her free hand flying up to cover her lips as she looked around. Hundreds of candles filled the room. On the stage was a pallet made of blankets and pillows.

"Why?" Bella murmured, knowing he would hear her.

"Because this place is important to you," he said, tugging on her hand and silently asking her to follow him onto the stage. He released the hold he had on her hand and bent over, picking up a microphone and holding it out toward her. "Here."

"What?" she asked, taking it from him.

"I want you to sing for me," he said, rushing off the stage and settling in to a seat in the front row.

"I can't," she stammered, shaking her head.

"You can," he insisted. "It's just me, Bella. Just sing to me."

"Edward," she whispered, biting her bottom lip.

"Please." The simple word was filled with so much longing, Bella couldn't keep from nodding. She'd do anything for him.

Closing her eyes, she tossed her clutch onto the blankets and released a deep breath. Her lips parted and the words tumbled from between her lips. Her voice, so different than it was before cancer ate away at her vocal chords, shook as she tried to sing, yet she felt a peace crept over her. And for a moment — just a brief moment in time — she could be a star.

As the last word hung in the air, Edward stood up and clapped, causing Bella to blush. Though she tried, she couldn't keep the tears from falling.

"Bella?" Edward asked, rushing up to her.

"I sang," she wept, placing her hands on his chest. "I sang again. I never thought I'd be able to sing again, Edward. Never. But I did. I sang!"

Edward smiled. "You did. And you sounded beautiful."

"I doubt that," she murmured, sliding her hands around to the back of his neck, tangling her fingers in his hair. "But thank you. I don't know how you did this, but thank you."

"Emmett helped me," he confessed, pulling her down onto the pallet of blankets. "I wanted to bring you somewhere special, and I knew this place meant a lot to you. He called your aunt and uncle, who agreed to let us have the place for the night. Said they had planned on visiting your dad tonight, anyway."

"Oh," Bella whispered, shifting so that she was sitting with her knees bent in front of her.

"Here." Edward reached around her and pulled the basket of goodies that had been left for them. He stripped off his jacket before tugging the napkin off the top of the basket. "Emmett refused to buy us some wine. Gave me some bullshit about us being too young, and having a heart condition and cancer." He gave her a look as he pulled out a bottle of ginger ale. "Best I can do. But we do have wine glasses."

Bella laughed. "Sounds delicious. What else do we have?"

"Oh, a little of this and a little of that," he murmured. "First, we have some chocolate covered strawberries."

"My favorite!" Bella giggled, feeling giddy as her husband placed the bowl of strawberries in front of them.

"And, we have some rice crispy treats, because they think we're ten years old," he scoffed, but placed them on the blankets, too. "And, let's see, some cheese and crackers."

Edward tossed the basket onto the stage behind them and pried the lid off the cheese and crackers. "Want one?"

Bella bit her lip as she picked out a slice of cheddar cheese and a Ritz crackers, placing the cheese on the cracker and taking a bite. "Ugh, these suck," Bella groused, chunking her cracker and cheese back into the bowl.

Edward laughed and picked up the strawberries. "How about one of these?"

"Yes, please!" she cheered, waiting for him to open the bowl before plucking one out. Wrapping her lips around the tip, she moaned as she bit into the chocolate covered fruit. "That's fucking delicious."

"You're fucking delicious," Edward murmured, causing her to shift her eyes to him. He grabbed her wrist and brought the fruit to his mouth, taking a bite off the piece she'd just been eating. "Mmm, good."

"It really is," she murmured, letting it fall from her hand as she grabbed the back of his head and pulled him toward her. His mouth met hers and they both moaned, falling back onto the blankets and pillows.

Edward's hand gripped her hip, tugging her body against his as their lips moved in a hurried frenzy. His fingers crept lower and lower until they reached the hem of her dress. Dipping beneath, he slid his hand upward, his fingers finding the lace of her panties.

"Oh, God, lace? You're wearing lace panties?" he groaned, moving his lips to the curvature of her neck. He sucked and nipped on her skin.

"Edward, touch me," Bella begged, needing to feel his fingers inside of her.

Edward didn't say anything as he tugged her panties to the side and slipped one finger inside her. Together, they moaned.

"So warm, so wet," he groaned, and leaning up, he looked her in the eyes and said, "And mine."

"Yours," she whimpered. "Make love to me!"

Edward stopped moving, stopped breathing for a second, and Bella wondered if she had pushed him too far. "Are you sure? We can wait if you're not ready."

Bella smiled. "I'm ready, Edward. Ready to be your wife in every way."

Releasing a deep breath, he removed his finger from inside her and reached into the back of pocket of his pants. His cheeks turned red as he held out a condom. "Figured, you know, we should be prepared."

"God, I love you," Bella laughed, sitting up. She reached up and began to unbutton his shirt. Once she had all of them undone, she slid it down his arms, letting it fall to the side. Edward's breath caught in his chest as Bella leaned forward and placed a kiss on his scar. "Do you know what I see when I look at your scar?"

"No," Edward whispered.

"I see strength and love and determination." Bella shifted so that she was kneeling in front of him. Placing her hands on his hips, she shifted her eyes up to his. "You say I gave you a reason to live, a reason to let go of your anger, but you want you don't understand is that you're my reason, Edward. I had gotten so used to not mattering to anyone, that when I suddenly found myself facing someone who wanted me, I was scared. So scared."

"Me, too," he admitted, tugging the straps of her dress of her shoulders before sliding his hands to her back and lowering the zipper slowly. "I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you. You never spoke to me, and I couldn't understand why it bothered me. You made me feel again."

"I love you so much," she whimpered allowing him to remove her dress, leaving her in just her panties.

In a frenzy, they removed the last of their clothes, laying on the blanket naked. Edward placed his hand on her hip as he leaned over and kissed her again, needing to feel her lips against his. Bella shifted them so he was hovering over her, and then tore the condom wrapper with her teeth, before rolling the latex down his hard cock. She placed her hands on his shoulders.

"I'm ready," she whispered.

"I love you," Edward murmured, pressing just the tip of himself inside her.

"I love you, too," Bella whimpered.

Slowly, all too slowly, he pushed himself inside of her. Her groan and his moan echoed throughout the theater, and he blew out a heavy breath to keep from coming right then. She felt amazing and warm, like summer afternoons and birthday wishes.

"Move," she cried. "Please, keep moving."

Edward groaned again as he began shifting his hips back and forth, trying to be gentle. He knew it wasn't going to take him long. He'd been dreaming of making love to his wife for months. Bella's hands were gripping his shoulders, her fingers digging into his skin, and she had tears in her eyes.

"I love you, baby, so much," Edward moaned.

"Me, too," she gasped.

Edward tried to hold off, tried to give her time to find her release, but the pressure wrapped around him was too much, and after only a couple dozen thrusts, he found himself filling the latex condom. His arms gave out on him and he lowered himself on top of her, burying his face in her neck.

"I'm sorry. You felt too good," he grumbled.

"It's okay. It was nice," Bella murmured.

Edward rolled off her and tried to be discreet as he removed the condom, wrapping it in a napkin and placing it on the stage next to his jacket. Turning back to Bella, he placed his hand on her stomach. "I know you didn't, you know, come, or whatever."

"No, I did," she lied.

Edward snorted.

"Okay, so I didn't, but it . . . well, it hurt a little," she said, softly.

"Next time will be better," he said, trying to muster some confidence.

"Next time will be way better," she giggled, shifting and laying her head on his chest and listening to his heart racing. "You didn't push yourself too much, did you? I mean, with your heart, and everything."

"I'm fine," he insisted.

Bella hummed, but didn't push for more as she closed her eyes and let her mind drift away to silent wishes and whispered hopes for a future filled with happiness.

**Thank you so much for all the reviews. This story was emotional from day one. I know I left a lot in the open, but the good news is that there will be a sequel titled "Whispered Hope."**


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